I'm at a 3-day offsite Monday-Wednesday with my boss, my boss' boss, and my boss' boss' boss. Not to mention a slew of other important people within the bullseye.
I'm writing this on Sunday night, where I usually get started, but I won't have a chance to do any work tomorrow. And I really need to be on my game tomorrow, thus this is sadly going to be a very abbreviated Monday Update. There won't be many/any pictures & videos as that stuff often takes the most time.
If you'd like to lengthen it, feel free to utilize the comments.
The Vikings
We got smoked. Ponder is seriously regressing. WTF.
I can't believe I was generating playoff discussions last week. Now, I'm not sure we even end the year over .500.
The Gophers
Woohoo! That was about as good as we have looked since... I'm really not sure. I'll leave the commentary to Cracker, but I watched most of this game and was really impressed. Not just with Nelson, but with the whole team. What a performance!
Cracker's College Football Corner
You'll have to answer these in the comments, Whitey...
1. Ok, how good is Purdue? Because they did not look that good. And I know we're not that good.
2. Nelson's the story here, as he should be. But what else about the Gophers impressed you?
3. Ok, Illinois is the game everyone is saying we should win to be bowl-eligible. Is there another game (or games) that we'll have a chance to surprise people?
4. Wisconsin lost at home. This isn't really a question, but I wanted to make sure it didn't go unnoticed. Feel free to dance a jig.
Team Names
Vote for the Best & Worst names in the sidebar.
My votes:
Best - Dallus had a good story, but try updating your team name before the games start on Sunday. Pretend you're trying in this league, please. My vote goes to Heineman's sell out. I know it probably won't win, but it just makes me laugh... it's the most Heineman story ever.
Worst - Bus ride to Oxford. Way to be specific, Gow. You really put in the effort on this one.
Team Name Topic
Listen up, assholes. I told you last week, I'm out of ideas. I threatened going Favorite Cereal if you didn't supply me ideas.
Well, Halloween is Wednesday, so we're slightly mixing it up: Best Halloween Candy. Yeah that's right. Nothing fun or goofy, or reminders of days gone by. This is the shit you're going to get if you don't help come up with topics. I don't have a bottomless well of ideas and I'm sure as hell not going to try to brainstorm something right now...
Twix is taken. That's mine.
Let's Embarrass Each Other
I know many of you have old Halloween photos... if possible, send them to me before Wednesday. Thank you kindly, in advance.
The Games
Not spending much time here either...
Rod Jerks (115) vs. Ike Crabs (84)
Crabs and I spent every day since Thursday's game trying to "Dirx" (i.e. jinx) each other. I won.
BTW, the term Dirxing is so 2 years ago... Dirxing, as of last year, refers to WINNING THE WHOLE FUCKING LEAGUE SUCK ON THESE NUTS.
Romo threw 4 picks and still scored 19 for Crabs...rare.
I got too smart and benched Julio for Cobb. I'd probably do it again.
Crabs has AZ defense tonight. Needs a HUGE game from them.
Andy Crapswell (81) vs. Ned Titwarmer (55)
Ned's team is a dumpster fire at this point. Yikes.
Andy got the monster game from Doug Martin on Thursday. That accounted for almost half his point thus far.
Andy still has Vernon Davis and SF defense and will probably win by like 60 points this week.
Juan Coconuts (88) vs. Dick Dallus (94)
Speaking of dumpster fires, the 2 QB's in this matchup (Eli & Cutler) combined for less than 12 points.
Juan's day was really saved by his Patriots, Gronk & Ridley. No one else really did shit.
Dallus' team was pretty balanced with everyone contributing other than Gates, and the aforementioned Cutler.
A very close one here... down essentially 6 points, Juan has Akers. He needs FG's, not XP's, tonight.
JoJo Fredricks (79) vs. NooShoo Gow (55)
JoJo's best player was his Kicker.
Had Gow's defense (Miami) not scored 22 pts, he may have set a new low point total this week.
This wasn't the prettiest match...
JoJo leads by a lot and has Frank Gore. Gow is playing Kendall Hunter, who isn't the only backup RB he started this week.
Both teams will be 4-4 on Tuesday.
Marcus Whitebread (88) vs. Kenny Hana (105)
Probably the most interesting matchup going into tonight.
Marcus really could have used Peyton Manning, who was on his bench. RG3 had an off day... and Leonard Hankerson can't catch TD's.
Kenny got a huge day from Brady. His new meal ticket, Rashad Jennings, scored a not-great-not-bad 9.5 points.
Both teams had a lot of strong performers. This will be a tough week for whoever takes the loss.
Whitebread trails by 17 and has Larry Fitz going tonight. Which Fitz will show up? That will determine which team goes to 4-4 or 3-5. A very big match for these two...
Tonight
I'll be there. And I'm ready to argue with Gow about something...anything.
We are halfway through the regular season. This gives me a sadz.
Although, I use the 13.1 as a metaphor, the FF Regular Season is really much more of a sprint, rather than a marathon*.
Many of you are going to declare yourself out of it at this point, which is foolish. There will likely be at least one sub-.500 team to make the playoffs...there is every year. 6-7 can still get you that final spot, and no one this week will have more than 6 losses (and that will only be Ned).
The trading deadline in November 9th, not that you need to wait until then. Trading has certainly picked up in the last couple weeks, I would hope/expect that trend to continue. There is no time to waste here. There are deals out there that can benefit both parties trading - do some research, start some conversations, and don't wait to ultimately regret not pulling the trigger.
FAAB Budgets are finally starting to drop down and people are being more aggressive. You all should be. With 6 weeks left, there is certainly time to turn things around, but hoping/praying that your players play better isn't the best recipe for success. There are good players available every week, and there are high upside guys waiting to be stashed. BE AGGRESSIVE.
The time for waiting has passed. We are over the peak and heading downhill towards the finish line now. It's up to you to keep your team competitive and your playoff hopes alive.
As a competitor in this league, I want my team to do well and everyone else to be bad. But as your commissioner, I want everyone to be competitive, aggressive, and realize that even the smallest of chances is worth fighting for.
Six weeks to go, boys... the time is now.
* I actually went with the marathon connection because our own Ike Crabs ran his 1st marathon yesterday, and no matter the finishing time, that is an achievement worth recognizing. For those of us that knew and still know Crabs, this was no small feat. Congrats to him, and pour one out for his nipples/toenails.
