Monday Update: Tradewinds

Gentlemen,

There was a moment where I, among many, started to wonder if we were beginning to revert back to our old ways... Back to the days of having to offer up a BJ to get an agreement on a trade*.

Vikings Update: We're undeafeted (in London)!

As a Vikings and/or Gophers fan, we've all seen this script play out over and over again. Big lead, put on the cruise control, and watch the other team come back and win with the last drive of the game. I was honestly expecting the Steelers to score on their final drive and go for a two point conversion for the win rather than let AP truck their defense in overtime. A view from the sidelines confirms that I certainly wasn't the only one feeling this way.

Jerome Simpson would have been your saddest Viking of the week had the Vikings D-line not crushed Roethlisberger to end the game. Jerome is a grown man who celebrates each and every first down, and  really any routine play that a wide receiver is supposed to make. That's like the equivalent of me standing up and dancing on my desk every time I send an email. He's just so damn happy anytime he touches the football, and to see him like this is just plain sad.

My impression of Matt Cassell is that he made plays at the right times to keep the offense moving, something that Ponder has been unable to do. He also put the ball into his receivers' hands and let them play football -- see Greg Jennings run 70 yards down the field. His overall stats weren't fantasy start worthy, but he got the job done, which asserts my point from last week: the Vikings are a decent but flawed team and can be competitive with a QB that can successfully manage the game.

Unfortunately, we already know the media script for the next two weeks: "Quarterback Controversy..." I will probably keep KFAN off in the car so I don't have to listen to this BS storyline.

Week 4 Gameday Thread

I know Rob will be pissed if this isn't up, even though he's probably not at a computer right now. The Vikings are playing right now and are up. Thoughts on Cassell so far?

Weekly FAAB results

Another week in the books, another week of scrambling to find the answer to your teams woes on the waiver wire. Here are this weeks FAAB pickups. A lot of bids against $0 this week as well as a $12 bid decided by waiver priority...nice work gentlemen. Let's all make fun of Bill this week for spending $7 more than he should have on a guy no one wanted.

Player	Cost	Team	Next Highest Bid	Differential	Pickup week
Pierre Thomas	$12	Kenni	$12	$0	4
Kansas City	$3	Crabs	$0	$3	4
Brandon Bolden	$8	Bill	$0	$8	4
Andy Dalton	$5	Kenni	$0	$5	4
Percy Harvin	$4	Gow	$0	$4	4

It's that time again...

That special week where you participate in an activity that no one really gave a shit about a week later.  Skit, housefront, pomping, trying to get with a mediocre sorority pairing girl, naming your fantasy football team. 

Last week had some good submissions and a 90% turnout even though most were as terrible as you all are. You people are a wet jizz stained blanket on would be fun.

I had a chance to walk by the house last week after the Gopher beat some school most fans didn't realize had a team until they looked at their ticket.  While at the chapter house I was impressed.  Impressed by the amount of activity that was going on anywhere but there.  I've seen funeral homes with more exciting things going on.

That being said, with it being U of M homecoming week, the theme for next week is...."You know you're at the Beta Pi Chapter House when you see/hear/smell _________".

Hopefully that'll stir up some fun filled and funny submissions for even the most douchey of our managers.

Another year of confused 19 year olds making the cold arduous 3 mile walk down a vacant 3 lane street while dodging horseshit, eye contact with girls and any sign of enthusiasm. 
First in war, first in peace, first in hearts of fellow...why are people throwing beer cans at us?

Now onto more pressing issues. Monday.  For those of us who were weekly attendees to MNF we need some solid ideas and someone to pull the trigger on a place. I'll toss out ideas over text and the FF site via a poll but feel free to post some here.  Somehow, I see this bar in our future....

For those of you in town this Friday and Saturday, the parade is at 7p and the game is at 2:30p  BOTT is paired with KSig, A Phi, and another frat not worth noting since I forgot it already since Saturday.

Post if you plan on attending either day...

Monday Update: It's 4:30, you know what kind of effort you're getting...

Gentlemen,

Not sure where this evening's festivities are taking place, but I won't be there. Enjoy whatever bar you choose; it has to be more upbeat than Crooked Pint last week.

Here's your (very quick) recap of the matchups:

Titwarmer vs. Dallus

• Dallus got screwed 2 weeks in a row. This week he just sucked.
• Ned still has Welker and has a good shot at Points $. Moves to 2-1.
• Dallus will be 0-3... like the Vikings.

Jerks vs. Crapswell

• Demarco Murray (26.3 pts) made me look stupid (I argued he wasn't that good at MNF last week).
• Demarco Murray (26.3 pts) made Andy look stupid (on his bench). 
• Barring Moreno outscoring Prater by 31 pts, we both will be 2-1. 

Coconuts vs. NooShoo

• Kaepernick (4 pts) < Ponder (22 pts)
• At least that's how Spielman viewed them on draft day...
• 2 weeks in a row, Juan has lost his GB RB (Lacy, Starks) early in the game. $28 FAAB dollars well spent.
• Antonio Brown nearly pulled out a miracle for Gow. 32 points last night. "You're lucky", Juan...
• Barring some scoring change, Juan will pull out a 0.9 pt victory and move to 2-1. Gow 1-2.

Bill vs. Kenni

• Kenni got 39 pts from Defense/Kicker. WTF
• Also got 1.7 from starting WRs (Bowe, Hilton)
• Bill's highest scorer thus far is his Kicker. 
• Pretty much sums this one up.
• Bill is down about 50 with Manning and Broncos D going tonight. Should be close, but likely is too big a hole.
• Assuming no change, both will be 2-1.

