Friday Night Update: Enjoy(ed) the Season

Gentlemen,

Monday was Christmas Eve. Tuesday was Christmas. I was in Iowa for the majority of this week, and haven't seen a day of work since Dec 20. All of these things contributed to the reason there hasn't been a meaningful post in about a week and a half.

And in that time, our FF season has ended.

Let's just get the obvious out of the way: I win. Back-to-back championships for yours truly. Life is good.

I don't know exactly what the proper response should be. I'm incredibly elated, but I also want to remain humble. I don't want to pull a Red Sox fan and become an obnoxious, arrogant dick, but I also don't want to downplay the significance of winning this...because as you all know, I care way too much about this stuff. And I know for many of you, winning would be a very big deal. And to act like it isn't is just as annoying.

So, what I'm going to do throughout the rest of the post is just slip in various visual representations of how good it feels to be the Champ. Starting now:

Championship Recap
This is almost a week old now, but just so we put a bow on this whole thing, let's review:

Jerks vs. Coconuts

• The week began on Saturday night, and to be honest, it went about as well as I could have hoped. Ryan threw four TD's, one to Julio, while Michael Turner continued to do what he did all year: suck. 
• The Falcons actually got down to the 1-yard line and I figured Turner would get his typical Jewish TD to save his fantasy day, as he had so many times this season, but instead Ryan threw on 1st Down to some no-name TE for his 4th TD. 
• It was that sequence that lead to the following text messages from Juan:
• "Matt Ryan can suck my dick!"
• "Fucking greedy cock gobbler"
• "I can't wait to watch Atlanta lose in the playoffs because they refuse to have anything resembling a running game."
• So there you go... Coconuts = not an ATL fan.
• Every single one of Juan's players played at Noon on Sunday, which I normally hate when it's my team. I would still have Pitta and Demaryius going during the 3pm games as my last line of defense. 
• Despite a lead of about 37 points after Saturday, Juan slowly and steadily scratched and clawed his way back. 
• Lead by Dez Bryant, who posted the highest point total from a WR this season, Juan actually took the lead temporarily around 3pm on Sunday, as a number of the games went into OT.
• Around the same time, Tennessee scored a garage-time TD, which isn't a big deal for anyone, except for those owning the GB defense, which lost me about 6 points. At that point, Juan took about a 10-point lead.
• Arian Foster did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING all day. It's easy to not really care about this now, but at the time, he was KILLING my fantasy team, when I just needed a normal day from him. Making it harder was how torn I was, as it was the Vikings shutting him down, which was pretty awesome to see.
• CIN-PIT went into OT, and yet I somehow managed to dodge any big game from Dalton and AJ Green. As we look at this now, this was really the biggest difference in the matchup. Juan really got nothing from his QB. And although he didn't have a bad day per se, Green's game had to be disappointing considering how well he played all season.
• Earlier in the week, after I decided to backup Matt Ryan with 3 QB's, he texted me "How come you snatched up all those QB's?" I responded "Because I like them". Truth be told, I wasn't lying - I did like them. I liked them all a lot more than Dalton and Eli, and I didn't want any of them going against me. Russell Wilson especially scared me, after his crazy 1st Half against BUF. Not sure if Juan would have actually picked him up and played him, but if he had, he's be Champion right now and this post would have a much different tone to it. 
• Back to the recap, about 8 minutes after Juan took that lead, AJ Green fumbled and Demaryius Thomas had about 50 yards receiving and a TD on DEN's opening drive, and I took the lead back by about a point. At that point, Juan only had Dez Bryant still playing (in OT) and that game was nearly over. I received this text: "You seem to have a horseshoe up your ass this week". 
• Horseshoe or not, the Noon games ended and I had a narrow lead with 2 guys just beginning their afternoon. After Thomas' big first drive, he didn't do a ton more. Nor did Pitta. Both got about 5 points each from that point on, but it was all just cushion against any potential stat changes. At that point, I had already won.
• Juan sent a concession text at 8:27pm: "Well, congrats. The QB was my Achilles all year and it killed me this week." Don't hang your head, Juan. You have much to be proud of this season.
• Honestly, Juan got a big day from Dez, but didn't get a TD from anyone else other than Colts D. He put up a pretty huge score for a team that didn't get in the end zone. If he had even one more TD, this could have been a lot different. 
• To get so close, to taste a potential championship, and have it taken away from you... I've been there. And it only makes you want it that much more. My guess is Juan comes back next year more motivated, more knowledgeable than he have ever seen him. 
• Congrats to him, to Andy for his 3rd place showing, and especially... to me. Back-to-back, baby.

The Money

So let's talk brass tax. All the money has been awarded. Here is how it all will pay out:

I'll be submitting this through LeagueSafe shortly. 

Be sure to send Whitebread a "thank you" card for his donation. I wonder if he'll report this as charitable giving on his taxes. 

The Champions

I started this league in 2005, so we've just now completed our 8th season. That means there has been 8 champions. Here they are:

2005 - Dick Dallus

2006 - NooShoo Gow

2007 - Bill Fredricks

2008 - Kenny Hana

2009 - Ike Crabs

2010 - Ike Crabs

2011 - Rod Jerks

2012 - Rod Jerks

Merry Christmas, gents

That's it, boys. That's the list. Six different people have won eight total championships. We had five different winners through the first five seasons, yet we've now had two back-to-back winners in the past four seasons. The list of those yet to put their name on the trophy is: Ned, Whitebread, Crapswell, and Coconuts. 

Cracker claims to have won a championship, and he did, but that league was much different and wasn't organized by me. I went back and looked at it, and that league included Thieling, Lunas, Zamzow, Wade, and Weedman. Quite the murderer's row of FF Managers there, Whitebread. 

