FINAL Power Rankings

Gentlemen,

There's a lot to get to here, so let's not waste time...

Total Points Scored

Total Points Against

Above are your full-season Total Points Scored & Against. There may be a few discrepancies with these numbers and Yahoo as I have not included the scoring changes from the past few weeks. As a reminder, these numbers are just the data used to build the analysis.

Also before we get to the Rankings, below are the current Payouts-to-Date for this season.

Payouts-to-Date

There is still $700 to be won via 1st, 2nd, and 3rd Place. The bottom 4 are highlighted because their final place in the standings is locked, regardless of what happens in the consolation.

Alright, let's get to the rankings:

Power Ranking

The best team from the 2014 regular season was Dick Dallus. I know not everyone looks at these numbers every week like me, but Gow was in the #1 spot for quite a while, and only finally relinquished it in the last week.

I can also say that the group at the top tightened up quite a bit in the last month. There was a time when Dallus/Gow were both running away from the pack, but that is no longer the case.

All-Play Record

The All-Play record is the same rankings in a different format, showing what records would be if every team played all opponents every week. You can see that we actually had two ties: 3rd Place (Bill and me) and 6th Place (Kenni and Ned).

What's fairly remarkable about these numbers this year is their general consistency with the final standings. Bill and me are actually a little better than where we ended and Andy/Kenni are a little worse, but we all made the playoffs.

There really isn't anyone that should have been in that isn't, and vice versa. Ned could have an argument, but he was tied for 6th which puts him squarely on the bubble... and that's where he found himself in the last week.

The bottom 3 teams were all much worse than the rest of the league, and each was on their own level. To provide some context, the worse team in our league last year was Ned, who scored a 6.23 on the Power Rankings.

So Crabs had a below average year at 6.46, which would have made him the worst team last year - this year he was 8th.

Whitebread had just a terrible year: 7.15 ties what had previously been the worst team since I started tracking these numbers. Coincidentally, that was Whitey's own record back in 2012.

But Coconuts... my oh my. EIGHT POINT ONE FIVE. That means that on average, he was WORSE than the 3rd worst weekly scorer. Coconuts only had one week when he was in the top half of weekly scorers, which happened to be Week 1. Since then he's always been in the bottom half, and 10 of those weeks he's been in the bottom 3. We really have not given the proper credit to him for how historically bad his team was. We will likely never see a team this bad ever again.

Now... I'm having fun, but context certainly needs to be considered here. Both Whitey and Coconuts mortgaged most of their core players with three weeks left and that plays a role in these numbers. But just a small one...

Strength of Schedule

Lastly, your strength of schedule. Again, a late change at the top as Coconuts overtook me (when I had lead this basically all season) in the final week.

Nothing too notable here, other than (to no one's surprise) Kenni finds good fortune with easy schedule once again. He no doubt is grinning from ear to jewish ear reading this.

One more thing...
I did one more special thing for the year-end: I made dot plots for each team based on their Power Rankings.

They're fairly simple, but here's how to read them: the x-axis is Weekly Rank, and the dots represent the number of times you finished in that spot. For example, if you were Top Point Scorer twice, you should have 2 dots over the 1. So good teams will have dots on the left, and bad teams on the right.

Enjoy.

Monday Update: What You Play For

Gentlemen,

That is such a great speech in the middle of a really dumb movie.

THAT'S GONNA MAKE THE FUCKIN' DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WINNING AND LOSING, BETWEEN LIVING AND DYING!

The time is finally here. The playoffs are about to begin. The entire season is a precursor, a demanding trial for the right to be here right now. Everything that has happened the previous 13 weeks no longer matters. It was simply prerequisite for the right to play this week.

If you can muster up 3 more wins (or in Gow/Dallus case, just 2), you will earn the right to be called "champion". Your name will be engraved on the trophy (which will one day be purchased...) and it can never be removed.

Can you feel the excitement???

Now... four of you are no longer with us, some mercifully thankful to be done. That is the cost of the regular season - 4 teams do not earn this chance. And that makes this a sad day for us all. Not only have we lost 4 brethren, but it means the end is very near for us all as well.

Coconuts*, Whitebread**, Crabs, and Titwarmer*** - your season ends today. Godspeed.

* Coconuts is your winner of the L'Ass'T Place Trophy. After being in the Championship game for the past 2 seasons, Coconuts is back in familiar territory. I believe this is his third or fourth L'Ass'T Place. How do you feel about that Juan?

** There was a time when I thought one of the stronger fantasy players in our league was Whitebread. He claims a championship from before this league was formed. He had probably the best team I ever saw lose to Mark Brunell. He was a mainstay in the postseason. When he spoke, he seemed to know what he was talking about... But right now, that is all ancient history. The last time Cracker made the playoffs was 2009 - the year Obama was inaugurated and that dude landed a plan on the Hudson. Make sure you remind him of that when he's cocking off at next year's draft.

*** There still exists a very small chance that Ned slips in. This would involve Gow picking up a WR in tonight's game and said player scoring 26 points. Gow has already told me he's not going to do so, but want to be transparent about this.

For the rest of you... this is what we play for. As Mike Tice once said, "Enjoy the season." Only one of us is going to win this thing. But we made it this far. If you can't have fun playing this game with the elevated stakes, then why play?

Good luck to you all, except whoever plays me. I hope your team dies in a fiery plane crash.

Yes, all of them. Separate plane crashes. Not a terrorist attack, just coincidental terrible piloting decisions.

And any players that I have on said planes are still ok. Really flukey.

Please note: the GIF above is actually a test plane, intended to crash. I actually googled "Fiery plane" to see what was out there. It turns out there's a lot. But when you watch them, they are definitely not what I would deem to be "funny" considering ... you know ... people are dying.

Ok I only hope all your players get seriously injured in said plane crashes.

The Games
NOTE: I'm going to do a playoff preview tomorrow or Wednesday, touching on each team. It will also include full-season Power Rankings. Because of this, I don't want to get too much into projected playoff stuff here. Just a review of the regular season finale.

Jerks (147.44) defeats Gow (121.56), or does he? Gow benched Roddy yesterday when news broke that he was OUT. That allows him the opportunity to swap anyone on his bench for a WR playing tonight, if we wants. The only available WR projected to score more than 0.0pts is Brian Hartline. Assuming this result holds, it will have saved my season and put me in the final playoff spot. Gow has the #1 seed locked up.

