Monday Update: TEDDYTIME

Gentlemen,

I made no secret of my love for Teddy going into the draft in May. One game (against a bad defense no less) does not a career make, but how great was yesterday?

Our resident draft guru Gow is a noted Teddy hater - and Gow being Gow, he's not likely to admit being wrong - that will constantly point to Teddy's "weak" arm, as if playing QB was an arm-wrestling contest. Nevermind his ability to avoid the rush, step up in the pocket, progress through his reads, and deliver the ball accurately to guys in stride. If he can't throw the ball through a brick wall, then Gow isn't interested.

http://www.vikings.com/media-vault/videos/Full-Bridgewater-Highlights-vs-Falcons/40d25c31-5079-4d68-97f0-44efb2814fcc

(The video above is definitely worth watching, but make sure you're sitting down with a table or desk covering your crotchal region)

While I'm busying carving Teddy's HOF bust, I do recognize that this is one game. ONE. He's going to look bad, there are going to be growing pains, and the league will adjust as more film becomes available. But make no mistake, this is a good QB. And he plays for the Vikings. And he's only 21. He could easily be our guy for the next 10-15 years.

This is a good feeling.

PLEASEBEOK PLEASEBEOK PLEASEBEOK PLEASEBEOK PLEASEBEOK PLEASEBEOK

Packer Week

The Vikings play at Lambeau already on Thursday night, so it's important we start our hating now. 

BEST FANS

Why the Packers Suck - a good read... here's a snip-it: 

Please punch him

You should be embarrassed. I'm embarrassed for you. That's the sort of thing you wear because you lost a bet. There's no PRIDE in rocking an ugly piece of headgear that screams I'M FAT BECAUSE I EAT TOO MANY DAIRY PRODUCTS. In addition to hoping Aaron Rodgers gets hurt, I hope a race of giant alien mice descend upon Wisconsin. And then, I hope those alien mice overlords see your cheeseheads and go the fuck to town on you. That's what you suckers deserve.

"Setting the alarm for 4:30 tomorrow so we have enough time to get our icemen costumes ready"

Lots of good stuff in there. How the Packers statistically suck in the cold. How Green Bay is actually SOUTH of Minneapolis. Aaron Rodgers sucking some toes. How much of a fraud the Packers stock "ownership" is.

This picture just pisses me off for so many reasons

I so want the Vikings to win this game. The reality is they probably will not. Lambeau is a tough place to win, especially when it is NOT COLD. Teddy is hurting and may not even play.

"Yeah hi... it's Steve. Listen I can't come in today... I gotta stand on the side of the road with my homemade sign rather than meaningfully contribute to society. Go Pack Go."

But we can hope. And pray. It wouldn't be the first time a Vikings rookie embarrassed the Pack in Lambeau on national TV...

http://www.pro-football-reference.com/boxscores/199810050gnb.htm

I really wanted to find highlights of that MNF game, but could not anywhere. God that season was so fun. We were so young and innocent back then... I had forgot Moss also had a 75-yard TD called back.

Anyways since I couldn't find that game, this is always a crowd favorite. 

Go Vikings.

Eat a dick, Joe Buck.

Team Names

This is already too long. Andy, you take care of it this week.

The Games

Crapswell (157.66) vs. Dallus (125.52)

• The only person creaming themselves about Teddy more than me yesterday was Poosk (24.38).
• Crappy week from Dallus' non-QB's aside from Antonio Brown.
• Still to play:
• Crapswell: Gostkowski

Andy moves to 2-2, handing Dallus his first loss, and is also the heavy favorite for the Points Bonus.

Kenni (133.08) vs. Whitebread (114.10)

• Kenni's magical run continues thanks to Luck who's scored 27+ points in 3 of 4 games (the other he scored 20).
• Cracker continues to have a bad fantasy team, despite the 2 best QB's coming into the draft.
• Still to play: nobody

Both guys are done. Kenni moves to 3-1, tied at the top. Cracker down to 1-3, tied at the bottom because...

