Monday Update: Sad Dose of Reality

Gentlemen,

Let's do some math here...

3/13 = 23.08%

3/16 = 18.75%

For some of you ...COUGHcrabsCOUGH... your season is already 23% over after tonight. For the lucky few that have something to play for all the way through Week 16, your season is still almost 19% over (and YOU don't even know who YOU are).

Have no fear, gents! Anyone can still win. It's not too late for you and your team. You can do this. Remember the 1980 USA Hockey team? Ok, none most of us weren't alive... Remember the movie Miracle? That hockey team had no chance against the Russians, but Herb made 'em skate repeatedly up and down the ice until they puked (which today would probably get a coach fired, but we're a generation of pansies) and the USA won!

You can do this! You can win the league even if your team currently is really shitty. Even YOU, Crabs!

Ok fair enough. It's probably not happening for you. Whatever.

Here's the point: some of you, many of you, only have 10 more weeks of relevant fantasy football. If you're confident your shitty team and its shitty players are going to miraculously become good, then by all means continue on this glorious path.

Again... ONLY 10 WEEKS LEFT. Then we go back to the usual boring-ass rhythm of our non-fantasy football-involved lives.

Household chores. Fucking work. Being an attentive parent. Turning on ESPN and the NBA is on.

Enjoy this time right now boys, because it will be gone from us before you know it. If you honestly think staying the course is the right move, then by all means... But no one wants to be miserable during the most fun time of the year. Make your trades, blow your FAAB, be better than you have been thus far.

Oh, and just so you know... last year it snowed on November 5. That's only 45 days away.

Brief Gophers Update

This should not deter you from doing your own, Whitebread. But I referenced this phone call at MNF last week, and since we play Michigan this week, it seems apropos.

This was the morning after Michigan lost to Notre Dame a few weeks ago...



Gotta love the passion.

Team Name Topic

NOTE: Let's all goal ourselves to have our team names updated by Thursday. I know this is really exhausting work and all, but try to set aside 30 seconds at some point. It's more fun when everyone at least pretends to care.

Andy submitted an idea that was sort of intriguing... New Sports Team Names - he used the examples of San Francisco Transsexuals, Boca Raton Jews, El Paso Border Jumpers, etc. This idea has potential, but playing off national stereotypes bores me, so let's keep it local*.

This week's topic is New High School Team Names**.

*Local can also qualify other areas if you're not in MSP Area. So Dallus, you can go with Tulsa Tumbleweeds of something if you prefer. Or you can reference back to your adolescence here.

**Doesn't need to be an actual high school. If someone wants to make fun of Pengilly, by all means.

I'm gonna go with the Jordan Babysitters. If you don't get the reference, check Wikipedia.

The Games

Titwarmer (142.72) vs. Coconuts (114.5)

• Holy shit I did not realize Cousins had 427 yards and 3 TD.
• Jamaal Charles injury hurt Juan doubly as Ned started Knile Davis (19.7) against him.
• Still to play:
• Ned: Marshall
• Coconuts: nobody

Ned wins and moves to 2-1, Juan to 1-2. Ned's also the slight favorite for the Points Bonus.

Kenni (118.64) vs. NooShoo (110.3)

• Not really sure how Kenni won this... you look at his team and it looks terrible and no one was particularly good.
• Aside from Luck (32.8)...I guess he's the equalizer.
• Gow continues to roll with this Tannehill/Locker combo - LOGIC BE DAMNED.
• Still to play:
• Both: nobody

Both will both be 2-1 tomorrow, even though Kenni has no RB's.

Whitebread (85.24) vs. Crabs (55.94)

• Ding Ding here comes the shitmobile! The two crappiest teams squared off and it was just as terrible as you'd expect. 
• Somehow Crabs is having one of the worst seasons ever thru 3 weeks despite starting a 2nd QB.
• Whitebread invested heavily in Manning/Brees and right now it's paying off that way - no one else on his team was in double digits.
• Crabs had 6 players score 3.5 or less.
• Still to play:
• Whitebread: nobody
• Crabs: Forte

Marcus is a 89% favorite. I would definitely laugh if somehow Forte were to win this for Crabs.

Fredicks (140.4) vs. Crapswell (108.44)

• For those that didn't realize, Bill came into this week with the 2nd most points and was 0-2. He's happy about this fact, you should ask him.
• Bill had 3 players score more than 27 points (Foles, Lynch, Jennings) - that's tough to beat.
• Fitzpatrick somehow got 19.96 points... that doesn't seem right.
• Still to play:
• Bill: Chicago D
• Andy: Chris Johnson

Yahoo has Bill as a 100% favorite. Hmmm... While I think it's very likely he wins, there's definitely a scenario where CJ?K goes nuts, especially against Chicago. Given Bill's season thus far... I'm just saying it's possible.

Dallus (124.34) vs. Jerks (87.62) 

• Dallus was not happy with Stafford (4.64) yesterday...
• My Denver duo (Demaryius & Ball) absolutely fucked me in the ass yesterday (9.0 combined)
• And then Dallus had an unreal 2nd Half last night... Brown (23.5) goes off for 2 TD's and Stupid Greg Olsen (14.4) adds one more because apparently he's faster than anyone on the Steelers D.
• Still to play:
• Dallus: nobody
• Jerks: Cutler, Jeffery

Yahoo has Dallus as a 81% favorite. I think that's about right, but Dallus insists that it should be more like 60%. He's very concerned about the Jets passing D. Without a big night from Jeffery, Dallus will be the lone 3-0 team.

Tonight

I think we're sticking with BWW until someone adamantly prefers/proposes a new location and/or Sally's reopens, at which point we'll try the new Sally's and be predictably disappointed with how different it is and they probably won't even do the free beer special anymore.

Speaking of which, they've changed their logo. The new squirrel is a bit more...

...boobs.

See you tonight, boys.