Monday Update: Work Sucks

Gents,

Stupidly busy morning today. Opened my inbox, it was horrible. Such a mess. May as well have just opened up my laptop to find a turd in the middle. That's the metaphorical equivalent to what I'm cleaning up today.

Some days, most days actually, I hate working in Corporate America.

I probably shouldn't be typing this on a work computer...

Nothing to see here...

The Vikings
Not sure what to make of that game. Thrilled we won. Obviously Special Teams looked great. Gotta love Blair Walsh.

Defense looked really good. Great pressure on Stafford all day. And we actually had guys making plays in the secondary. When was the last time we had safeties making big hits, jarring the ball loose? Joey Browner?

Offense was a little scary for me... I actually started Ponder in my dad's league. Romo going against Chicago's front four scared me into making that decision. News flash: we lost.

But seriously, we dominated that game and should have won by more. I'm really excited to see us playing so much better than I expected, but I'd still like to see a little more killer instinct from this team. Put them away!

But still... SKOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!

The Gophers
Crash back to Earth. Didn't necessarily expect them to win, but didn't see that shit show coming either. Oof. Suddenly, 6 wins feels like kind of a stretch.

At least Nebraska beat #Bucky on Saturday. Sort of salvaged the rest of the day.

Let's see what our resident expert has to say...

Cracker's College Football Corner
1. So I guess that solves the Gray/Shortell QB controversy. Once Gray comes back, this job is his, yes?

I don’t think there ever was any QB controversy.  The media likes to drum up stories to get people engaged but the staff has always been steadfast that MarQueis is their QB.

2. What happened to our new, ass-kicking defense?

Saturday was pretty much a team effort of getting manhandled in the first half.  The defense gave up 24 points but the offense scored 0 points and didn’t even manage to get the ball across the 50 yard line and missed opportunities to complete two bombs that should have scored at least 10 points.   About the only encouraging thing was that the team made adjustments at the half and rather than letting it spiral out of control to 55-0.  The Gopher D got tougher (Weisman carried for 155 in the first half and just 22 in the second) and the offense started to move the ball although they did shoot themselves in the football with turnovers that prevented any sort of comeback.

3. Do we have any trophies in our cabinet the end of the season?

The remaining trophy opportunities are @ Wisconsin and Michigan at home.  Just as I would have told you before Iowa, we’ll be an underdog in both but there doesn’t appear to be a dominant team in the Big Ten so neither is out of the question.  Oddly we match up better with Michigan but they are also the better team between the two of them.  Wisconsin runs an offense somewhat similar to Iowa and we will need to defend the run much better to win in Madison.  I’d put a 10% chance of the Gophers having a trophy in the case after this season.  On a bright note, we do get 4 opportunities to win one next year and three of them (Iowa, Wisconsin & Penn State) are at home.

4. Revised B1G Rankings?

1. Ohio State – They still don’t look like a great team but there are no great B1G teams.
2. Northwestern – I think they lose to PSU this week but 5-0 is 5-0.
3. Nebraska – Playing in a modern take of a uniform designed by a 1980s Domino’s Pizza marketer....Nebraska was able to overcome an early deficit by dominating the Badgers in the second half.  In the end, it just proves that even with former Heisman candidate Montee Ball you just can’t avoid the Noid.
4. Michigan – A primary benefit of a bye in this conference is that it allows everyone else to be exposed while you sit idle.
5. Purdue – I’m not sure that they deserve to be here but nobody else does either.
6. Michigan State – Still a really good defense but offset by a dumpster fire of an offense.
7. Penn State – Crappy competition but they are on a 3 game winning streak and the defense is playing well.
8. Wisconsin – The Badgers are one missed chip shot FG by Utah State away from having matched their 2011 loss total before the calendar turned to October.
9. Iowa – I’m not yet convinced they don’t suck but they have a good defense and proved they can play one good half against a shell shocked opponent
10. Minnesota – With a 4-1 record I’d like to rank them higher but I can’t after losing soundly to a bad Iowa team.
11. Indiana – They aren’t Illinois. 
12. Illinois – They have been outscored 87-31 in the last two weeks , at home, in losses to juggernaut Louisiana Tech and a Penn State currently serving the second harshest probation in NCAA history.

Because making fun of Packers fans is fun...

From: Whitebread, Marcus
To: Jerks, Rod

Subj: RE: MNF
September 25, 2012 3:01 PM

I sent a message to a female Badger/Packer co-worker that simply said "#RussellWilsonClutch." The response was amazing... "just fukk off, mark. you're wrong and you know it. stop being a d1ck. you're better than this." 

To make it funnier, yesterday (Monday) morning, she had sent an unprovoked message to our sales coverage that is a 49ers fan teasing him about game on Sunday

Does that not sum up Wisconsin (the state, not just the school) fans in a nutshell? Forever arrogant. Always condescending. Can't handle any sort of grief coming their direction.

Marcus, I hope you continued on with this email conversation, and eventually she did something to get herself fired.

Team Names
Nine out of ten ain't bad? Public shaming is due for Ed, and no, changing your name to "oops" doesn't count.