Crabs (117.18) vs. Titwarmer (112.50)

• Crabs' team finally decided to show up for the 2014 season. Double digits from everyone so far, except Ertz.
• Ned started off slow with Cousins last week, no one really made up that difference for him.
• Still to play:
• Crabs: Brady, Bowe
• Ned: Knile Davis

This was really a hailmary play by Ned, starting Davis and leaving himself no options. If Charles was out, this actually might be interesting, but he likely won't be. Crabs is a 99% favorite and should get his first win.

Fredricks (101.58) vs. Coconuts (83.68)

• Bill's team has looked really good to this point, despite his record. This was a down week for him and appears karma is paying him back. 
• Juan really loves to complain about stuff.
• Still to play:
• Bill: Edelman
• Juan: Charles

Bill is a 77% favorite. That's probably about right, but we'll know early on if Juan has a shot based on how Charles looks.

Jerks (119.92) vs. Gow (114.82)

• Four weeks in, DeMarco Murray is the fantasy MVP (99.7 total pts). Only Luck could also be considered.
• I thought my match was over after Chicago shat all over themselves in the 2nd half. But then Asiata outscored Shady by like 30 points.
• Still to play:
• Rod: Vereen, NE Defense
• Gow: Alex Smith, Gronk

Gow is a 51% favorite with Yahoo's crappy projections - I actually think he should be higher given he has a QB and Gronk going. Smith's play will probably dictate how this thing plays out, since it will be against my defense. There's potential for some big swings... imagine a Pick-Six:

• -4 for Smith
• +8 for my defense!

Either way, one of us will move to 3-1, the other 2-2. Big swing game.

Tonight

I usually try to wrap this up nicely, or add some wit at the end, but I got nothing today.

So I'll leave you with this...

Monday Update: How to Lose a FF Matchup in 10 Minutes

Gentlemen,

This was one crazy day for Fantasy Football. I have the misfortune of playing against TY Hilton in both my leagues... And I went to bed midway through the third quarter last night, when Hilton still only had like 1.5 fantasy points...  I woke up this morning, checked my scores, and was thoroughly confused...

Monday Update: A Whole New Ballgame

Gentlemen,

Week 8 is basically in the books. There's a game tonight, but every game is basically over.

How do you feel about your team at this point? 

Before you answer that, let's look at this in another way... At the beginning of this season, before anything ever happened including the draft, we all wagered $100. Essentially, you were betting on yourself.

Monday Update: Snow Shit, Sherlock

Gentlemen,

Father Winter took a giant dump on us yesterday. The older I get, the less I like snow. I mean I like to have it around for Christmas for ambience and all that shit, but overall I could really do without.

As someone who owns a home with a driveway, it's a pain in the ass to manage. I have a snowblower, which admittedly is easier/more fun than a shovel, but I'd still rather do neither. I spent probably a combined 3 hours outside yesterday screwing around with the fucking snow, when I could have been watching Gow's defense score oodles of points.

And then the dickhead plow FINALLY comes by overnight, and barricades my fucking driveway so nobody can get in or out. So I had to deal with that shit this morning.

And last winter's weeny snowfall really opened my eyes to how nice it was to not have too much of it. I could go for a run in January without breaking my neck. I didn't ruin my dress shoes. It got a lot nicer and warmer way faster in the Spring because there wasn't a million tons of snow to melt. I was mowing the lawn in March.

I realize I'm the idiot in Minnesota, complaining about the snow. There are lots of places I could move to and my dream would be realized. But fuck that. I'm not going anywhere. I can wait this out. I'll continue to pollute and maximize my carbon footprint to ensure Global Warming screws up winters permanently.

Maybe as we have kids and they get older, and subsequently enjoy playing in the snow, it will be fun again to go out sledding, skiing, and everything else. But right now, especially after a 70-minute Monday morning commute, snow can eat my ass.

The Vikings
What the hell, man...

You know what's really sad about this season? If we even had mediocre-level play (say like Russell Wilson-ish) from the QB position, we'd actually be a reasonable contender. I mean, we're 7-6 right now with a QB that is averaging 137 passing yards over the past 7 games.