The Vikings

Well... somehow, someway, we find ourselves here. One win away from the playoffs, controlling our own destiny, at home, against the Pack. If I wasn't a Vikings fan, I would be super excited to watch this game. However, having a stake in this match makes me nervous as hell. 

I, like most, did not see that game against Houston coming. I certainly thought an upset was possible, but I didn't foresee that dominant performance, not on the road against the #1 seed in the AFC. Being just a fan of the team, it was pretty damn awesome to watch.

So now, GB comes to town. And suddenly this game seems even harder than the one we just won. Rodgers always seems to light us up, but even more so in the Dome. And Ponder still hasn't shown anything that inspires much confidence. 

Defense need to continue doing what they're doing. AP needs to keep doing what he's been doing. And Ponder needs to have his best day as a pro. With all of this happening, we have a chance. In a bizarre way, I'd feel more comfortable if this game was in Lambeau. Rodgers is just so damn good indoors.

But let's enjoy it. Most all of us doubted this team all season and they've surprised us more times than not. They looked dead in the water at 6-6, yet here we are, 9-6 and all that stands between us and the postseason is our most hated rival. 

If I can try to not be anxious, this game should be a lot of fun. 

And I don't have to worry about anything fantasy-wise... because I won.

The Gophers

As I've been typing this, the Gophers just gave up 10 points in the last 2 minutes to lose to Texas Tech by 3 in their low level bowl game. Classic Gophers.

I'm not even going to comment. We all saw this coming. And if you didn't, then God bless you for your optimism. 

The basketball team plays Monday against Michigan State. That game matters a hell of a lot more than this collapse I just watched. Tune in and let's hope the karma doesn't carry over.

#Fuck

Team Names

I'm not going to do a poll for the four of us that actually participated. All I'm going to say is this:

As Crapswell points out, the time is NOW to change your team name for whatever you want it to be in the historical records. You can certainly leave it as Eli Manning or Highway Construction, if you wish, but now is the time to log something a little funnier, if you wish. 

If you refuse, I really don't care. I've already changed mine to Back-to-Back Champ.

Playoff FF

I'll be organizing the usual Playoff FF tournament, for those interested (P.S. You all better be interested). We can do the standard version we always do, or we can actually do a playoff draft if you'd like. I can organize either way, but let me know where the interest lies.

For now, just enjoy watching a week of football as a fan, and nothing more. It's a good week to be one.

The Rest

Gents, it's been a fun season. As I've lamented on previous posts, regardless of the outcome, it's always a sad day when this league ends. 

It's also been a tiring season...at least for me. Going through this for the first time as a dad, I have a newfound respect and understanding for all the parents out there. Finding any time to just watch football is difficult, and that doesn't even touch on the blog. And next year, I'll be a grad student, on top of a dad, and corporate stooge.

I worked many late nights and over some busy workdays to make sure I got the weekly updates out to y'all. Some may call that stupid. Others may call it dedication. Either way, I'm calling it enough. 

Trust me, this isn't some guilt trip to try and get everyone to comment more (although that would be nice). No, I'm just relieving myself of blogging duties. This doesn't mean there still won't be Monday Updates next year. I'm sure there will be. But they won't be every week, and they won't be very long. 

Honestly, they'll probably look a lot different, and maybe it will become a bunch of mini-posts rather than one big one. I don't know. We'll see what happens.

And I think this is a good thing for a number of reasons, the biggest one being my proposed use of the blog as we move forward: it's yours. I've captained this ship on my own for long enough. I'll still be posting here and there because I won't be able to cut the cord, but I've decided you all should be able to as well.

As of now, I'm providing author rights to everyone (or as soon as I can figure out how to do so). You guys are actually funny, and even if you aren't, we'll let you know and that will be funny. 

I'm hoping that by doing this, the blog will become more of a destination, and not just on Mondays. I know it will be one of my frequent stops to see what old picture Crapswell is posting, or what Twins prospects Whitebread is musing over, or reviewing the Final Gow Mock Draft in April . I don't think the blog as to be restricted to just FF, and I hope it isn't. I see it more as an extension of the MNF conversations that everyone is not always able to attend. I see it as a way for us all to communicate, interact, and stay in touch even more.

Anyway, it's been a fun ride and I'm genuinely looking forward to see where you all take Bottball to in the future. Have fun, don't be shy, and let's support each other. 

Look at it this way... since I started writing the blog, I've only known FF Championships. Someone else should get the blogging karma on their side.

I want to thank you all for a great season. It's been fun and I can't wait until August. 

And with that... I'll be Gangnam Styling my way down the road. #Championship

Monday Update: At Season's End

Gentlemen,

Well, here we are. One more week, and then we put a bow on the 2012 BOTT Fantasy Football season. There will certainly be the NFL Playoffs version, as always, but that's really just a way to try and make up some of the money you lost, or spend the money you just won. In either case, it's not quite the same.

A week from tomorrow is Christmas Eve. It also happens to be the first day, in a little over four months, where you won't have a Fantasy Football team to manage anymore. And yes, I realize for some of you, that day has already passed. It's a sad day. It's one I never look forward to... even last season, when I actually won the Championship, I felt 1) Relieved that I didn't blow it, and 2) Sad that is was over.

I've said it many times before, and I will once again: I love this game. This stupid, unimportant, make-believe, stress-filled, wreck of a game. I just love it. And it saddens me every year when it leaves us.

I'm fortunate enough to be playing in Week 16 next week, but any excitement I have is tempered knowing that one way or another, it will be my last.

And with that... let's get it on.

The Games
I realize there were other games being played yesterday, but I'm really not sure what was at stake in them. If you feel I robbed you of a headline, feel free to share in the comments.

