Monday Update: At Season's End

Gentlemen,

Well, here we are. One more week, and then we put a bow on the 2012 BOTT Fantasy Football season. There will certainly be the NFL Playoffs version, as always, but that's really just a way to try and make up some of the money you lost, or spend the money you just won. In either case, it's not quite the same.

A week from tomorrow is Christmas Eve. It also happens to be the first day, in a little over four months, where you won't have a Fantasy Football team to manage anymore. And yes, I realize for some of you, that day has already passed. It's a sad day. It's one I never look forward to... even last season, when I actually won the Championship, I felt 1) Relieved that I didn't blow it, and 2) Sad that is was over.

I've said it many times before, and I will once again: I love this game. This stupid, unimportant, make-believe, stress-filled, wreck of a game. I just love it. And it saddens me every year when it leaves us.

I'm fortunate enough to be playing in Week 16 next week, but any excitement I have is tempered knowing that one way or another, it will be my last.

And with that... let's get it on.

The Games
I realize there were other games being played yesterday, but I'm really not sure what was at stake in them. If you feel I robbed you of a headline, feel free to share in the comments.

Coconuts vs. Gow

• This was one of those matchups where everyone watching says one of two things: Either "Why didn't [insert either team manager] suck against me??" or "[insert winning team] is so fucking lucky. [insert future opponent of winner] will destroy them next week."
• I think subconsciously we all like to see the playoff teams perform even stronger in the playoffs, as some sort of justification why they are there. Matchups like this, fair or not, begin to erode certain teams perceptions. 
• Let's take a look at Coconuts:

• It's worth noting that 81 points was his low water mark of the entire season. Prior to this, his lowest score was 90. 
• It's rare you see any team win when their QB gets 2.4 points, but even more so in the playoffs. And 0.3 from Ridley... I mean, it's crazy that this was a winning squad. 
• And even his WR's... they were decent, but these are 3 of the Top-5 WR's for the season, and they all had fairly quiet weeks. 
• Let's be honest - his hero yesterday was Janikowski, hands-down. 20 points from your kicker? I'm not doing the research, but that has the be the highest of any kicker on the season. 
• Even with that extra boost, he still only scored 81 points, but...

• ...Gow's team was that much worse. 
• Cam was fine, but not otherworldly, as he had been. 
• I had thought Bryce Brown could be a guy to carry Gow to a Championship. Instead, he really sunk him 2 weeks in a row. 
• He really had very little of his players even show up. Less than 5 points from five different guys, including two goose eggs. 
• Seriously...68 points, in the playoffs. This was a team that scored 154 points last week. Quite the dropoff.
• Fantasy football is a funny game. And I'll be the first one to say no one should ever have to apologize for who they played, and/or how they won. As Paul Newman said, "the balls roll funny for everybody, kid." Juan and Gow earned the right to be in this matchup, and however it results doesn't change that. 
• So Juan scores his lowest total of the season and moves on to his first Championship matchup. Congrats to him on exercising many FF demons this season. 

Jerks vs. Crapswell

• For all the talk about jinxing, Dirxing, un-jinxing, etc., I really don't buy into much of that. What I do believe in is Fantasy Karma, and like in any sport, not celebrating until the final second ticks off the clock. 
• Andy can say what he wants about me trying to jinx him, but anything I wrote/sent to him was 100% honest and he was the one initiating the jinxing in the first place. He texted me Saturday saying, in reference to him stopping by my home on Sunday:
• ANDY: "I figured we could watch me lose together." 
• ROD: "I'm not so sure you're losing to me."
• A: "Stop trying to unjinx yourself."
• R: " No unjinxing... Just saying I'm nervous..."
• ...which I truly was. The next morning, between 11am and Noon, I changed my lineup probably 7-8 different times. Different combinations of Colston, Cobb, Wilson, Julio, and Spiller. However many different ways exist to start 3 of those 5 players, I believe I tried them all.

• I settled on Wilson over Colston (as my final decision), when Cobb would have got me 3 more points. Either way, it wasn't a big deal. Benching Julio would have been a major regret.
• Both Andy and I had 7 guys going in the early games, and both of our teams started slowly. In fact, I legitimately was beginning the process of accepting I was going to lose at half time. 
• The Falcons and Broncos were way up, meaning they were likely to pass very little in the 2nd half. And the Giants were down by so much that they were abandoning the run, and apparently David Wilson is so bad in pass protection that Kregg Lumpkin is preferred. I felt doomed.
• Plus, he had Rodgers going, who was just getting warmed up after his slow start...