The Vikings
How do you all feel about this game?
The Good: our defense played really physical and is showing more ability to make splashy plays, which is something we've lacked, even when we were a good team. And AP looked ridiculously good yesterday, and thank God he did...
The Bad: ...because Ponder was fucking awful. This is the 3rd straight bad game for him, which is concerning. He's thrown 2 picks in each of those games, and the weird thing is that they aren't even happening on hard throws. Also, despite the pick-6 and 6 sacks, I didn't think our defense looked particularly good yesterday. Skelton was converting 3rd downs with ease, as long as he didn't get pressured.
I don't know... I like that we didn't play well and still managed a win, but at 5-2, I'd like to feel more confident about my team than I do.
Here's their remaining games:
Home games appear with Vikings on the right side
What say you, gents? This team has a very difficult back half of the schedule. If I set the O/U at 9.5 wins, what side are you taking? In other words, does this team make the playoffs? They would need to win 5 of the games listed...
The Gophers
I fucking hate Wisconsin.
Cracker's College Football Corner
1. The decision to start Philip Nelson...your thoughts?
It seemed like an odd choice until I heard Shortell had some injury issues which prevented him from practicing most of the week and Gray has continued to be hobbled with injuries. I would have preferred to keep the redshirt on Nelson and get four full years out of him as a starter--if he beats out Shortell next year--rather than 3.5 years. I think that type of move would make us a better team down the road and I prefer to build for the future.
2. So how do you think he played in his first start at QB?
I thought he looked good for the most part and certainly played well for a true freshman in his first start. He made a few mistakes in the running game by keeping the ball a few times on the read option when the DE didn't bite on the running back. He also had some mistakes throwing the ball that mostly revolved around timing with receivers (who are mostly new to him) and trying to fit the ball in to zones at the right time. I'm sure they will work hard to clean up some of those mistakes this week.
Our biggest problem on offense is our continued struggles along the O-line but that largely reflects the lack of recruiting OL in Brewster's 2008 & 2009 recruiting class (only one OL from those two classes is on the roster) which has left us with only one upperclassman on the OL. I'm looking forward to next year when we are starting a senior, three juniors and a redshirt sophomore along the OL and they're all in their third year in this offensive system.
3. You wanna weigh in on this North Carolina mess?
Much ado about nothing; talk radio and newspapers need to sell advertising so they like to create controversy. Don't get me wrong, I'd much prefer to go to Chapel Hill and play UNC (largely because I want to make that road trip) but it isn't really a big deal. My only issue is that we paid a lot of money to get out of playing a mediocre ACC team that is about to get hit with NCAA sanctions and bowl bans which will likely result in many of their current roster transferring. I would rather see that money reinvested in the athletic department.
My guess is that we would have lost at UNC and won at home and now we'll likely win both of those games against an inferior opponent. People are complaining now but if the loss at UNC is the difference between this team making a bowl or not making on people won't be complaining.
4. Who are your teams in the B1G Championship and who wins?
I'll go out on a limb and say that Penn State, behind the dives of Matt McGloin, beats Ohio State this week and that propels them to a Leaders Division Championship (with OSU finishing second).
However, with both of those teams currently under suspension, Wisconsin will represent the LeadersDumpster Fire Division in Indianapolis. Michigan will represent the Legends Division and after beating the Badgers they will represent the Big Ten in the Rose Bowl.
Closed circuit to Cracker: this is the best I could do...
Team Names
I had to adjust some of your team names, as we don't want ourselves to be searchable on the interwebs. I already received a stern talking-to from Crapswell this week for posting a picture of him on Facebook. I'm not 100% certain what the rules are and aren't for who I can and can't post pictures of anymore, and I find there to be flaws within these supposed "rules"... But the last thing I want to do is get anyone in trouble or worse. So I obliged, and will continue to do so if and when I screw up again.
But it was a pretty sweet picture of him looking awfully grumpy.
Who had the Best Team Name in Week 7?
***VOTE IN SIDEBAR***
I really enjoyed this week. Lots of fangs coming out, and while we usually spend this particular category topic ripping on those that we no longer keep in touch with, it was kinda fun pointing our guns at each other this week.
I thought long and hard about choosing one of the politically motivated team names. Having sat through that seemingly endless political debate at MNF, the smack talk from each was impressively condescending, yet accurate.
But sometime late in the week came Crabs' Nose Breathing, and I just cracked up. Truth be told, I actually have never noticed this particular trait before, despite rooming with Crabs for a couple years. But the thought that Crapswell has known him for nearly over 12 years, yet never mentioned this particular pet peave about Crabs until now... I mean that's just fantastic.
And by the way, I'm sure now I won't be able to NOT hear the nose breathing. This is sort of the "glass shattering" moment from How I Met Your Mother when they all start calling each other out for their flaws, like Lily's loud chewing (I looked for the clip but couldn't find it). Thanks a lot, Andy.
Who had the Worst Team Name in Week 7?
***VOTE IN SIDEBAR***
Sometimes I think Kenny is trying to win this each week. We've done this category for years now... the format is pretty simple: "Someone's Something." That's it. You can be as clever as you want, but that's how possessive nouns work. Psve/Agrsve Songs is not only weirdly abbreviated, but doesn't assign ownership to anyone, unless it's all of us. And if that's the case, where's the fun in that?
Great, we were all nerds back then and talked shit about other frats... I'm sure none of them ever said a bad thing about us.
BTW, I have no idea what this Tin Foil story is...had Kenny not showed up with his performance, this would have got my vote. I expect a story in the comments.
Team Name Topic
Before I get to this week's topic, one small request to you all: please update your team names before the weekend. It's more fun to see what people come up with throughout the week, rather than what they scramble to produce on Sunday morning. Thank you.
One more announcement: I need ideas. Running extremely low. Next week is going to be Favorite Cereal, if I don't get new ideas...
Ok, fairly simple here: BOTT I-Week Memory. This can be from your own I-Week, or just one you were a member for. It can be good, bad, funny, embarrassing, whatever - it just needs to come from I-Week (which could be at any point throughout the week).
Mine is pretty easy: Arrested at First Run. Let's see you top that, assholes.
Now called "Brick Street", this place almost got me killed...by my Dad
The Games
Moving through these quickly, as I have meeting most of today.
