Another week another Gopher victory. The game was rather boring as the Gophers were methodical in just going about their business in beating an inferior Penn State team so I won't focus too much on it. However, as I write that I do realize how weird that last sentence sounded, "Gophers were methodical in just going about their business in beating an inferior Penn State team." Huh, file that under words I didn't expect to type this year. After losing out on Floyd and the Little Brown Jug earlier in the year, the win over Penn State puts a trophy in the case and we will get to keep it until at least 2016.
We finally win a trophy game and then proceed to break the trophy.
I guess this is why we can't have nice things.
With the win the Gophers are getting a lot of great regional and national press including the Big Ten Network saying the Gophers are making history and ESPN profiling Jerry Kill on ESPN College GameDay. The Gophers are even ranked in the top 25 for the first time since 2008.
What does Jerry Kill think about that?
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
The story for the 2013 Gophers is really great. Despite losing their coach to seizures in the middle of the season, the team has rebounded to go on a 4-game win streak, their longest conference winning streak since 1973, and the Gophers have won 8 games for the first time since 2003. But the season isn't over yet. We still have 2 regular season games to play and they are two big games: #20 Wisconsin and at #17 Michigan State. Although they need some help, the Gophers are still in the hunt for a Big Ten title but they must continue winning and that makes the Battle for the Axe a big game for this program.
How big is the latest version of the Battle for the Axe?
It is a big opportunity for the Gophers. In fact, it is big enough that the Producer for ESPN College GameDay acknowledged via Twitter that the game is on the radar for hosting College GameDay:
I was thinking back in the annals of recent Gopher football history for comparable games where a win could get the Gophers over the hurdle from good to elite and I came up with 3 games.
2008 - Northwestern (6-2) vs. #17 Minnesota (7-1). With the game tied late, Minnesota decided to be aggressive and go for the win rather than kneeling to go to OT.
2005 - #23 Wisconsin (6-1) vs. #22 Minnesota (5-1). Coming off a win at Michigan the Gophers were riding high. The Gophers rushed for 411 yards and but screwed away many opportunities to put the game away. Despite scoring a TD with 3:21 to go to take a 10 point lead they kept Wiscy in the game and then this happened:
2003 - #19 Michigan (4-2) vs. #13 Minnesota (6-0). Glen Mason's best team. They had the city buzzing like I've never seen it before and everybody was talking Rose Bowl. Trailing 7-28 heading in to the 4th quarter, Michigan was on the ropes. I can't even watch the video to post it here. It is too painful. You know how that game ended. Michigan went on to win the Big Ten. Had Minnesota won the game they would have tied for the conference championship, their first since 1967, and gone to their first Rose Bowl since 1961.
The Gophers not only lost all three of those games but they lost them in a way that made you believe they were about to get over the hump only to have them come back and kick you in the balls. Personally, my expectations are a little lower heading in to the next two games than it had been in the past but if they jump out to an early lead against Wisconsin I may need a nut cup.
In honor of my trip to Indiana, this update gets a Kingpin theme.
We got in to Bloomington early on Friday so we decided to head to Nick's to play a little Sink the Biz. This game needs to find its way to Dinkytown. The rules are pretty easy. Pour the beer, in a steady stream, in to a small glass that is in a bucket of beer. Whoever sinks the glass has to drink the glass. If anybody sinks three in a row they must drink the entire bucket of beer.
With the amount of beer that was consumed on Friday night, Mrs. Whitebread woke up feeling a little like this:
So naturally, we got a little bit of a slow start to Saturday morning. However, I was quite impressed with the tailgating scene at Indiana. Memorial Stadium (and Assembly Hall) is about 7 blocks north of campus. The first few blocks of that walk are housing and then the last 4-5 is a grassy area with trees mixed in that allows for a great tailgate.
Prior to this I would have ranked the golf course at Michigan as the top tailgating area that I've been at in the Big Ten but I think Indiana has a better set up. And despite the quality of the team most of the campus and many alumni show up to tailgate.
I know what you're wondering now. But how were the girls? As a married man, on a trip with Mrs. Whitebread, I couldn't take any pictures so I'll just leave you with this gif as a proxy for what we saw.
