Gentlemen,
Tomorrow is Election Day. Oh goodie.
I actually like Election Day, especially on Presidential years. It's just something different that doesn't happen very often. You get to miss an extra hour or two of work. You go through the process of standing in the line with people that are older than dirt, and then having some dude in a horrible sweater give you extended instructions on how to fill bubbles next to names. I think I can manage, guy. Then you go into the little peep show and take off your pants and vote. It's democracy at work!
And it sort of plays out like a sporting event. There is a clear winner & loser. There are fans on both sides that are extremely passionate. If you vote, which everyone should, you have a vested stake in the outcomes.
The whole thing is just kinda fun. Even though my supposed "team" is likely going to get slaughtered. What else is new? I'm pretty used to losing at this point... this is Minnesota after all. We suck at everything these days.
However... Nov 6 is not the only key date this week. This Friday, Nov 9 is our official TRADE DEADLINE. All trades completed before midnight on Friday night will be approved.
We only have 4 regular season weeks left after tonight. And you all still have a shot at this point. Even Ned with 7 losses... if he can pull out a win tonight, who's to say he couldn't get hot and win out. And kudos to him for still fighting. Still making trades and meticulously managing his team this past week. He should he an inspiration to all of us.
If you're currently in the bottom half of the league, the time for being patient has past. Throw caution to the wind and take the necessary risks. Nothing is guaranteed, but you don't want to look back in a month and think "what if?"
I know I've written my pep talks in this space numerous times... But each week that gets closer to the end of the season becomes even more critical. And you can't swing a trade next week. The time to act is now. You need to win now.
The final month of our regular season is shaping up to be competitive and compelling. Make sure go into it with the best possible team you can assemble.
Good luck, gents.
The Vikings
Analysis from my Dad yesterday:
I don't entirely disagree. Certainly would not mind seeing Musgrave canned. And Frazier at this point inspires no confidence, that was certainly evident from Harvin yesterday.
BTW, that Twitter account is actually a joke account manned by my brother, but the majority of the tweets are actual quotes from Señor 'Stache.
Oy vey, Ponder sucks. I still think you play him the rest of the year to see if he can show any signs of improvement or promise - that's what this year was supposed to be about after all. I don't really know what anyone gains by benching him, although then I wouldn't have to watch him anymore. But I think you need to know 100% at the end of the year if he is worth continuing to invest in, or if we should go another direction.
Fuck a duck. A month ago, I thought we had finally figured out our QB situation for the future, and now it's as questionable as ever. GODDAMMIT.
The Gophers
I actually watched a decent portion of Gophers-Michigan on Saturday. Not sure why... glutton for punishment, I guess.
To be honest, I didn't think MN looked that bad, certainly not as bad as the score. Gotta figure out a way to score TD's in the red zone.
And our defense was hideous. I make no bones about that.
Let's hear from the White One...
Cracker's College Football Corner
1. My shorthand take of the Gopher game: we played better than the score. Red zone execution really hurt. Defense was bad. Fair? Agree/disagree?
The defense was awesome in the first quarter (3 Michigan series resulted in two 3-and-outs, one interception and 9 total yards). After that they made plays and would continue to look good on many downs but when a play was needed to get Michigan off the field we consistently failed to execute on plays that were makeable. I think the play that highlights it is sacking Gardner to make it third and 17. Gardner takes the snap, rolls right, looks to option 1—covered, moves on to option 2—covered, pressure comes from the DT so Gardner spins and scrambles left where after 10 seconds of coverage he finds an open WR in the end zone for a TD. From there on out it was a series of good defense and then failure to make plays to get off the field (missed tackles, dropped INT’s that turn in to catches and penalties—some of which were questionable). The offense did pretty much the same thing. Move the ball but then fail to convert in the red zone or get a first down or two and then take a penalty that kills the drive. It was frustrating because Michigan really didn’t feel like a better team while watching the game. They just made plays and capitalized on our mistakes when there were opportunities and we failed to execute on our opportunities.
2. I've already read that we are favored next weekend in Champaign. Am I the only one with a bad feeling about this?
Every game worries me because our margin of error isn’t great. That being said, Illinois (2-7, 0-5) is a pretty bad team. Their offense ranks 110th nationally in passing and 99th nationally in rushing and 117th nationally (out of 119) in points scored. Meanwhile their points against ranks 98th nationally (despite returning most of what was a top 10 ranked defense nationally last year). So, yes, this looks like one of those games where we could find a way to lose to an inferior opponent.
