Monday Update: Does This Blog Still Work?

Gentlemen,

Ok, we've had a bit of a respite here... No Monday Update* last week. Many forgotten Gameday Threads. Andy has already become too frustrated with the apathy for Team Names that we're stuck looking at [Insert Funny Here] for weeks on end...

As an aside, Lo Alcohol Tolerance is not a good name, but by spelling it as is, I always initially think Crabs was referring to Lois' (a.k.a. "Lo" among other things) alcohol tolerance. It makes me laugh, and then I realize it's just a dumb name.

Here's the point: to piggyback on Andy's Tebow speech, I'll work to be better. I have not abandoned you.

Beginning: Today.



*I did begin to write one at work, but it was mostly me trolling Coconuts about that crazy Romo game. No one else wanted to read that.

The Games

NooShoo Gow (58) vs. Ike Crabs (102)

• Dez Bryant fucked me in my dads league. I only need 8 points you asshole. Fortunately for Gow, he got so smoked that a big Dez day would have been wasted. 
• Danny Amendola got injured...

• Crabs would have beat Gow by 5 points by just starting his TE, K, and DEF. 
• It was actually a slow day for Crabs outside of Big Vern and KC defense. 
• Crabs still has Luck tonight to try and earn the Points Bonus. 
• Crabs moves to 3-3, while Gow falls to 2-4.

Andy Crapswell (77) vs. Kenni Hana (109)

• Eli Manning has a record number of INT's this year, but that didn't slow down Andy from picking him up and starting him against CHI.
• Knowshon Moreno had what will likely be his biggest career fantasy day (28.4) but it will be wasted in a loss for Crapswell.
• The search for Kyle Rudolph has ended. According to Mpls PD, he is alive and still able to score TD's.
• Doug Martin was generally considered to be the #2 RB going into fantasy drafts this year. Where would he get picked today?

• Kenni still has TY Hilton, Andy has Fleener. Kenni will move to 4-2(!) while Andy will fall to 3-3.

Rod Jerks (108) vs. Bill Fredricks (77)

• I'm sure Romo's performance last night only angered Mr. Coconuts even more...
• Stevan Ridley... 

• I fully admit that I was lucky to face Peyton on what will most likely be his worst game all year.
• Arian Foster: welcome back.
• I still think Bill has one of the strongest teams, but that Julio injury REALLY sucks for him. Big loss. 
• Bill still has Gates going tonight, and Yahoo! gives him a 1% chance of pulling this out...

Dick Dallus (90) vs. Marcus Whitebread (92)

• Dallus' team is so weird. With Rodgers, Charles, and Bush... he should be near the top of the standings.
• But his starting WR's (Colston and Shorts) combined to get him 1.1 points. That's where he's coming up way too short.
• Meanwhile, Whitebread's team was basically Cam, DJax, and a bunch of disappointments. 
• The "start all your Buffalo RB's" strategy didn't quite work as well this week...

• Lots of points on Cracker's bench: MJD (13.4), Ellington (15.2), and Denarius (14.2). 
• Whitebread is done, while Dallus just needs a little more than 2 points for Woodhead. Marcus is assuredly rooting for an early injury tonight.

Juan Coconuts (87) vs. Ned Titwarmer (76)

• A pretty good day for Juan overall. The Cutler pickup helped (although he disappeared in the 2nd half), AJ Green finally got back in the end zone, and his rookie RB's (Gio and Lacy) are proving worthy.
• However, Torrey Smith was stuck fartin' on a snare drum with 12 yards...

• ...and Juan's pride and joy, Jimmy Graham, got injured. That's BIG news if he is out any period of time.
• A bad day for Brees (16.5) is still pretty good.
• Source: Ned is texting Marshawn Lynch asking to make out with him.
• Juan is done. Ned is down 11 points, but still has 3 guys to play (Wayne, TRich, Colts D). Yahoo! give Ned a 90% chance to win. Call me crazy, but I think it's closer than that... 

Tonight

I'm out! Staying home tonight playing husband/dad and getting some school shit done.

Barring another ebola-like cold, Ned should finally be making his 2013 debut. 

I'm sure Crapswell, Whitebread, and Gow will also be there. Coconuts's status is questionable (only because I haven't asked him). 

Next week: I'm in. Vikings vs. Giants. 

Nice planning, NFL. In Week 7, you have two teams with a combined record of 1-10. Hopefully, we'll be seeing Josh Freeman's MN debut, but I'll leave that recap to Mr. Fredricks.

Enjoy the game, boys.