The thing about playing Indiana is that they are all offense and no defense. They average 42 points-per-game and they have a top 10 passing offense (came in to the game on pace to break the B1G record for yards-per-game) but they also sported one of the 10 worst rushing defenses in the NCAA. So watching a game against them is a little bit like this:
The game got off to a great start with a flea flicker moving the ball in to scoring position. The drive was culminated with a 3rd down TD pass to Chaska phenom Derek Engel.
IU followed with a FG.
Oh, a field goal! Look out. IU brought field goals to a touch down fight!
The Gophers ended the first half with a 28-13 lead and a 100-yard advantage in passing yards so the Hoosier decided to head back to the tailgates.
The scene at Memorial Stadium early in the 3rd quarter. The Hoosier "Faithful" had clearly seen enough.
The Gophers weren't done yet though. David Cobb added a 27-yard TD in the 3rd quarter to take a 35-13 lead with 6:24 to go in the 3rd quarter. Cobb's score brought the Gophers rally to 28 unanswered.
David Cobb had 188 yards rushing with 1 TD and 48 yards receiving. He now has 803 yards rushing on the season.
35-13, suck it Indiana.
But like I mentioned earlier, playing Indiana looks like this.
And Indiana responded. The change of QB from Tre Roberson to Nate Sudfeld gave the IU offense rhythm and all of a sudden they were hitting on all cylinders. The Gophers pulled out all the stops from a bomb (that was dropped) on 4th and 2 to a fake punt that was a cleat away from making it but it didn't matter. Before you knew it Indiana had a 39-35 lead and the Gophers fans were thinking I know this feeling, go away and let me puke in my toilet.
About that time the Gophers must have remembered they had just beaten Nebraska last week and were now playing Indiana. We're better than this team; we should score at will on this team. And just like that, Nelson found Maxx Williams for his 4th TD pass and 298th passing yard of the game as Maxx rumbled for a TD and a 42-39 lead.
Maxx Williams 50 yd TD for the the go-ahead score
But, the touchdown was a little like this scene in Kingpin.
Beer and nipping out should be a great combination it just doesn't always work, and Maxx Williams scoring a TD is good but the score was too quick. It left 3:06 on the clock. That is a lot of time for an Indiana offense that is moving the ball and scoring on will to find a way to score 3 to tie or worse. And just as they had for the last quarter and a half IU moved the ball down the field and in to the red zone with ease. Gopher fans in attendance were praying just to hold them to a FG and force OT. But then, in Glen Mason-like fashion, something unbelievable happened to the Hoosiers. Tevin Coleman ran out in the flats and Nate Sudfeld tried to hit him with a backward pass. Coleman bobbled it and Brock Vereen hit him to make sure it wasn't caught but neither Vereen nor Coleman seemed to understand the pass was backward. However, linebacker Aaron Hill did so he picked up the ball and ran with it effectively ending the game
RB Tevin Coleman screws up by running backward and QB Sudfeld screws up worse by throwing a bad pass behind him leaving Indiana Masoned in Bloomington on homecoming.
While I fully acknowledge the win looks a little like this.
A win is a win and as a Gopher fan I don't feel the need to apologize because I've seen this game end the opposite way so many times in the past. With the win, the Gophers move to 7-2 (3-2) on the season and now are in 3rd place in the Big Ten Legends division.
Yes, that is Michigan and Iowa behind us in the standings.
We get Penn State this week which seems like a winnable game. The early line is Gophers -1.5 which is a change from their high-single digits to low double-digits underdog status the last three weeks. If/when we beat Penn State and have an off-week I will go through rooting interests for the Gophers to get to the B1G Championship Game in Indy (to be massacred by the Buckeyes) but until then lets just enjoy this one.
When you're the Gophers, enjoy winning conference records when you can. They don't happen often enough.
I'm at a 3-day offsite Monday-Wednesday with my boss, my boss' boss, and my boss' boss' boss. Not to mention a slew of other important people within the bullseye.
I'm writing this on Sunday night, where I usually get started, but I won't have a chance to do any work tomorrow. And I really need to be on my game tomorrow, thus this is sadly going to be a very abbreviated Monday Update. There won't be many/any pictures & videos as that stuff often takes the most time.