3. Alabama, Notre Dame, Kansas State, Oregon... a couple quick questions:
Who are the 2 best teams?
Bama & Oregon
What matchup would make the best championship game?
Bama & Oregon - The contrast in styles would be like oil & water and Oregon is the team that has the best chance at putting points on the board against Alabama.
(Bonus) Worst match-up is Notre Dame & Bama - The media hype and fawning over ND leading up to that game would be more painful than tv leading up to the election
Based on schedules and what you know about the BCS, what's your National Championship matchup prediction?
Bama & Oregon with Alabama repeating
i. Bama gets its toughest test until the SECCG this week when they play Texas A&M. I just don’t see A&M as having the fire power to beat Bama. In the SECCG they will likely be facing Georgia (assuming they beat Auburn this weekend). Bama has more talent and the better coach so barring turnovers I don’t see UGA knocking them off.
ii. Oregon has the toughest remaining schedule (@ Cal (who isn’t good) vs. #14 Stanford, @ #11 Oregon State + Pac12 CG) but if the Ducks can beat the Beavers at Corvalis I think they’re in the clear. The tough schedule will allow them to move to the #2 spot in the BCS Standings.
iii. Kansas State may have lost their QB to injury which will definitely hurt their chances of remaining undefeated. There isn’t a Big 12 CG so their path is easier but it will also hurt their SoS if it comes down to that. They also will be crucified by voters if it comes down to them vs. Oregon because they were supposed to play this year but KSU cancelled the game. In that situation, tie goes to Oregon.
iv. Notre Dame has a cake walk for their next two games (@ BC (2-7, 1-5) and Wake Forest (5-4, 3-4)) before ending the season at USC. I think Notre Dame is better than USC but for some reason I think USC will really get up for that game and they’ll find a way to put up points on the Notre Dame secondary.
Happy (Belated) Halloween!
Love,
La Rasa
Team Names
What a weird week. I figure I threatened Favorite Cereal so much, I might get some ideas. I do not, so instead, I decided to be more timely with the Halloween candy.
Either people revolted our didn't even read the blog because the next thing I know there are 3 or 4 teams names after cereals. Ok... I guess the league has collectively rejected the Team Name Topic for the week. I can play ball.
But then some people went off the beaten path and I don't even know how to evaluate.
Vote however you want, but I'm strictly looking at the names in the context of cereals and that's it. And by the way, some of you like some pretty horrible cereals...
Best Team Name
I'm going with
Cocoa Puffs, simply because it's the other cereal that I could have chosen other than Cinny Toast. Cocoa Puffs are fucking delicious. The wife doesn't really approve of us getting sugary cereal, but when she goes out of town, I will plow my way through a box of Cocoa Puffs or Cinny Toast with reckless abandon. So good.
***VOTE IN SIDEBAR***
Worst Team Name
3rd Worst - Rice Crispy Cereal. I realize Gow is trying to be funny, but it doesn't have the same affect when he is the one ripping on Asians.
2nd Worst - Life. Unless the formula for Life has changed since I was a kid, the cereal is horrible. I remember when my parents got this and I couldn't stand eating it. I was like 6 and I'd sneak and dump some into the garbage because it was so bad and I didn't want to have to keep consuming it. It was just mush instantly when you poured milk on it. Disgusting.
Worst -
Raisin Nut Bran. Truth be told, I've never had the "Nut" version. But seriously, there are fucking raisins in this cereal. Automatic worst.
***VOTE IN SIDEBAR***
Take 5 is think was supposed to be funny, because "I eat it as a cereal"...
Water on Cereal - is that a Hurricane Sandy joke?
Team Name Topic
This was an actual text from Gow this week as a Team Name Topic suggestion that I will submit without further editorial: "To describe your opponents team this season... If their team was a car, what kind of car would they be?"
Most of you either suggested repeat ideas or ideas that don't really work when 10 people need to come up with something... So, I'll say it again: I NEED MORE IDEAS.
Let's try this one:
A Sign That You're Getting Old.