• Well... some of what I thought would happen was accurate. Demaryius Thomas didn't get another catch. Wilson didn't do diddly dick. However, Matt Ryan threw two TD passes to Julio in the 2nd half, which helped me three ways: Ryan, Jones,  and Giants D (on Andy's team). That was huge. That was when I started to feel I had a chance.
• And Shayne Graham. Janikowski gets 20 and the bigger headline, but I was about ready to conceive a child with Shayne Graham by about 3pm.
• Andy did get his boost from Rodgers. It was actually slowed somewhat be Chicago just sucking ass in the 2nd half. If they had kept it closer, he likely would have thrown for much more, as he was doing whatever he wanted.
• The big detriment for Andy was Doug Martin. Facing the Saints, one of the worst defenses (pass and rush) in the league, he got 2.7 points. I always had a feeling he was going to break one at some point, and he just didn't. The Bucs got down so much, they had to throw all the time. And usually Freeman was throwing to the wrong team. For Andy, it was the wrong day for Dougie to have his worst game of the season.
• Even with the modest Spiller boost in the afternoon games (Fuck you, Brandon Myers), Andy was still within shouting distance. He needed BIG games from both Hernandez and Welker, which wasn't unheard of, especially given what happened last Monday night. But alas... they were merely good, not great, and Andy's Championship hopes ended late last night.
• He moves on to face Gow in the 3rd place game. 
• And Coconuts and I will have our rubber match for the Championship.

Alright... let's talk about something else for a while.

The Vikings

What a goofy season. 

We look strong to open the year against a really weak schedule, going 5-2 when we weren't that far away from 7-0 (losses to Indy and Washington), yet we didn't look like one of the best teams in the league. 

Then we face better competition, going 1-4 during that span, with our QB rapidly regressing while our RB was beginning to look like a superhero. 

Now, we've won our last two against teams fighting for that last playoff spot (like us) and find ourselves at 8-6. Peterson just finished the best 8-game stretch for any RB in NFL history, and we're basically 2 wins away from making the playoffs. 

And we now have to play teams with a combined record of 22-6 (Texans, Packers). Both who look like they won't be resting any stars because playoff positioning is still on the line. 

There is a part of me that is lamenting what could have been... if we only had a better QB, we could have won at Indy, at Washington, at Chicago, and certainly at GB. Yet, here we are. We're the #6 seed as of today, and just need to win our next two games.*

However unlikely and improbable it may be, I want it to happen. I want it because I really like this team. Ponder aside, this team is improving and looking more and more like a team I can get behind in the future. Something is building here (again, Ponder aside), and I want it continue. 

Yes, if we made the playoffs, we'll probably get smoked in the 1st Round...so what? Would it be a bad thing to have my team in the playoffs, even if they don't win? At let's not forget, the Super Bowl champions last season were the #6 seed in the NFC. #justsayin

I don't have faith in our QB, but I do in just about everyone else on this squad. And I'll be rooting hard on Sunday. Skol Vikings, baby. MOTHERFUCKING SKOL.

*Yes, I'm aware that winning out doesn't guarantee us a spot yet, but I believe it will. Someone else is going to lose.

The Gophers (Whitebread)

1. Have we even played since we did this last week? Is there anything to talk about?

The Gophers beat NDSU last Tuesday and then had the weekend off for finals.   Rodney was #1 play of the day on  Sportscenter for his breakaway 360 dunk and Trevor was #3 for a put back dunk.

2. Apparently there were bowl games this past weekend. And apparently we all picked them correctly in Dallus’ little pool. (Truth be told, I just used that email you sent last week with the spreads to make most of my decisions) Is there a bowl game even worth watching in the next week? How about before Dec 31?

I'm not sure.  I'm laying in bed with a 101 fever so I'm too lazy to look (damn, I now finally came up with a team name for this week).

Gallus texted me with the word "Arizona!" on Saturday so apparently it was worth watching.  I was at Paavo's wedding getting pictures taken at the time but it looks like Arizona scored 2 TDs in the last 0:42 to win 49-48.  That is what I love about bowl season, games that don't sound interesting make for exciting matchups.

3. (really stretching for a question here) Have you decided what you’re doing with the bar for your wedding next summer?