Crabs (112.46) currently leads Titwarmer (105.34), a result likely to change after tonight. Ned still has Tannehill and Wallace playing tonight, while Crabs has something called Caleb Sturgis. Ned is an 84% favorite, which if all results hold would make him the first above-.500 team to NOT make the postseason since we went to 6 teams.

Crapswell (150.82) edges Dallus (140.20) in matchup the featured two destined playoff teams. This could very likely be a preview of a semifinal next week. Andy has quietly built himself into a serious contender.

Also, rumor has it Andy was texting Gow trying to convince him to pick someone up to knock me out of the playoffs. Hey Andy...

Fredricks (177.90) destroys Coconuts (94.54), mercifully putting him out of his 2014 FF misery. Juan got 40 points from DeAnde Hopkins and still managed to be nowhere near close to winning. Bill has an outside chance to hit 200pts, which would be the highest single-week total of the season.

Kenni (123.06) leads Whitebread (102.88). Whitebread still has Chris Ivory playing tonight, but Yahoo calls this one 99% for Kenni. I do not agree with those odds, although I still think Kenni is the favorite. Should Whitey actually pull this out, Kenni would fall down to the 6th seed.

Tomorrow's Standings

Should Yahoo's projections hold, here would be the final regular season standings:

Place	Team	Record
1st	Gow	9-4
2nd	Dallus	8-5
3rd	Crapswell	8-5
4th	Kenni	8-5
5th	Fredricks	7-6
6th	Jerks	7-6
7th	Titwarmer	7-6
8th	Crabs	5-8
9th	Whitebread	3-10
10th	Coconuts	3-10

I just want to point out a couple teams here... At separate points throughout the season:

• Bill was 1-5
• Andy was 2-4
• Ned was 2-6

Every season I stress the importance of not giving up, continuing to fight, and playing to the last game - this is why. Teams and seasons do get turned around. What looks bleak midway through the season does become an afterthought come playoffs. Remember this next season when your team sucks in Week 6 and you're considering a fire sale...

Tonight

I look forward to the texts about where people are meeting.

Spoiler alert: you're meeting at BWW.

Enjoy the game, boys.

Monday Update: Final Standings & FF Playoffs

Gentlemen,

First day back in the office in over a week and lots to do, so I'm just doing the bare bones here. If Coconuts wants to brag, gloat, or call more attention to his Championship victory, he'll have to write his own blog post. 

Here's the final standings with $ that will be paid out via LeagueSafe shortly:

PLACE	TEAM	PRIZE $	POINTS $	LOSER $	EMPIRE $	TOTAL $
1st	Juan Coconuts	$400	$15	$10		$425
2nd	Andy Crapswell	$200	$30			$230
3rd	Rod Jerks	$100	$15	$5	$40	$160
4th	Kenni Hana		$30			$30
5th	NooShoo Gow		$15	$5		$20
6th	Ned Titwarmer			$5		$5
7th	Marcus Whitebread		$30	$10		$40
8th	Bill Fredricks		$45			$45
9th	Ike Crabs		$15	$15		$30
10th	Dick Dallus			$15		$15
						$1,000

The Empire $ is not being awarded to me, but it needs to carry over to next season. Thus, I'm awarding to myself and going to keep it in my LeagueSafe account until the 2014 season. My entry fee next year will be $140, and I believe we can set it up as an Empire League that will have a separate pool for carryover money each year. 

The only person that can win that money next season (which will be $80 at that point) is Juan Coconuts. He's officially Public Enemy #1. I look forward to us all ganging-up on him at the draft.

The Champions

I officially started this league in 2005 and we just now completed our 9th season, which means we've had 9 champions. Here they are:

2005 - Dick Dallus

2006 - NooShoo Gow

2007 - Bill Fredricks

2008 - Kenni Hana

2009 - Ike Crabs

2010 - Ike Crabs

2011 - Rod Jerks

2012 - Rod Jerks

2013 - JUAN COCONUTS!

Whenever we get a trophy, which hopefully will happen this offseason, these are the names that will be printed on it. Congratulations to Juan.

The list of those yet to win: 

• Andy Crapswell (Oh so close...)
• Marcus Whitebread (Mark Brunell's 5 TD's)
• Ned Titwarmer (Brian Westbrook's laydown)

Playoffs (INPUT NEEDED)

There has been some discussion about reformatting our current playoff setup - I'm up for whatever, but we need to figure this out quickly.

As a reminder, our typical playoff format allows you to submit as many teams as you're willing to pay for, similar to brackets for March Madness. Different combinations of players (1 from each team) filling out a roster of 2 QB, 4 RB, 4 WR/TE, 2 K. 

• Some have complained that this really comes down to submitting the most teams. While this isn't exactly true, it certainly does help your odds to submit multiple entries. And the more you submit, the better your chances.
• Some have also simply requested to "mix it up", both with our actual league and playoffs. We can debate our league another day, but I'm certainly willing to mix up the playoff format if the league desires to do so.

The option I would propose as an alternative actually mirrors our regular season league. We would have a draft, probably via email over a couple days, fill out individual rosters (we can determine size), and each player only gets drafted once. 

• The draft would be fun because it not only factors in taking the best players, but also the ones that you believe will advance and play the most games. 
• Personally, I want to try this, but we need everyone on board. Especially to keep the draft moving...

Would love your thoughts in the comments. We need everyone to chime in, if not below then via text. If we decide to go the second route, I'll draw names and we can start the draft today.

Finally

Not sure when my next post will be... I'll try to keep an update on here for the Playoff FF, whatever format we choose.

But in the meantime, thanks for another awesome season. You all know I dig Fantasy Football more than most, but I wouldn't like it this much if we all didn't participate to the level we do. I know lots of people that have not kept in touch with their college buddies as much as we have, and I feel like this league gives us a reason to do so... And as your commissioner, that makes me feel like a proud papa. 

Not to get all sentimental, but I really love this league and look forward to continuing on as your commish for many years to comes, hopefully with this exact same group of guys. 

And a special thanks to those that began their blogging career this season. I think Bottball stepped up to a new level this year, and hope to have it continue even more next season. We need to figure out different posts to have during the offseason...

