Monday Update: Reunited And It Feels So Good

We waited. And waited. And waited.

We had kids. We got engaged. We moved states. We changed jobs. We did a lot of shit since football ended.

But now it's back. And for at least the next 13 weeks, we have something vested. We have our own teams. Not just the suckass teams from MN. We - you, me, even Ike Crabs - have our very own teams. We control our destiny.

Anyone can win. And as of today, although not much longer, everyone is still undefeated.

Thank God (Fantasy) Football is back.

Welcome home, Gentlemen.

The Vikings
I intentionally didn't draft any Vikings on my roster this year because I didn't want to have to watch them. You got that? I, a fan of the Vikings, wanted less reasons to have to watch my favorite team this year. That's how much I think of this team.

I did watch some of this game because of the MJD/Jennings shitfest I got myself into, and I'm not sure what to think. The first half, the Vikes looked awful. They didn't give up a ton of points, but they couldn't get off the field on 3rd down and Jacksonville isn't exactly a tough test, especially in the Dome.

The second half got better. AP actually looks like he's all the way back, which is insane. The only thing left to see is if he still has his speed on breakaway runs, but he sure seemed to be just as quick.

I don't know what to make of Ponder... The dude looks really good sometimes. And other times he looks like a QB from Florida State. Rudolph is a HUGE target for him. I'm excited to see how he grows this year.

Anyway, it seems like they played a lot better when they decided to involve Percy (SHOCKER!), but they still gave up that deep TD with 20 seconds left. Everyone's all giddy today about Blair Walsh and the big comeback, but they shouldn't have let it get to that point.

We'll see... color me skeptical, if you couldn't already tell.

On Second Thought...
What's wrong with me? We just fucking won. 1-0 baby! Suck on that, Pack fans. I don't see you apologizing when you luck out game after game... The tides are changing. Here come the Purple!

The Gophers
Screw it. Welcome to Winnersville. We don't get very many weekends like this. The Gophers are 2-0 and curb-stomped the dickheads (or whatever their mascot is) from New Hampshire. We are ROLLING.

Bucky takes it on the chin from Oregon State. WOOO! And then they immediately fire their offensive line coach. God, Bielema is such a fucking asshole. Fire everyone, doucher. I'm sure no accountability falls on your smug ass. I hate Wisconsin so much. How I wish they could lose every weekend...

And then the Cyclones, despite playing like shit, beat Iowa in Kinnick. This was a glorious weekend indeed.

It's actually the first time since Oct 2008 when the Vikings/Gophers won and Bucky/Packers lost all in the same weekend. That's actually sad, when you sit and think about... SO DON'T SIT AND THINK ABOUT IT.

WE'RE COMIN'! WE'RE COMIN'!

Team Names
Did you all get the texts from Drew this weekend, or was it just me? Either way, Drew was apparently on campus this weekend and shot some photos along of the BOTT members and/or pledges painting the house, and also of the "Hey Man, Rush BETA" banner (which is a whole other conversation).

When I saw the pictures, my initial reaction was "Jesus, the house looks like shit." And that leads us to this week's Team Name Topic: "Favorite" Thing About the BOTT House. This should be about the physical structure and or workings of the house, not those that live or once lived in it. And the favorite is in quotes because you should really be mocking the house, not saying shit like "the history" or "art deco styling/decor".

There your pledges. You picked 'em.

Side Note: I REALLY need ideas for Team Names this year. If you all fail to provide them, you're going to be getting shit like "What is your favorite cereal" so think long and hard about some ideas and send them to me.

And by the way, I already have dibs on Cinnamon Toast Crunch.