We're still working on it. Planning the bar is the best part of wedding planning so I'm going to stretch the process out as far as I can.

Wow... super lame update from Cracker. Worst of the season by-far.

Let's try this again...

The Gophers (Titwarmer)
I could easily look this up, but I honestly don’t know who the Gopher hockey played this weekend and/or what the result was…

1. So first question, just give a brief recap of what the hell happened this weekend?

We were idle this past weekend.

Oh.

2. Where are we currently ranked (Nationally and WCHA) and why aren’t we higher?

We are ranked #4 by USCHO. The new rankings come out later today, but we should stay put. Maybe drop a spot because Miami swept Ohio State. We aren't higher nationally because we really haven't played anyone yet and the "decent" teams we did beat have gone into the tank (MI State and Vermont). We've got games with #1 BC and # 3 Notre Dame coming up in the next few weeks and if we win those, we'll be back to #1 or #2. 

We're currently tied for #5 with Omaha in the WCHA with 15 points (mostly because we were idle). St Cloud swept CC and is in first, while UND (swept MI Tech) and Denver (tie, loss to Bemidji) are tied for second. A surprising Mankato squad is 4th (split with Omaha). Had we played this past weekend, I would guess we would either be 1 or 2 in the WCHA.

3. Games/series to look forward to in the next couple weeks?

Our next game isn't until 12/29 for the Holiday classic. We play Air Force Friday and #1 BC Saturday. Looking forward to the BC rematch (they beat us in the frozen four and won the national championship last year for those who forgot). I would say our chances of winning this game are 30/70, but it should be a very entertaining game with wide open, fast hockey and maybe a couple of "I remember you ending our season last year" cheap shots (looking at you Rau). 

Better... certainly better than Cracker's mailed-in performance.

Screw it - let's try one more...

The Gophers Draft Stuff (Gow)
1. Which bowl games are you paying most close attention to because of the draft prospects playing in them?

Outback Bowl: MICHIGAN’s OT Taylor Lewan vs. SOUTH CAROLINA’s DE Jadeveon Clowney 

The best pass rusher in college football versus one of the top OT prospects in this year’s draft class. For the true football fan, the battle begins and ends in the trenches. Yes, Gow likes big uglies. Now, Lewan’s stock has sky-rocketed this year, similar to Reily Reiff of Iowa (last year). Though as the draft approaches, I expect his stock to fall from the mid-first to late-first. That said, if he shuts down Clowney in the Outback Bowl… he will get serious attention from a ton of teams, that have desperate situations at left tackle. Oh, and the SOB is 6’8”, 309 lbs, and has adequate length for an NFL left tackle. 

Music City Bowl: NC STATE’s CB Davis Amerson vs. VANDERBILT’s WR Jordan Matthews 

Extremely intrigued by this matchup of Juniors. Prior to this year, Amerson was potentially the most sought after CB in this year’s class (and still could be). He led the country in interceptions last year and was thought to take away half the field this year. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen as he was challenged successfully early in the season by Tennessee’s WRs,… and the rest of the SEC followed suit. Amerson is a scouts dream, as he measures 6-3, long arms, and has fluid movement in his hips… good chance he gets over-drafted. Now Matthews is not a slouch either, he is easily one of the best WRs in the SEC and it is extremely unfair that he doesn’t get the pub because he plays at a school that graduates their football players. I expect Matthews to torch Amerson… but I am hoping to be surprised.

2. Obviously, this will change between now and April but who’s currently the Top-5 players on Gow’s draft board? 

This is fluid, but here we go:#1 – OT, Luke Joeckel, Texas A&M#2 – DT, Jonathan Harkins, Ohio State#3 – NT, Star Lotulelei, Utah#4 – CB, Jonthan Banks, Mississippi State#5 – LB, Manti Te’o, Notre Dame

Overall, DTs and DEs are the prize of this draft. Lots of 3-4 teams will be chomping at the bit to get their hands on a lot of hybrid edge rushers. QBs will get a lot of publicity, but the group is extremely deep at the top… just not spectacular. CBs and Safeties are sporting great size and could be over-drafted because of the pass-heavy nature of the NFL.

