Blogging is fun?

I’m fairly certain that readership of last week’s blog was down to the single-digits. Now being that there are only 10 of us that’s not a bold statement. But my point is, that I can’t replicate Jerks’ fantasy football blogmanship. Also, I don’t think we all have the appetite to recycle and read the same old FFB jokes. So instead I’ll talk about another thing I’m also not qualified to talk about… the Vikings. Why not? It’s worth a shot.

Two weeks in, 2-0, just beat the Pack at home to christen the beautiful US Bank Stadium… so why so glum?

Theodore Bridgewater DOWN

Adrian Peterson DOWN

Matt Kalil DOWN

MyCole Pruitt OUT

Sharrif Floyd OUT

Xavier Rhodes OUT

Okay all that is a decent reason to be depressed.

On top of that GM Rick Spielman mortgaged a good chunk of the future, by trading a 2017-1^st Rounder and a conditional 4^th Rounder in 2018 (that can turn into a 3^rd or 2^nd based off team performance). My guess is that after Teddy went down, and severity of the injury which could span two years, Slick Rick must have felt the pressure to hit the Superbowl window with this roster. The 3-5 years of solid drafting and some quality free agent adds, must have come to the point where the organization believes the time is now. But that cost to acquire Samuel Bradford is a tough pill to swallow.

Some of you will look to the single data point, that we call last week’s game, and say that Bradford looked good. He did. And it might surprise some of you, but I think he can be very good in this offense. I just don’t know if he can stay healthy. Did you know… before this year, he has averaged 10.5 games a season. Let’s also not dismiss the fact that he has that F’d up eye.

[Side bar] I googled “Is Sam Bradford cross eyed” and saw this gem of a poll.

Pretty awesome right? My favorite is #4. I just don’t know why they say “You may not vote on this poll”. Personally I found it racist. They could have just simply stated that the poll is now closed.

So back to the Vikes…

Again, I do think that Bradford can be good in this offense. At least I think his chances improve after AP went down. Seriously, IMO AP was holding back the development of Teddy and the team. The more they play in pistol and shotgun, the better I think this offense can function. I’m going to leave it there… and let you all jump in with comments from here.

This was random, but fun. I might just do this one more time.

We're Adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?

Tis the season to inoculate our grownup lives with more beer, good food, and social repartee. The anticipation of fake football is now a reality (again). Our collective priorities now shift; to spice up life’s doldrums are careful time spent over-thinking line-ups, making terrible trade offers, and considerations on how much to bid on last week’s FAAB shooting star. This is all serious fun but let’s all take a moment to be thankful: We are all alive, healthy-ish, and have each other.

Now that we are past the hug-it-out moment of this post I’m going to reflect on last year:

• [Thus far] Last year was our one and only “Keeper Year”. It sucked (I won), so by majority vote and abstention aid, we aborted it before full maturity.
• It started with Andy Crapswell pocketing stupid Sams Club value keepers of Odell Beckham and CJ Anderson for a mere $21, and turned that into a magical 8^th place finish.
• It was the most significant injury armageddon to-date. There were way to many injuries to mention, but it all started with notable preseason injuries to Kelvin Benjamin [Juan Coconut’s keeper] and Jordy Nelson [Andy].

• Kenni Hanna won, Bill Fredericks got 2^nd, I took home the gymnastics trophy, and Ike has the back-half of a donkey in the Crabs home.
• I’m sure I missed a bunch of stories so feel free to share.

For some the post-W1 freak-out has already taken shape, and for everyone else not named Juan a sense of cautious optimism fills our cockles. Sure hardships have already endured, Dick Dallus loses Romo for an unknown amount of time, but like a girl desperate for a rebound, Dallus has entertain multiple strapping suitors. The likes of (google him) Trevor Siemian, Chase Daniels, and the on-again-off-again bed visits from Sam Bradford (picked, dropped, picked again) has done nothing to convince us that he is fine. He says he is fine… stop asking.

This week at MNF…

• Attendance: Ned Titwarmer, Marcus Whitebread, Rod Jerks, Noo Shoo Gow, and Juan
• Spot: Yard House
• Two MNF games: PIT vs WAS and LA vs SF
• Story time:
• Dick (Dallus) made an appearance, via text. Andy commented on his tornado-alley irony of a home (without a basement).
• Marcus and Juan argued about politics, something about a liar and emails.
• A rarity but Ned did not have his pre-MNF shower, and it smelt like he missed it too.
• You all can fill in the commentary, but I think I was the only one at the table who didn’t order Moo Shu Egg Rolls.
• Overreaction theater was in effect, Juan wants to trade Dez Bryant for Alex Smith and half of a promise. Send him your trade offers NOW!

W1 worth talking about…

In W1, a merely 1.72 points separated five teams!

134.14 = Andy

133.92 = Rod

133.58 = Bill

132.60 = Ned

132.42 = Juan

My take is that the schedule played a more significant role (this week) in determining if these guys saw a W or an L.