Meanwhile, Peterson not only has a legit shot at 2,000 yards, it's not inconceivable that he makes a run at Dickerson's record of 2,105. Think about that. He may do one or both of those things on a team with absolutely no threat of a passing game to keep the defenses honest. He's such a weapon that we're just wasting...

And the defense, though not without it's warts, has been playing pretty good (especially at home) and has rarely been the reason we lost games. Teams aren't throwing the ball with ease against us for the first time in quite a while.

I've ranted about stupid Ponder in this space before. Now, I'm just beaten down. I hope we don't have to endure another season of him while he "progresses" as a pro. We've seen too many young QB's come in and have success right away to keep forcing him in there with his shitty performances.

I'd like to see Webb play, if nothing else just to stop seeing Ponder ruin drives. Webb may suck, but at least he'll be a more entertaining version of sucking. And he actually might be good...

The Gophers
This week brings us the usual Cracker and his Gopher-y goodness regarding the #14 hoops squad. And also the very first guest appearance from our resident Hanson brother, Ned Titwarmer, to discuss the hockey team. Let's see what they've got to say...

1. So, I’ve really not watched much of the Gophers basketball yet this year, but I know we’re mostly the same roster as last year. Give us a rundown of the notable players and what we think they’re capable of doing this year.

The Gophers are essentially the same roster as last season but this looks like a much better team.  The primary reason is the emergence of Andre Hollins at the point guard position.  He was a freshman that was hobbled with an ankle injury for most of last year but clearly took the reins down the stretch and in to the NIT last year.  Hollins is a point guard that can score which is what Tubby coached teams need for the times when his offense stagnates in the half court game.  He is averaging 13.7 ppg with 3.4 apg and on two occasions has absolutely gone off offensively with a 41 point performance against then #19 ranked Memphis when he went 12/16 from the floor including 5/5 on 3's and again against South Dakota State going 8/9 from the floor and 6/7 from 3.

Aside from Andre, Rodney Williams has finally emerged as a go to player as his game has started to catch up with his athleticism.  He is averaging 12.9 ppg / 6.3 rpg / 2.3 apg and 1.7 bpg.  Austin Hollins has been the third player to really emerge.  He is our best defender (averaging 2.5 steals per game) and is also chipping in 11.7 ppg / 3.8 rpg / 2.4 apg.  The other piece that was expected to really stand out is Trevor Mbakwe.  Coming off a knee injury, Tubby has been playing him shorter minutes to get him ready for a bigger role but when needed he has played extended minutes against some of our better competition.  He doesn't look quite as explosive as before the knee injury but he can still be a force on the boards.

My goal for this team before the season is the same as it is today: Sweet Sixteen.  They have the athleticism to play with anybody in the country.  We aren't necessarily as skilled as some of the elite teams but there is no reason the Gophers can't be a 4-5 seed in the NCAA tournament, win a couple games, and then take your chance against a 1 seed and hope that somebody (Hollins) is hot that day.

2. Along with that, may as well address the conference, since it looks pretty strong. We’re less than a month away from B1G play starting up. Where do you see the Gophers ranking within the conference and who else is looking formidable. (Essentially this is your B1G preview)

The Big Ten is clearly the best conference in the NCAA again this year.  The Big Ten boasts 6 teams in the top 20 with IU (#1), Michigan (#3), Ohio State (#7), Illinois (#13), Minnesota (#14) and Michigan State (#19).  With all those teams winning this week, including Illinois winning at #10 Gonzaga, those rankings should only move higher too.

It is early and some teams inevitably look worse come Big Ten season (Minnesota & Illiniois recently) while others start to look better (usually Michigan State & Wisconsin) but right now this is how the conference looks to me divided in to tiers.