Regarding the actual topic this past week, this was not my favorite. Obviously not for you guys either since most took the whole week to think of something. And even then, not all of these names fell into what we outlined as the parameters of the topic:

"Worst BOTT Purchase/Idea From Chapter Meeting.
Let's put some parameters around this. Since it was near impossible to get anything passed in meetings, let's say this can be something we actually did pass/approve/buy or just an idea that was raised in meeting but was summarily shot or voted down."
So, after re-reading that, I realize I wasn't 100% clear. The topic was going to be Worst BOTT Purchase, but that felt someone limited since we as a chapter were a bunch of Jews that never spent any of the ridiculous dues we had to pay. So I expanded it to Purchases/Ideas, meaning Ideas for things to buy but may not have passed.

Many of you just took it as general Ideas That Came Out of Meeting. And you know what, I don't care. This was a hard topic and I appreciate you all just for trying.

Who had the Best Team Name in Week 4?

I'm voting for Formal Gifts. Weidman would always were his scrubs and it felt like way too thin of a layer between his WeidDick and me.

Who had the Worst Team Name in Week 4?
Lots of candidates here...
John Lane - Haven't we discussed him plenty here?
Pay for Sweethearts - I don't think I know this story, please share more in the comments
Brotherhood Dates - meh. Poor effort.

I'm voting for Recruitment Bonus. I'm sure this won't win Worst, and could quite possibly win Best, but as a former Recruitment Chair, I would still say this should exist. Not to tear off a scab here, but the house loved to preach how important recruiting was until it was actually time to recruit. Then suddenly everyone disappeared, were disinterested, or just believed in wasn't "their job". That shit fell onto the RC and a few other people who were committed to not letting him fail. Recruitment Chair was a thankless, yet incredibly important, position.

Not only that, but what is wrong with incentivizing the person to do the best job they can? I'm pretty sure this is exactly how Cracker is compensated in his current position, at least partially. Unless you are all communists and just believe everyone should/will give their best effort into everything they do for the betterment of everyone. If that were the case, I would have made sure this Monday Update was ready at 7am EST.

Pay per recruit. We'd have the strongest house on campus.

Moving along, this week's topic was inspired by Gangnam Style... There is no doubt this is a terrible song, yet for some reason...I like it. I have no idea why, but I do.

So, this week's topic (which is similar to one we've done in the past) is What is Your Guilty Pleasure Pop Song? And there's a caveat - it has to have been released in the past year. We'll say anything that was released in 2011 or 2012 is fair game. But the point is what terrible current music, something the kids are listening to these days, do you actually kinda like? Gangnam Style, as the inspiration for this topic, is OFF the board.

I have way too many that I could choose, but I'm taking Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO. There is nothing good about this song, and the band is a bunch of clowns. But every single time this song comes on, I want to get up, take a shot, dance around, and just enjoy life... I love it.

I have no defense. These guys are terrible.

What say you? Let's try to get names updated by Thursday. Let's not spend half of Sunday figuring out who everybody is. Deal?

The Games
Lots of strong performances this week. Five teams over 100 already, with 2 more in the high 90's. Well done, boys.

FYI - these are going to much briefer than usual

Dallus vs. Ned

• That's what you get for not changing your team name, NED.
• Great performances from both teams here. 
• Ned is done, and down by about 1.5 pts. Dallus still has Brandon Marshall tonight. Barring some fumble/injury combo, Ned goes 0-4.

NooShoo vs. Crabs

• Shoo's "start all your Ravens" strategy worked this week. 
• Crabs traded a very good RB & mostly good WR for a terrible RB & really old TE. Hmmm... Could have definitely used Ridley this week.
• Ike still has Romo yet trails 111-68. New Blowout Bonus leader is likely here.

Juan Coconuts vs. Kenny Hana

• Well done, Juan. Well done. I'm pretty sure this is your favorit-est week of Fantasy Football ever.
• Kenny had a good week too, but ran into a buzzsaw.
• Juan still has Dez going and leads 131-100. Kenny has Bears D. 
• If the standings hold, Juan will be in 4th place tomorrow and I can't remember a time after 1 week where he's been that high.

Crapswell vs. JoJo

• 49ers D is very good. 
• Oh JoJo.. why would you ever start Calvin against the Vikings D?
• This one is interesting... Andy still has Forte (if he plays) and leads 98-79, while Fred still has Miles Austin and DeMarco Murray. 
• Crapswell is desperately trying to get that first win and will be sweating this one until the bitter end tonight.

Jerks vs. Whitebread

• My team scored 96 pts and I really feel like it should be less. As I look at the scores, it didn't feel like they played that well. Thank God for Marques Colston.
• Willis McGahee? Willis McGahee. He's unstoppable. 
• Oy... I lead by essentially 10. I'm done. I could have been up 15, but Tynes missed his FG as time expired last night. 
• Whitebread counters with his own kicker, Dan Bailey. He needs 10 to win. 
• Fucking kickers...

Tonight
I'm out tonight, gents. That means they will likely serve free beer until closing...

I believe Juan Coconuts will be making his first appearance of the season.

Let's all hope and pray Dan Bailey breaks his foot on the opening kickoff.

Enjoy the game, boys.