Coconuts vs. Gow

• This was one of those matchups where everyone watching says one of two things: Either "Why didn't [insert either team manager] suck against me??" or "[insert winning team] is so fucking lucky. [insert future opponent of winner] will destroy them next week."
• I think subconsciously we all like to see the playoff teams perform even stronger in the playoffs, as some sort of justification why they are there. Matchups like this, fair or not, begin to erode certain teams perceptions. 
• Let's take a look at Coconuts:

• It's worth noting that 81 points was his low water mark of the entire season. Prior to this, his lowest score was 90. 
• It's rare you see any team win when their QB gets 2.4 points, but even more so in the playoffs. And 0.3 from Ridley... I mean, it's crazy that this was a winning squad. 
• And even his WR's... they were decent, but these are 3 of the Top-5 WR's for the season, and they all had fairly quiet weeks. 
• Let's be honest - his hero yesterday was Janikowski, hands-down. 20 points from your kicker? I'm not doing the research, but that has the be the highest of any kicker on the season. 
• Even with that extra boost, he still only scored 81 points, but...

• ...Gow's team was that much worse. 
• Cam was fine, but not otherworldly, as he had been. 
• I had thought Bryce Brown could be a guy to carry Gow to a Championship. Instead, he really sunk him 2 weeks in a row. 
• He really had very little of his players even show up. Less than 5 points from five different guys, including two goose eggs. 
• Seriously...68 points, in the playoffs. This was a team that scored 154 points last week. Quite the dropoff.
• Fantasy football is a funny game. And I'll be the first one to say no one should ever have to apologize for who they played, and/or how they won. As Paul Newman said, "the balls roll funny for everybody, kid." Juan and Gow earned the right to be in this matchup, and however it results doesn't change that. 
• So Juan scores his lowest total of the season and moves on to his first Championship matchup. Congrats to him on exercising many FF demons this season. 

Jerks vs. Crapswell

• For all the talk about jinxing, Dirxing, un-jinxing, etc., I really don't buy into much of that. What I do believe in is Fantasy Karma, and like in any sport, not celebrating until the final second ticks off the clock. 
• Andy can say what he wants about me trying to jinx him, but anything I wrote/sent to him was 100% honest and he was the one initiating the jinxing in the first place. He texted me Saturday saying, in reference to him stopping by my home on Sunday:
• ANDY: "I figured we could watch me lose together." 
• ROD: "I'm not so sure you're losing to me."
• A: "Stop trying to unjinx yourself."
• R: " No unjinxing... Just saying I'm nervous..."
• ...which I truly was. The next morning, between 11am and Noon, I changed my lineup probably 7-8 different times. Different combinations of Colston, Cobb, Wilson, Julio, and Spiller. However many different ways exist to start 3 of those 5 players, I believe I tried them all.

• I settled on Wilson over Colston (as my final decision), when Cobb would have got me 3 more points. Either way, it wasn't a big deal. Benching Julio would have been a major regret.
• Both Andy and I had 7 guys going in the early games, and both of our teams started slowly. In fact, I legitimately was beginning the process of accepting I was going to lose at half time. 
• The Falcons and Broncos were way up, meaning they were likely to pass very little in the 2nd half. And the Giants were down by so much that they were abandoning the run, and apparently David Wilson is so bad in pass protection that Kregg Lumpkin is preferred. I felt doomed.
• Plus, he had Rodgers going, who was just getting warmed up after his slow start...

• Well... some of what I thought would happen was accurate. Demaryius Thomas didn't get another catch. Wilson didn't do diddly dick. However, Matt Ryan threw two TD passes to Julio in the 2nd half, which helped me three ways: Ryan, Jones,  and Giants D (on Andy's team). That was huge. That was when I started to feel I had a chance.
• And Shayne Graham. Janikowski gets 20 and the bigger headline, but I was about ready to conceive a child with Shayne Graham by about 3pm.
• Andy did get his boost from Rodgers. It was actually slowed somewhat be Chicago just sucking ass in the 2nd half. If they had kept it closer, he likely would have thrown for much more, as he was doing whatever he wanted.
• The big detriment for Andy was Doug Martin. Facing the Saints, one of the worst defenses (pass and rush) in the league, he got 2.7 points. I always had a feeling he was going to break one at some point, and he just didn't. The Bucs got down so much, they had to throw all the time. And usually Freeman was throwing to the wrong team. For Andy, it was the wrong day for Dougie to have his worst game of the season.
• Even with the modest Spiller boost in the afternoon games (Fuck you, Brandon Myers), Andy was still within shouting distance. He needed BIG games from both Hernandez and Welker, which wasn't unheard of, especially given what happened last Monday night. But alas... they were merely good, not great, and Andy's Championship hopes ended late last night.
• He moves on to face Gow in the 3rd place game. 
• And Coconuts and I will have our rubber match for the Championship.

Alright... let's talk about something else for a while.

The Vikings

What a goofy season. 

We look strong to open the year against a really weak schedule, going 5-2 when we weren't that far away from 7-0 (losses to Indy and Washington), yet we didn't look like one of the best teams in the league. 

Then we face better competition, going 1-4 during that span, with our QB rapidly regressing while our RB was beginning to look like a superhero. 

Now, we've won our last two against teams fighting for that last playoff spot (like us) and find ourselves at 8-6. Peterson just finished the best 8-game stretch for any RB in NFL history, and we're basically 2 wins away from making the playoffs. 

And we now have to play teams with a combined record of 22-6 (Texans, Packers). Both who look like they won't be resting any stars because playoff positioning is still on the line. 

There is a part of me that is lamenting what could have been... if we only had a better QB, we could have won at Indy, at Washington, at Chicago, and certainly at GB. Yet, here we are. We're the #6 seed as of today, and just need to win our next two games.*

However unlikely and improbable it may be, I want it to happen. I want it because I really like this team. Ponder aside, this team is improving and looking more and more like a team I can get behind in the future. Something is building here (again, Ponder aside), and I want it continue. 