We're all at least 30 at this point, some of us have been for a while... *COUGH* NED *COUGH*. I'm sure you've noticed things or do things differently now than when you were a young pup.
This idea came to me because I'm actually starting to go out of my way to watch 60 Minutes. I actually get excited about the show. I was pissed that Aaron Rodgers was on last night, ruining it for me. I used to detest that fucking ticking. Now, I can't wait to see Morley Safer's awful scrotum face each week.
Try to come up with something funny. Don't pull some bullshit like "I have a mortgage now" or "I have kids in school." Screw that, I want to hear about your gray pubes or the age spot on your ass. Be honest, you old farts.
The Games
Some really big scores yesterday, and a number of very strong individual player performances. If you didn't have at least one player score in the 20's, you probably didn't win. Let's review:
Jerks vs. Kenny
- Kenny's long been my Kryptonite, and that didn't change this week. Despite being massively favored (according to the projections), I just had a feeling this was not going to be my week.
- The Bears Defense is just ridiculous. I can't imagine they're going to keep generating turnovers and scoring TD's at this crazy rate, but I've been saying that for weeks now. They are the single biggest reason Kenny's team has been competitive this season.
- Decker strongly outplayed Demaryius yesterday, TD's were 2-to-0. Had those number flipped the other way, we could have had a very tight matchup going into tonight.
- I mean Torrey Smith scored against me. When that happens, you just shake your head and move on.
- Kenny needed the win much more than I - he moves to 5-4. I fall to 7-2.
Crapswell vs. Crabs
- There is really only one headline for this game: Muscle Hamster. 272 total yards and 4 TD's for Mr. Doug Martin. That's over 51 fantasy points, gents.
- Seriously, Drew had 3 other guys (Rodgers, Forte, Redman...?) go over 20 points.
- Drew is a lock for the Points Bonus.
- Oh yeah, Crabs was here too. He actually looked alright for a while with Leshoure getting 3 TD's of his own.
- And AP was running wild in Seattle. Sigh... can't believe we lost that game...
- McFadden finally got hurt.
- Cruz and Harvin had off weeks.
- Crabs still trails by about 60 with Garrett Hartley...
- Both teams move to 5-4.
Dallus vs. JoJo
- Lost in the #TeachMeToDougie craziness, Dallus had a HUGE day.
- Basically eveyone on Dallus' team had themselves a day. Brandon Marshall had the biggest and eclipsed the 30pt mark.
- Chris Johnson had the biggest Garbage Time TD ever.
- At one point yesterday, Dallus lead JoJo by like 115pts.
- JoJo benched Calvin Johnson. Bold, bro. BOLD.
- The newly acquired Roddy & Andre both had matching 118yard performances. #NotBad
- JoJo still trails by like 80 with Brees and Pierre Thomas.
- JoJo falls to 4-5. Dallus keeps hope alive at 3-6.
Coconuts vs. Titwarmer
- The week started nicely for Juan with 25 points from Chargers D. I played them in my dad's league and they got like 20 of those points in 90 seconds. I was not amused.
- AJ Green and VJax continued they're strong seasons with 16 points each.
- Eli sucked. Nice 3 points.
- Juan really got a late surprising 16pts, thanks to Michael Turner. He had one drive where he got about 12-13 of it alone. The rest of the night, he looked horrible.
- To Ned's credit, he's still making trades and doing everything he can to keep his season alive. His newly acquired Alf Mo didn't really contribute that well with 8 pts.
- Nothing flashy, but Ned scratched and clawed his way to 77 points, and still has DeSean Jackson going tonight.
- Thanks to Turner, Ned needs 15 from DJax or his season is probably over, except for playing spoiler. I'll be rooting for Ned tonight.
Whitebread vs. Gow
- If you dodged one of Gow's terrible trade offers last week, consider yourself lucky. Sounds as if most of you did not.
- This match is bad. One of these teams will get a win, which is sad.
- Cracker seems to think RG3 had multiple TD's stolen from him. He's right... Manning stole them and kept them on the bench.
- Jared Cook had points stolen from them. Really, he did. He scored -1.4.
- Shaun Suisham had negative rushing yards.
- Gow started Peyton Hillis.
- Gow started 3 WR that scored a combined 3 points.
- Peruse their box score to find more hilarity...