3. Give us your mock draft of the first 5 picks, as they’re currently slated: KC, JAX, OAK, PHI, DET.

#1 – Kansas City Cheifs (Luke Joeckel, OT, Texas A&M) – All of you know that I am not conventional, and the trend continues. Everyone thinks that Kansas City will fire GM Scott Pioli and will find a QB of the future with the number one pick here. Personally, I think Pioli keeps his job (one more year) and they draft a left tackle… which will immediately cause fans to ask for his Pioli’s head. Why I like this pick, is that Joeckel has been a stud all year against the best pass-rushers in college football… and can run block like a true franchise tackle. Their dreadful QB situation can easily be answered in the 2^nd round, as this year’s QB crop is not good at the top… but really deep (if you include the juniors). 

#2 – Jacksonville Jaguars (Matt Barkley, QB, USC) – What Pioli won’t do, GM Gene Smith will do. Drafting (WR) Justin Blackmon last year and the emergence of Cecil Shorts, makes this pick a huge no-brainer. I completely disagree with any mock draft that says otherwise, why… because I’m a jerk. Some mock drafts say, that West Virginia’s Geno Smith would be a better QB (and he might be). Personally, I think that Gene Smith has learned from his mistakes with Blaine Gabbert and will go with a more traditional pocket-passer… as opposed to the athletic spread offense QB. 

#3 – Oakland Raiders (Sam Montgomery, DE, LSU) – This is hard to say, as the Raiders are no longer expected to draft for only the height/weight/speed guys. New leadership didn’t have a 1^st rounder last year, and thus I am purely guessing. That said, I think the Raiders are extremely fortunate with a lot of great choices for positions they really need help with. So far, I am between Montgomery (my favorite) and NT-Star Lotulelei (Utah)… but there are a ton of good DE & DT prospects. 

#4 – Philadelphia Eagles (Taylor Lewan, OT, Michigan) – If you were paying attention above, I think he is maybe a mid-first rounder, so this is a reach. I imagine that wherever the Eagles fall in the draft, they will be a prime trading destination for teams looking to trade up for their preferred QB or DE. And for those that say QB, QB, QB… I think that Nick Foles is a decent QB, and I truly believe that the Eagles think the same (with or without the Andy “the Walrus” Reid at the helm).  

#5 – Detroit Lions (Jonthan Banks, CB, Mississippi State) – Another talented team, like the Eagles, that don’t have many holes… but sucks as a team. The most glaring hole for the Lions is easily their secondary… I prefer Banks over Alabama’s DeMarcus Milliner. Both CBs have good size, played well all year, and against good WRs. But just like I have said about Alabama defenders last year, “how much of this is being on a great defense?” This is why I feel that Banks is a clear standout at CB. Of interesting note: I think Manti Te’o is a very real possibility here. I just leery of picking  non-pass rushing LBs in the Top 10.

WELCOME TO THE BLOG, NOOSHOO! Holy shit, that's a walk off, sports fans. Well done, Gowser. No more guest posts needed this week.

By that way, I emailed Gow those questions at 8:55am, and got them back at 11:02am. What do you think he did during those 2 hours...?

Team Names
Well, it's that time of year where people officially stop paying attention. We had 5 teams change their name this week.

I'm not going to put the poll up, since people aren't really voting that often anyways. I'll put the list of team names here, and you can vote in the comments, if you still care. Ironically, last week's topic was about laziness... 

• Sit to Pee
• Pee in a Beta Sink
• Used Dog as Towel
• Drivers License
• Ketchup Spaghetti

BEST: For me, Ketchup Spaghetti wins this in a landslide. Sounds disgusting.

WORST: Pee in a Beta Sink. First of all, we all did that. It's called "convenience". Second, I happen to know Andy peed in a water bottle while playing some video game shortly after college. And when Coconuts came over to pick him up (since Andy ALWAYS needs a ride), the bottle was still sitting there on a ledge. He was too lazy to even throw away his piss bottle after it was done. He kept it on display in his room like a goddamn track and field trophy. If you had gone with that story, you would have won, Crapswell. 

Team Name Topic

Not going to go crazy with a topic, since most of you aren't changing it anyways.

If you'd like to participate, here you go: Biggest FF Regret of 2012. 

This can be lots of different things... It could be a player you drafted, or one you were thiiis close to bidding $1 more for but didn't. It could be a trade you made, or one you rejected. It could be a pickup you made, or someone you just missed out on. It could be a guy you started (or didn't) in a crucial matchup. 

Really anything goes here. This is your time to whine, vent, bitch, and ultimately release your anger to put some closure on the 2012 season.