Yes, if we made the playoffs, we'll probably get smoked in the 1st Round...so what? Would it be a bad thing to have my team in the playoffs, even if they don't win? At let's not forget, the Super Bowl champions last season were the #6 seed in the NFC. #justsayin

I don't have faith in our QB, but I do in just about everyone else on this squad. And I'll be rooting hard on Sunday. Skol Vikings, baby. MOTHERFUCKING SKOL.

*Yes, I'm aware that winning out doesn't guarantee us a spot yet, but I believe it will. Someone else is going to lose.

The Gophers (Whitebread)

1. Have we even played since we did this last week? Is there anything to talk about?

The Gophers beat NDSU last Tuesday and then had the weekend off for finals.   Rodney was #1 play of the day on  Sportscenter for his breakaway 360 dunk and Trevor was #3 for a put back dunk.

2. Apparently there were bowl games this past weekend. And apparently we all picked them correctly in Dallus’ little pool. (Truth be told, I just used that email you sent last week with the spreads to make most of my decisions) Is there a bowl game even worth watching in the next week? How about before Dec 31?

I'm not sure.  I'm laying in bed with a 101 fever so I'm too lazy to look (damn, I now finally came up with a team name for this week).

Gallus texted me with the word "Arizona!" on Saturday so apparently it was worth watching.  I was at Paavo's wedding getting pictures taken at the time but it looks like Arizona scored 2 TDs in the last 0:42 to win 49-48.  That is what I love about bowl season, games that don't sound interesting make for exciting matchups.

3. (really stretching for a question here) Have you decided what you’re doing with the bar for your wedding next summer?

We're still working on it. Planning the bar is the best part of wedding planning so I'm going to stretch the process out as far as I can.

Wow... super lame update from Cracker. Worst of the season by-far.

Let's try this again...

The Gophers (Titwarmer)
I could easily look this up, but I honestly don’t know who the Gopher hockey played this weekend and/or what the result was…

1. So first question, just give a brief recap of what the hell happened this weekend?

We were idle this past weekend.

Oh.

2. Where are we currently ranked (Nationally and WCHA) and why aren’t we higher?

We are ranked #4 by USCHO. The new rankings come out later today, but we should stay put. Maybe drop a spot because Miami swept Ohio State. We aren't higher nationally because we really haven't played anyone yet and the "decent" teams we did beat have gone into the tank (MI State and Vermont). We've got games with #1 BC and # 3 Notre Dame coming up in the next few weeks and if we win those, we'll be back to #1 or #2. 

We're currently tied for #5 with Omaha in the WCHA with 15 points (mostly because we were idle). St Cloud swept CC and is in first, while UND (swept MI Tech) and Denver (tie, loss to Bemidji) are tied for second. A surprising Mankato squad is 4th (split with Omaha). Had we played this past weekend, I would guess we would either be 1 or 2 in the WCHA.

3. Games/series to look forward to in the next couple weeks?

Our next game isn't until 12/29 for the Holiday classic. We play Air Force Friday and #1 BC Saturday. Looking forward to the BC rematch (they beat us in the frozen four and won the national championship last year for those who forgot). I would say our chances of winning this game are 30/70, but it should be a very entertaining game with wide open, fast hockey and maybe a couple of "I remember you ending our season last year" cheap shots (looking at you Rau). 

Better... certainly better than Cracker's mailed-in performance.

Screw it - let's try one more...

The Gophers Draft Stuff (Gow)
1. Which bowl games are you paying most close attention to because of the draft prospects playing in them?

Outback Bowl: MICHIGAN’s OT Taylor Lewan vs. SOUTH CAROLINA’s DE Jadeveon Clowney 

The best pass rusher in college football versus one of the top OT prospects in this year’s draft class. For the true football fan, the battle begins and ends in the trenches. Yes, Gow likes big uglies. Now, Lewan’s stock has sky-rocketed this year, similar to Reily Reiff of Iowa (last year). Though as the draft approaches, I expect his stock to fall from the mid-first to late-first. That said, if he shuts down Clowney in the Outback Bowl… he will get serious attention from a ton of teams, that have desperate situations at left tackle. Oh, and the SOB is 6’8”, 309 lbs, and has adequate length for an NFL left tackle. 

Music City Bowl: NC STATE’s CB Davis Amerson vs. VANDERBILT’s WR Jordan Matthews 

Extremely intrigued by this matchup of Juniors. Prior to this year, Amerson was potentially the most sought after CB in this year’s class (and still could be). He led the country in interceptions last year and was thought to take away half the field this year. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen as he was challenged successfully early in the season by Tennessee’s WRs,… and the rest of the SEC followed suit. Amerson is a scouts dream, as he measures 6-3, long arms, and has fluid movement in his hips… good chance he gets over-drafted. Now Matthews is not a slouch either, he is easily one of the best WRs in the SEC and it is extremely unfair that he doesn’t get the pub because he plays at a school that graduates their football players. I expect Matthews to torch Amerson… but I am hoping to be surprised.

2. Obviously, this will change between now and April but who’s currently the Top-5 players on Gow’s draft board? 

This is fluid, but here we go:#1 – OT, Luke Joeckel, Texas A&M#2 – DT, Jonathan Harkins, Ohio State#3 – NT, Star Lotulelei, Utah#4 – CB, Jonthan Banks, Mississippi State#5 – LB, Manti Te’o, Notre Dame

Overall, DTs and DEs are the prize of this draft. Lots of 3-4 teams will be chomping at the bit to get their hands on a lot of hybrid edge rushers. QBs will get a lot of publicity, but the group is extremely deep at the top… just not spectacular. CBs and Safeties are sporting great size and could be over-drafted because of the pass-heavy nature of the NFL.