NooShoo vs. Coconuts
Having Juan at my house yesterday, I got to feel his angst up close and personal. It was truly incredible to see how many times he could yell about the Houston D.
BTW, if you would have seen him, you would have never known his team was even in his match, let alone have a chance to win. He truly loves to bitch.
Gow had all his players playing at Noon, which gave him a substantial lead of about 30 (it was 40 at one point).
Gronk, Ridley got Juan back very close; AJ Green's lone catch (which happened to be a TD) sealed the deal.
Juan wins a very important match of 4-2 teams 99-96.
JoJo vs. Whitebread
Brees: #WhoaCrazyCrazy 1st half. Big time performance for JoJo.
MJD: #Injured. Uh oh. 6 yards for Marcus.
Pierre Thomas: actually picked up and started for this match. Surprisingly not horrible.
Jonathan Dwyer: Ditto. Also... fat.
JoJo: Good.
Cracker: Bad.
Calvin: still to play for JoJo, who's already won and is now padding his lead of 98-73.
Jerks vs. Ned
These are the texts I received from Ned yesterday that basically sum up our match
"Fucking Cobb!!"
"Fucking Foster!!"
"You've got to be shitting me... BGE does all the work and this chump scores?"
I win 113-98.
Crabs vs. Kenny
Adrian Peterson looked great yesterday. So did Percy Harvin. Crabs had both.
He also had Victor Cruz who got about 14 of his 19 points on one play very late. And this concludes the segment of "Players Crabs played that were good".
Kenny had another Vikings: Kyle Rudolph. If anyone of you happen to spot Rudolph, please inform the authorities. He seems to have gone missing...
Brady, Sproles, Heath Freaking Miller, and Mason Crosby gave Kenny a sporting chance at least...
Crabs leads 104-68, but Kenny has Michael Bush and Chicago D.
Seems like every week, Crabs narrowly edges out a win when his opponent has multiple guys going on MNF. One of these weeks, Crabs is going to get caught...
Crapswell vs. Dallus
The crappiest match is also the best closest.
Andy had Rodgers and Doug Martin. Dallus had the rejuvenated Chris Johnson and Marshawn Lynch. I don't really care to mention anyone else.
Andy still has Matt Forte and Bob Gould.
Dallus still has Brandon Marshall and Jason Hanson.
Andy enters with the narrow lead of 69-68, but this is anyone's game. The loser will fall to 2-5, so this is a crucial match for those fighting for a Top-6 spot.
Tonight
I will not be in attendance tonight. Made it happen last week, but not tonight.
No game time decision.
No Questionable designation.
I. AM. NOT. COMING.
Nor is Juan Coconuts, who is a single dad this evening. Pray for him.
Juan Coconuts and I are having a "Bring your son to the Jerks house to watch football" day. It will be quite the testosterone-laden, poopy diaper-filled affair.
I'll keep you posted on any Juan Coconuts outbursts as they happen...
We've only got 2 late afternoon games today, so most of the chatter will likely happen early.
The wife and I spent a very nice, yet very abbreviated weekend in Arizona, and I'm in no mood to work today... That includes writing this. Alas, I hate to disappoint, so I will do my best for you jackals.
The Gameday Thread yesterday was the best I could get set up from the airport with my phone. Blogger does not apparently want people blogging via mobile devices...
I missed most of the days action and had to catch up by reading box scores and watching highlights last night. It definitely does not compare to Red Zone.
Let's just get through this, shall we?
The Vikings
As I mentioned I was mostly on a plane yesterday. I only got home to see the 4th Quarter. I also got my dad's synopsis on the ride home: "Ponder just sucks. He is so bad! He couldn't hit an open receiver in the end zone if his life depended on it." FYI: we played Ponder yesterday in his league, which actually ended up being not bad...
Anyway, sounds like he shot ourselves in the foot whenever we got in the red zone. I saw a stat last night that said we scored a TD on 2/7 red zone possessions, while the Redskins were 3/3. That is basically the difference in the game. That combined with Ponder's turnovers (which have suddenly become a problem) and our inability/lack of desire to throw downfield is what makes me hesitant to get too excited about our local boys.
If they showed a little more killer instinct and took advantage of opportunities to put teams away early, I'd be all aboard. I'm really hoping they destroy Arizona next week...
The Gophers
I gotta say... The West Coast is awesome for TV watching. You get up and something good is on. This game started at 9am for me, which was great because I didn't miss much pool time. I probably should have gone straight to the pool... The way my dad feels about Ponder, is how I feel about Shortell. How many easy throws can you screw up, Ginger???
And now Wisconsin seems to be getting their mojo back and is a virtual lock to play in the B1G Championship game since their division is entirely horrible or suspended. We may as well just assume the Rose Bowl Champions at this point. #ReverseJinx
Maybe Whitey can cheer me up...
Cracker's College Football Corner
1) Well that sucked. Is it me or is Shortell not good? Seems like he misses so many open receivers...
Like I said earlier, there shouldn't be a QB controversy. Our offense is better with Gray in the game because he improves our running game so much and what he lacks in passing relative to Shortell he makes up by being able to go against defenses that are trying to stop the run.
2) Over/Under wins the rest of the season: 1.5--what side are you taking? In other words, will we be bowl-eligible?
I think that is the appropriate O/U. I'll take the over with 2 wins for no other reason than the knowledge that since 1998 we have only failed to win 2 Big Ten games once (2007) and I remember how bad that team and some of our others have been (and I'm generally an optimist). We even managed to find 2 wins after firing Brewster at mid-season in 2010. I can't point to which two games they will be but I think we'll find them somewhere.
3) We get Wisconsin in Madison this weekend... Give me something to feel hopeful about.
The best I've got is that this could be a trap game for Wisconsin. Last week they played and demolished their only legitimate competitor to represent the Leaders Division in Indy and next week they play Michigan State who has beat them twice in the last two years. Hopefully, Wisconsin is looking ahead to MSU.
4. B1G Rankings:
Ohio State
Michigan
Penn State
Northwestern
Nebraska
Wisconsin
Iowa
Michigan State
Purdue
Minnesota
Indiana
Illinois
Well, that wasn't very optimistic sounding, if you ask me.. Maybe next week we'll have something to celebrate...
PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE GOD LET THIS HAPPEN
Team Names
This was a good topic, photos always makes things more fun. Speaking of which...some of you have apparently got the Y! Uploader to work, which means you should probably be working in Silicon Valley at this point.
Interesting how we all define ugly... Many of you obviously levied your own personal disdain for your selections. Political viewpoints came into play. We had TWO Badger coaches nominated. And for some reason, many of you seem to associate "Ugly" with "Having a likeness to a cartoon or science fiction character." I'm not sure if that qualifies as ugly, but that's why we vote.
Let's review:
Hillary Clinton
Michael No Moore
Mitch McConnell
Rosie O'Donnell
Bo Ryan
Sam Cassell
Steve Buscemi
Bret Bielema
Steven Tyler
Nice iPhone capture
Bbbbwwwwaaahhhh....
Who had the Best Team Name in Week 6?
***UPDATE: Polls in the blog were messed up. Please vote on the sidebar.***
I've got to go with Michael No Moore. Maybe I'm too literal with this category, but he's the ugliest person on this list by far... He'd be hideous even if he wasn't 400 pounds and super annoying. Since he's all of them, this is a clear winner for me.
Who had the Worst Team Name in Week 6?
***UPDATE: Polls in the blog were messed up. Please vote on the sidebar.***
This is no contest for me. I'm voting for Bbbbwwwwaaahhhh.... First off, Kenny doesn't specifically say, but I'm pretty sure he's making fun of me. Which is fine. I really don't care about being the ass of a joke, which I regularly am. What I do take issue with is using the same old recycled pictures from your Y! profile (year in and year out) rather than putting 5 min of effort into your team name. Let's see.. I could have gone through my old Y! photos too and selected any of the following uglies:
- A Tuskan Raider
- Jen Duerre
- Ned Ryerson (from Groundhog Day)
- The bad guy from Raiders of the Lost Ark whose face melts off on the end
- TC Bear
- Jay Cutler
- NooShoo Gow
- Ireen Gow
Know why I didn't do that? Because there's no effort and it lacks originality. And I don't even get what the team name is... Is that what I'm supposedly saying in the picture? Good God, please try next time. This was not a hard topic. Pick and ugly person and send me their photo.
/rant over
This week is a classic favorite: BOTT Possessive Nouns. Favorites from the past include: John's Locked Door, Lunas's Finances, Dewitt's Creepiness, and Bolger's Pink Thing.
Let's be original boys...
The Games
Ike Crabs vs. Ned Titwarmer
A solid, non-exciting performance for Crabs' team yesterday. Most of his guys in double digits, but no one going crazy.
Tony Gonzalez finally came down to Earth, if only for a week.
Rashard Mendenhall came down to Earth too, then apparently went through it and burned to a crisp at the core...
For Ned, there really isn't much to get excited about... Bradshaw had another good day, and Roddy continues to solidly produce, but his team lacks guys that can win a week for him.
This whole matchup bores me. The best part of either team were their benches. Stafford, Maclin, Denarius Moore, and SHONN FREAKING GREENE. All these guys could have dramatically changed this matchup, but instead were rotting away earning zero points for either team.
I still can't believe Shonne Greene... 34 points. I mean, did he have that many all of last year?
Ned's team continues to struggle. He narrowly got his first win last week, but he'll take his fifth loss here as Crabs beats him 92-79. Crabs moves to 4-2.
Rod Jerks vs. Dick Dallus
A true Toilet Bowl, at least so far....
Dallus team is done for the week, and he scored 47 points. That actually happened.
47 points.
Dallus was hit with bye weeks pretty hard this week, but that's crazy. He actually had 2 guys in double figures (Chris Johnson! and Blair Walsh), which tells you how crappy the rest of his team was.
No one else got above 5.5 points for him.
I can't exactly claim so high scoring crown either. Sitting right now at 51, my team was certainly beatable this week.
Arian Foster did his best Jerome Bettis impression with 29 rush yards and 2 TD's.
Matt Ryan was consistently ranked as the #1 QB this week, yet against Oakland's craptastic defense (in the Georgia Dome!) he managed a meager 9 points. What. The. Fuck.
Vick would have been a better start with 22...
I'm going to win this one, mostly because the scheduling gods... I currently lead 51-47 with Mathews, Demaryius, and Nick Novak going tonight.
Juan Coconuts vs. Marcus Whitebread
Because I missed most of yesterday's action, I had to catch up a lot when I was home by just reading the tickers on the screen.
My initial thought was "Wow AJ Green and Vincent Jackson both went off. Coconuts must be having a huge week." Turns out, those were the only guys that really did anything for him at that point. Turner, Ridley, Gronk all were sucking.
James Jones went the route of Maclin/VJax in the night game. I'm sure Coconuts was doing backflips in his living room.
Similar story... I was home in time to see the end of the Vikings game and when RG3 trucked down the sideline, and they showed his total stats (passing and rushing), I thought "Holy shit. Who had the misfortune of playing Whitebread this week?" When I checked the matchup, his point total seemed suspiciously low. Then I saw Peyton Manning sitting in his starting QB spot... and I laughed and laughed and laughed.
Fitz and McCoy played solid enough, but similar to Juan, he really got very little from the rest of his team (and he did not have a James Jones to bail him out at night).
So... We've got a pretty good one here. Thanks to Mr. Jones, Juan heads into tonight with a healthy 85-55 lead. He has Rivers, while Marcus has the aforementioned Manning and Willis McGahee. Should be fun if Denver can do some things early on...
JoJo Fredricks vs. Kenny Hana
A semi-Toilet Bowl, if Dallus and I hadn't set such a highlow skid mark.
Kenny made a late week trade to acquire Torrey Smith and Kyle Rudolph, who combined to get him 22 points (or as I like to think of it "2/3 of Jordy Nelson").
Kenny started Larod Stephens-Howling, and he played bad.
Jojo started Kevin Kolb, and he was mostly bad.
Starting Cardinals is not a recipe for success.
JoJo's studs (Charles, Gore, AlfMo) didn't do a ton and thus these 2 find themselves locked up in a tight one...
Separated by fractions of a point, they are basically tied at 77. JoJo has Matt Prater kicking for him, while Kenny counters with Decker. Another fun one to watch...
Andy Crapswell vs. NooShoo Gow
The best matchup of the week. This one featured our 2 highest point scorers (so far), and will likely result in having both the Points Bonus and Loser Bonus winners. Sucks to be the loser of this one...