Anyway, getting long-winded here... You guys are the best. Love you all.

Keep on keepin' on, boys.

Monday Update: A New Champion Will Be Crowned

Gentlemen,

For the first time since this blog began, there will be a Week 16 Championship that won't include me. I know this sounds like #FirstWorldFFProblems, but I'm still sad about it.

Monday Update: Prepare to be Disappointed

Gentlemen,

Very busy day today. And didn't get home til late yesterday. So, not a whole lot of goodies today...

The Games

Andy Crapswell (57.20) vs. Ned Titwarmer (65.92)

• Ned leads, but don't let that fool you. He is done. With 66 points... much to the chagrin of the teams left out of the playoffs.
• Andy's highest scoring player is currently Charles Clay. That should be a damning sentence, but it's actually not...
• Andy need a combined 9 points from McCown, Forte, Murray, and Bailey. I don't even think jinxing is possible. Andy is a 99% favorite on Yahoo.

Juan Coconuts (109.12) vs. NooShoo Gow (78.78)

• A surprisingly competitive match between two teams with negative-scoring Defenses. 
• Juan got quite the boost from Brady with 2 TD's in about a minute. And every player on his team thus far has scored a TD.
• Meanwhile Gow also produced a strong week despite starting Alex Smith and losing Gronk. Still, he has an uphill battle tonight.
• Juan has Alshon. Gow has Dez and Bob Gould. While I do think Juan is the favorite, I think Yahoo's 92% projection seems a little high.

Per Yahoo's projections, next week's semifinals will be:

• Juan Coconuts (4) vs. Kenni Hana (1)
• Andy Crapswell (3) vs. Rod Jerks (2)

Both Juan and Andy have not won the title before, and combined they have just one Championship appearance (Juan in 2012). They will be the sentimental favorites.

Tonight

I'll be there. Probably not staying for the whole game, but I'll be there hopefully long enough to watch Jeffrey and Dez score 18 points combined (Dad's league). 

Juan, Gow, Andy, Ed:  two of you will be finished after tonight. I expect to see you all there. It's been a pleasure.

See you tonight, dudes.

WEDNESDAY Update: One Final Look Back

Gentlemen,

While this post is belated, I don't want to spend it looking forward... That is another post for another day.

Today: we lament.

Monday Update: Last Call

Gentlemen,

Late flight back to good ol' Minnesota yesterday, and I didn't work at all last night on the Update.

Thus, you get the info, but not the funnies today.

My apologies... I did have to get some work done.

The Games

Kenni Hana (79.58) vs. Bill Fredricks (53.70) 

• Kenni continues to J his way to the top. He could very likely be alone in 1st place tomorrow, and at the very least will be tied for the top spot.
• Between these 2 teams, they started a combined NINE players that scored less than 5 points. Yes someone gets to win. Of course it's Kenni.
• Nice week, Bill.

Dick Dallus (92.80) vs. Ned Titwarmer (67.02)

• Ned was riding high just a month ago, looking like a favorite for a playoff bye. After losing 4 in a row, he's now at risk of not making it in...
• Meanwhile, someone break up Dallus! The newlywed is going to be fighting for that final spot next week, and he could very well knock Ned out to claim it.
• Regarding the actual players, both of Ned's RBs scored negative points. I'm pretty sure that's never happened before and is likely to never be repeated. 
• Dallus' team is red hot, scoring 6 TD's and he still has RG3 going tonight. He's the favorite for this week's Points Bonus.

Marcus Whitebread (100.96) vs. Ike Crabs (78.88)

• It's pretty comical that this is one of Cracker's best teams in the past few seasons, and he still could legitimately finish last...
• Meanwhile Crabs could have scored 139 points (with Davis still to play), and yet he sits there right now at 79... Rivers (28), Wallace (19), SJax (14), and Cardinal D (13) all on the bench.
• Interesting match here... Crabs needs to win to keep any slim playoffs hope alive. He has a legit shot with Alf Mo and VDavis. Whitebread counters with 49ers D.
• Whitebread is a 70% favorite, according to Yahoo.

Juan Coconuts (105.46) vs. NooShoo Gow (62.90)

• Very important matchup here... coming into this week, these were the #6 and #7 teams in the standings, meaning only one of them would make it in, at that point.
• Juan has put up one of his stronger scores of the year, but Gow is still in it...barely.
• Gow is pushing for lots of SF scores tonight as he has both Kaepernick and Gore, and needs 43 points between the. 
• Juan is an 80% favorite to win, but you know he'll be sweating if Kap throws a TD to Gore in the 1st Q.

Rod Jerks (86.68) vs. Andy Crapswell (78.22)

• If you had told me last week, I'd be up 8 going into MNF, I'd have been thrilled. 
• If you had told me yesterday at 7pm, I'd be up 8 going into MNF, I'd have asked 'How...unless Moreno gets 37 carries?' 
• Oh.
• FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. 
• God fucking dammit. Fuck you Welker, you fucking droptastic cuntbag. And Peyton too, you gimpy, spastic, suckass in the cold. Move the goddamn ball by passing once in a while.
• My team wasn't particulary strong this week, but Andy's was ass-tastic until last night. And now he's favored to win with Garcon going. I'll explain shortly why this sucks even more than usual.
• Andy is officially a 58% favorite to win. 

Looking Ahead

Here's a look at tomorrow's standings, assuming the favorites win:

Place	Team	Record
1st	Kenni Hana	9-3
2nd	Andy Crapswell	8-4
3rd	Rod Jerks	8-4
4th	Juan Coconuts	6-6
5th	Ned Titwarmer	6-6
6th	Bill Fredricks	5-7
7th	Dick Dallus	5-7
8th	NooShoo Gow	5-7
9th	Marcus Whitebread	4-8
10th	Ike Crabs	4-8

A loss to Andy suddenly knocks me out of a 1st Round bye position. We still have one week, left, but suddenly I'm on the outside-looking-in. I know no one cares about this, but it really pisses me off. All because of stupid Knowshon Moreno and his amazing career game.

Nice job, Del Rio. Way to give your injury-prone RB a million carries. Oh, whaddya know??? He fucking left the game on crutches. Great coaching, asshat.