ROD 133.92 beats JUAN 132.42

To his credit, post-draft FA sniper Jerks, enjoying 30.90 points from current KC lead back Spencer Ware. In a parallel universe where Rod does not pick up Ware, he would have lost to Coconuts. Losing by stat corrections (1.5 points) Juan was surprisingly not too upset. He mentioned his disappointment, he threw Dez under the bus, but overall he calmly ate his Moo Shu Egg Rolls and then proceeded to argue with Whitebread.

BILL 133.58 beats NED 132.60

Going into the two MNF games, Bill had Gurley (@ SF) Titwarmer had the rapist (@ WAS). Amazingly, in the late MNF game, Gurley only put up a pidley 5.20 points to Roethlisberger’s 21.80. OUCH x2, as it must have been painful for Fredericks to witness… and painful for Ned to come that close to victory. Had Ned not consummated a preseason trade with me (DeSean Jackson & Jay Ajayi for Tevin Coleman & Kamar Aiken) he likely would have won this game.

Oh how small is the difference between wins and losses.

W2 Primer

To much work for me to talk about everyone's games, so instead I'm going to shine a little spot light on the way-to-early to anoint Top 2 seeds Kenni and Marcus. In W1, both clearly scored a few standard deviations above the rest of us, 3 away from Dallus. Kenni is riding the hot connection of Brees and Cooks who combined put up 61.32 points, and a reminder for those daily fantasy players out there... last year the Saints/Giants game was epic. Whitebread, who parked a great deal of points on the bench, could have had an optimal lineup score of 193.04 last week... sure unlikely, but fun to imagine. (RIP) Keenan Allen out, opens the door for former Browns cut, (Willie) the need for Snead to put up points that matter this week. Y! has these two projected at a near toss-up.


Good luck to everyone this week, except Dick Dallus.

Bill's All-Time Head-to-Head...

As we are inching closer to the draft, I've been thinking about recent fantasy football history. Each of the last three seasons I've been dealt a season-crushing loss by none other than our favorite full-Asian, NooShoo Gao. 2014 was a loss in the semi-finals, 2013 was a loss in the last week of the regular season with a playoff birth going to the victor, and 2012 was a loss in the first round of the playoffs. It made me think how the vision we have of our opponents can feel skewed in certain ways. Is there something to this notion that some of us have "kryptonite" when it comes to a particular opponent, or is it just based on being dealt a devastating loss at a few key moments in time that shapes our perception for years to come? Consider who you feel like has got your number when it comes to season-crushing losses.

So I decided to look at my all-time head-to-head matchups to see if there is anything to this. In reality, these stats mean absolutely nothing, but it was still fun to look at and make some statistically-irrelevant inferences.

Side note: This also required me to look at season-ending team names, which was the best part of this exercise in futility. I wish there was a way to look at the full history of team names. Sure, we've gotten less original and less funny over time (we probably peaked with "Wallet Guy"), but that's expected with age, having kids, etc. Here is a word cloud of our team names in the shape of 'merica, which proves we are pretty awesome. Wooglin is slightly less popular than Browntown/Brown and Lo, but more popular than Kao and Jabs. Seriously, take a few minutes to look at the entire word cloud since there are some hidden gems in there.




Back to the topic at hand. Here is my regular season breakdown of head-to-head matchups since 2005.







Turns out, Juan didn't notch a victory against me until the 2010 season. Ouch. The NooShoo-as-kryptonite theory doesn't hold up much on the surface. I've got a slight edge on the regular season over NooShoo here, and there have been some very close wins on both sides over the years. So let's take a closer look at what's going on when everything is on the line.




I guess I've never faced Rod or Dallus in the playoffs. Who knew? Anyway, you can see here that I'm 0-4 all-time in the playoffs against NooShoo. Also, if you look at a few of the seasons where I was within one win of making the playoffs, NooShoo was a factor. In 2008, I finished seventh, one win from the playoffs. But in week 8, there is a one point loss (99 - 100) against NooShoo. You may recall in 2013, all four teams who missed the playoffs finished at 5-8 with several matchups in the last week of the season to determine the last few playoff spots. I just happened to be playing against NooShoo in that last week, which of course ended with a 103.32 - 105.10 loss. F.

So in ten years of documented league history, NooShoo has ended my season four times in the playoffs, once in the last week of the season and certainly had a big effect with the one point mid-season loss in 2008. Conclusion: NooShoo is my kryptonite. I am the Wild to his Blackhawks. The Twins to his Yankees. The Timberwolves to his...NBA?

Coincidentally, I did not face NooShoo in the playoffs when I won it all in 2007. As Ned remembers all to well, that is the year of the Worst Moment in Fantasy Football History. Which brings up the question, with a 3-0 playoff record against him, am I Ned's kryptonite?

I've got time and a spreadsheet, so let me know if you want me to run some of these meaningless stats on your team, and I'll put another post together.