Stay regular folks, Metamucil anybody?

So very pleased that we all pay appropriate attention to our poop schedules. So as a supportive friend, I’ll give you more reading fodder as you squeeze out your daily turds.

As usual, Crapswell had a pretty stupid request asking for position rankings. Does he know that he can get this on just about any website? That said, I’m probably more of an idiot to oblige such a request. So shown below are MY rankings of a few positions. I'll hit up the other positions later.

Quarterbacks:

1.       Derek Carr [Fresno State] – Great arm, touch, and leadership. But did not shine in bowl game versus USC, as offensive line struggled to give him clear throwing lanes and time.

2.       Johnny Manziel [Texas A&M] – Amazing elusiveness and playmaking ability. But might need a simplified offense scheme, as he struggles to make appropriate reads.

3.       Teddy Bridgewater [Louisville] – Technically sound and in-pocket movement. But more of a system QB, who played poor competition, and took the safe and short passes way too often.

4.       Blake Bortles [Central Florida] – Great poise in the pocket and is probably the safest QB in the draft. But lacks any wow factor, and I’m not sure if he has ever took over a game at UCF.

5.       Zach Mettenberger [LSU] – Best arm of the draft, and improved his QB IQ under Cam Cameron at LSU. But due to his ACL tear and one-year wonder tag, he could take a tumble in the draft.

6.       Brett Smith [Wyoming] – Think Johnny Football, but with a better arm and size. But without a combine invite, poor supporting cast, and coming out of Wyoming… scouts will have to sell him.

Tight Ends:

1.       Eric Ebron [North Carolina] – With great athleticism and ability to stretch the field, Mayock compares him to Vernon Davis. But his ability to catch in traffic and in-line blocking need work.

2.       Austin Seferian-Jenkins [Washington] – Great size, length, blocking, and catching in traffic… he is the perfect in-line TE, which is a rarity in today’s NFL. He lacks Amaro’s stats or Ebron’s 40 time.

3.       Colt Lyerla [Oregon] – It could have been Lyerla at the top of this crazy stacked list of TEs, that’s how good he is. But a cocaine possession arrest and a messy off-the-field history, UDFA?

4.       Troy Niklas [Notre Dame] – Lightning strikes twice, as here is another in-line TE that could light up the league. Though with only two years of work at TE he is raw, but is Kyle Rudolph-esque.

5.       Jace Amaro [Texas A&M] – I won’t say anything good about this guy. Coming out of a pass-happy offense, and a defense optional conference, he is overhyped. He is a very poor move TE.

6.       Xavier Grimble [USC] – A classic 5-star recruit that underachieved at USC, due to getting lost in the talent-filled offense that did not feature TEs. He’s my dark-horse long-shot in this class.

Defensive Ends (Classic 4-3 DE):

1.       Jadeveon Clowney [South Carolina] – His last 12 months have mirrored that of Quinton Coples, two years prior. Supremely talented stud that took a shit on the field for his last collegiate year.

2.       Scott Crichton [Oregon State] – I am a huge fan of this guy. He was constantly double-teamed and has an insane motor. I am eager to see how his arm length and broad jump will measure up.

3.       Kony Ealy [Missouri] – Prototypical height/weight combination, and is accompanied by pretty decent statistics. But reading between the lines, I think he is being elevated in a week DE class.

Defensive Ends (5-Technique, 3-4 DE):

1.       Ra’Shede Hageman [Minnesota] – Unique combination of size, length, strength, and athleticism. If he is put into an attacking odd front, he could be JJ Watt… otherwise he’ll be mediocre.

2.       Taylor Hart [Oregon] – For a 5T DE, he put up amazing tackle numbers. Which only speaks to his ability read, react, and shed blocks. Keeping things in perspective, he should be a 3^rd round pick.

3.       Stephon Tuitt [Notre Dame] – Tuitt failed to add positive bulk to his frame. In 2013, he was fat, lazy, and a non-factor. That said, he’ll likely get a pass on 2013 and teams will draft off of 2012 game tape.

Safeties:

1.       Calvin Pryor [Louisville] – Huge fan of this guy. I choose to trust that his domination is more so due to his ability, than the lack of talent offenses Louisville played. He is a stat sheet filler.

2.       Haha Clinton-Dix [Alabama] – If he has a good combine, I think he could be a 1^st rounder. That said, he seldom made splash plays. Which could be due to a conservative scheme, but no sure.

3.       Hakeem Smith [Louisville] – I have seen enough of Louisville games to know that Smith is solid against the pass and the run. I don’t know if any other eligible safeties cover as well.