Vying for title/1-3 tourney seed: Indiana, Michigan, Ohio StateLikely NCAA tournament teams (4-9 seed): Illinois, Michigan State, Minnesota, Likely to be somewhere on the bubble: Iowa, Northwestern, WisconsinHoping to play spoiler: Nebraska, Penn State, Purdue

My Big Ten predictions:1. Indiana2. Michigan3. Ohio State4. Minnesota5. Michigan State6. Illinois7. Iowa8. Wisconsin----------------------------9. Northwestern10. Purdue11. Nebraska12. Penn State

--- = bubble cutoff

3. Really should have had 4 points in CC this weekend. What happened? And does that mini-collapse in the 3^rd game overshadow what was otherwise an pretty strong weekend for the hockey squad?

(Ed. Note: I sent this question to both Cracker and Ned. Cracker responded to this one with "Ask Ned")

We dominated the first 2 periods. They scored one goal shorthanded in the 3rd (Marshall brain fart give away) and the game tying goal with 24 seconds left with the extra man. The game easily could have been 4-2 or 5-3. I would say that if you told Lucia he'd get out of there with 3 points, he would have been happy. However, you are correct, we should have gotten all 4 points. Sometimes, things like this just happen and I wouldn't dwell on it. However, we should keep this in the back of our minds in case a pattern starts to develop.

Feel free to address anything else hockey-related, as I’ve not seen a ton of the team this year. Who stands out? Who’s the weak link(s)?

What stands out for me so far this year is our Frosh G Adam Wilcox. I would have said G was my biggest concern coming into this season as we were stacked at the other positions with returning starters and Frosh talent. He's played beyond my expectations and I'm guessing Lucia's as well, as Wilcox didn't give him an option to do his stupid "play a different goalie each night" routine. For those that aren't in the know, Lucia has this thing where he takes two good goalies and makes them both mediocre by alternating playing time so no one gets in a groove or has confidence that he's the guy.

What scares me a little is our D. Other than Schmidt (Schmidt Happens!) and Marshall, I'm not seeing the play that we should be getting out of this group. Helgeson looks to be regressing a little and Alt looks like he's afraid to shoot at times. However, this is a veteran group and they should start picking it up soon.

Team Names
Are people still paying attention? Why is no one voting? We had THREE votes last week for the villain likeness, which was a pretty awesome category. Do I need to keep voting open longer? What's the deal? I'm not seeing a ton of enthusiasm for the Weekly Team Names as I used to...

This week, all but two of you participated, which is basically on-par for the first week of the playoffs. People start taking off and or not even checking anymore around this point in the year. 

Anyway, Kenny and Dallus didn't submit, so they're off the list this week. Remember, the category was Worst Thing About Wisconsin.

***VOTE IN SIDEBAR***

BEST: I think those of you that participated did a nice job this week in capturing many of the things that truly suck ass about our friends retarded cousins to the East. My choice came down to Highway Construction (which is omni-present of I-94) and Mediocre Beer. 

I ended up going Mediocre Beer. As I get older and appreciate beer more and more, it's amazing how much shitty beer comes out of Wisconsin. And I'm not some snob... I always have Coors Light in my fridge because sometimes you just want an ice cold light beer. Wisconsin beers just suck. 

Although Spotted Cow is an exception.

WORST: This was a tough one for me too. Crabs went with Carl Gerbschmidt, which I hope he realizes isn't a real person. If he's using him as some sort of model for all Packer fans, I guess I can get a little more on board with that...

But Ned just whiffed on this one... Booze on Sundays. I mean, what is wrong with that? And how is Ned, of all people, the one saying it's wrong? I wish MN would adopt this so we stop giving sales to WI Liquor stores.

Back to Miller Lite for a second... are they still making those "punch top" cans? Or did those already get discontinued because they were the dumbest thing anyone who drinks beer had ever seen?

Did you guys ever even see these things in distribution?

How do I like you now? I like you LESS now, if you must know.

And by the way... apparently, they don't work.

Team Name Topic
Since apathy seems to be starting to set in, let's use that as our focus. This week's topic is Something You've Done (Or Not Done) Out of Laziness. And no, there is not the option of using "Didn't Update Team Name" or even "Mailed In This Team Name" as an option. You're all a bunch of lazy assholes - don't deny it - so just tell us something specific you've done that shows it to be true. 