I realize everyone is giving up, but do us all a favor and participate on this one. It's the last one.

Friday
Remember, this Friday a bunch of us are headed to the Buffalo Wild Wings in Lakeville for the Friday Football Feast. It starts at 9am, but we're going to have a good sized group, so please get there as early as you can to help hold seats. So far this is who I know is going:

• Jerks + Mrs.
• Ow
• Crapswell
• Dallus
• Crabs
• Jerks brothers...possibly
• Coconuts? or Mrs. Coconuts? Juan, please confirm.

I think that's all so far, but I'm not sure, so pipe up in the comments if you're attending one way or the other. Since the Vikings season is still very much alive, it should be a fun and rowdy crowd. 

Tonight
Here it is, boys. The one we all look forward to. The one we've waited for.

If it ever happens, it happens once per year. When we all get together for MNF at Sally's. The whole league. All 10 of us. And who will be have the pleasure of watching this evening?

Jets. Titans.

Fuck. A. Duck.

Ok, so the game is worthless, but it will be fun to see everyone. We all are planning on attending, yes?

Cracker (via text): It doesn't look promising.

Well goddammitt! Who else isn't coming tonight? Anyone? JoJo/Kenny, I'm looking your directions. I realize numerous kids is a large burden to leave to your respective wives while you go to the bar to drink beer and watch football. Let us know if you're attending...

Unfortunately, tonight's game has no bearing on the matchups. All the more reason to focus on the 1st Quarter beer.

This is the last MNF game of the year, gents. Since next Monday is Christmas Eve, the NFL moved that game to Saturday night. I agree, it's weird. So let's go out with a BANG.

See you tonight, boys.

Monday Update: Half Way There, Livin' On a Prayer

Gentlemen,

We are halfway through the regular season. This gives me a sadz.

Although, I use the 13.1 as a metaphor, the FF Regular Season is really much more of a sprint, rather than a marathon*.

Many of you are going to declare yourself out of it at this point, which is foolish. There will likely be at least one sub-.500 team to make the playoffs...there is every year. 6-7 can still get you that final spot, and no one this week will have more than 6 losses (and that will only be Ned).

The trading deadline in November 9th, not that you need to wait until then. Trading has certainly picked up in the last couple weeks, I would hope/expect that trend to continue. There is no time to waste here. There are deals out there that can benefit both parties trading - do some research, start some conversations, and don't wait to ultimately regret not pulling the trigger.

FAAB Budgets are finally starting to drop down and people are being more aggressive. You all should be. With 6 weeks left, there is certainly time to turn things around, but hoping/praying that your players play better isn't the best recipe for success. There are good players available every week, and there are high upside guys waiting to be stashed. BE AGGRESSIVE.

The time for waiting has passed. We are over the peak and heading downhill towards the finish line now. It's up to you to keep your team competitive and your playoff hopes alive.

As a competitor in this league, I want my team to do well and everyone else to be bad. But as your commissioner, I want everyone to be competitive, aggressive, and realize that even the smallest of chances is worth fighting for.

Six weeks to go, boys... the time is now.

* I actually went with the marathon connection because our own Ike Crabs ran his 1st marathon yesterday, and no matter the finishing time, that is an achievement worth recognizing. For those of us that knew and still know Crabs, this was no small feat. Congrats to him, and pour one out for his nipples/toenails.

The Vikings
How do you all feel about this game?

The Good: our defense played really physical and is showing more ability to make splashy plays, which is something we've lacked, even when we were a good team. And AP looked ridiculously good yesterday, and thank God he did...

The Bad: ...because Ponder was fucking awful. This is the 3rd straight bad game for him, which is concerning. He's thrown 2 picks in each of those games, and the weird thing is that they aren't even happening on hard throws. Also, despite the pick-6 and 6 sacks, I didn't think our defense looked particularly good yesterday. Skelton was converting 3rd downs with ease, as long as he didn't get pressured.

I don't know... I like that we didn't play well and still managed a win, but at 5-2, I'd like to feel more confident about my team than I do.

Here's their remaining games:

Home games appear with Vikings on the right side

What say you, gents? This team has a very difficult back half of the schedule. If I set the O/U at 9.5 wins, what side are you taking? In other words, does this team make the playoffs? They would need to win 5 of the games listed...

The Gophers
I fucking hate Wisconsin.