If by some miracle, Garcon doesn't get Andy his 8 points tonight, Kenni and I would both be 9-3 and have 1st Round byes locked up. So Kenni, you should be rooting for me!!!

Going deeper into the standings, we see Juan Coconuts is all but assured a playoff spot, assuming his lead holds tonight. Given his point total, a whole lot would have to go wrong next week for him to not make it.

On the other hand, there is a legit scenario where Ned doesn't make it if he loses next week. Bill certainly has him beat in points, and Dallus also will after tonight. 

Whitebread is out of the basement, at least for this week. If he wins next week, he gets to officially save himself of L'Ass't place... that honor will go to Crabs.

Oh... and FUCK YOU KENNI.

Week 13 Schedule

• Rod Jerks vs. Marcus Whitebread
• Ned Titwarmer vs. Andy Crapswell
• Dick Dallus vs. Kenni Hana
• Juan Coconuts vs. Ike Crabs
• Bill Fredricks vs. NooShoo Gow

That last matchup might be most crucial, certainly for the teams involved. Both Gow and Bill will (likely) be 5-7. Bill should earn a spot with a win. Gow will need win, plus some help.

Ned may need to be Andy to save his season. Andy will be fighting for a bye.

I'll be taking on the guy I've been ragging for weeks... You know, the one tied for last with the most points in the league. 

Dallus hasn't made the playoffs in quite some time. He'll have to avoid the Kenni J-ish luck to do so.

Juan plays Ike in a match that likely can't change the fate of either. Juan will be in. Ike will be out.

Tonight

I won't be there. I'll be on a dumbass conference call with my Management and Organizational Behavior group. 

And then I'll be watching intently, hoping/praying Pierre Garcon does not get 8 fantasy points. I don't root for injuries, but if he happened to get hurt, I'll probably look like this...

Enjoy the game, boys. See you next week. 

Monday Update: Running Out of Time

Gentlemen,

There is only 2 weeks left of the Fantasy Football regular season. No matter how your team is doing, let that sink in...

Friday Night Update: Enjoy(ed) the Season

Gentlemen,

Monday was Christmas Eve. Tuesday was Christmas. I was in Iowa for the majority of this week, and haven't seen a day of work since Dec 20. All of these things contributed to the reason there hasn't been a meaningful post in about a week and a half.

And in that time, our FF season has ended.

Let's just get the obvious out of the way: I win. Back-to-back championships for yours truly. Life is good.

I don't know exactly what the proper response should be. I'm incredibly elated, but I also want to remain humble. I don't want to pull a Red Sox fan and become an obnoxious, arrogant dick, but I also don't want to downplay the significance of winning this...because as you all know, I care way too much about this stuff. And I know for many of you, winning would be a very big deal. And to act like it isn't is just as annoying.

So, what I'm going to do throughout the rest of the post is just slip in various visual representations of how good it feels to be the Champ. Starting now:

Championship Recap
This is almost a week old now, but just so we put a bow on this whole thing, let's review:

Jerks vs. Coconuts

• The week began on Saturday night, and to be honest, it went about as well as I could have hoped. Ryan threw four TD's, one to Julio, while Michael Turner continued to do what he did all year: suck. 
• The Falcons actually got down to the 1-yard line and I figured Turner would get his typical Jewish TD to save his fantasy day, as he had so many times this season, but instead Ryan threw on 1st Down to some no-name TE for his 4th TD. 
• It was that sequence that lead to the following text messages from Juan:
• "Matt Ryan can suck my dick!"
• "Fucking greedy cock gobbler"
• "I can't wait to watch Atlanta lose in the playoffs because they refuse to have anything resembling a running game."
• So there you go... Coconuts = not an ATL fan.
• Every single one of Juan's players played at Noon on Sunday, which I normally hate when it's my team. I would still have Pitta and Demaryius going during the 3pm games as my last line of defense. 
• Despite a lead of about 37 points after Saturday, Juan slowly and steadily scratched and clawed his way back. 
• Lead by Dez Bryant, who posted the highest point total from a WR this season, Juan actually took the lead temporarily around 3pm on Sunday, as a number of the games went into OT.
• Around the same time, Tennessee scored a garage-time TD, which isn't a big deal for anyone, except for those owning the GB defense, which lost me about 6 points. At that point, Juan took about a 10-point lead.
• Arian Foster did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING all day. It's easy to not really care about this now, but at the time, he was KILLING my fantasy team, when I just needed a normal day from him. Making it harder was how torn I was, as it was the Vikings shutting him down, which was pretty awesome to see.
• CIN-PIT went into OT, and yet I somehow managed to dodge any big game from Dalton and AJ Green. As we look at this now, this was really the biggest difference in the matchup. Juan really got nothing from his QB. And although he didn't have a bad day per se, Green's game had to be disappointing considering how well he played all season.
• Earlier in the week, after I decided to backup Matt Ryan with 3 QB's, he texted me "How come you snatched up all those QB's?" I responded "Because I like them". Truth be told, I wasn't lying - I did like them. I liked them all a lot more than Dalton and Eli, and I didn't want any of them going against me. Russell Wilson especially scared me, after his crazy 1st Half against BUF. Not sure if Juan would have actually picked him up and played him, but if he had, he's be Champion right now and this post would have a much different tone to it. 
• Back to the recap, about 8 minutes after Juan took that lead, AJ Green fumbled and Demaryius Thomas had about 50 yards receiving and a TD on DEN's opening drive, and I took the lead back by about a point. At that point, Juan only had Dez Bryant still playing (in OT) and that game was nearly over. I received this text: "You seem to have a horseshoe up your ass this week". 
• Horseshoe or not, the Noon games ended and I had a narrow lead with 2 guys just beginning their afternoon. After Thomas' big first drive, he didn't do a ton more. Nor did Pitta. Both got about 5 points each from that point on, but it was all just cushion against any potential stat changes. At that point, I had already won.
• Juan sent a concession text at 8:27pm: "Well, congrats. The QB was my Achilles all year and it killed me this week." Don't hang your head, Juan. You have much to be proud of this season.
• Honestly, Juan got a big day from Dez, but didn't get a TD from anyone else other than Colts D. He put up a pretty huge score for a team that didn't get in the end zone. If he had even one more TD, this could have been a lot different. 
• To get so close, to taste a potential championship, and have it taken away from you... I've been there. And it only makes you want it that much more. My guess is Juan comes back next year more motivated, more knowledgeable than he have ever seen him. 
• Congrats to him, to Andy for his 3rd place showing, and especially... to me. Back-to-back, baby.