The Games
Only had 2 games going this week. Let's review:

Gow vs JoJo
(Ed. Note: Not sure why the background of the text is white, but I can't seem to fix it without re-typing...sorry)

• This was Gow's quote early in the week when his team name was something dumb like Ray and Jimmy, Please Step Up: "With no SNF or MNF plays here, I feel sick with nerves already. Looking at Fred's roster only makes me feel more sick to my stomach." He then posted on the Gameday Thread very early on "Not a good start to the day, when your opponents #1 RB runs 80 yds on your favorite team's defense for a TD." Sure seems like Gow was Dirxing JoJo...
• Ok, JoJo has made the case numerous times on this blog that he got beaten numerous times because someone's defense went off against him. I went back and looked at the game logs and here are the games where a defense went for 15+ against him:
• Week 1 vs. Ned - 19 points from D - JoJo won
• Week 4 vs. Crapswell - 29 points from D - JoJo lost
• Week 5 vs. Coconuts - 15 points from D - JoJo lost
• Week 8 vs. Gow - 22 points from D - JoJo won (Gow only scored 60 total)
• Week 10 vs. Ned (Ned again!) - 28 points from D - JoJo won
• Now, there are some unusually strong defensive performances there, but the way JoJo talked about it, you'd think D's were scoring 30 points against him every week. He faced 15+ point defenses FIVE times, and actually went 3-2 in those matchups.
• In hindsight, that was a lot of needless analysis, but possibly interesting. Anyway, Gow got 41 points from Seattle D yesterday. 41. Total fantasy points. 41. Wow.
• He also got 37 points from the suddenly unstoppable Cam Newton. 78 total points from his QB and D. Insane.
• All of this overshadows Danario Alexander who scored 20 points for Gow too. What? Danario freaking Alexander. I so wish the Vikings had him right now...
• Gow is going to end up with the highest total team score of the entire season, this while Jimmy Graham gets him less than 4 points and Bryce Brown ran for 6 yards. That's an unbelievable day.
• Sorry for all the Gow love. JoJo's team played too.
• Drew Brees put up his second straight stinker at the worst possible time for JoJo.
• After that, JoJo's team actually played well. His only other letdown was Atlanta D, but everyone else contributed nicely and was in double digits (including his Kicker). He could easily end up with 120+ depending on what Andre Johnson does tonight, and it won't unfortunately won't matter. 
• Actually it's sad, because it's very likely that we'll wake up tomorrow and JoJo could have beaten either of the other 2 teams playing, but that's Fantasy Football. Gow will move on to face Coconuts in the semis.

Crabs vs. Crapswell

• This matchup was and still is much closer...
• QB's for both teams (Rodgers and Romo) failed to do much for either team. Rodgers especially let Andy down last night when he was hoping to narrow that gap going into MNF.
• Andy started the week very strong last Thursday netting 22 from Knowshon Moreno. I don't know if Crabs has NFL network, but you gotta believe he was throwing things at the TV that night. 
• If Crabs were to lose by less than 2 points this week, you can thank me. I advised him to sit McFadden in favor of Vick Ballard and that decision cost him exactly 2 points. I'm kinda wanting to root for this to play out.
• Dougie Martin found his mojo that had been missing for a month or so and scored 19 points for Crapswell, keeping his team afloat. After that, Andy's team pretty much straight sucked.
• Honestly when you look at the box score, it doesn't even seem right that Crapswell is within striking distance tonight. It sure seems like Crabs should have blown him out. But Crabs got disappointing performances from Leshoure and Gonzo, not to mention PIT defense net him 0 points, so here's where we stand...
• Crabs leads 96-81 with Gostkowski still playing. Andy counters with Welker and Hernandez. This is incredibly close. If Crabs can get 10 out of Gosty, that means Andy has to make up 25+ points from his 2 guys. Betting odds should favor Crabs, but this one is very much up in the air.
• And Andy is going to be in attendance tonight! He'll be cheering vapidly for his first ever FF Playoff win. 

