We're Adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?

Tis the season to inoculate our grownup lives with more beer, good food, and social repartee. The anticipation of fake football is now a reality (again). Our collective priorities now shift; to spice up life’s doldrums are careful time spent over-thinking line-ups, making terrible trade offers, and considerations on how much to bid on last week’s FAAB shooting star. This is all serious fun but let’s all take a moment to be thankful: We are all alive, healthy-ish, and have each other.

Now that we are past the hug-it-out moment of this post I’m going to reflect on last year:

• [Thus far] Last year was our one and only “Keeper Year”. It sucked (I won), so by majority vote and abstention aid, we aborted it before full maturity.
• It started with Andy Crapswell pocketing stupid Sams Club value keepers of Odell Beckham and CJ Anderson for a mere $21, and turned that into a magical 8^th place finish.
• It was the most significant injury armageddon to-date. There were way to many injuries to mention, but it all started with notable preseason injuries to Kelvin Benjamin [Juan Coconut’s keeper] and Jordy Nelson [Andy].

• Kenni Hanna won, Bill Fredericks got 2^nd, I took home the gymnastics trophy, and Ike has the back-half of a donkey in the Crabs home.
• I’m sure I missed a bunch of stories so feel free to share.

For some the post-W1 freak-out has already taken shape, and for everyone else not named Juan a sense of cautious optimism fills our cockles. Sure hardships have already endured, Dick Dallus loses Romo for an unknown amount of time, but like a girl desperate for a rebound, Dallus has entertain multiple strapping suitors. The likes of (google him) Trevor Siemian, Chase Daniels, and the on-again-off-again bed visits from Sam Bradford (picked, dropped, picked again) has done nothing to convince us that he is fine. He says he is fine… stop asking.

This week at MNF…

• Attendance: Ned Titwarmer, Marcus Whitebread, Rod Jerks, Noo Shoo Gow, and Juan
• Spot: Yard House
• Two MNF games: PIT vs WAS and LA vs SF
• Story time:
• Dick (Dallus) made an appearance, via text. Andy commented on his tornado-alley irony of a home (without a basement).
• Marcus and Juan argued about politics, something about a liar and emails.
• A rarity but Ned did not have his pre-MNF shower, and it smelt like he missed it too.
• You all can fill in the commentary, but I think I was the only one at the table who didn’t order Moo Shu Egg Rolls.
• Overreaction theater was in effect, Juan wants to trade Dez Bryant for Alex Smith and half of a promise. Send him your trade offers NOW!

W1 worth talking about…

In W1, a merely 1.72 points separated five teams!

134.14 = Andy

133.92 = Rod

133.58 = Bill

132.60 = Ned

132.42 = Juan

My take is that the schedule played a more significant role (this week) in determining if these guys saw a W or an L.

ROD 133.92 beats JUAN 132.42

To his credit, post-draft FA sniper Jerks, enjoying 30.90 points from current KC lead back Spencer Ware. In a parallel universe where Rod does not pick up Ware, he would have lost to Coconuts. Losing by stat corrections (1.5 points) Juan was surprisingly not too upset. He mentioned his disappointment, he threw Dez under the bus, but overall he calmly ate his Moo Shu Egg Rolls and then proceeded to argue with Whitebread.

BILL 133.58 beats NED 132.60

Going into the two MNF games, Bill had Gurley (@ SF) Titwarmer had the rapist (@ WAS). Amazingly, in the late MNF game, Gurley only put up a pidley 5.20 points to Roethlisberger’s 21.80. OUCH x2, as it must have been painful for Fredericks to witness… and painful for Ned to come that close to victory. Had Ned not consummated a preseason trade with me (DeSean Jackson & Jay Ajayi for Tevin Coleman & Kamar Aiken) he likely would have won this game.

Oh how small is the difference between wins and losses.

W2 Primer

To much work for me to talk about everyone's games, so instead I'm going to shine a little spot light on the way-to-early to anoint Top 2 seeds Kenni and Marcus. In W1, both clearly scored a few standard deviations above the rest of us, 3 away from Dallus. Kenni is riding the hot connection of Brees and Cooks who combined put up 61.32 points, and a reminder for those daily fantasy players out there... last year the Saints/Giants game was epic. Whitebread, who parked a great deal of points on the bench, could have had an optimal lineup score of 193.04 last week... sure unlikely, but fun to imagine. (RIP) Keenan Allen out, opens the door for former Browns cut, (Willie) the need for Snead to put up points that matter this week. Y! has these two projected at a near toss-up.


Good luck to everyone this week, except Dick Dallus.