The Money

So let's talk brass tax. All the money has been awarded. Here is how it all will pay out:

I'll be submitting this through LeagueSafe shortly. 

Be sure to send Whitebread a "thank you" card for his donation. I wonder if he'll report this as charitable giving on his taxes. 

The Champions

I started this league in 2005, so we've just now completed our 8th season. That means there has been 8 champions. Here they are:

2005 - Dick Dallus

2006 - NooShoo Gow

2007 - Bill Fredricks

2008 - Kenny Hana

2009 - Ike Crabs

2010 - Ike Crabs

2011 - Rod Jerks

2012 - Rod Jerks

Merry Christmas, gents

That's it, boys. That's the list. Six different people have won eight total championships. We had five different winners through the first five seasons, yet we've now had two back-to-back winners in the past four seasons. The list of those yet to put their name on the trophy is: Ned, Whitebread, Crapswell, and Coconuts. 

Cracker claims to have won a championship, and he did, but that league was much different and wasn't organized by me. I went back and looked at it, and that league included Thieling, Lunas, Zamzow, Wade, and Weedman. Quite the murderer's row of FF Managers there, Whitebread. 

The Vikings

Well... somehow, someway, we find ourselves here. One win away from the playoffs, controlling our own destiny, at home, against the Pack. If I wasn't a Vikings fan, I would be super excited to watch this game. However, having a stake in this match makes me nervous as hell. 

I, like most, did not see that game against Houston coming. I certainly thought an upset was possible, but I didn't foresee that dominant performance, not on the road against the #1 seed in the AFC. Being just a fan of the team, it was pretty damn awesome to watch.

So now, GB comes to town. And suddenly this game seems even harder than the one we just won. Rodgers always seems to light us up, but even more so in the Dome. And Ponder still hasn't shown anything that inspires much confidence. 

Defense need to continue doing what they're doing. AP needs to keep doing what he's been doing. And Ponder needs to have his best day as a pro. With all of this happening, we have a chance. In a bizarre way, I'd feel more comfortable if this game was in Lambeau. Rodgers is just so damn good indoors.

But let's enjoy it. Most all of us doubted this team all season and they've surprised us more times than not. They looked dead in the water at 6-6, yet here we are, 9-6 and all that stands between us and the postseason is our most hated rival. 

If I can try to not be anxious, this game should be a lot of fun. 

And I don't have to worry about anything fantasy-wise... because I won.

The Gophers

As I've been typing this, the Gophers just gave up 10 points in the last 2 minutes to lose to Texas Tech by 3 in their low level bowl game. Classic Gophers.

I'm not even going to comment. We all saw this coming. And if you didn't, then God bless you for your optimism. 

The basketball team plays Monday against Michigan State. That game matters a hell of a lot more than this collapse I just watched. Tune in and let's hope the karma doesn't carry over.

#Fuck

Team Names

I'm not going to do a poll for the four of us that actually participated. All I'm going to say is this:

As Crapswell points out, the time is NOW to change your team name for whatever you want it to be in the historical records. You can certainly leave it as Eli Manning or Highway Construction, if you wish, but now is the time to log something a little funnier, if you wish. 

If you refuse, I really don't care. I've already changed mine to Back-to-Back Champ.

Playoff FF

I'll be organizing the usual Playoff FF tournament, for those interested (P.S. You all better be interested). We can do the standard version we always do, or we can actually do a playoff draft if you'd like. I can organize either way, but let me know where the interest lies.

For now, just enjoy watching a week of football as a fan, and nothing more. It's a good week to be one.

The Rest

Gents, it's been a fun season. As I've lamented on previous posts, regardless of the outcome, it's always a sad day when this league ends. 

It's also been a tiring season...at least for me. Going through this for the first time as a dad, I have a newfound respect and understanding for all the parents out there. Finding any time to just watch football is difficult, and that doesn't even touch on the blog. And next year, I'll be a grad student, on top of a dad, and corporate stooge.

I worked many late nights and over some busy workdays to make sure I got the weekly updates out to y'all. Some may call that stupid. Others may call it dedication. Either way, I'm calling it enough. 

Trust me, this isn't some guilt trip to try and get everyone to comment more (although that would be nice). No, I'm just relieving myself of blogging duties. This doesn't mean there still won't be Monday Updates next year. I'm sure there will be. But they won't be every week, and they won't be very long. 

Honestly, they'll probably look a lot different, and maybe it will become a bunch of mini-posts rather than one big one. I don't know. We'll see what happens.

And I think this is a good thing for a number of reasons, the biggest one being my proposed use of the blog as we move forward: it's yours. I've captained this ship on my own for long enough. I'll still be posting here and there because I won't be able to cut the cord, but I've decided you all should be able to as well.

As of now, I'm providing author rights to everyone (or as soon as I can figure out how to do so). You guys are actually funny, and even if you aren't, we'll let you know and that will be funny. 

I'm hoping that by doing this, the blog will become more of a destination, and not just on Mondays. I know it will be one of my frequent stops to see what old picture Crapswell is posting, or what Twins prospects Whitebread is musing over, or reviewing the Final Gow Mock Draft in April . I don't think the blog as to be restricted to just FF, and I hope it isn't. I see it more as an extension of the MNF conversations that everyone is not always able to attend. I see it as a way for us all to communicate, interact, and stay in touch even more.

Anyway, it's been a fun ride and I'm genuinely looking forward to see where you all take Bottball to in the future. Have fun, don't be shy, and let's support each other. 

Look at it this way... since I started writing the blog, I've only known FF Championships. Someone else should get the blogging karma on their side.

I want to thank you all for a great season. It's been fun and I can't wait until August. 

And with that... I'll be Gangnam Styling my way down the road. #Championship

Monday Update: At Season's End

Gentlemen,

Well, here we are. One more week, and then we put a bow on the 2012 BOTT Fantasy Football season. There will certainly be the NFL Playoffs version, as always, but that's really just a way to try and make up some of the money you lost, or spend the money you just won. In either case, it's not quite the same.