Tonight

What a game we have in store tonight: Houston at New England. Now we're talking! Combined records of 20-4. Possible home field advantage on the line in the AFC. This is what a primetime game should look like.

Enjoy it. Because next week... you know 12/17 when we're all planning to show up... guess the game. In fact, try to think of the 2 worst possible teams to have on Monday night...  What would be the absolute most miserable game to watch....?

Jets.

Titans.

So, let's appreciate what we have tonight. A good and meaningful matchup. Hopefully the game lives up to the hype (it probably won't).

I'll be in attendance tonight. Hopefully you will be too.

Drive safely, boys. 

Wednesday SUPER MEGA UPDATE: Back to Reality

Editors Note: First off, sorry the Monday Update is coming out on Wednesday. As I mentioned, it's getting much harder to keep these up each week, but I'm trying to stay committed to you guys.

Second, this is really long. There are lots of different sections and topics to get to here - this is a whole lot more than the standard weekly update. I want lots and lots of comments on this one because, as you will find, I spent a whole lot of time on it. I began work on Sunday night, and literally am finishing here on Wednesday afternoon, while working continuously both Monday and Tuesday nights. 

May I suggest this approach: comment as you read. Don't read everything all at once, and comment on one thing at the end. Read, form an opinion or response, comment, continue on. Repeat. 

I would love to shatter any previous commenting record we had because this is sort of a culmination for the entire season. I likely won't do another one like this for the rest of the year, possibly ever again. This took a lot of time. 

So please... sit back, read, comment, and above all else, enjoy.

Monday Update: Work Sucks

Gents,

Stupidly busy morning today. Opened my inbox, it was horrible. Such a mess. May as well have just opened up my laptop to find a turd in the middle. That's the metaphorical equivalent to what I'm cleaning up today.

Some days, most days actually, I hate working in Corporate America.

I probably shouldn't be typing this on a work computer...

Nothing to see here...

The Vikings
Not sure what to make of that game. Thrilled we won. Obviously Special Teams looked great. Gotta love Blair Walsh.

Defense looked really good. Great pressure on Stafford all day. And we actually had guys making plays in the secondary. When was the last time we had safeties making big hits, jarring the ball loose? Joey Browner?

Offense was a little scary for me... I actually started Ponder in my dad's league. Romo going against Chicago's front four scared me into making that decision. News flash: we lost.

But seriously, we dominated that game and should have won by more. I'm really excited to see us playing so much better than I expected, but I'd still like to see a little more killer instinct from this team. Put them away!

But still... SKOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!

The Gophers
Crash back to Earth. Didn't necessarily expect them to win, but didn't see that shit show coming either. Oof. Suddenly, 6 wins feels like kind of a stretch.

At least Nebraska beat #Bucky on Saturday. Sort of salvaged the rest of the day.

Let's see what our resident expert has to say...

Cracker's College Football Corner
1. So I guess that solves the Gray/Shortell QB controversy. Once Gray comes back, this job is his, yes?

I don’t think there ever was any QB controversy.  The media likes to drum up stories to get people engaged but the staff has always been steadfast that MarQueis is their QB.

2. What happened to our new, ass-kicking defense?

Saturday was pretty much a team effort of getting manhandled in the first half.  The defense gave up 24 points but the offense scored 0 points and didn’t even manage to get the ball across the 50 yard line and missed opportunities to complete two bombs that should have scored at least 10 points.   About the only encouraging thing was that the team made adjustments at the half and rather than letting it spiral out of control to 55-0.  The Gopher D got tougher (Weisman carried for 155 in the first half and just 22 in the second) and the offense started to move the ball although they did shoot themselves in the football with turnovers that prevented any sort of comeback.

