Monday Update: Catchy, Terrible Songs

Gentlemen,

We could discuss the Vikings implosion yesterday.

We could discuss Gow being a dick about it, even though his Browns lost to a team that hadn't won a game yet.

We could discuss the Gophers being 6-1, 3-0 in the B1G, and bowl-eligible by Homecoming.

We could discuss Coconuts' "luck" or lack thereof. 

But... we've got a long post ahead, so we'll leave those discussion for MNF. What matters today is we all have really terrible, fantastic taste in music. 

Team Names

Last week's theme was Favorite Guilty Pleasure Song (from the last year). Here were the rules:

1. Can't be a good song. If you're not sure if it's a good song or a bad song, it's probably not bad enough. You know when a song is bad.
2. Must have regular radio play on KDWB. We're not picking some shit that is limited release you can only hear on The Current. In fact, that already breaks Rule #1. No this has to be a popular song (over)distributed to the masses.
• Country is crossing over into the pop realm these days, so I would consider a "country" song, as long as it's still terrible.
3. Must have been released in the last year... or so. Not a hard and fast rule, but don't go back too far. There's been plenty of bad music in the last year.
4. You have to at least kind of like the song. 

Going throwback style here... In the comments, give your vote for the BEST and WORST choices.

BEST = this was the best answer given the rules and evaluating criteria (i.e. you really like the song too)

WORST = no, this is just a really bad song and you should feel embarrassed for admitting you like it.

We'll go through them all alphabetically by last name:

Dark Horse - Katy Perry 

Juan Coconuts

I'm about as big a Katy Perry fan as there is. I have Last Friday Night in heavy rotation on my running playlist. I will ride or die with California Gurls. I support the claim that Teenage Dream is the best single of the past decade. 

But I do not like this song.

Ugly Heart - G.R.L.

Ike Crabs

Admittedly, I did not know this song based on the title, and I worried Crabs went down a similar road as last time... when he picked Skrillex and it was just plain terrible music, nothing enjoyable about it.

That's the not the case here. I do know this song. AND IT ROCKS.

I worry this may not have been distributed enough to the masses and won't get the collective votes for that reason (topped out at 32 on Billboard Top 40). But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe people know this song more than me.

Either way, give it a listen. It will instantly put you in a good mood. 

What Does the Fox Say? - Ylvis

Andy Crapswell

I remember not liking this song or finding it all that funny when it came out. Others very much disagreed with me.

I listened to it again. My opinion remains unchanged. I would not choose to listen to this.

Drunk on a Plane - Dierks Bentley

Dick Dallus

Our first country entry. This one certainly got overly distributed this summer, that's for sure. This was definitely the song that got the most play at the cabin this summer. 

A very solid entry for Dallus. My only qualm with it might be that this is a legitimately good song. I'd be curious what other country fans think... Is this a bad song?

Actually, I have one more issue after watching the video... The lyrics state he's "stuck in Seat 7A", but he's CLEARY ON THE AISLE. Everyone knows Seat A is a window seat. 

Rude - MAGIC!

Bill Fredricks

Another song I really like, but I have the same question as I did for Dallus: Is this actually a bad song?

I will say this... after watching the video and seeing these guys, I feel more guilty about liking this song. So Bill has that in his favor.

Anaconda - Nicki Minaj

NooShoo Gow

DO NOT WATCH THIS AT WORK

I can't believe Gow actually likes this song. The only good part of it is the beat she samples from Sir Mix-A-Lot. The rest is just bad. 

If Nicki Minaj didn't have her big ass all over this thing, I doubt this would be his choice. And she wouldn't even be a thing. We loves asses in this country.

Do You Want to Build a Snowman - Princess Anaa

Kenni Hana

If you're gonna choose a song from Frozen, how do you not choose Let It Go?

Spoiler Alert: don't watch that video if you haven't seen the movie. Crucial plot developments happen.

Whatever, who cares. The parents die.

Timber - Pitbull ft. Ke$ha

Rod Jerks

How do you not love that harmonica? It just grabs you from the start. 

I had Saturday morning class last Spring and there is literally ZERO sports talk at 7am on Saturday mornings, so I'd usually throw KDWB on to wake my ass up. Imagine me flying down the empty highway on a wintery Feb morning with this song cranked way too loud and me singing along at the top of my lungs. It happened many, many times.