A week from tomorrow is Christmas Eve. It also happens to be the first day, in a little over four months, where you won't have a Fantasy Football team to manage anymore. And yes, I realize for some of you, that day has already passed. It's a sad day. It's one I never look forward to... even last season, when I actually won the Championship, I felt 1) Relieved that I didn't blow it, and 2) Sad that is was over.

I've said it many times before, and I will once again: I love this game. This stupid, unimportant, make-believe, stress-filled, wreck of a game. I just love it. And it saddens me every year when it leaves us.

I'm fortunate enough to be playing in Week 16 next week, but any excitement I have is tempered knowing that one way or another, it will be my last.

And with that... let's get it on.

The Games
I realize there were other games being played yesterday, but I'm really not sure what was at stake in them. If you feel I robbed you of a headline, feel free to share in the comments.

Coconuts vs. Gow

• This was one of those matchups where everyone watching says one of two things: Either "Why didn't [insert either team manager] suck against me??" or "[insert winning team] is so fucking lucky. [insert future opponent of winner] will destroy them next week."
• I think subconsciously we all like to see the playoff teams perform even stronger in the playoffs, as some sort of justification why they are there. Matchups like this, fair or not, begin to erode certain teams perceptions. 
• Let's take a look at Coconuts:

• It's worth noting that 81 points was his low water mark of the entire season. Prior to this, his lowest score was 90. 
• It's rare you see any team win when their QB gets 2.4 points, but even more so in the playoffs. And 0.3 from Ridley... I mean, it's crazy that this was a winning squad. 
• And even his WR's... they were decent, but these are 3 of the Top-5 WR's for the season, and they all had fairly quiet weeks. 
• Let's be honest - his hero yesterday was Janikowski, hands-down. 20 points from your kicker? I'm not doing the research, but that has the be the highest of any kicker on the season. 
• Even with that extra boost, he still only scored 81 points, but...

• ...Gow's team was that much worse. 
• Cam was fine, but not otherworldly, as he had been. 
• I had thought Bryce Brown could be a guy to carry Gow to a Championship. Instead, he really sunk him 2 weeks in a row. 
• He really had very little of his players even show up. Less than 5 points from five different guys, including two goose eggs. 
• Seriously...68 points, in the playoffs. This was a team that scored 154 points last week. Quite the dropoff.
• Fantasy football is a funny game. And I'll be the first one to say no one should ever have to apologize for who they played, and/or how they won. As Paul Newman said, "the balls roll funny for everybody, kid." Juan and Gow earned the right to be in this matchup, and however it results doesn't change that. 
• So Juan scores his lowest total of the season and moves on to his first Championship matchup. Congrats to him on exercising many FF demons this season. 

Jerks vs. Crapswell

• For all the talk about jinxing, Dirxing, un-jinxing, etc., I really don't buy into much of that. What I do believe in is Fantasy Karma, and like in any sport, not celebrating until the final second ticks off the clock. 
• Andy can say what he wants about me trying to jinx him, but anything I wrote/sent to him was 100% honest and he was the one initiating the jinxing in the first place. He texted me Saturday saying, in reference to him stopping by my home on Sunday:
• ANDY: "I figured we could watch me lose together." 
• ROD: "I'm not so sure you're losing to me."
• A: "Stop trying to unjinx yourself."
• R: " No unjinxing... Just saying I'm nervous..."
• ...which I truly was. The next morning, between 11am and Noon, I changed my lineup probably 7-8 different times. Different combinations of Colston, Cobb, Wilson, Julio, and Spiller. However many different ways exist to start 3 of those 5 players, I believe I tried them all.

• I settled on Wilson over Colston (as my final decision), when Cobb would have got me 3 more points. Either way, it wasn't a big deal. Benching Julio would have been a major regret.
• Both Andy and I had 7 guys going in the early games, and both of our teams started slowly. In fact, I legitimately was beginning the process of accepting I was going to lose at half time. 
• The Falcons and Broncos were way up, meaning they were likely to pass very little in the 2nd half. And the Giants were down by so much that they were abandoning the run, and apparently David Wilson is so bad in pass protection that Kregg Lumpkin is preferred. I felt doomed.
• Plus, he had Rodgers going, who was just getting warmed up after his slow start...

• Well... some of what I thought would happen was accurate. Demaryius Thomas didn't get another catch. Wilson didn't do diddly dick. However, Matt Ryan threw two TD passes to Julio in the 2nd half, which helped me three ways: Ryan, Jones,  and Giants D (on Andy's team). That was huge. That was when I started to feel I had a chance.
• And Shayne Graham. Janikowski gets 20 and the bigger headline, but I was about ready to conceive a child with Shayne Graham by about 3pm.
• Andy did get his boost from Rodgers. It was actually slowed somewhat be Chicago just sucking ass in the 2nd half. If they had kept it closer, he likely would have thrown for much more, as he was doing whatever he wanted.
• The big detriment for Andy was Doug Martin. Facing the Saints, one of the worst defenses (pass and rush) in the league, he got 2.7 points. I always had a feeling he was going to break one at some point, and he just didn't. The Bucs got down so much, they had to throw all the time. And usually Freeman was throwing to the wrong team. For Andy, it was the wrong day for Dougie to have his worst game of the season.
• Even with the modest Spiller boost in the afternoon games (Fuck you, Brandon Myers), Andy was still within shouting distance. He needed BIG games from both Hernandez and Welker, which wasn't unheard of, especially given what happened last Monday night. But alas... they were merely good, not great, and Andy's Championship hopes ended late last night.
• He moves on to face Gow in the 3rd place game. 
• And Coconuts and I will have our rubber match for the Championship.

Alright... let's talk about something else for a while.

The Vikings

What a goofy season. 

We look strong to open the year against a really weak schedule, going 5-2 when we weren't that far away from 7-0 (losses to Indy and Washington), yet we didn't look like one of the best teams in the league. 

Then we face better competition, going 1-4 during that span, with our QB rapidly regressing while our RB was beginning to look like a superhero. 

Now, we've won our last two against teams fighting for that last playoff spot (like us) and find ourselves at 8-6. Peterson just finished the best 8-game stretch for any RB in NFL history, and we're basically 2 wins away from making the playoffs. 