3. Do we have any trophies in our cabinet the end of the season?

The remaining trophy opportunities are @ Wisconsin and Michigan at home.  Just as I would have told you before Iowa, we’ll be an underdog in both but there doesn’t appear to be a dominant team in the Big Ten so neither is out of the question.  Oddly we match up better with Michigan but they are also the better team between the two of them.  Wisconsin runs an offense somewhat similar to Iowa and we will need to defend the run much better to win in Madison.  I’d put a 10% chance of the Gophers having a trophy in the case after this season.  On a bright note, we do get 4 opportunities to win one next year and three of them (Iowa, Wisconsin & Penn State) are at home.

4. Revised B1G Rankings?

1. Ohio State – They still don’t look like a great team but there are no great B1G teams.
2. Northwestern – I think they lose to PSU this week but 5-0 is 5-0.
3. Nebraska – Playing in a modern take of a uniform designed by a 1980s Domino’s Pizza marketer....Nebraska was able to overcome an early deficit by dominating the Badgers in the second half.  In the end, it just proves that even with former Heisman candidate Montee Ball you just can’t avoid the Noid.
4. Michigan – A primary benefit of a bye in this conference is that it allows everyone else to be exposed while you sit idle.
5. Purdue – I’m not sure that they deserve to be here but nobody else does either.
6. Michigan State – Still a really good defense but offset by a dumpster fire of an offense.
7. Penn State – Crappy competition but they are on a 3 game winning streak and the defense is playing well.
8. Wisconsin – The Badgers are one missed chip shot FG by Utah State away from having matched their 2011 loss total before the calendar turned to October.
9. Iowa – I’m not yet convinced they don’t suck but they have a good defense and proved they can play one good half against a shell shocked opponent
10. Minnesota – With a 4-1 record I’d like to rank them higher but I can’t after losing soundly to a bad Iowa team.
11. Indiana – They aren’t Illinois. 
12. Illinois – They have been outscored 87-31 in the last two weeks , at home, in losses to juggernaut Louisiana Tech and a Penn State currently serving the second harshest probation in NCAA history.

Because making fun of Packers fans is fun...

From: Whitebread, Marcus
To: Jerks, Rod

Subj: RE: MNF
September 25, 2012 3:01 PM

I sent a message to a female Badger/Packer co-worker that simply said "#RussellWilsonClutch." The response was amazing... "just fukk off, mark. you're wrong and you know it. stop being a d1ck. you're better than this." 

To make it funnier, yesterday (Monday) morning, she had sent an unprovoked message to our sales coverage that is a 49ers fan teasing him about game on Sunday

Does that not sum up Wisconsin (the state, not just the school) fans in a nutshell? Forever arrogant. Always condescending. Can't handle any sort of grief coming their direction.

Marcus, I hope you continued on with this email conversation, and eventually she did something to get herself fired.

Team Names
Nine out of ten ain't bad? Public shaming is due for Ed, and no, changing your name to "oops" doesn't count.

Regarding the actual topic this past week, this was not my favorite. Obviously not for you guys either since most took the whole week to think of something. And even then, not all of these names fell into what we outlined as the parameters of the topic:

"Worst BOTT Purchase/Idea From Chapter Meeting.
Let's put some parameters around this. Since it was near impossible to get anything passed in meetings, let's say this can be something we actually did pass/approve/buy or just an idea that was raised in meeting but was summarily shot or voted down."
So, after re-reading that, I realize I wasn't 100% clear. The topic was going to be Worst BOTT Purchase, but that felt someone limited since we as a chapter were a bunch of Jews that never spent any of the ridiculous dues we had to pay. So I expanded it to Purchases/Ideas, meaning Ideas for things to buy but may not have passed.

Many of you just took it as general Ideas That Came Out of Meeting. And you know what, I don't care. This was a hard topic and I appreciate you all just for trying.

Who had the Best Team Name in Week 4?

I'm voting for Formal Gifts. Weidman would always were his scrubs and it felt like way too thin of a layer between his WeidDick and me.

Who had the Worst Team Name in Week 4?
Lots of candidates here...
John Lane - Haven't we discussed him plenty here?
Pay for Sweethearts - I don't think I know this story, please share more in the comments
Brotherhood Dates - meh. Poor effort.