If you'd like to lengthen it, feel free to utilize the comments.
The Vikings
We got smoked. Ponder is seriously regressing. WTF.
I can't believe I was generating playoff discussions last week. Now, I'm not sure we even end the year over .500.
The Gophers
Woohoo! That was about as good as we have looked since... I'm really not sure. I'll leave the commentary to Cracker, but I watched most of this game and was really impressed. Not just with Nelson, but with the whole team. What a performance!
Cracker's College Football Corner
You'll have to answer these in the comments, Whitey...
1. Ok, how good is Purdue? Because they did not look that good. And I know we're not that good.
2. Nelson's the story here, as he should be. But what else about the Gophers impressed you?
3. Ok, Illinois is the game everyone is saying we should win to be bowl-eligible. Is there another game (or games) that we'll have a chance to surprise people?
4. Wisconsin lost at home. This isn't really a question, but I wanted to make sure it didn't go unnoticed. Feel free to dance a jig.
Team Names
Vote for the Best & Worst names in the sidebar.
My votes:
Best - Dallus had a good story, but try updating your team name before the games start on Sunday. Pretend you're trying in this league, please. My vote goes to Heineman's sell out. I know it probably won't win, but it just makes me laugh... it's the most Heineman story ever.
Worst - Bus ride to Oxford. Way to be specific, Gow. You really put in the effort on this one.
Team Name Topic
Listen up, assholes. I told you last week, I'm out of ideas. I threatened going Favorite Cereal if you didn't supply me ideas.
Well, Halloween is Wednesday, so we're slightly mixing it up: Best Halloween Candy. Yeah that's right. Nothing fun or goofy, or reminders of days gone by. This is the shit you're going to get if you don't help come up with topics. I don't have a bottomless well of ideas and I'm sure as hell not going to try to brainstorm something right now...
Twix is taken. That's mine.
Let's Embarrass Each Other
I know many of you have old Halloween photos... if possible, send them to me before Wednesday. Thank you kindly, in advance.
The Games
Not spending much time here either...
Rod Jerks (115) vs. Ike Crabs (84)
Crabs and I spent every day since Thursday's game trying to "Dirx" (i.e. jinx) each other. I won.
BTW, the term Dirxing is so 2 years ago... Dirxing, as of last year, refers to WINNING THE WHOLE FUCKING LEAGUE SUCK ON THESE NUTS.
Romo threw 4 picks and still scored 19 for Crabs...rare.
I got too smart and benched Julio for Cobb. I'd probably do it again.
Crabs has AZ defense tonight. Needs a HUGE game from them.
Andy Crapswell (81) vs. Ned Titwarmer (55)
Ned's team is a dumpster fire at this point. Yikes.
Andy got the monster game from Doug Martin on Thursday. That accounted for almost half his point thus far.
Andy still has Vernon Davis and SF defense and will probably win by like 60 points this week.
Juan Coconuts (88) vs. Dick Dallus (94)
Speaking of dumpster fires, the 2 QB's in this matchup (Eli & Cutler) combined for less than 12 points.
Juan's day was really saved by his Patriots, Gronk & Ridley. No one else really did shit.
Dallus' team was pretty balanced with everyone contributing other than Gates, and the aforementioned Cutler.
A very close one here... down essentially 6 points, Juan has Akers. He needs FG's, not XP's, tonight.
JoJo Fredricks (79) vs. NooShoo Gow (55)
JoJo's best player was his Kicker.
Had Gow's defense (Miami) not scored 22 pts, he may have set a new low point total this week.
This wasn't the prettiest match...
JoJo leads by a lot and has Frank Gore. Gow is playing Kendall Hunter, who isn't the only backup RB he started this week.
Both teams will be 4-4 on Tuesday.
Marcus Whitebread (88) vs. Kenny Hana (105)
Probably the most interesting matchup going into tonight.
Marcus really could have used Peyton Manning, who was on his bench. RG3 had an off day... and Leonard Hankerson can't catch TD's.
Kenny got a huge day from Brady. His new meal ticket, Rashad Jennings, scored a not-great-not-bad 9.5 points.
