Monday, September 29, 2014

Monday Update: TEDDYTIME


Gentlemen,

I made no secret of my love for Teddy going into the draft in May. One game (against a bad defense no less) does not a career make, but how great was yesterday?

Our resident draft guru Gow is a noted Teddy hater - and Gow being Gow, he's not likely to admit being wrong - that will constantly point to Teddy's "weak" arm, as if playing QB was an arm-wrestling contest. Nevermind his ability to avoid the rush, step up in the pocket, progress through his reads, and deliver the ball accurately to guys in stride. If he can't throw the ball through a brick wall, then Gow isn't interested.

http://www.vikings.com/media-vault/videos/Full-Bridgewater-Highlights-vs-Falcons/40d25c31-5079-4d68-97f0-44efb2814fcc

(The video above is definitely worth watching, but make sure you're sitting down with a table or desk covering your crotchal region)

While I'm busying carving Teddy's HOF bust, I do recognize that this is one game. ONE. He's going to look bad, there are going to be growing pains, and the league will adjust as more film becomes available. But make no mistake, this is a good QB. And he plays for the Vikings. And he's only 21. He could easily be our guy for the next 10-15 years.

This is a good feeling.

PLEASEBEOK PLEASEBEOK PLEASEBEOK PLEASEBEOK PLEASEBEOK PLEASEBEOK

Packer Week

The Vikings play at Lambeau already on Thursday night, so it's important we start our hating now. 

BEST FANS

Why the Packers Suck - a good read... here's a snip-it: 

Please punch him

You should be embarrassed. I'm embarrassed for you. That's the sort of thing you wear because you lost a bet. There's no PRIDE in rocking an ugly piece of headgear that screams I'M FAT BECAUSE I EAT TOO MANY DAIRY PRODUCTS. In addition to hoping Aaron Rodgers gets hurt, I hope a race of giant alien mice descend upon Wisconsin. And then, I hope those alien mice overlords see your cheeseheads and go the fuck to town on you. That's what you suckers deserve.

"Setting the alarm for 4:30 tomorrow so we have enough time to get our icemen costumes ready"

Lots of good stuff in there. How the Packers statistically suck in the cold. How Green Bay is actually SOUTH of Minneapolis. Aaron Rodgers sucking some toes. How much of a fraud the Packers stock "ownership" is.

This picture just pisses me off for so many reasons

I so want the Vikings to win this game. The reality is they probably will not. Lambeau is a tough place to win, especially when it is NOT COLD. Teddy is hurting and may not even play.

"Yeah hi... it's Steve. Listen I can't come in today... I gotta stand on the side of the road with my homemade sign rather than meaningfully contribute to society. Go Pack Go."

But we can hope. And pray. It wouldn't be the first time a Vikings rookie embarrassed the Pack in Lambeau on national TV...


I really wanted to find highlights of that MNF game, but could not anywhere. God that season was so fun. We were so young and innocent back then... I had forgot Moss also had a 75-yard TD called back.

Anyways since I couldn't find that game, this is always a crowd favorite. 


Go Vikings.

Eat a dick, Joe Buck.

Team Names

This is already too long. Andy, you take care of it this week.


The Games

Crapswell (157.66) vs. Dallus (125.52)
  • The only person creaming themselves about Teddy more than me yesterday was Poosk (24.38).
  • Crappy week from Dallus' non-QB's aside from Antonio Brown.
  • Still to play:
    • Crapswell: Gostkowski
Andy moves to 2-2, handing Dallus his first loss, and is also the heavy favorite for the Points Bonus.

Kenni (133.08) vs. Whitebread (114.10)
  • Kenni's magical run continues thanks to Luck who's scored 27+ points in 3 of 4 games (the other he scored 20).
  • Cracker continues to have a bad fantasy team, despite the 2 best QB's coming into the draft.
  • Still to play: nobody
Both guys are done. Kenni moves to 3-1, tied at the top. Cracker down to 1-3, tied at the bottom because...

Crabs (117.18) vs. Titwarmer (112.50)
  • Crabs' team finally decided to show up for the 2014 season. Double digits from everyone so far, except Ertz.
  • Ned started off slow with Cousins last week, no one really made up that difference for him.
  • Still to play:
    • Crabs: Brady, Bowe
    • Ned: Knile Davis
This was really a hailmary play by Ned, starting Davis and leaving himself no options. If Charles was out, this actually might be interesting, but he likely won't be. Crabs is a 99% favorite and should get his first win.

Fredricks (101.58) vs. Coconuts (83.68)
  • Bill's team has looked really good to this point, despite his record. This was a down week for him and appears karma is paying him back. 
  • Juan really loves to complain about stuff.
  • Still to play:
    • Bill: Edelman
    • Juan: Charles
Bill is a 77% favorite. That's probably about right, but we'll know early on if Juan has a shot based on how Charles looks.