3. Give us your mock draft of the first 5 picks, as they’re currently slated: KC, JAX, OAK, PHI, DET.

#1 – Kansas City Cheifs (Luke Joeckel, OT, Texas A&M) – All of you know that I am not conventional, and the trend continues. Everyone thinks that Kansas City will fire GM Scott Pioli and will find a QB of the future with the number one pick here. Personally, I think Pioli keeps his job (one more year) and they draft a left tackle… which will immediately cause fans to ask for his Pioli’s head. Why I like this pick, is that Joeckel has been a stud all year against the best pass-rushers in college football… and can run block like a true franchise tackle. Their dreadful QB situation can easily be answered in the 2^nd round, as this year’s QB crop is not good at the top… but really deep (if you include the juniors). 

#2 – Jacksonville Jaguars (Matt Barkley, QB, USC) – What Pioli won’t do, GM Gene Smith will do. Drafting (WR) Justin Blackmon last year and the emergence of Cecil Shorts, makes this pick a huge no-brainer. I completely disagree with any mock draft that says otherwise, why… because I’m a jerk. Some mock drafts say, that West Virginia’s Geno Smith would be a better QB (and he might be). Personally, I think that Gene Smith has learned from his mistakes with Blaine Gabbert and will go with a more traditional pocket-passer… as opposed to the athletic spread offense QB. 

#3 – Oakland Raiders (Sam Montgomery, DE, LSU) – This is hard to say, as the Raiders are no longer expected to draft for only the height/weight/speed guys. New leadership didn’t have a 1^st rounder last year, and thus I am purely guessing. That said, I think the Raiders are extremely fortunate with a lot of great choices for positions they really need help with. So far, I am between Montgomery (my favorite) and NT-Star Lotulelei (Utah)… but there are a ton of good DE & DT prospects. 

#4 – Philadelphia Eagles (Taylor Lewan, OT, Michigan) – If you were paying attention above, I think he is maybe a mid-first rounder, so this is a reach. I imagine that wherever the Eagles fall in the draft, they will be a prime trading destination for teams looking to trade up for their preferred QB or DE. And for those that say QB, QB, QB… I think that Nick Foles is a decent QB, and I truly believe that the Eagles think the same (with or without the Andy “the Walrus” Reid at the helm).  

#5 – Detroit Lions (Jonthan Banks, CB, Mississippi State) – Another talented team, like the Eagles, that don’t have many holes… but sucks as a team. The most glaring hole for the Lions is easily their secondary… I prefer Banks over Alabama’s DeMarcus Milliner. Both CBs have good size, played well all year, and against good WRs. But just like I have said about Alabama defenders last year, “how much of this is being on a great defense?” This is why I feel that Banks is a clear standout at CB. Of interesting note: I think Manti Te’o is a very real possibility here. I just leery of picking  non-pass rushing LBs in the Top 10.

WELCOME TO THE BLOG, NOOSHOO! Holy shit, that's a walk off, sports fans. Well done, Gowser. No more guest posts needed this week.

By that way, I emailed Gow those questions at 8:55am, and got them back at 11:02am. What do you think he did during those 2 hours...?

Team Names
Well, it's that time of year where people officially stop paying attention. We had 5 teams change their name this week.

I'm not going to put the poll up, since people aren't really voting that often anyways. I'll put the list of team names here, and you can vote in the comments, if you still care. Ironically, last week's topic was about laziness... 

• Sit to Pee
• Pee in a Beta Sink
• Used Dog as Towel
• Drivers License
• Ketchup Spaghetti

BEST: For me, Ketchup Spaghetti wins this in a landslide. Sounds disgusting.

WORST: Pee in a Beta Sink. First of all, we all did that. It's called "convenience". Second, I happen to know Andy peed in a water bottle while playing some video game shortly after college. And when Coconuts came over to pick him up (since Andy ALWAYS needs a ride), the bottle was still sitting there on a ledge. He was too lazy to even throw away his piss bottle after it was done. He kept it on display in his room like a goddamn track and field trophy. If you had gone with that story, you would have won, Crapswell. 

Team Name Topic

Not going to go crazy with a topic, since most of you aren't changing it anyways.

If you'd like to participate, here you go: Biggest FF Regret of 2012. 

This can be lots of different things... It could be a player you drafted, or one you were thiiis close to bidding $1 more for but didn't. It could be a trade you made, or one you rejected. It could be a pickup you made, or someone you just missed out on. It could be a guy you started (or didn't) in a crucial matchup. 

Really anything goes here. This is your time to whine, vent, bitch, and ultimately release your anger to put some closure on the 2012 season.

I realize everyone is giving up, but do us all a favor and participate on this one. It's the last one.

Friday
Remember, this Friday a bunch of us are headed to the Buffalo Wild Wings in Lakeville for the Friday Football Feast. It starts at 9am, but we're going to have a good sized group, so please get there as early as you can to help hold seats. So far this is who I know is going:

• Jerks + Mrs.
• Ow
• Crapswell
• Dallus
• Crabs
• Jerks brothers...possibly
• Coconuts? or Mrs. Coconuts? Juan, please confirm.

I think that's all so far, but I'm not sure, so pipe up in the comments if you're attending one way or the other. Since the Vikings season is still very much alive, it should be a fun and rowdy crowd. 

Tonight
Here it is, boys. The one we all look forward to. The one we've waited for.

If it ever happens, it happens once per year. When we all get together for MNF at Sally's. The whole league. All 10 of us. And who will be have the pleasure of watching this evening?

Jets. Titans.

Fuck. A. Duck.