Both teams had a lot of strong performers. This will be a tough week for whoever takes the loss.
Whitebread trails by 17 and has Larry Fitz going tonight. Which Fitz will show up? That will determine which team goes to 4-4 or 3-5. A very big match for these two...
Tonight
I'll be there. And I'm ready to argue with Gow about something...anything.
As yesterday's post mentioned, Mr. Ike Crabs came over to take in my Football Viewing Lair yesterday and we spent a good portion of the day watching your Minnesota Vikings take on the 49ers. There was a point early in the game where Alex Smith was getting rushed and I yelled "Hit him!"
Crabs looked confused at me then asked, "Do you have the Vikings defense?"
This is where we now find ourselves, Gents. No longer do we even consider the possibility that we could be cheering for a game, unless there are fantasy implications. Despite the fact that we were watching the local team that both Ike and I root for, and said squad was looking very solid against what many considered to be the NFL's best team, it still seemed odd that I was simply cheering as a fan.
We've talked in the past about how, as Vikings fans, we've begun watching the local boys less and less, especially as RedZone came into our lives. And last year, I spent the whole season rooting for them to lose (#SuckForLuck) to boost their draft position and either land Luck/RG3 or to get a massive haul in a trade.
But last season wasn't any fun as a fan.
I don't know how good the Vikings are going to be this year, but here's what I can say...
They're better than last year; how much better is TBD
They shored up Left Tackle, which has been a rallying cry of mine for years
They are getting, at a minimum, solid QB play from a young guy who only projects to get better
This next year's draft class doesn't look as top-heavy as last season, thus there isn't the Luck-type guy to lose for
No, Matt Barkley isn't Andrew Luck. He might be Jimmy Clausen...
I'm probably going to go 0-2 this week with my fantasy teams. And I really don't care. I haven't had this much fun watching football, as a fan, in a really long time.
We haven't touched on the Gophers yet (we will), but between them and the Vikings, this is shaping up to be a very fun football season.
Kick back and enjoy it, boys. There will always be Fantasy.
The Vikings
Not going to break down X's and O's here and I already went on-and-on, but I'll say this: I wasn't sold on Ponder before this game. Didn't hate him by any means, but I didn't love him either. His stats always seemed better than how he actually played, and Frazier/Musgrave were giving him simple passes to make sure he succeeded. But I couldn't really tell if he was the real deal or not.
After yesterday, I'm ready to roll with him. He looked poised, accurate, and smart. And now we get Jerome Simpson back to help open up the passing game even more. Even when he was pressured yesterday, it seemed like he always made the defense pay.
I'm sure this is overreacting to one game, but this guy is still super young and only going to continue to improve. When's the last time we had a young QB to be excited about? Daunte in 2000?
Admit it... you kinda liked the "get your roll on" thing...
The Gophers
Speaking of "when's the last time...", when's the last time the Gophers had a defense like the one we saw on Saturday? Wow, that was a fun game to watch. Even though the offense struggled to finish drives, the game never really felt in doubt, especially after 'Cuse drove down to the 1-yard line...only to have it end with Gophers blitzing the safety, leading to an awesome INT.
My sources tell me that following that game-changing play, the music operator at The Bank cranked up "Gangnam Style" and the place, specifically the student section went nuts and danced like the Korean guy that sings it. If you're unfamiliar, take a look and imagine The Bank rocking. Awesome moment.
UPDATE: Looks like there is video of UMN Gangnam Style, albeit brief, followed by DJ Kool. Looks awesome. I've not been to a game this festive at The Bank.
Cracker's College Football Corner
With more on this game and the Gophers, I asked Cracker 3 specific questions:
1) Who is the better QB for this team?