And we now have to play teams with a combined record of 22-6 (Texans, Packers). Both who look like they won't be resting any stars because playoff positioning is still on the line. 

There is a part of me that is lamenting what could have been... if we only had a better QB, we could have won at Indy, at Washington, at Chicago, and certainly at GB. Yet, here we are. We're the #6 seed as of today, and just need to win our next two games.*

However unlikely and improbable it may be, I want it to happen. I want it because I really like this team. Ponder aside, this team is improving and looking more and more like a team I can get behind in the future. Something is building here (again, Ponder aside), and I want it continue. 

Yes, if we made the playoffs, we'll probably get smoked in the 1st Round...so what? Would it be a bad thing to have my team in the playoffs, even if they don't win? At let's not forget, the Super Bowl champions last season were the #6 seed in the NFC. #justsayin

I don't have faith in our QB, but I do in just about everyone else on this squad. And I'll be rooting hard on Sunday. Skol Vikings, baby. MOTHERFUCKING SKOL.

*Yes, I'm aware that winning out doesn't guarantee us a spot yet, but I believe it will. Someone else is going to lose.

The Gophers (Whitebread)

1. Have we even played since we did this last week? Is there anything to talk about?

The Gophers beat NDSU last Tuesday and then had the weekend off for finals.   Rodney was #1 play of the day on  Sportscenter for his breakaway 360 dunk and Trevor was #3 for a put back dunk.

2. Apparently there were bowl games this past weekend. And apparently we all picked them correctly in Dallus’ little pool. (Truth be told, I just used that email you sent last week with the spreads to make most of my decisions) Is there a bowl game even worth watching in the next week? How about before Dec 31?

I'm not sure.  I'm laying in bed with a 101 fever so I'm too lazy to look (damn, I now finally came up with a team name for this week).

Gallus texted me with the word "Arizona!" on Saturday so apparently it was worth watching.  I was at Paavo's wedding getting pictures taken at the time but it looks like Arizona scored 2 TDs in the last 0:42 to win 49-48.  That is what I love about bowl season, games that don't sound interesting make for exciting matchups.

3. (really stretching for a question here) Have you decided what you’re doing with the bar for your wedding next summer?

We're still working on it. Planning the bar is the best part of wedding planning so I'm going to stretch the process out as far as I can.

Wow... super lame update from Cracker. Worst of the season by-far.

Let's try this again...

The Gophers (Titwarmer)
I could easily look this up, but I honestly don’t know who the Gopher hockey played this weekend and/or what the result was…

1. So first question, just give a brief recap of what the hell happened this weekend?

We were idle this past weekend.

Oh.

2. Where are we currently ranked (Nationally and WCHA) and why aren’t we higher?

We are ranked #4 by USCHO. The new rankings come out later today, but we should stay put. Maybe drop a spot because Miami swept Ohio State. We aren't higher nationally because we really haven't played anyone yet and the "decent" teams we did beat have gone into the tank (MI State and Vermont). We've got games with #1 BC and # 3 Notre Dame coming up in the next few weeks and if we win those, we'll be back to #1 or #2. 

We're currently tied for #5 with Omaha in the WCHA with 15 points (mostly because we were idle). St Cloud swept CC and is in first, while UND (swept MI Tech) and Denver (tie, loss to Bemidji) are tied for second. A surprising Mankato squad is 4th (split with Omaha). Had we played this past weekend, I would guess we would either be 1 or 2 in the WCHA.

3. Games/series to look forward to in the next couple weeks?

Our next game isn't until 12/29 for the Holiday classic. We play Air Force Friday and #1 BC Saturday. Looking forward to the BC rematch (they beat us in the frozen four and won the national championship last year for those who forgot). I would say our chances of winning this game are 30/70, but it should be a very entertaining game with wide open, fast hockey and maybe a couple of "I remember you ending our season last year" cheap shots (looking at you Rau). 

Better... certainly better than Cracker's mailed-in performance.

Screw it - let's try one more...

The Gophers Draft Stuff (Gow)
1. Which bowl games are you paying most close attention to because of the draft prospects playing in them?

Outback Bowl: MICHIGAN’s OT Taylor Lewan vs. SOUTH CAROLINA’s DE Jadeveon Clowney 

The best pass rusher in college football versus one of the top OT prospects in this year’s draft class. For the true football fan, the battle begins and ends in the trenches. Yes, Gow likes big uglies. Now, Lewan’s stock has sky-rocketed this year, similar to Reily Reiff of Iowa (last year). Though as the draft approaches, I expect his stock to fall from the mid-first to late-first. That said, if he shuts down Clowney in the Outback Bowl… he will get serious attention from a ton of teams, that have desperate situations at left tackle. Oh, and the SOB is 6’8”, 309 lbs, and has adequate length for an NFL left tackle. 

Music City Bowl: NC STATE’s CB Davis Amerson vs. VANDERBILT’s WR Jordan Matthews 

Extremely intrigued by this matchup of Juniors. Prior to this year, Amerson was potentially the most sought after CB in this year’s class (and still could be). He led the country in interceptions last year and was thought to take away half the field this year. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen as he was challenged successfully early in the season by Tennessee’s WRs,… and the rest of the SEC followed suit. Amerson is a scouts dream, as he measures 6-3, long arms, and has fluid movement in his hips… good chance he gets over-drafted. Now Matthews is not a slouch either, he is easily one of the best WRs in the SEC and it is extremely unfair that he doesn’t get the pub because he plays at a school that graduates their football players. I expect Matthews to torch Amerson… but I am hoping to be surprised.

2. Obviously, this will change between now and April but who’s currently the Top-5 players on Gow’s draft board? 

This is fluid, but here we go:#1 – OT, Luke Joeckel, Texas A&M#2 – DT, Jonathan Harkins, Ohio State#3 – NT, Star Lotulelei, Utah#4 – CB, Jonthan Banks, Mississippi State#5 – LB, Manti Te’o, Notre Dame

Overall, DTs and DEs are the prize of this draft. Lots of 3-4 teams will be chomping at the bit to get their hands on a lot of hybrid edge rushers. QBs will get a lot of publicity, but the group is extremely deep at the top… just not spectacular. CBs and Safeties are sporting great size and could be over-drafted because of the pass-heavy nature of the NFL.