Cracker's College Football Corner

1. The decision to start Philip Nelson...your thoughts?

It seemed like an odd choice until I heard Shortell had some injury issues which prevented him from practicing most of the week and Gray has continued to be hobbled with injuries.  I would have preferred to keep the redshirt on Nelson and get four full years out of him as a starter--if he beats out Shortell next year--rather than 3.5 years.  I think that type of move would make us a better team down the road and I prefer to build for the future.

2. So how do you think he played in his first start at QB?

I thought he looked good for the most part and certainly played well for a true freshman in his first start.  He made a few mistakes in the running game by keeping the ball a few times on the read option when the DE didn't bite on the running back.  He also had some mistakes throwing the ball that mostly revolved around timing with receivers (who are mostly new to him) and trying to fit the ball in to zones at the right time.  I'm sure they will work hard to clean up some of those mistakes this week.  

Our biggest problem on offense is our continued struggles along the O-line but that largely reflects the lack of recruiting OL in Brewster's 2008 & 2009 recruiting class (only one OL from those two classes is on the roster) which has left us with only one upperclassman on the OL.  I'm looking forward to next year when we are starting a senior, three juniors and a redshirt sophomore along the OL and they're all in their third year in this offensive system. 

3. You wanna weigh in on this North Carolina mess?

Much ado about nothing; talk radio and newspapers need to sell advertising so they like to create controversy.  Don't get me wrong, I'd much prefer to go to Chapel Hill and play UNC (largely because I want to make that road trip) but it isn't really a big deal.  My only issue is that we paid a lot of money to get out of playing a mediocre ACC team that is about to get hit with NCAA sanctions and bowl bans which will likely result in many of their current roster transferring.  I would rather see that money reinvested in the athletic department. 

My guess is that we would have lost at UNC and won at home and now we'll likely win both of those games against an inferior opponent.  People are complaining now but if the loss at UNC is the difference between this team making a bowl or not making on people won't be complaining.

4. Who are your teams in the B1G Championship and who wins?

I'll go out on a limb and say that Penn State, behind the dives of Matt McGloin, beats Ohio State this week and that propels them to a Leaders Division Championship (with OSU finishing second).

However, with both of those teams currently under suspension, Wisconsin will represent the Leaders Dumpster Fire Division in Indianapolis.  Michigan will represent the Legends Division and after beating the Badgers they will represent the Big Ten in the Rose Bowl.

Closed circuit to Cracker: this is the best I could do...


Team Names
I had to adjust some of your team names, as we don't want ourselves to be searchable on the interwebs. I already received a stern talking-to from Crapswell this week for posting a picture of him on Facebook. I'm not 100% certain what the rules are and aren't for who I can and can't post pictures of anymore, and I find there to be flaws within these supposed "rules"... But the last thing I want to do is get anyone in trouble or worse. So I obliged, and will continue to do so if and when I screw up again.

But it was a pretty sweet picture of him looking awfully grumpy.

Who had the Best Team Name in Week 7?

***VOTE IN SIDEBAR***

I really enjoyed this week. Lots of fangs coming out, and while we usually spend this particular category topic ripping on those that we no longer keep in touch with, it was kinda fun pointing our guns at each other this week.

I thought long and hard about choosing one of the politically motivated team names. Having sat through that seemingly endless political debate at MNF, the smack talk from each was impressively condescending, yet accurate.

But sometime late in the week came Crabs' Nose Breathing, and I just cracked up. Truth be told, I actually have never noticed this particular trait before, despite rooming with Crabs for a couple years. But the thought that Crapswell has known him for nearly over 12 years, yet never mentioned this particular pet peave about Crabs until now... I mean that's just fantastic.

And by the way, I'm sure now I won't be able to NOT hear the nose breathing. This is sort of the "glass shattering" moment from How I Met Your Mother when they all start calling each other out for their flaws, like Lily's loud chewing (I looked for the clip but couldn't find it). Thanks a lot, Andy.

Who had the Worst Team Name in Week 7?

***VOTE IN SIDEBAR***

Sometimes I think Kenny is trying to win this each week. We've done this category for years now... the format is pretty simple: "Someone's Something." That's it. You can be as clever as you want, but that's how possessive nouns work. Psve/Agrsve Songs is not only weirdly abbreviated, but doesn't assign ownership to anyone, unless it's all of us. And if that's the case, where's the fun in that?