Honestly, it doesn't really matter that much and at the same time it depends on the opponent. Both are capable and both give you different things. The running game is better with Gray in the game. Syracuse has been gashed by opponents running games giving up 5.5 yards per carry prior to playing Minnesota. With Shortell in the game and Kirkwood carrying it we were effective but Kirkwood only averaged 3.5 yards per carry. Shortell is a much better passer and will give you a more balanced offense that can hit on play action more frequently. Because of Gray's ability to run though, he probably threatens a defense more because when you can run Power with the QB they need to bring a safety in to the box to match up numbers and that gives WRs the chance to run free. The problem, as we saw in the UNLV game when Gray missed 4 open WRs for sure TDs as well as a few open ones for first downs, is completing those passes. The preference of QB really just depends on what kind of gameplan you want (run heavy vs. balanced offense) but either can be effective. When Gray is back I'd personally like to see a little bit of a mix and match to make it tougher for coaches to game plan against us. As we saw with Western Michigan, we can adjust our offensive game plan a lot quicker than a defensive coach can adjust his.
2) Rank the B1G Teams, 1-12:
There isn’t a team in the Big Ten without flaws.
Mark’s Big Ten Power Ranking:
1. Ohio State (4-0) – In no way do they deserve to be at the top. However, who does? They have been somewhat lucky to beat Cal (who lost to a DI-AA team in week 1) and UAB in back-to-back weeks while getting outgained in each them.
2. Nebraska (3-1) – UCLA gashed them and exposed a lack of speed in their defense. However, how many Big Ten teams actually have the chance to do the same?
3. Michigan State (3-1) – An elite defense (ranked #6 nationally, #1 in the B1G) coupled with a good running back but offset by no passing game. At least the defense should keep them in every game.
4. Northwestern (4-0) – After giving up 41 to Syracuse and winning solely because of special teams and defensive touchdowns the Wildcats defense has shown marked improvement. They have beaten 3 bad teams from AQ conferences which is a better resume than anyone else in the conference but I still am not totally buying in.
5. Michigan (2-2) – Losses to Alabama and Notre Dame put the Wolverines at .500. They're ranked ahead of Purdue solely because it took a -5 turnover ratio to lose to the Irish by 7 whereas Purdue lost by 3 with a -1 turnover ratio. I just don't see Michigan throwing interceptions on 5 consecutive passes again the rest of the season.
6. Purdue (2-1) – I have the top bowl eligible team from the Leaders checking in at #7. Yes, the Leaders appears to be that bad. Purdue has a strong defense (#17 nationally, #2 in the B1G) which makes them the current favorite to win the B1G Leaders division. They looked good in a loss to Notre Dame but they have only played 3 games and the other two were to DI-AA Eastern Kentucky and MAC bottom feeder Eastern Michigan so we really don't know much about Purdue.
7. Minnesota (4-0) – What is this new found thing in Minneapolis? A defense? It is still early but the last time the Gophers defense looked this good was 199. They currently rank #3 in the Big Ten and #21 nationally in defense (by yardage) and are only giving up 16.8 ppg (#31 nationally) or 13.25 ppg in regulation (since college OT can really skew point totals). They are doing it with a pass rush that averages 2.75 sacks per game (#2 in the B1G) and most importantly they aren't having to blitz to get to the QB because DL Wilhite (4.5 sacks, #1 in the B1G) and Ra'Shede Hageman (#3 sacks, tied for #3 in the B1G) are getting there by themselves. The pressure has led to 7 interceptions (#7 nationall, #1 in the B1G).
8. Wisconsin (3-1) – After a couple years with a horseshoe up their *ss, Wisconsin finally appears to be reverting to more reasonable level. They're lucky to get out of their cakewalk non-conference schedule with only one loss after Utah State missed an easy FG for the win and DI-AA Northern Iowa gave them a scare across the fifty driving for the win in the last two minutes. Bielema's
9. Iowa (2-2) – Iowa? More like lolwa. They could easily be 1-3 right now. Who hates Iowa?
10. Penn State (2-2) – Pretty much what they were last year, solid defense with a miserable ginger for a QB but without Silas Redd or a kicker.
11. Indiana (2-1) – They're ranked 11 solely because narrowly losing to Ball State seems better than getting blown out by Louisiana Tech.
12. Illinois (2-2) – Maybe this should be Indiana or Penn State but when the last thing anybody saw from you is losing 52-24 at home to Louisiana Tech you get the cellar.
3) Without looking, what do you think the line should be for Saturday's game at Iowa?