Ok, so the game is worthless, but it will be fun to see everyone. We all are planning on attending, yes?

Cracker (via text): It doesn't look promising.

Well goddammitt! Who else isn't coming tonight? Anyone? JoJo/Kenny, I'm looking your directions. I realize numerous kids is a large burden to leave to your respective wives while you go to the bar to drink beer and watch football. Let us know if you're attending...

Unfortunately, tonight's game has no bearing on the matchups. All the more reason to focus on the 1st Quarter beer.

This is the last MNF game of the year, gents. Since next Monday is Christmas Eve, the NFL moved that game to Saturday night. I agree, it's weird. So let's go out with a BANG.

See you tonight, boys.

Monday Update: It (Finally!) Feels Good To Be A Fan Again

Gentlemen,

As yesterday's post mentioned, Mr. Ike Crabs came over to take in my Football Viewing Lair yesterday and we spent a good portion of the day watching your Minnesota Vikings take on the 49ers. There was a point early in the game where Alex Smith was getting rushed and I yelled "Hit him!"

Crabs looked confused at me then asked, "Do you have the Vikings defense?"

This is where we now find ourselves, Gents. No longer do we even consider the possibility that we could be cheering for a game, unless there are fantasy implications. Despite the fact that we were watching the local team that both Ike and I root for, and said squad was looking very solid against what many considered to be the NFL's best team, it still seemed odd that I was simply cheering as a fan.

We've talked in the past about how, as Vikings fans, we've begun watching the local boys less and less, especially as RedZone came into our lives. And last year, I spent the whole season rooting for them to lose (#SuckForLuck) to boost their draft position and either land Luck/RG3 or to get a massive haul in a trade.

But last season wasn't any fun as a fan.

I don't know how good the Vikings are going to be this year, but here's what I can say...

• They're better than last year; how much better is TBD
• They shored up Left Tackle, which has been a rallying cry of mine for years
• They are getting, at a minimum, solid QB play from a young guy who only projects to get better
• This next year's draft class doesn't look as top-heavy as last season, thus there isn't the Luck-type guy to lose for
• No, Matt Barkley isn't Andrew Luck. He might be Jimmy Clausen...

I'm probably going to go 0-2 this week with my fantasy teams. And I really don't care. I haven't had this much fun watching football, as a fan, in a really long time. 

We haven't touched on the Gophers yet (we will), but between them and the Vikings, this is shaping up to be a very fun football season. 

Kick back and enjoy it, boys. There will always be Fantasy.

The Vikings
Not going to break down X's and O's here and I already went on-and-on, but I'll say this: I wasn't sold on Ponder before this game. Didn't hate him by any means, but I didn't love him either. His stats always seemed better than how he actually played, and Frazier/Musgrave were giving him simple passes to make sure he succeeded. But I couldn't really tell if he was the real deal or not.

After yesterday, I'm ready to roll with him. He looked poised, accurate, and smart. And now we get Jerome Simpson back to help open up the passing game even more. Even when he was pressured yesterday, it seemed like he always made the defense pay.

I'm sure this is overreacting to one game, but this guy is still super young and only going to continue to improve. When's the last time we had a young QB to be excited about? Daunte in 2000?

Admit it... you kinda liked the "get your roll on" thing...

The Gophers
Speaking of "when's the last time...", when's the last time the Gophers had a defense like the one we saw on Saturday? Wow, that was a fun game to watch. Even though the offense struggled to finish drives, the game never really felt in doubt, especially after 'Cuse drove down to the 1-yard line...only to have it end with Gophers blitzing the safety, leading to an awesome INT.

My sources tell me that following that game-changing play, the music operator at The Bank cranked up "Gangnam Style" and the place, specifically the student section went nuts and danced like the Korean guy that sings it. If you're unfamiliar, take a look and imagine The Bank rocking. Awesome moment.



UPDATE: Looks like there is video of UMN Gangnam Style, albeit brief, followed by DJ Kool. Looks awesome. I've not been to a game this festive at The Bank.

Cracker's College Football Corner
With more on this game and the Gophers, I asked Cracker 3 specific questions:

1) Who is the better QB for this team?

Honestly, it doesn't really matter that much and at the same time it depends on the opponent.  Both are capable and both give you different things.  The running game is better with Gray in the game.  Syracuse has been gashed by opponents running games giving up 5.5 yards per carry prior to playing Minnesota.  With Shortell in the game and Kirkwood carrying it we were effective but Kirkwood only averaged 3.5 yards per carry.  Shortell is a much better passer and will give you a more balanced offense that can hit on play action more frequently.  Because of Gray's ability to run though, he probably threatens a defense more because when you can run Power with the QB they need to bring a safety in to the box to match up numbers and that gives WRs the chance to run free.  The problem, as we saw in the UNLV game when Gray missed 4 open WRs for sure TDs as well as a few open ones for first downs, is completing those passes.  The preference of QB really just depends on what kind of gameplan you want (run heavy vs. balanced offense) but either can be effective.  When Gray is back I'd personally like to see a little bit of a mix and match to make it tougher for coaches to game plan against us.  As we saw with Western Michigan, we can adjust our offensive game plan a lot quicker than a defensive coach can adjust his.

2) Rank the B1G Teams, 1-12:

There isn’t a team in the Big Ten without flaws. 

Mark’s Big Ten Power Ranking: 

1. Ohio State (4-0) – In no way do they deserve to be at the top.  However, who does?  They have been somewhat lucky to beat Cal (who lost to a DI-AA team in week 1) and UAB in back-to-back weeks while getting outgained in each them.

2. Nebraska (3-1) – UCLA gashed them and exposed a lack of speed in their defense.  However, how many Big Ten teams actually have the chance to do the same? 