3. Give us your mock draft of the first 5 picks, as they’re currently slated: KC, JAX, OAK, PHI, DET.

#1 – Kansas City Cheifs (Luke Joeckel, OT, Texas A&M) – All of you know that I am not conventional, and the trend continues. Everyone thinks that Kansas City will fire GM Scott Pioli and will find a QB of the future with the number one pick here. Personally, I think Pioli keeps his job (one more year) and they draft a left tackle… which will immediately cause fans to ask for his Pioli’s head. Why I like this pick, is that Joeckel has been a stud all year against the best pass-rushers in college football… and can run block like a true franchise tackle. Their dreadful QB situation can easily be answered in the 2^nd round, as this year’s QB crop is not good at the top… but really deep (if you include the juniors). 

#2 – Jacksonville Jaguars (Matt Barkley, QB, USC) – What Pioli won’t do, GM Gene Smith will do. Drafting (WR) Justin Blackmon last year and the emergence of Cecil Shorts, makes this pick a huge no-brainer. I completely disagree with any mock draft that says otherwise, why… because I’m a jerk. Some mock drafts say, that West Virginia’s Geno Smith would be a better QB (and he might be). Personally, I think that Gene Smith has learned from his mistakes with Blaine Gabbert and will go with a more traditional pocket-passer… as opposed to the athletic spread offense QB. 

#3 – Oakland Raiders (Sam Montgomery, DE, LSU) – This is hard to say, as the Raiders are no longer expected to draft for only the height/weight/speed guys. New leadership didn’t have a 1^st rounder last year, and thus I am purely guessing. That said, I think the Raiders are extremely fortunate with a lot of great choices for positions they really need help with. So far, I am between Montgomery (my favorite) and NT-Star Lotulelei (Utah)… but there are a ton of good DE & DT prospects. 

#4 – Philadelphia Eagles (Taylor Lewan, OT, Michigan) – If you were paying attention above, I think he is maybe a mid-first rounder, so this is a reach. I imagine that wherever the Eagles fall in the draft, they will be a prime trading destination for teams looking to trade up for their preferred QB or DE. And for those that say QB, QB, QB… I think that Nick Foles is a decent QB, and I truly believe that the Eagles think the same (with or without the Andy “the Walrus” Reid at the helm).  

#5 – Detroit Lions (Jonthan Banks, CB, Mississippi State) – Another talented team, like the Eagles, that don’t have many holes… but sucks as a team. The most glaring hole for the Lions is easily their secondary… I prefer Banks over Alabama’s DeMarcus Milliner. Both CBs have good size, played well all year, and against good WRs. But just like I have said about Alabama defenders last year, “how much of this is being on a great defense?” This is why I feel that Banks is a clear standout at CB. Of interesting note: I think Manti Te’o is a very real possibility here. I just leery of picking  non-pass rushing LBs in the Top 10.

WELCOME TO THE BLOG, NOOSHOO! Holy shit, that's a walk off, sports fans. Well done, Gowser. No more guest posts needed this week.

By that way, I emailed Gow those questions at 8:55am, and got them back at 11:02am. What do you think he did during those 2 hours...?

Team Names
Well, it's that time of year where people officially stop paying attention. We had 5 teams change their name this week.

I'm not going to put the poll up, since people aren't really voting that often anyways. I'll put the list of team names here, and you can vote in the comments, if you still care. Ironically, last week's topic was about laziness... 

• Sit to Pee
• Pee in a Beta Sink
• Used Dog as Towel
• Drivers License
• Ketchup Spaghetti

BEST: For me, Ketchup Spaghetti wins this in a landslide. Sounds disgusting.

WORST: Pee in a Beta Sink. First of all, we all did that. It's called "convenience". Second, I happen to know Andy peed in a water bottle while playing some video game shortly after college. And when Coconuts came over to pick him up (since Andy ALWAYS needs a ride), the bottle was still sitting there on a ledge. He was too lazy to even throw away his piss bottle after it was done. He kept it on display in his room like a goddamn track and field trophy. If you had gone with that story, you would have won, Crapswell. 

Team Name Topic

Not going to go crazy with a topic, since most of you aren't changing it anyways.

If you'd like to participate, here you go: Biggest FF Regret of 2012. 

This can be lots of different things... It could be a player you drafted, or one you were thiiis close to bidding $1 more for but didn't. It could be a trade you made, or one you rejected. It could be a pickup you made, or someone you just missed out on. It could be a guy you started (or didn't) in a crucial matchup. 

Really anything goes here. This is your time to whine, vent, bitch, and ultimately release your anger to put some closure on the 2012 season.

I realize everyone is giving up, but do us all a favor and participate on this one. It's the last one.

Friday
Remember, this Friday a bunch of us are headed to the Buffalo Wild Wings in Lakeville for the Friday Football Feast. It starts at 9am, but we're going to have a good sized group, so please get there as early as you can to help hold seats. So far this is who I know is going:

• Jerks + Mrs.
• Ow
• Crapswell
• Dallus
• Crabs
• Jerks brothers...possibly
• Coconuts? or Mrs. Coconuts? Juan, please confirm.

I think that's all so far, but I'm not sure, so pipe up in the comments if you're attending one way or the other. Since the Vikings season is still very much alive, it should be a fun and rowdy crowd. 

Tonight
Here it is, boys. The one we all look forward to. The one we've waited for.

If it ever happens, it happens once per year. When we all get together for MNF at Sally's. The whole league. All 10 of us. And who will be have the pleasure of watching this evening?

Jets. Titans.

Fuck. A. Duck.

Ok, so the game is worthless, but it will be fun to see everyone. We all are planning on attending, yes?

Cracker (via text): It doesn't look promising.

Well goddammitt! Who else isn't coming tonight? Anyone? JoJo/Kenny, I'm looking your directions. I realize numerous kids is a large burden to leave to your respective wives while you go to the bar to drink beer and watch football. Let us know if you're attending...

Unfortunately, tonight's game has no bearing on the matchups. All the more reason to focus on the 1st Quarter beer.

This is the last MNF game of the year, gents. Since next Monday is Christmas Eve, the NFL moved that game to Saturday night. I agree, it's weird. So let's go out with a BANG.

See you tonight, boys.