Andy got a great week from Welker, and good weeks from Doug Martin and Matt Bryant. Everyone else on his team (other than Rodgers, we'll get to him...) wasn't worth shit.
Gow had a better overall week from his team, but really only got one big standout performance and that was Ray Rice.
So then we went into the night game with Andy having Rodgers, while Gow had Nelson and Houston D.
Nearly 80 points later and these 2 find themselves separated by about 5 points, thanks to a late bolcked punt TD for Houston D.
Gow leads 106-101 and has Gates. Andy has Malcom Floyd and all bets are off on this one...
Tonight
Three matchups all in doubt tonight. Could be, and hopefully will be, quite a fun evening.
My attendance for tonight is Questionable, at best. I'm definitely going to be a gametime decision. I've got a sick wife and kid at home and I'm not sure it would be in the best interest of my marriage to ditch them for the bar.
But I'm not ruling myself out yet...
I believe Juan Coconuts could make an appearance and has taken an oath to not discuss politics. I'd take the other side of that bet, if someone is willing to wager.
We are 1 game away from having 5 complete Fantasy Football weeks in the books. FIVE. I'll remind you all that the regular season is only 13 weeks long, which means the midpoint is almost already here. That is not only depressing, but should be a wake-up call for us all.
If you read a lot of fantasy articles/publications (News Flash: I do), the "experts" often preach about patience. Don't be too reactionary. Calm down. Don't worry about your studs. Everyone will be fine. All is well. Nothing to see here.
I'm not saying they intentionally give bad advice, but sometimes I feel they don't account for how truly short this season is. This isn't baseball... (side note: Do you realize the baseball season started in MARCH and is still going? Go away already.) We don't have the luxury to wait for some extended regression to the mean to kick in. Urgency is, and should always be, a factor in Fantasy Football.
Risks should be taken. Guts need to be trusted. I'm not advising everyone to go out and make senseless trades...leave those to Gow. What I am advising is to take a long look at your roster, everyone else's, and the waiver wire - do what you think is best to make your team better.
Right now, our league is wide open. Yes, teams are separating a little, but all that matters is getting to that #6 spot. If the scores hold tonight, meaning no team passes another, only 1 game will separate 2nd place and 9th place. That is parity. And it's exactly why everyone should be ratcheting up the intensity, focusing even more, and be going after one of those playoff spots.
Those of you that are adverse to making any trades or spending your FAAB money, I'm telling you: Tomorrow is Today. What are you waiting for?
The Vikings
We look good. Actually, Tennessee looks fucking horrible. We actually made plenty of mistakes, didn't always capitalize on their turnovers, yet we still scored 30 and routed those assholes.
And the Pack lost again. Oh how I love this season thus far...
The Gophers
Bye week. Be happy we didn't lose.
Cracker's College Football Corner
I emailed Whitebread early this morning, but thought it was curious that I didn't receive a response within a couple hours. Cracker is usually pretty prompt in his college writeup and this was odd. What should I do? Should I call the police to file a missing person report? Should I just go directly to his place to see if he's there, or if he left any clues on the way to his murder?
I first decided to forward the initial email (that was sent to his work account), to his gmail account. Lo and behold, a quick response. Apparently it's Columbus Day, which I guess is justification to not work if you're Cracker.
1. The Gophers get Northwestern this weekend. In order to get to 6 wins, and be bowl-eligible, we need this game, yes?
I don't want to go as far as saying it is a must win but if I were handicap bowl probabilities the likelihood of the Gophers making a bowl game if we beat Northwestern is probably 75%-ish and if we lose it would probably be more like 33%. Along with Purdue at home and at Illinois, this is definitely one of the more winnable games on the remaining schedule.
2. What's the scouting report on Northwestern anyway? Aren't they looking semi-competent this year?
Northwestern enters the game 5-1 highlighted by wins over Syracuse, Vandy, Boston College at Indiana. It isn't exactly a murders row of teams from BCS conferences but considering others in the conference were losing to teams like Central Michigan, Louisiana Tech, Ball State, etc it is shows they have at least beat teams that are their equivalent. They have two QBs that switch back and forth; one is a better runner and the other the passer. A freshman running back, Veneric Mark, has been the pleasant surprise for NU and has been carrying their offense early on. Their defense has inconsistent and ranged from horrid to shut down win a ball game with your offense not moving the ball. They are coming off a choke job against PSU in which they gave up 22 unanswered points in the 4th quarter to lose 39-28.
3. You have inside sources (don't deny it)... What are they saying about the QB situation for this weekend? Can/will Gray play?
I was in Walla Walla, Washington this past weekend so I have no idea what is going on. Last week the word was that the Gophers were game planning for having Shortell at QB. Gray is listed as questionable. This is about the time you would hope he would come back from the high ankle sprain, the mid-point of 2-6 week forecast recovery. In the past Northwestern has struggled to stop Gray so it would be nice to see him back in action for this game.
Walla Walla, Washington? Where have I heard that before...
Skip ahead to 6:00, or watch the whole thing if you're an old Looney Tunes junkie like me.
Team Names
Kind of a fun topic this week. I told my brother about it and he thinks we're all lame, although he was a fan of most of the songs we chose.
Now I don't want everyone making rash judgements here. It's important you take the time to listen to all these terrible songs before you decide. Here we go...
Party Rock Anthem
New TaylorSwift Song
Lady Gaga - You & I
We Are Young
California Gurls
Glee
The Lazy Song
Skrillex
Call Me Maybe
The Power is On!
Who had the Best Team Name in Week 5?
If Whitebread had chose Some Nights (which is the better Fun. song), I probably would have gone that direction. But I'm lukewarm on We Are Young, so...
I'm going with California Gurls. Yes, I realize it was actually a 2010 song, but I don't care I'm still voting for it. If I didn't go with Party Rock, I would have definitely chosen a Katy Perry song myself. Her music is so terrible, yet catchy and singable... it just epitomizes what this topic was about. Plus she's hot, especially in that video.
It also gives me an excuse to post this...
Who had the Worst Team Name in Week 5?
Some of y'all weren't very specific here... I'm looking at YOU, Skrillex & Glee. That could warrant it's own Worst vote, but I'm going with New TaylorSwift Song. As someone who listens to a lot of country music, and actually kinda likes some of Miss Swift's music, this song is horrible. And so many of her songs would have been so perfect for this category! What a miss...