- Despite all this, they both have a couple heavy hitters tonight: Whitey with McCoy, Gow has Graham.
- Gow currently sits at 4-4, Cracker at 3-5. I'll probably root for Cracker for this reason, and because it's Gow.
Potential Standings
I'm going to run this scenario and assume Coconuts holds his lead over Ned, and Whitebread beats Gow. So, this could certainly look a lot different tomorrow:
*Points include yesterday's games, but obviously nothing from tonight
| Place |
Team |
Record |
Points |
| 1st |
Jerks |
7-2 |
951 |
| 2nd |
Coconuts |
7-2 |
917 |
| 3rd |
Kenny Hana |
5-4 |
897 |
| 4th |
Crapswell |
5-4 |
887 |
| 5th |
Crabs |
5-4 |
841 |
| 6th |
JoJo |
4-5 |
847 |
| 7th |
Gow |
4-5 |
780 |
| 8th |
Whitebread |
4-5 |
777 |
| 9th |
Dallus |
3-6 |
841 |
| 10th |
Titwarmer |
1-8 |
771 |
So the match between Gow & Whitebread really is huge tonight. A win for Gow would put him in 6th place, on the right side of the bubble, and would sink Cracker deep into 9th place tied with Dallus.
Ned has a steep uphill climb the rest of the season, but he really needs tonight's match to go his way to even attempt said climb. A win for Ned would still keep him competitive, and though Juan would lose the game, he wouldn't slip in the standings.
As you can see, things are still very tight in the middle. Wins & losses are so HUGE right now, and we still have 4 weeks to play.
Here's your slate of matchups for next week:
- Jerks vs. Crapswell
- Coconuts vs. Crabs
- JoJo vs. Ned
- Dallus vs. Whitebread (HUGE match for 2 teams trying to get on the right side of the bubble)
- Kenny vs. Gow
Last Week
So last Monday, I jinxed myself.... I made it a sure thing that I was going to MNF.
I was at this pretty important offsite that basically is fundamentally changing how my specific team does their work. Not that you care...
We had lunch catered in from Lunds. I ordered the Southwest Salad. When lunch arrived, I went to the kitchen to get more water, came back and the only meal left was this nasty looking Asian Wrap. Yes, I thought it was nasty strictly because it was Asian.
 |
| It did not look this good. |
There were 2 Southwest Salads in the room, both already being consumed. I knew immediately who had mine. This doofus guy who has been with the company way too long: FUCKING STEVE.
We checked the list to see who ordered the Asian Wrap, and of course it's FUCKING STEVE. He goes all "Oh no, I know I ordered the Southwest Salad. There must be a mistake." So I get stuck with this goddamn Asian Wrap... and as I knew it would be, it was disgusting.
I seriously gagged on the first bite. And the second. Eventually, my palette became numb to it and I was so hungry, I needed something in my system to stay alert in the afternoon. I only finished half of the thing.
Mid-afternoon, my stomach starts bothering me. I didn't think too much of it, just kept drinking liquids to hopefully calm it down.
Drove home with the wife and starting to really feel sick. Getting chills. Got home and felt like my body was on ice. Took the hottest shower possible, skin should have been scalded. Felt nice.
Got out of shower, and we have physical illness. VOMIT EVERYWHERE. Mostly in the toilet, but I was rushing to it as it came out so we had a small misfire. Heaving, heaving, heaving. Over and over. It was horrible.
Sent the text out. Got the sympathetic response I expected: "Pussy". Thanks, Coconuts.
Vomited 6 more times over the next 8 hours. Had diarrhea about every 20 minutes. Wiped my asshole raw. God, I hate that. I just want to poop, and it's so fucking painful. I discovered baby wipes are actually pretty nice when this happens.
 |
| The red panties helped mask my bleeding anus |
Stayed home from work on Tuesday. More of the same. Watched Price is Right, which sucks now. Watched ESPN's First Take, because I needed to feel even more pain.
Being sick sucks. I don't wish Food Poisoning on any of you.
Tonight
I'll be there...? That's the plan, anyway.
We should have a good one. Eagles-Saints. Two teams that really don't seem too concerned with running the ball. And Vick could turn it over 5-6 times in the 1st Quarter.
Good luck to those of you needing it tonight.
Hope to see you all there.