Note: watching this video will not make you a bigger fan of Pitbull.

Cruise - Florida Georgia Line

Ned Titwarmer

Confession: when I came up with this category, I wrestled a ton with choosing a Florida Georgia Line song. Cruise, Round Here, Get Your Shine On - I love 'em all. And they fit this category perfectly. These are songs I have should have no business enjoying that I love.

But I held off because these songs are like 2 years old. And their big hits of the past year were This Is How We Roll (which is just a bad song) or Dirt (meh). 

So I love this song, Ned. But for me its too old to qualify. 

Also, similar to MAGIC! and Pitbull, you will not like these guys more after watching the video.

Fancy - Iggy Azalea ft. Charli XCX

Marcus Whitebread

First time I heard this, I thought it was terrible.  Somehow after hearing it another thousand times, I'm a big fan of it now.

Iggy Azalea also has an abnormally sizable rump.

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So that's the list...well done everyone. I love this topic and it's fun to write this post. 

My votes and yours will be in the comments. Good luck to everyone.

And so I don't forget... THIS WEEK'S TOPIC: Worst Food/Drink You Ever Ate/Drank. 

The Games

Rod Jerks (148.92) vs. Ike Crabs (112.58)

• I own Matt Forte in my other league and I officially hate that we don't have the 1st Down rule in that league. Forte is a 1st Down machine.
• From the NOBODY CARES category: Blaine Gabbert converted a 4th down late last night and cost me the Points Bonus.
• Still to play: nobody.

Jabs win streak stalls at 3, dropping him to 3-4. I move to 5-2.

Andy Crapswell (128.72) vs. Ned Titwarmer (65.04)

• Wow, nice week Ned.
• Seriously, he only had one spot on his team get to double-digits (Tannehill). His 3rd highest scorer (Marshall) had 6.8pts. I'm going to bet that's the lowest score in the league at the end of the season.
• Andy actually started Sammy Watkins. Good for him.
• Still to play: nobody.

Andy moves to 3-4, Ned to 2-5. 

Juan Coconuts (85.54) vs. Kenni Hana (82.96)

• The Vereen-poop-in-the-tub story will go down as one of the greatest moments in the lore of our FF league. We'll be telling our grandkids about it one day.
• Kenni actually started CJ Spiller, which was crazy because he'd barely been playing. It looked like a Lucky J Kenni move when Fred Jackson went down, but the Spiller got hurt on his first carry after gaining 53 yards. Bizarre series of events.
• Still to play:
• Juan: Suisham
• Kenni: Roethlisberger, Houston D

Juan was ripping on Emmanuel Sanders and Roethlisberger last MNF, which is ironic because they're going to be the guys that beat him. Kenni is a 91% favorite to move to 5-2. 

Marcus Whitebread (92.94) vs. Bill Fredricks (80.20)

• I've given Bill quite a bit of sympathy because his team is better than his record. But they were terrible yesterday.
• Whitebread wasn't much better. Nice RB's. They all (bench and started) combined for 5.8pts. 
• Still to play:
• Whitebread: Andre Johnson
• Fredricks: LeVeon Bell

Whitebread is a 73% favorite, but he has to be nervous here. Bell has been so good this year and is due to start scoring some TD's...

NooShoo Gow (153.16) vs. Dick Dallus (117.38)

• Dallus got a 73-yard connection from Stafford to Tate that net him 20.22pts. Pretty sure that's the biggest single play for a FF team this season.
• Dallus looked likely to pull the win off tonight. Then Ronnie Hillman went bananas (24.8pts). Gow is living a charmed life with his RB's. He's got the friggin' midas touch.
• Still to play:
• Dallus: Antonio Brown, Arian Foster

Gow is a 66% favorite, and the upset is still very possible. Two studs going for Dallus. Winner will be all alone at 6-1. Both Points and Loser Bonuses should come from this match.

Tonight

Sensors again, unless there are objections.  Come for the food, stay for the whining. 

Sorry for the lack of pictures/gifs this week - the videos took a while. Don't forget to vote! 

Enjoy the game, boys.