This week's category is very simple: Ugliest Person.
A couple stipulations here...
1) You can't just Google search and pick some random. This person has to be either A) Famous or B) Someone that we all know. Basically, you have to be able to explain who this person is.
2) This person must be alive. Let's not besmirch the dead, gents.
3) You must provide a picture. Since the Y! photo uploader sucks (and it's tiny), you can either send the pic to me directly, or throw up a link on the message board or in your smack talk. Make sure you do one of these things, so I have the right image.
I will be posting all the pictures on the blog next Monday, so be sure I get something to use, or I will have to pick one myself, and that will piss me off.
The Games
Crabs vs. Dallus
Crabs' team had been nosediving each week this year, so he was overdue for a bounce-back type of game... and he got it.
Romo was on bye this week, so Crabs started Ponder instead and got a healthy 17 pts from him, despite a semi-Romoesque 2 INT's.
23 pts each from Cruz and Harvin, including a combined 5 TD's between them. That's 5 more than Gow's team had this week.
Crabs' trade last week was poo-poo'd by those of us in attendance at MNF last week, but it is worth noting that Gonzalez was a beast yesterday with 18 pts.
Cam Newton is easy to root against, and this was a week to do so. He was 3/15 at half time. He ended the day with less than 8 pts, over half of which he got rushing. Not too helpful for Dallus...
Trent Richardson continues to be a draft day steal.
Chris Johnson scored less than 1 point.
This one is in the books - Crabs takes it 124-84 and is currently your leader for the Points Bonus no longer in the lead for the Points Bonus (I wrote that last night before Colston went bananas).
Jerks vs. NooShoo
Let's not spend too much time on this...
I had a pretty incredible week, which was topped last night by Mathews and Colston blowing up and surging me to the Points Bonus lead.
Gow's team did not score a TD.
I'm currently up 127-44. I have Foster, Gow has Houston D. There's a couple records at stake here tonight: Biggest Blowout, Lowest Weekly Point Total, and maybe more... who knows?
Juan vs. JoJo
I don't want to overdramatize a 3-2 record, but let's call a spade a spade: Juan Coconuts has been terrible at Fantasy Football. This has been a truly a storybook season for him, thus far.
Ridley, believe it or not, continued to look like someone worth significantly more than Shonn Greene.
James Jones was a very nice plug 'n play this week with 2 TD's. This feels so weird to be complimenting Juan...
JoJo actually had a decent week himself.
AlfMo continues to make me punch things for dropping him right before Week 1.
Drew Brees had a ridiculous night that actually could have been even bigger...
Absolutely craptastic WR's for JoJo: Nate Washington and Jerome Simpson. He no lika da Juice.
Juan wins 117-96.
Crapswell vs. Whitebread
The Packers may suck, but Aaron Rdogers has still been awfully good this year. Another ho-hum 25 pts for Andy... imagine if GB actually had tried to score in the 2nd half.
Andy eclipsed 100 and it was very workman-like if you check out his box score. Very few TD's. Lots of yards. Just about everyone contributed, except...
Isaac Redman. Why is even owned?
Marcus had the #1 and #2 QB's through 4 weeks, so he traded one away last week. And yesterday, the nightmare scenario happened with the other getting concussed... #GetWellRG3
And the prize of said trade, MJD, scored exactly 5.9 pts.
This one is basically over. Andy leads 103-75, and Whitebread has Shayne Graham.
Ned vs. Kenny
The one match still in doubt...
Kenny's team is basically Tom Brady and the Bears D. They accounted for 55% of his team's points this week.
Jordy, Sproles, Wallace & Crosby all scored less than 4 pts each.
Ned's team wasn't much better... he only had 2 guys in double digits: The Vikings D got exactly 10, and...
The newly acquired Ahmad Bradshaw got 27 pts! Almost as much as Steven Jackson has for the whole season.
Here's the deal... Ned's season doesn't hinge on this game, but if he loses he'll be 0-5. So basically, yes it does.
Ned trails Kenny 70-85 and has Andre Johnson and Owen Daniels playing the role of heroes tonight. I know we'll all be rooting for him...
Tonight
Pulled some last-minute strings to go last week and was treated to 3.5 hours of political conversations (puke). Not happening tonight... I will not be in attendance.
Per usual, here's the regular stats through 4 weeks of the season. First up is Total Points Scored, and also the $ accumulated through Points/Loser Bonuses thus far:
Points Scored
This shouldn't be too much of a surprise since Y! posts it on the front of our league page. It's probably fair to say that through 4 weeks, this is the best FF team Juan has ever had. Interesting to see Crabs all the way down at the bottom...that's Gow's favorite team right now. #KissOfDeath
The reason I started tracking this stuff a couple years ago was because I thought Total Points were only telling part of the story. Each week was a competition unto itself and points could cover that up. For example, in Week 3, 100+ points was a really good score as only 2 teams crossed that threshold (and only 4 exceeded 90). But it Week 4, over half the league was over 100 and all but 1 team was over 90. Basically a good score one week could be a bad score the next...
So I wanted to see who was performing the best as compared to the other teams, week-by-week. And that's where the Power Rankings came in:
Power Rankings
I'm currently on top, despite a bad Week 4, but check out #2: Kenny Hana. After the draft, Y! projected Kenny's team of backup RB's to finish 1-12. Obviously that was a little extreme, but it's very unexpected to see him this high, especially on this list.
The only other notable call-out here is Whitebread, who sits alone at 8th on this list. He entered Week 4 as the only undefeated team, which means we'll probably see him near the bottom of Strength of Schedule (further down).
Y! started doing these automated recaps each week, after each match is finished. If you haven't checked them out, I recommend doing so. It's sort of like what I do with The Games segment of the Monday Updates, but with more stats and less insults.
One of the things they list in each recap is the All-Play record, which records what your record would be if you played every team every week (if you're the top point scorer, you would earn a record of 9-0 that week). This is another way of forming the same list as the Power Rankings I calculate, but it is interesting to see what everyone's record would be at this point.
All-Play Records
1. Rod Jerks: 25-11
2. Kenny Hana: 23-13
3. Juan Coconuts: 22-14
4. William Fredericks: 21-14-1
5. Dick Dallus: 18-18
5. NooShoo Gow: 18-18
7. Ned Titwarmer: 15-20-1
8. Marcus Whitebread: 15-21
9. Ike Crabs: 11-25
9. Andy Crapswell: 11-25
Moving along, also on our league's front page...