3. Michigan State (3-1) – An elite defense (ranked #6 nationally, #1 in the B1G) coupled with a good running back but offset by no passing game.  At least the defense should keep them in every game. 

4. Northwestern (4-0) – After giving up 41 to Syracuse and winning solely because of special teams and defensive touchdowns the Wildcats defense has shown marked improvement.  They have beaten 3 bad teams from AQ conferences which is a better resume than anyone else in the conference but I still am not totally buying in. 

5. Michigan (2-2) – Losses to Alabama and Notre Dame put the Wolverines at .500.  They're ranked ahead of Purdue solely because it took a -5 turnover ratio to lose to the Irish by 7 whereas Purdue lost by 3 with a -1 turnover ratio.  I just don't see Michigan throwing interceptions on 5 consecutive passes again the rest of the season.  

6. Purdue (2-1) – I have the top bowl eligible team from the Leaders checking in at #7.  Yes, the Leaders appears to be that bad.  Purdue has a strong defense (#17 nationally, #2 in the B1G) which makes them the current favorite to win the B1G Leaders division.  They looked good in a loss to Notre Dame but they have only played 3 games and the other two were to DI-AA Eastern Kentucky and MAC bottom feeder Eastern Michigan so we really don't know much about Purdue. 

7. Minnesota (4-0) – What is this new found thing in Minneapolis?  A defense?  It is still early but the last time the Gophers defense looked this good was 199.  They currently rank #3 in the Big Ten and #21 nationally in defense (by yardage) and are only giving up 16.8 ppg (#31 nationally) or 13.25 ppg in regulation (since college OT can really skew point totals).  They are doing it with a pass rush that averages 2.75 sacks per game (#2 in the B1G) and most importantly they aren't having to blitz to get to the QB because DL Wilhite (4.5 sacks, #1 in the B1G) and Ra'Shede Hageman (#3 sacks, tied for #3 in the B1G) are getting there by themselves.  The pressure has led to 7 interceptions (#7 nationall, #1 in the B1G). 

8. Wisconsin (3-1) – After a couple years with a horseshoe up their *ss, Wisconsin finally appears to be reverting to more reasonable level.  They're lucky to get out of their cakewalk non-conference schedule with only one loss after Utah State missed an easy FG for the win and DI-AA Northern Iowa gave them a scare across the fifty driving for the win in the last two minutes.  Bielema's  

9. Iowa (2-2) – Iowa?  More like lolwa.  They could easily be 1-3 right now.  Who hates Iowa? 

10. Penn State (2-2) – Pretty much what they were last year, solid defense with a miserable ginger for a QB but without Silas Redd or a kicker. 

11. Indiana (2-1) –  They're ranked 11 solely because narrowly losing to Ball State seems better than getting blown out by Louisiana Tech. 

12. Illinois (2-2) – Maybe this should be Indiana or Penn State but when the last thing anybody saw from you is losing 52-24 at home to Louisiana Tech you get the cellar.

3) Without looking, what do you think the line should be for Saturday's game at Iowa?

I already know the line is Iowa -6.  It seems absurd to me that the line would open up that far in their favor.  My opinion has less to do with what Minnesota has done this year, or in our previous two meetings with Iowa, and more to do with Iowa.  With what we have seen from each team this year I would have expected us to be favored on a neutral field so I thought this would open as a pick or within 2 points either way.  Iowa has a good defense but has struggled offensively.  Without even knowing the over/under I would lean toward taking the under in this game with both teams seeming likely to struggle to get points.  Turnovers will be the key and I really like our chances of retaining Floyd.

Well done, Marcus. Appreciate the contribution.

Team Names
Ok, I think I've got this voting thing figured out, but we'll see...

Comments welcomed below. Remember, NO voting for yourself. Honor system, gents. If we don't have our word, we're no different than the animals.

Who had the Best Team Name in Week 3?

Some good choices here, but I had to vote for Michele Bachmann. Had Cracker gone with Skip Bayless instead of Stephen A., I may have switched. But as Minnesotan who usually leans conservative in voting, I can't stand this woman and people who aren't from MN associate her with us, which pisses me right off. She can go ahead and die in a fire.

Note: I had to have someone explain who Honey BooBoo is to me. Upon hearing about her, I could definitely see myself voting for her if I had actually seen the show.

Who had the Worst Team Name in Week 3?
Definitely a couple options here too. I mean Flo? Is she really a celebrity?  And what year is this if we're still making Carrot Top jokes?

But the worst for me, and I'm sure he was striving for this, has to be Parkin's Son. I'm guessing Kenny was going for the shock factor, but the idea was to pick a celebrity you wish would die...not one that actually might very soon.

Moving on to this week, Andy submits this as our topic: Worst BOTT Purchase/Idea From Chapter Meeting.

I like it. Let's put some parameters around this. Since it was near impossible to get anything passed in meetings, let's say this can be something we actually did pass/approve/buy or just an idea that was raised in meeting but was summarily shot or voted down.

Hmmm... a couple ideas come to mind, but seems like there should be some golden options here, so I gotta think on this. The usual discussion at MNF should help jog the memories a little bit...

The Games
Oof... As I mentioned earlier, I'm all but assured to go 0-2 this week in fantasy. My 2 QB's started were Vick and Romo. And something called Mohammed Sanu threw more TD's yesterday than both of them combined. Let's get to it...