The Games
Remember, we have new names, gents. If you need a refresher:

• Rod Jerks
• Juan Coconuts
• William Fredricks (aka JoJo)
• Ned Titwarmer
• Rick Dick Dallas (changed to Dick, which sounds some much better)
• Ike Crabs
• Kenny Hana
• Andy Crapswell
• Marcus Whitebread
• NooShoo Gow

JoJo vs. Ned

• Brees and Calvin were two of Fred's biggest prizes coming out of the draft. And despite what actually look like good days (22 and 11 pts, respectively), you didn't hear much about either. We were likely spoiled last year with both and the bar is set incredibly high for each. 
• Way back last Wednesday, DeMarco Murray looked every bit the stud many forecasted him to be. The most concerning thing about him was his propensity to run into his own teammates...
• I played Miles Austin in my dad's league and he did nothing at all except for one drive in the 2nd half, where he caught like 4 balls and a TD and saved his fantasy owners. For some reason, it really annoyed me.
• If Brees had an off day compared to last season, Matt Stafford looked like a completely different player, and not in a good way. His late TD pass to Kevin Smith, actually was HUGE for Ned who had both players and kept him in his matchup.
• Jets D was on fire yesterday and carried Ned through some other ho-hum performances (Steven Jackson, Roddy White).
• In the end, it came down to DeAngelo Williams (Ned) vs. Frank Gore (JoJo) in the afternoon games, and Ned even had a bit of a lead. I did not forecast Gore finding his U of Miami form while D-Will gained NEGATIVE one yards rushing. The late TD by Gore was the final dagger. JoJo wins 108-103 and Ned is your leader for the first Loser Bonus.

Rod vs. Andy

• If I drafted today, knowing what I know now, Vick would be on somebody else's team. Four INTs against the crappy Browns. And he could have easily had another, plus a fumble. And he only ran for 32 yards...that's like Ponder's rushing numbers. WTF. Figure it out, jackass.
• If I drafted again today, I would pay double what I did for Julio Jone. Me likey...
• Arian Foster - worth the price. Could have had 4 TD's but didn't get into the end zone on 2 separate goal line situations. Please stay healthy.
• Donald Brown - felt dirty playing him. Felt even dirtier when he scored a TD. 
• Having had Rodgers for part of last season, including when he carried me in the Championship Round, I was terrified to see him against me. Feel like I dodged a bullet having him only score 23 against me. 
• Wherefore art thou, Greg Jennings?
• Ditto, Wes Welker.
• Matt Forte - I watched a lot of this game. Forte looks like a beast, he's really effing good and healthy. But they are deliberately pulling him at the goal line. Michael Bush is going to Jew him all year and I'm glad I didn't land Forte because the whole thing would probably give me a brain aneurysm. 
• Enough about this game. Demaryius Thomas wins it for me in the night game, 116-102. I'm currently in line for the Points Bonus, Andy narrowly misses the Loser Bonus. 

Marcus vs. Dick

• Historically, Dick has proven to be Marcus' Kryptonite, although last year he was nobody's Kryptonite. I actually really liked Dick's draft, but he did not have a good start, and Marcus appears to have fully exercised his demons.
• Let's start with the good... Brandon Marshall looks back in his prime with Cutler throwing to him. Such a beast when he has a decent QB.
• Ok, now the bad: Cam Newton - one bad game or sophomore slump? Your thoughts in the comments. 
• Trent Richardson - no matter how good he was in college, he's a Brown now.
• Chris Johnson - oy. Not good.
• Marshawn Lynch - actually he was ok.
• For Marcus, this day was all about his QB's. Early on, it looked like he may have made the wrong QB selection with RG3 making a strong statement early and often. But Matt Ryan looks to finally be the QB he's been touted as. The Falcons offense looked so damn good. The question now becomes: Does Marcus trade one for more talent/depth or hang onto them just to keep them off everyone else's team?
• Larry Fitz is just being wasted in AZ. 
• Lackluster day for the rest of Marcus' team... McCoy is really good but Reid seemed to prefer Vick throwing picks to McCoy getting 6 yards/carry. 
• Jermichael Finley is a clown. I hate him.
• Marcus still has DHB going tonight and it doesn't matter. He's up 94-83 and will win.