Points Against
Nothing too notable here. Let's do the same exercise as above and rank each person's weekly opponents to get a true Strength of Schedule:
Strength of Schedule
Ned currently sits in last place in our league standings, and given his shoddy performance (listed above) combined with the league's hardest schedule so far, and it's not too difficult to see why he's still yet to win a matchup.
You'll notice that Gow & Whitebread, two of the three 3-1 teams have had the leagues easiest schedules so far. Despite the mediocre-to-subpar performances of their own teams, they're tied for 1st place, mostly because luck has been on their side. Whitebread, in particular, has only played Bottom 3 teams through 4 weeks so far.
Bonus Updates
I noted in the Points Scored section who had already won money through the Points & Loser Bonuses, but let's not forget there is an extra $40 up for grabs as well... $20 each for the Winner of the Biggest Blowout of the Year, and for the Loser of the Narrowest Loss of the Year. Here's where both of those stand through 4 weeks:
Biggest Blowout: 37.16 points - Gow over Crabs (Week 4)
Narrowest Loss: 4.02 points - Fredricks over Crapswell (Week 4)
Housekeeping
I just wanted to note a couple changes/updates that Y! has made that I think are awesome.
The first I already mentioned earlier, but the weekly recaps of each matchup. Great, great info. All kinds of statistical analysis based on Y! projections as well as what/if scenarios with records & stuff. I can't really explain it all, but I recommend you check them out. They can be found on the right hand side of the page, once the matches are complete each week.
The second thing is the League Pickem. You know how we've been able to vote on which team we think will win each matchup (vote for me over NooShoo this week!), well now Y! is tracking the pickem records. It looks like there are about 5 of us that have been doing this so far, although I know a couple of us have missed a week here or there... Nothing is on the line, but it's sort of a fun game-within-the-game that we all can play. Gow currently leads with 12 points, meaning he's average 3 right per week. It's not too late to jump in the game.
Last, but not least, is the FAAB bid recaps. We are now able to see what EVERYONE bid on free agents, not just those that won. If you click on "View All" (on the front page by the recent transaction log), then click on the FAAB Bids. I believe they only show players that have received more than 1 bid, which we only have 6 of through 4 weeks. That's actually crazy... we should be more active and bidding more as a league. Guys are going way to cheap.
That's it for this edition of Stats & Stuff. If there are other things that you'd like to see here, let me know. Not sure if I'll be able to swing this post each week, but I'll try as long as I know you're reading and you're enjoying it.
Stupidly busy morning today. Opened my inbox, it was horrible. Such a mess. May as well have just opened up my laptop to find a turd in the middle. That's the metaphorical equivalent to what I'm cleaning up today.
Some days, most days actually, I hate working in Corporate America.
I probably shouldn't be typing this on a work computer...
Nothing to see here...
The Vikings
Not sure what to make of that game. Thrilled we won. Obviously Special Teams looked great. Gotta love Blair Walsh.
Defense looked really good. Great pressure on Stafford all day. And we actually had guys making plays in the secondary. When was the last time we had safeties making big hits, jarring the ball loose? Joey Browner?
Offense was a little scary for me... I actually started Ponder in my dad's league. Romo going against Chicago's front four scared me into making that decision. News flash: we lost.
But seriously, we dominated that game and should have won by more. I'm really excited to see us playing so much better than I expected, but I'd still like to see a little more killer instinct from this team. Put them away!
But still... SKOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!
The Gophers
Crash back to Earth. Didn't necessarily expect them to win, but didn't see that shit show coming either. Oof. Suddenly, 6 wins feels like kind of a stretch.
At least Nebraska beat #Bucky on Saturday. Sort of salvaged the rest of the day.
Let's see what our resident expert has to say...
Cracker's College Football Corner
1. So I guess that solves the Gray/Shortell QB controversy. Once Gray comes back, this job is his, yes? I don’t think there ever was any QB controversy. The media likes to drum up stories to get people engaged but the staff has always been steadfast that MarQueis is their QB.
2. What happened to our new, ass-kicking defense?
Saturday was pretty much a team effort of getting manhandled in the first half. The defense gave up 24 points but the offense scored 0 points and didn’t even manage to get the ball across the 50 yard line and missed opportunities to complete two bombs that should have scored at least 10 points. About the only encouraging thing was that the team made adjustments at the half and rather than letting it spiral out of control to 55-0. The Gopher D got tougher (Weisman carried for 155 in the first half and just 22 in the second) and the offense started to move the ball although they did shoot themselves in the football with turnovers that prevented any sort of comeback.
3. Do we have any trophies in our cabinet the end of the season?
The remaining trophy opportunities are @ Wisconsin and Michigan at home. Just as I would have told you before Iowa, we’ll be an underdog in both but there doesn’t appear to be a dominant team in the Big Ten so neither is out of the question. Oddly we match up better with Michigan but they are also the better team between the two of them. Wisconsin runs an offense somewhat similar to Iowa and we will need to defend the run much better to win in Madison. I’d put a 10% chance of the Gophers having a trophy in the case after this season. On a bright note, we do get 4 opportunities to win one next year and three of them (Iowa, Wisconsin & Penn State) are at home.
4. Revised B1G Rankings?
Ohio State – They still don’t look like a great team but there are no great B1G teams.
Northwestern – I think they lose to PSU this week but 5-0 is 5-0.
Nebraska – Playing in a modern take of a uniform designed by a 1980s Domino’s Pizza marketer....Nebraska was able to overcome an early deficit by dominating the Badgers in the second half. In the end, it just proves that even with former Heisman candidate Montee Ball you just can’t avoid the Noid.
Michigan – A primary benefit of a bye in this conference is that it allows everyone else to be exposed while you sit idle.
Purdue – I’m not sure that they deserve to be here but nobody else does either.
Michigan State – Still a really good defense but offset by a dumpster fire of an offense.
Penn State – Crappy competition but they are on a 3 game winning streak and the defense is playing well.
Wisconsin – The Badgers are one missed chip shot FG by Utah State away from having matched their 2011 loss total before the calendar turned to October.