I'm voting for Recruitment Bonus. I'm sure this won't win Worst, and could quite possibly win Best, but as a former Recruitment Chair, I would still say this should exist. Not to tear off a scab here, but the house loved to preach how important recruiting was until it was actually time to recruit. Then suddenly everyone disappeared, were disinterested, or just believed in wasn't "their job". That shit fell onto the RC and a few other people who were committed to not letting him fail. Recruitment Chair was a thankless, yet incredibly important, position.

Not only that, but what is wrong with incentivizing the person to do the best job they can? I'm pretty sure this is exactly how Cracker is compensated in his current position, at least partially. Unless you are all communists and just believe everyone should/will give their best effort into everything they do for the betterment of everyone. If that were the case, I would have made sure this Monday Update was ready at 7am EST.

Pay per recruit. We'd have the strongest house on campus.

Moving along, this week's topic was inspired by Gangnam Style... There is no doubt this is a terrible song, yet for some reason...I like it. I have no idea why, but I do.

So, this week's topic (which is similar to one we've done in the past) is What is Your Guilty Pleasure Pop Song? And there's a caveat - it has to have been released in the past year. We'll say anything that was released in 2011 or 2012 is fair game. But the point is what terrible current music, something the kids are listening to these days, do you actually kinda like? Gangnam Style, as the inspiration for this topic, is OFF the board.

I have way too many that I could choose, but I'm taking Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO. There is nothing good about this song, and the band is a bunch of clowns. But every single time this song comes on, I want to get up, take a shot, dance around, and just enjoy life... I love it.

I have no defense. These guys are terrible.

What say you? Let's try to get names updated by Thursday. Let's not spend half of Sunday figuring out who everybody is. Deal?

The Games
Lots of strong performances this week. Five teams over 100 already, with 2 more in the high 90's. Well done, boys.

FYI - these are going to much briefer than usual

Dallus vs. Ned

• That's what you get for not changing your team name, NED.
• Great performances from both teams here. 
• Ned is done, and down by about 1.5 pts. Dallus still has Brandon Marshall tonight. Barring some fumble/injury combo, Ned goes 0-4.

NooShoo vs. Crabs

• Shoo's "start all your Ravens" strategy worked this week. 
• Crabs traded a very good RB & mostly good WR for a terrible RB & really old TE. Hmmm... Could have definitely used Ridley this week.
• Ike still has Romo yet trails 111-68. New Blowout Bonus leader is likely here.

Juan Coconuts vs. Kenny Hana

• Well done, Juan. Well done. I'm pretty sure this is your favorit-est week of Fantasy Football ever.
• Kenny had a good week too, but ran into a buzzsaw.
• Juan still has Dez going and leads 131-100. Kenny has Bears D. 
• If the standings hold, Juan will be in 4th place tomorrow and I can't remember a time after 1 week where he's been that high.

Crapswell vs. JoJo

• 49ers D is very good. 
• Oh JoJo.. why would you ever start Calvin against the Vikings D?
• This one is interesting... Andy still has Forte (if he plays) and leads 98-79, while Fred still has Miles Austin and DeMarco Murray. 
• Crapswell is desperately trying to get that first win and will be sweating this one until the bitter end tonight.

Jerks vs. Whitebread

• My team scored 96 pts and I really feel like it should be less. As I look at the scores, it didn't feel like they played that well. Thank God for Marques Colston.
• Willis McGahee? Willis McGahee. He's unstoppable. 
• Oy... I lead by essentially 10. I'm done. I could have been up 15, but Tynes missed his FG as time expired last night. 
• Whitebread counters with his own kicker, Dan Bailey. He needs 10 to win. 
• Fucking kickers...

Tonight
I'm out tonight, gents. That means they will likely serve free beer until closing...

I believe Juan Coconuts will be making his first appearance of the season.

Let's all hope and pray Dan Bailey breaks his foot on the opening kickoff.

Enjoy the game, boys.