Rod vs. JoJo

• Before I whine, let's first get JoJo out of the way because his team really did have a kick ass day. 
• Jamaal Charles just killed me. Goddamn... apparently it's ok to give a RB coming off ACL surgery 40 touches in a game. 288 total yards later and he's still standing.
• Calvin Johnson had 1 catch at halftime, yet ended with 165 yards and a TD. That was a crazy 2nd half, if anyone watched.
• Actually lots of games were nuts yesterday. Chiefs/Saints was goofy as well, and Brees, despite not having a very good real-life game, scored 3 TD's. 
• Ok, let me whine... I had 3 guys going in the early games and all 3 were productive. Yet, 2 of them didn't even make it to halftime before getting injured. Cook and Spiller were both having massive games that were cut short. ROD SAD.
• For the 3rd week (out of 3), I've started the wrong QB. Vick... Fuck him. Can I change my team name to him? He's the celebrity I want to die instead.
• For all my bitching, I actually had a good week and would have beaten just about all you assholes. I'm certainly in line for the Loser Bonus and might even end up the #2 scorer this week. 
• JoJo wins 128-103. Fuck the world.

Crabs vs. Whitebread

• I mean look at these assclowns. Nice battle of the 2-0 teams. Combined your teams scored 4 TD's, and that includes 2 from RG3.
• For Crabs, I mean NOTHING was interesting. Romo sucked. Cruz sucked. Harvin was ok. McFadden busted a long one. AP was ok. Celek sucked (nice work, Vick). Ridley sucked.
• For Whitebread, RG3 = Good. Stevie Johnson was good. Wayne was ok. McCoy disappointed (11 carries, really?). McGahee got hurt and sucked. Mathews returned, but sucked. 
• Congrats. One of you will be 3-0 after today. It will probably be Cracker. He trails 77-74 but has Packers D and Finley going tonight. 
• This seems like a good time to point out that Cracker's only had 247 points scored against him thru 3 weeks, whereas I've had 325 scored against me. 

Kenny vs. Dallus

• Another guy jewing his way up the standings: Kenny. Currently has only 241 scored against him, although his opponent isn't done yet this week. 
• Kenny picked up Andy Dalton and temporarily had him in his starting lineup this weekend. I thought that was nuts to bench Brady in favor of Ferguson from Clarissa Explains It All, but it proved to be the right decision. 
• Except Kenny caved. Not sure when it happened, but he ended up putting Brady in there. Not the worst result, just 6 less points. 
• The Bears D was huge for Kenny: 23 points. His biggest contributor so far...
• Dallus continues to hitch his wagons to Chris Johnson. Thus far his wagons have only moved like 50 yards on the season.
• Cam Newton sucked last Thursday, and thus Steve Smith had only an ok day. The downside of doubling down on a passing connection.
• Dallus' best player is Jason Hanson. 
• Kenny leads 88-64. He still has Jordy and Mason Crosby yet to go. Dallus counters with Marshawn. Barring some sort of a Skittles Miracle, Kenny will be the league's worst 2-1 team tomorrow.

Coconuts vs. Crapswell

• Former roommates. They shared the same women. Now they share the same record: 0-2. 
• Juan jumped out to a huge lead here. He had both Eli and the latest phenom Andre Brown going last Wednesday.
• Then early Sunday, AJ Green scores a long one and it looks like Juan is going to run away with this one. 
• And then his team didn't score again.
• Andy had a bunch of injuries and scrambled over the weekend to fill a roster. His team scored one TD.
• BUT... he still does have Aaron Rodgers going tonight. Down 91-55, it's a tall task but if there was one player you'd want, it'd have to be Rodgers. 

Ned vs. Gow

• Another craptastic battle that will result in a gift win for somebody.
• Let's start with Ned... what the hell has happened to Matthew Stafford? Shaun Hill threw 2 TD's in 18 seconds. Stafford had 1.
• TD's actually saved Ned from a horrible day. Andre Johnson, BJGE, Owen Daniels, Jets D - ALL of them would have had bad days without the touchdowns. His score could have easily been sub-50 pts. 
• Gow started 2 of his 3 Ravens and he should have just started them all. 
• Flacco got him 26, Ray Rice 21... and had he started the grieving Torrey Smith, he would have net him 25. 
• Any non-Ravens that he started were terrible. Plain and simple.
• Gow can somehow pull out a win tonight with just 6 more points, trailing 73-79.
• He has CedBen and Sid Rice going tonight, so it's definitely going to happen. With those guys playing, there is no need to even questions any alternatives. CedBen and Sid Rice not only are the healthiest and most reliable of guys, but true STUDS. The only real question is how much does Gow win the Points Bonus by? 
• Congrats to Gow. Gow wins. Tomorrow Gow is 2-1.

Tonight
Let's first start by addressing last week...

With lots of people having kids in the last year, Cracker rubbing elbows with Norwood Teague, and Ned doing "Ned things", Gow was the only person available for MNF last week. He did not attend. Boy, he should have...

If you missed last week, the 1st Quarter was at least an hour. It was a crazy combination of turnovers, scoring, challenges, injuries, and just a trainwreck of officiating.

It all came to a head as there was a fight on the field and all kinds of shit the refs took 8-10 minutes to figure out. All the while there was 0:02 on the clock, and I can only imagine the insane climax at Sally's  that we missed out on...

So basically, that was the 1st Quarter we've been waiting 8 seasons for... and no one was there to take it in. Shame on all of us.

Alas, the beat goes on. Tonight features our favorite team to root against, The Green Bay Packers, against a team QB'd by a guy who I hated last year because he shouldn't have even been allowed to be on my most hated team, Wisconsin. That's the long way of saying the Seahawks, which have Russell Wilson as QB.

I'm still not a fan of Wilson, but I hate the Packers, specifically Packers fans.

There will be plenty of these dickheads in attendance tonight. Let's not forget, it was a magical Packer MNF loss that gave us the "YOU SHUT UP!" line from the gentleman we lovingly referred to as "Alabama Bangs".

I'll be there around 7:15pm. If you can get there sooner, please do so.

Enjoy the game, boys.