Iowa – I’m not yet convinced they don’t suck but they have a good defense and proved they can play one good half against a shell shocked opponent
Minnesota – With a 4-1 record I’d like to rank them higher but I can’t after losing soundly to a bad Iowa team.
Indiana – They aren’t Illinois.
Illinois – They have been outscored 87-31 in the last two weeks , at home, in losses to juggernaut Louisiana Tech and a Penn State currently serving the second harshest probation in NCAA history.
Because making fun of Packers fans is fun...
From: Whitebread, Marcus
To: Jerks, Rod
Subj: RE: MNF
September 25, 2012 3:01 PM
I sent a message to a female Badger/Packer co-worker that simply said "#RussellWilsonClutch." The response was amazing... "just fukk off, mark. you're wrong and you know it. stop being a d1ck. you're better than this." To make it funnier, yesterday (Monday) morning, she had sent an unprovoked message to our sales coverage that is a 49ers fan teasing him about game on Sunday
Does that not sum up Wisconsin (the state, not just the school) fans in a nutshell? Forever arrogant. Always condescending. Can't handle any sort of grief coming their direction.
Marcus, I hope you continued on with this email conversation, and eventually she did something to get herself fired.
Team Names
Nine out of ten ain't bad? Public shaming is due for Ed, and no, changing your name to "oops" doesn't count.
Regarding the actual topic this past week, this was not my favorite. Obviously not for you guys either since most took the whole week to think of something. And even then, not all of these names fell into what we outlined as the parameters of the topic:
"Worst BOTT Purchase/Idea From Chapter Meeting. Let's put some parameters around this. Since it was near impossible to get anything passed in meetings, let's say this can be something we actually did pass/approve/buy or just an idea that was raised in meeting but was summarily shot or voted down."
So, after re-reading that, I realize I wasn't 100% clear. The topic was going to be Worst BOTT Purchase, but that felt someone limited since we as a chapter were a bunch of Jews that never spent any of the ridiculous dues we had to pay. So I expanded it to Purchases/Ideas, meaning Ideas for things to buy but may not have passed.
Many of you just took it as general Ideas That Came Out of Meeting. And you know what, I don't care. This was a hard topic and I appreciate you all just for trying.
Who had the Best Team Name in Week 4?
I'm voting for Formal Gifts. Weidman would always were his scrubs and it felt like way too thin of a layer between his WeidDick and me.
Who had the Worst Team Name in Week 4?
Lots of candidates here...
John Lane - Haven't we discussed him plenty here?
Pay for Sweethearts - I don't think I know this story, please share more in the comments
Brotherhood Dates - meh. Poor effort.
I'm voting for Recruitment Bonus. I'm sure this won't win Worst, and could quite possibly win Best, but as a former Recruitment Chair, I would still say this should exist. Not to tear off a scab here, but the house loved to preach how important recruiting was until it was actually time to recruit. Then suddenly everyone disappeared, were disinterested, or just believed in wasn't "their job". That shit fell onto the RC and a few other people who were committed to not letting him fail. Recruitment Chair was a thankless, yet incredibly important, position.
Not only that, but what is wrong with incentivizing the person to do the best job they can? I'm pretty sure this is exactly how Cracker is compensated in his current position, at least partially. Unless you are all communists and just believe everyone should/will give their best effort into everything they do for the betterment of everyone. If that were the case, I would have made sure this Monday Update was ready at 7am EST.
Pay per recruit. We'd have the strongest house on campus.
Moving along, this week's topic was inspired by Gangnam Style... There is no doubt this is a terrible song, yet for some reason...I like it. I have no idea why, but I do.
So, this week's topic (which is similar to one we've done in the past) is What is Your Guilty Pleasure Pop Song? And there's a caveat - it has to have been released in the past year. We'll say anything that was released in 2011 or 2012 is fair game. But the point is what terrible current music, something the kids are listening to these days, do you actually kinda like? Gangnam Style, as the inspiration for this topic, is OFF the board.
I have way too many that I could choose, but I'm taking Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO. There is nothing good about this song, and the band is a bunch of clowns. But every single time this song comes on, I want to get up, take a shot, dance around, and just enjoy life... I love it.
I have no defense. These guys are terrible.
What say you? Let's try to get names updated by Thursday. Let's not spend half of Sunday figuring out who everybody is. Deal?
The Games
Lots of strong performances this week. Five teams over 100 already, with 2 more in the high 90's. Well done, boys.
FYI - these are going to much briefer than usual
Dallus vs. Ned
That's what you get for not changing your team name, NED.
Great performances from both teams here.
Ned is done, and down by about 1.5 pts. Dallus still has Brandon Marshall tonight. Barring some fumble/injury combo, Ned goes 0-4.
NooShoo vs. Crabs
Shoo's "start all your Ravens" strategy worked this week.
Crabs traded a very good RB & mostly good WR for a terrible RB & really old TE. Hmmm... Could have definitely used Ridley this week.
Ike still has Romo yet trails 111-68. New Blowout Bonus leader is likely here.
Juan Coconuts vs. Kenny Hana
Well done, Juan. Well done. I'm pretty sure this is your favorit-est week of Fantasy Football ever.
Kenny had a good week too, but ran into a buzzsaw.
Juan still has Dez going and leads 131-100. Kenny has Bears D.
If the standings hold, Juan will be in 4th place tomorrow and I can't remember a time after 1 week where he's been that high.
Crapswell vs. JoJo
49ers D is very good.
Oh JoJo.. why would you ever start Calvin against the Vikings D?
This one is interesting... Andy still has Forte (if he plays) and leads 98-79, while Fred still has Miles Austin and DeMarco Murray.
Crapswell is desperately trying to get that first win and will be sweating this one until the bitter end tonight.
Jerks vs. Whitebread
My team scored 96 pts and I really feel like it should be less. As I look at the scores, it didn't feel like they played that well. Thank God for Marques Colston.
Willis McGahee? Willis McGahee. He's unstoppable.
Oy... I lead by essentially 10. I'm done. I could have been up 15, but Tynes missed his FG as time expired last night.
Whitebread counters with his own kicker, Dan Bailey. He needs 10 to win.
Fucking kickers...
Tonight
I'm out tonight, gents. That means they will likely serve free beer until closing...
I believe Juan Coconuts will be making his first appearance of the season.
Let's all hope and pray Dan Bailey breaks his foot on the opening kickoff.