Crabs vs. Juan

• I was emailing Crabs last week about how much depth he has on his team and, though it's a very good problem to have, how it can be frustrating to constantly be struggling with who to start because you have so many good players. And lo and behold, Crabs benches his best WR, despite starting 3 of them. Maclin outscored Cruz, Harvin, and Brown and was the only one to catch a TD.
• He did, however, make the right call benching Hillis. Oof, I didn't see that coming...
• I have Romo in my dad's league and he looked good last Wednesday. I hate having to root for Crabs' players...
• Stevan Ridley - quite the impression. Pretty sure Crabs will keep him starting for a while. 
• Juan's starting RB's net him 4.7 pts. Combined. 
• In related news, Juan historically has not done well in this league. Just kidding Juan... 
• Tough break for Fred Jackson (unless you own Spiller - WOOOOOO!). 
• I've owned Shonn Greene the past 2 season is different leagues. He never scored 15.4 pts for me, as he did yesterday. I would wages that it's his season high.
• #Gronk
• I love David Akers. He's the best.
• Ok, so here's the story on this one: Crabs currently leads by 32pts (88-56) with McFadden going in the late game tonight. Meanwhile Juan counters with Rivers, AJ Green, and Ravens D. While the odds probably favor Crabs, this one is very much in doubt.

NooShoo vs. Kenny

• Here's the summary of this matchup: "What's Worse? Drafting Jake Locker as your starting QB, or only drafting backup RB's?"
• The answer is still TBD, but seriously Gow's strategy to completely avoid QB at the draft and invest heavily at TE was a curious one, and Locker did not make him look smart yesterday. And now he's hurt. Enjoy Russell Wilson, Shoo.
• Gow did get great performances from 3 of the 4 players that played yesterday or last Wednesday: Graham, Bradshaw, and Texans D, so he is set up well for tonight.
• Tom Brady really had a ho-hum day for Kenny with only 17 points. That's only 2 more than Vick... It will be interesting to see if Ridley continues to take points away from the passing game,  as an effective runner. NE hasn't had that since Corey Dillon. Only 236 passing yards...
• Reggie Bush actually had a good day. I continue to be amazed that he's somehow relevant now, and wasn't when he played on the Saints...
• Mike Wallace and Jacob Tamme both helped Kenny in the nightcap with a TD each. 
• Toby Gerhart was not good. The aforementioned Michael Bush or Darren Sproles would have been better.
• So Kenny is all done and currently leads by 23 points. NooShoo still has Ray Rice, Torrey Smith, Antonio Gates and SeaBass. The odds are strongly in Gow's favor here... Still, I'll be rooting against him at Sally's because it's just more fun that way. And I'm playing Ray Rice in my dad's league.

Tonight

TWO games tonight, gents. Cincinnati at Baltimore (6pm) and San Diego at Oakland (9:15pm). Have you heard who is doing the play-by-play for the late game? 

How many times are we going to have to hear "THE RAAAAAAYYYYDEEEEHHHHHS"?

By the way, a google image search of Berman also provides this picture of some incredibly disturbing swamp ass: 

This first week is always fun because the game is so early that most of the people there A) Don't understand the free beer concept, and B) Get scared when Marcus starts randomly yelling "CHALLENGE!" 

I am attending tonight, although I don't know how frequently I will be able to... As those with kids already have figured out, the whole "I'm gonna go to the bar and watch football with my friends while you stay home and put the kid(s) to bed - I've been doing this for years!" argument doesn't usually hold up very well with the wives. The lesson as always: Women ruin everything.

What time are we all getting there? I would say 5pm, if it's possible, but I'm not even sure if I can get there that early. I will be attempting to sneak out, that you can be assured of. We absolutely need Table 1 - this is without question.

Wings. Beers. Football. 

See you tonight, boys.