I already know the line is Iowa -6. It seems absurd to me that the line would open up that far in their favor. My opinion has less to do with what Minnesota has done this year, or in our previous two meetings with Iowa, and more to do with Iowa. With what we have seen from each team this year I would have expected us to be favored on a neutral field so I thought this would open as a pick or within 2 points either way. Iowa has a good defense but has struggled offensively. Without even knowing the over/under I would lean toward taking the under in this game with both teams seeming likely to struggle to get points. Turnovers will be the key and I really like our chances of retaining Floyd.
Well done, Marcus. Appreciate the contribution.
Team Names
Ok, I think I've got this voting thing figured out, but we'll see...
Comments welcomed below. Remember, NO voting for yourself. Honor system, gents. If we don't have our word, we're no different than the animals.
Who had the Best Team Name in Week 3?
Some good choices here, but I had to vote for Michele Bachmann. Had Cracker gone with Skip Bayless instead of Stephen A., I may have switched. But as Minnesotan who usually leans conservative in voting, I can't stand this woman and people who aren't from MN associate her with us, which pisses me right off. She can go ahead and die in a fire.
Note: I had to have someone explain who Honey BooBoo is to me. Upon hearing about her, I could definitely see myself voting for her if I had actually seen the show.
Who had the Worst Team Name in Week 3?
Definitely a couple options here too. I mean Flo? Is she really a celebrity? And what year is this if we're still making Carrot Top jokes?
But the worst for me, and I'm sure he was striving for this, has to be Parkin's Son. I'm guessing Kenny was going for the shock factor, but the idea was to pick a celebrity you wish would die...not one that actually might very soon.
Moving on to this week, Andy submits this as our topic: Worst BOTT Purchase/Idea From Chapter Meeting.
I like it. Let's put some parameters around this. Since it was near impossible to get anything passed in meetings, let's say this can be something we actually did pass/approve/buy or just an idea that was raised in meeting but was summarily shot or voted down.
Hmmm... a couple ideas come to mind, but seems like there should be some golden options here, so I gotta think on this. The usual discussion at MNF should help jog the memories a little bit...
The Games
Oof... As I mentioned earlier, I'm all but assured to go 0-2 this week in fantasy. My 2 QB's started were Vick and Romo. And something called Mohammed Sanu threw more TD's yesterday than both of them combined. Let's get to it...
Rod vs. JoJo
Before I whine, let's first get JoJo out of the way because his team really did have a kick ass day.
Jamaal Charles just killed me. Goddamn... apparently it's ok to give a RB coming off ACL surgery 40 touches in a game. 288 total yards later and he's still standing.
Calvin Johnson had 1 catch at halftime, yet ended with 165 yards and a TD. That was a crazy 2nd half, if anyone watched.
Actually lots of games were nuts yesterday. Chiefs/Saints was goofy as well, and Brees, despite not having a very good real-life game, scored 3 TD's.
Ok, let me whine... I had 3 guys going in the early games and all 3 were productive. Yet, 2 of them didn't even make it to halftime before getting injured. Cook and Spiller were both having massive games that were cut short. ROD SAD.
For the 3rd week (out of 3), I've started the wrong QB. Vick... Fuck him. Can I change my team name to him? He's the celebrity I want to die instead.
For all my bitching, I actually had a good week and would have beaten just about all you assholes. I'm certainly in line for the Loser Bonus and might even end up the #2 scorer this week.
JoJo wins 128-103. Fuck the world.
Crabs vs. Whitebread
I mean look at these assclowns. Nice battle of the 2-0 teams. Combined your teams scored 4 TD's, and that includes 2 from RG3.
For Crabs, I mean NOTHING was interesting. Romo sucked. Cruz sucked. Harvin was ok. McFadden busted a long one. AP was ok. Celek sucked (nice work, Vick). Ridley sucked.
For Whitebread, RG3 = Good. Stevie Johnson was good. Wayne was ok. McCoy disappointed (11 carries, really?). McGahee got hurt and sucked. Mathews returned, but sucked.
Congrats. One of you will be 3-0 after today. It will probably be Cracker. He trails 77-74 but has Packers D and Finley going tonight.