Great, we were all nerds back then and talked shit about other frats... I'm sure none of them ever said a bad thing about us.

BTW, I have no idea what this Tin Foil story is...had Kenny not showed up with his performance, this would have got my vote. I expect a story in the comments.

Team Name Topic
Before I get to this week's topic, one small request to you all: please update your team names before the weekend. It's more fun to see what people come up with throughout the week, rather than what they scramble to produce on Sunday morning. Thank you.

One more announcement: I need ideas. Running extremely low. Next week is going to be Favorite Cereal, if I don't get new ideas...

Ok, fairly simple here: BOTT I-Week Memory. This can be from your own I-Week, or just one you were a member for. It can be good, bad, funny, embarrassing, whatever - it just needs to come from I-Week (which could be at any point throughout the week).

Mine is pretty easy: Arrested at First Run. Let's see you top that, assholes.

Now called "Brick Street", this place almost got me killed...by my Dad

The Games
Moving through these quickly, as I have meeting most of today.

NooShoo vs. Coconuts

• Having Juan at my house yesterday, I got to feel his angst up close and personal. It was truly incredible to see how many times he could yell about the Houston D.
• BTW, if you would have seen him, you would have never known his team was even in his match, let alone have a chance to win. He truly loves to bitch.
• Gow had all his players playing at Noon, which gave him a substantial lead of about 30 (it was 40 at one point).
• Gronk, Ridley got Juan back very close; AJ Green's lone catch (which happened to be a TD) sealed the deal.
• Juan wins a very important match of 4-2 teams 99-96.

JoJo vs. Whitebread

• Brees: #WhoaCrazyCrazy 1st half. Big time performance for JoJo.
• MJD: #Injured. Uh oh. 6 yards for Marcus.
• Pierre Thomas: actually picked up and started for this match. Surprisingly not horrible.
• Jonathan Dwyer: Ditto. Also... fat.
• JoJo: Good.
• Cracker: Bad.
• Calvin: still to play for JoJo, who's already won and is now padding his lead of 98-73.

Jerks vs. Ned

• These are the texts I received from Ned yesterday that basically sum up our match
• "Fucking Cobb!!"
• "Fucking Foster!!"
• "You've got to be shitting me... BGE does all the work and this chump scores?"
• I win 113-98.

Crabs vs. Kenny

• Adrian Peterson looked great yesterday. So did Percy Harvin. Crabs had both.
• He also had Victor Cruz who got about 14 of his 19 points on one play very late. And this concludes the segment of "Players Crabs played that were good". 
• Kenny had another Vikings: Kyle Rudolph. If anyone of you happen to spot Rudolph, please inform the authorities. He seems to have gone missing...
• Brady, Sproles, Heath Freaking Miller, and Mason Crosby gave Kenny a sporting chance at least...
• Crabs leads 104-68, but Kenny has Michael Bush and Chicago D. 
• Seems like every week, Crabs narrowly edges out a win when his opponent has multiple guys going on MNF. One of these weeks, Crabs is going to get caught...

Crapswell vs. Dallus

• The crappiest match is also the best closest.
• Andy had Rodgers and Doug Martin. Dallus had the rejuvenated Chris Johnson and Marshawn Lynch. I don't really care to mention anyone else.
• Andy still has Matt Forte and Bob Gould.
• Dallus still has Brandon Marshall and Jason Hanson. 
• Andy enters with the narrow lead of 69-68, but this is anyone's game. The loser will fall to 2-5, so this is a crucial match for those fighting for a Top-6 spot.

Tonight
I will not be in attendance tonight. Made it happen last week, but not tonight.

No game time decision.
No Questionable designation.
I. AM. NOT. COMING.

Nor is Juan Coconuts, who is a single dad this evening. Pray for him.

Should be a fun one tonight. Enjoy it, boys.

Hope to see you next week.

Week 3 Gameday Thread

This picture was taken circa 8 minutes ago. Ike Crabs in the flesh is in my living room ready to take on my regular Sunday routine. 2 TV's, NFL Sunday Tickey, RedZone Channel, and a whole lot of fantasy discussions.

Crabs has lots of of money on football today, most of which is not fantasy-related. There could be lots of yelling happening around 2:50 or so...

Y'all are welcome to take in this magic any Sunday you're free. Just let me know.

Good luck to everyone today, except Fred. I hope all of his players catch gonorrhea.

Let's have fun today, boys.