Jerks (119.92) vs. Gow (114.82)
  • Four weeks in, DeMarco Murray is the fantasy MVP (99.7 total pts). Only Luck could also be considered.
  • I thought my match was over after Chicago shat all over themselves in the 2nd half. But then Asiata outscored Shady by like 30 points.
  • Still to play:
    • Rod: Vereen, NE Defense
    • Gow: Alex Smith, Gronk
Gow is a 51% favorite with Yahoo's crappy projections - I actually think he should be higher given he has a QB and Gronk going. Smith's play will probably dictate how this thing plays out, since it will be against my defense. There's potential for some big swings... imagine a Pick-Six:
  • -4 for Smith
  • +8 for my defense!
Either way, one of us will move to 3-1, the other 2-2. Big swing game.

Tonight

I usually try to wrap this up nicely, or add some wit at the end, but I got nothing today.

So I'll leave you with this...


Sunday, September 28, 2014

Gophers take the Jug





We won!!!  No, seriously, we beat Michigan for only the second time since Bush was President and sadly I mean H.W. rather than W.  The Gophers thoroughly beat Michigan 30-14 and the score actually makes the game seem more competitive than it was.  The Gophers out-rushed Michigan 206-83 with David Cobb--currently #3 in the country in rushing--accounting for 183 himself.  The senior averaged 5.7 yards per carry against a Michigan defense that entered the game ranked ninth in the country in run defense at 80.3 yards per game.  Not only that but one week after notching only one completion, the Gophers even out-gained Michigan 167-88 through the air.



Michigan was struggling to sell tickets before this game.  It just got a lot harder.
If you didn't watch the game, some of the highlights came from shots of the crowd in Michigan Stadium.
Apparently Milhouse goes to Michigan...or is it Paul Pfeiffer from the Wonder Years?

He can't even look anymore.
So much dejection.  You'd think they were Gopher fans and had lived through this their entire lives.
Well, at least something in the stadium is perky.
Sadness appears to be turning to anger.
Drink up!  Taste those Wolverine tears.
More Little Brown Jug Footage.

Thankfully we treated it better than the last time we won a rivalry trophy.

Upcoming: Bye week.  And then a very manageable October with Northwestern, @ Illinois & Purdue coming up.








Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Monday, September 8, 2014

Let me get this straight...

If you're on the Ravens and conspire to commit a murder, you're allowed to stay and be championed as a hero and given a statue outside the stadium, if you knockout your girlfriend, you're cut. Ok got it.


OK, sorry Christi....a few more.

Ravens terminate Ray Rice, draft Chris Brown.


Vikings Update: Week 1

Vikings players and fans rejoice! 

This moment was too funny not to share with those of you (most?) who didn't watch the game. (Sorry for the resolution -- I made it myself with a free app on my phone.) 



Now imagine Harrison Smith passing up a ham sandwich into the stands....I have to believe that Vikings fans would have the same reaction.

But this gif says it all.....we're back baby! At this specific moment in time, I can't predict anything but a Super Bowl victory. I'm going to use some math here, and by my calculations, we are on pace to go 16-0 and outscore our opponents 576 to 117. I extrapolated the points against since we will likely allow a touchdown or two in there, especially since we are playing against Brady, Brees, Rodgers, and Stafford in that order over the next four weeks (oh god)....Here's hoping to an entertaining year of Vikings football!

P.S. Does anyone else still get images of Theiling anytime we play the Rams? 

Monday Update: A Whole New World


Gentlemen,

Welcome back. It's nice to see you again. Except Crabs.

This week was the unveiling of the new changes to the league/scoring settings. I may be biased, but I thought they were fantastic.

Adding in the Rushing/Receiving 1st Down component is a new wrinkle that I'm enjoying more than I thought. To be honest, I had sort of forgotten about it until I checked the scores on Friday (after Packers/Seahawks) and Randall Cobb points jumped by 2.5. I was all like "What the Fuck?" and then realized he had 5 1st Downs.

I'm a big fan of rewarding plays that are important to the game, which 1st Downs are. Last night, Demaryius got tackled twice a yard short and both times Denver ended up punting. On the flip side, if anyone watched the Pittsburgh/Cleveland games, Le'Veon Bell was a fucking awesome and got rewarded for it. He already would have had a big day, but be accounted for 9 total 1st Downs by himself, which got Bill an additional 4.5 points.

PREDICTION: As we discuss changes during next offseason, my guess is if we do anything with this scoring, it will actually be to increase this statistic.

The other major change was the SuperFlex, aka the 2nd QB. I know many of you were against it, but c'mon now... it was pretty damn fun to have 2 QB's to root for.

I'm telling you right now, my offseason plan is going to be to increase the size of our starting lineups again. Not QB's, but most likely another Flex. Starting more players is more fun, and makes the game more challenging. Just prepare yourselves now.

HIIIIII-YA!

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Week 1 Gameday Thread: Welcome Back, Football


Yes.

YES.

YESSSSS!

YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES

Fuck YES.

Football is back. Sunday Ticket and RedZone are free for a week (on Directv). The wife and Jack are off to a birthday party.

I will be parked right here all day.

Come join me and ridicule Gallus for all his injuries.