This seems like a good time to point out that Cracker's only had 247 points scored against him thru 3 weeks, whereas I've had 325 scored against me.
Kenny vs. Dallus
Another guy jewing his way up the standings: Kenny. Currently has only 241 scored against him, although his opponent isn't done yet this week.
Kenny picked up Andy Dalton and temporarily had him in his starting lineup this weekend. I thought that was nuts to bench Brady in favor of Ferguson from Clarissa Explains It All, but it proved to be the right decision.
Except Kenny caved. Not sure when it happened, but he ended up putting Brady in there. Not the worst result, just 6 less points.
The Bears D was huge for Kenny: 23 points. His biggest contributor so far...
Dallus continues to hitch his wagons to Chris Johnson. Thus far his wagons have only moved like 50 yards on the season.
Cam Newton sucked last Thursday, and thus Steve Smith had only an ok day. The downside of doubling down on a passing connection.
Dallus' best player is Jason Hanson.
Kenny leads 88-64. He still has Jordy and Mason Crosby yet to go. Dallus counters with Marshawn. Barring some sort of a Skittles Miracle, Kenny will be the league's worst 2-1 team tomorrow.
Coconuts vs. Crapswell
Former roommates. They shared the same women. Now they share the same record: 0-2.
Juan jumped out to a huge lead here. He had both Eli and the latest phenom Andre Brown going last Wednesday.
Then early Sunday, AJ Green scores a long one and it looks like Juan is going to run away with this one.
And then his team didn't score again.
Andy had a bunch of injuries and scrambled over the weekend to fill a roster. His team scored one TD.
BUT... he still does have Aaron Rodgers going tonight. Down 91-55, it's a tall task but if there was one player you'd want, it'd have to be Rodgers.
Ned vs. Gow
Another craptastic battle that will result in a gift win for somebody.
Let's start with Ned... what the hell has happened to Matthew Stafford? Shaun Hill threw 2 TD's in 18 seconds. Stafford had 1.
TD's actually saved Ned from a horrible day. Andre Johnson, BJGE, Owen Daniels, Jets D - ALL of them would have had bad days without the touchdowns. His score could have easily been sub-50 pts.
Gow started 2 of his 3 Ravens and he should have just started them all.
Flacco got him 26, Ray Rice 21... and had he started the grieving Torrey Smith, he would have net him 25.
Any non-Ravens that he started were terrible. Plain and simple.
Gow can somehow pull out a win tonight with just 6 more points, trailing 73-79.
He has CedBen and Sid Rice going tonight, so it's definitely going to happen. With those guys playing, there is no need to even questions any alternatives. CedBen and Sid Rice not only are the healthiest and most reliable of guys, but true STUDS. The only real question is how much does Gow win the Points Bonus by?
Congrats to Gow. Gow wins. Tomorrow Gow is 2-1.
Tonight
Let's first start by addressing last week...
With lots of people having kids in the last year, Cracker rubbing elbows with Norwood Teague, and Ned doing "Ned things", Gow was the only person available for MNF last week. He did not attend. Boy, he should have...
If you missed last week, the 1st Quarter was at least an hour. It was a crazy combination of turnovers, scoring, challenges, injuries, and just a trainwreck of officiating.
It all came to a head as there was a fight on the field and all kinds of shit the refs took 8-10 minutes to figure out. All the while there was 0:02 on the clock, and I can only imagine the insane climax at Sally's that we missed out on...
So basically, that was the 1st Quarter we've been waiting 8 seasons for... and no one was there to take it in. Shame on all of us.
Alas, the beat goes on. Tonight features our favorite team to root against, The Green Bay Packers, against a team QB'd by a guy who I hated last year because he shouldn't have even been allowed to be on my most hated team, Wisconsin. That's the long way of saying the Seahawks, which have Russell Wilson as QB.
I'm still not a fan of Wilson, but I hate the Packers, specifically Packers fans.
There will be plenty of these dickheads in attendance tonight. Let's not forget, it was a magical Packer MNF loss that gave us the "YOU SHUT UP!" line from the gentleman we lovingly referred to as "Alabama Bangs".
I'll be there around 7:15pm. If you can get there sooner, please do so.
