Monday Update: A Whole New World

Gentlemen,

Welcome back. It's nice to see you again. Except Crabs.

This week was the unveiling of the new changes to the league/scoring settings. I may be biased, but I thought they were fantastic.

Adding in the Rushing/Receiving 1st Down component is a new wrinkle that I'm enjoying more than I thought. To be honest, I had sort of forgotten about it until I checked the scores on Friday (after Packers/Seahawks) and Randall Cobb points jumped by 2.5. I was all like "What the Fuck?" and then realized he had 5 1st Downs.

I'm a big fan of rewarding plays that are important to the game, which 1st Downs are. Last night, Demaryius got tackled twice a yard short and both times Denver ended up punting. On the flip side, if anyone watched the Pittsburgh/Cleveland games, Le'Veon Bell was a fucking awesome and got rewarded for it. He already would have had a big day, but be accounted for 9 total 1st Downs by himself, which got Bill an additional 4.5 points.

PREDICTION: As we discuss changes during next offseason, my guess is if we do anything with this scoring, it will actually be to increase this statistic.

The other major change was the SuperFlex, aka the 2nd QB. I know many of you were against it, but c'mon now... it was pretty damn fun to have 2 QB's to root for.

I'm telling you right now, my offseason plan is going to be to increase the size of our starting lineups again. Not QB's, but most likely another Flex. Starting more players is more fun, and makes the game more challenging. Just prepare yourselves now.

HIIIIII-YA!

Team Names

I don't want to steal Andy's thunder here, but what did we decide on Team Names? Are we really going to do Cards Against Humanity every week? That's kinda lame. And repetitive. Plus, it doesn't involve any BOTT stuff, which was usually the best team names. How about we plan to use that as a backup, but try to keep having topics...especially early-on when we are all still engaged and not bitter about our terrible teams or difficult schedules.

Here's this week's topic for ya: Memorable Incident Involving Puke.

This incident can be you or someone else. Doesn't have to be during the college years, but must be something you witnessed or were involved with first hand (i.e. not something you heard about someone else).

My story is my own. For NYE of my freshman year, I came back to campus because there was a number of people partying at BOTT. I was so excited to get back to campus and get hammered that I ended up being pretty drunk by like 8pm. Sometime between 9-10, a bunch of us were playing P&A at the round table in the basement. A bunch of AOTT's were there too, because we were all too dumb to know any better. Anyway, I took a drink of warm beer and that was that. I felt it coming and tried to catch it in my mouth, but that dam broke pretty quick. I proceeded to unleash this unholy matter onto my then-GF, the tall chick Nikki that was buds with Bill, and all over the table.

I don't recall much after that. Someone put me to bed. But I have photographic evidence of how the mess was cleaned up. Rather than using a towel, Wade grabbed the comforter off of Reabe's bed to mop it all up. For those that don't remember, Reabe's comforter was Detroit Lions themed, the kind of blanket a 6-year old would have, if there was such a thing as 6-year old Lions fans.

Anyway, my team name: Detroit Puke Blankets.

If your story (like mine) is too long to put in the Smack talk, feel free to provide the editorial details either in the comments here, or on the league message board.

The Games

Since so many players are still going tonight, I'll focus on them, rather than doing a huge recap of everyone that played. Only calling out those that are noteworthy.

Rod Jerks (103.2) vs. Andy Crapswell (100.64)

• My big 3 WR (Dez, Demaryius, Alshon) disappointed big-time. Not really sure what happened, but both Dez and Alshon left with vaginal cramps. 
• Jordan Reed getting hurt on his first catch was probably the most predictable thing ever. Thanks for the 4 yards, jackass.
• Before T-Rich played last night, Andy's two worst players were his QBs (Rodgers, RG3). If I lose this week, it will definitely be a missed opportunity. 
• Still to play:
• Jerks: nobody
• Crapswell: Eric Ebron

Andy is a 69% favorite, but nothing is guaranteed with a rookie TE in his first game.

Kenni Hana (130.6) vs. Bill Fredricks (121.38)

• Game of the Week, hands-down
• The aforementioned Le'Veon Bell and Lynch combined to give Bill over 58 points.
• Kenni got a big boost from Luck's 2nd half last night, but his team MVP has to be the HOU Defense: 26 points.
• Still to play
• Kenni: nobody
• Bill: Nick Novak 

Kenni is a 57% favorite, so this could really go either way. I hate relying on a kicker. The loser here is almost guaranteed to be win the Loser Bonus.

Dick Dallus (107.84) vs. Ike Crabs (99.9)

• The preseason hurt no team more than Dallus with Ellington, Welker, and Crabtree all having issues. Crabtree actually played yesterday, but Dallus probably wishes he didn't.
• Cordarrelle Patterson is a friggin' STUD. 
• Crabs' team (aside from AJ Green, Forte, and SF Def) really played like crap. That's my analysis.
• Seriously, I'm a Romo apologist but WTF was he doing in the first half?
• Still to play:
• Dallus: Stafford, Joique Bell
• Crabs: Reuben Randle

Dallus is a 97% favorite, and I don't know if that's high enough. The real question is can he overtake the Kenni/Bill winner for Points Bonus?

NooShoo Gow (120.46) vs. Ned Titwarmer (78.32)

• Jake Locker (20 points) = redemption for Gow...at least for a week. 
• Matt Ryan (32 points) is apparently still a good QB. That game was awesome.
• As I review this one, I may have prematurely designated Game of the Week status. This one definitely has the potential...
• Still to play:
• Gow: Cruz, Mathews
• Titwarmer: Floyd, Reg Bush, E Manning, ARI Def

Gow is a 88% favorite, but with this many players left, it's definitely up in the air. Should have a better idea after the DET/NYG game. Both of these teams could contend for either the Points and/or Loser Bonus.

Marcus Whitebread (108.08) vs. Juan Coconuts (98.94)

• Juan apparently didn't know which Miami RB to start, so he benched them both. In hindsight, he should have started both as they combined for 30 more points than Charles/Ridley.
• Seems weird that the Saints scored 34 and Brees only had 15.52 points...
• So Peyton had an awesome 1st Half that should have put this thing away for Cracker. Unfortunately all 3 TD's went to Julius and now Juan is the favorite.
• Still to play:
• Whitebread: Fitzgerald
• Coconuts: Rivers, Calvin

Juan is a 71% favorite, and I think that's too low.

Tonight

Where are we going? Narrowing the list for this week to two options: Pourhouse or BWW Southdale? Vote in the comments

I'll be there around 9. Hopefully sooner. 

Let us know if you're coming, and I'll see y'all there.

Enjoy the games, boys.