Whitebread vs. Crabs

• Crabs started Vernon Davis. Marcus started SF defense. Basically a wash.
• Boring match, but closest contest going into tonight.
• Whitebread leads by 10 (with McFadden), while Crabs counters with Demaryius. Yikes...
• We'll either have two 1-2 teams (Whitebread wins) or Marcus will join Dallus at 0-3. 

Sorry for the lack of funny. Will try harder next week*.

*Probably not

Enjoy the game tonight, boys. 

Vikings Update: We wo.....oh no.

Going into this week, I honestly thought the Vikings were going to win this game. It was the home opener, we had lost two close division games that were mistake-filled but winnable, and we were playing Noo-Shoo's Browns.

And now look what they've done to Adrian Peterson, who is now the saddest Viking of the week.


Honestly, he's the type of competitor who is probably blaming himself when everyone else knows the problems are everywhere else. Or maybe he's really lonely without Jerome Felton? I don't know, but everyone seems to be ready to torch this team and start over, which I think is slightly dramatic. The Vikes are flawed, but what team isn't? If we had a guy at QB, I believe that would have been enough to tip the scales to a 3-0 or a 2-1 start. Where would we have been by the end of the year? Probably still a fringe playoff team at best. Even with Ponder, we are surprisingly a top ten scoring team (27.0 points/game), but this doesn't tell the whole story. Our defense is likely not going to win us any games as they have so nicely demonstrated in several dimensions each week...Speaking of elephants in the room, can someone tell me if it was a good idea to draft a T-Rex to replace a stalwart veteran in Kevin Williams (Sharrif Floyd has comically small arms for a big dude).

And so here we are. My prediction for the Vikes coming into the year was 7-9 but now this seems like a big stretch. I still feel good after a Vikings win, and I would much rather see a turnaround rather then struggle through another 3-13 season. But I do feel like we are realistically looking at a five-win season, which means more sad Vikings to come.

Gopher Weekly: San Jose Recap/Who Hates Iowa?

The first thing I will say about the game is that San Jose QB David Fales is legit.  Last year 4th round pick Ryan Nassib came in to Minneapolis and the Gophers overwhelmed him in a 17-10 victory.  This weekend David Fales showed that 1st round projections may not be totally off base as he threw for 439 yards with the ability to fit the ball in to spaces so small that that even Ned would feel it.  He was so good throwing the ball and they were so bad running that you really have to question the SJSU coaches for running at all but especially on 4th down and again on a 3rd and 5 that were each stuffed for losses.

With QB Phillip Nelson sidelined with a pulled hamstring redshirt Freshman Mitch Leidner took the reins of the offense and managed a game any fantasy football player would be proud of--24 carries for 151 yards with 4 TDs and 5/12 passing for 71 yards (that is 41.94 fantasy points).  Junior RB David Cobb added 25 carries for 125 yards and 2 TDs and the Gophers won 43-24.  We only get one gif today and that is of CB Derek Wells blocking a punter on an onside kick attempt.  The punter was ejected for his response to getting demolished.

The Gophers have managed to stay off the radar by going 4-0 against a soft non-conference schedule without any game being in question in the fourth quarter.  They have done it by establishing the best running team we have seen since Glen Mason roamed the sidelines.  Through four games the Gophers are averaging more than 282 yards rushing per game which ranks #13 in the country.  Unfortunately, the passing game is also Mason-esque currently ranking #118 in the country (out of 123) with only 105 yards per game mostly out of a lack of a need to pass.

But that was the non-conference, now we enter Big Ten season where teams are good enough to force you to pass.  This week is particularly big because not only is it the first game of the Big Ten schedule but it is homecoming and not only is it homecoming but it is also Iowa.  Need I remind anybody what is at stake?

Who hates Iowa? 

Week 3 Gameday Thread

No witty repartee from me this morning. My enormous child has outgrown just about all of his colder weather clothes.

Thus, we're headed to Old Navy to clean them out and hopefully not have to do this again until the Spring. See you at Noon.

Enjoy the games, dickheads.

Cleveland Frowns

Not sure how this blog stuff works, so kiss my ass if this sucks...

So at about 5:20pm on Wednesday, September 18th, my be-loathed Browns traded away it’s franchise player. No regrettably, it’s not the 2nd year geriatric (bitch faced) QB Weeden. The new Banner/Lombardi regime, roughly 6 months at the helm, had earnestly assessed that Trent Richardson was a poor fit in the Chudzinski/Turner vertical offense. In all honesty, I agree with this assessment. Richardson is better suited for the Colt’s, as a workhorse power back in an play-action offense.

Just because I can make sense of this news, it doesn’t mean I like it.

I’m sure that the fathers in our humble blog spot can relate… the Browns constant leadership changes can be equated to diaper changes. [Follow me for a bit] A new diaper change is meant to clean up the mess that is left behind (pun intended), and make things better. May it be this this regime, or Holmgren/Heckert (before them), the “It will be different this time” rhetoric is much like applying butt cream to sooth an inflamed anus. Sticking with this analogy… just like a baby, the Browns have little control over transactions of the shit-stain variety. Before you correct me, and say that they could just stop making stupid mistakes. I’ll remind you that the Browns, like a baby, know only how to smile and drop turds… sadly neither win football games. And just like a stupid parent, I constantly make excuses and rationalize for the Browns pathetic decisions. It’s never their fault.

So what now...

When the retarded domino fell, and they named Brian Hoyer over Jason Campbell as this week’s starter, I knew something was amiss. With a conventional thought process, Campbell would be the clear backup QB, so following this illogical stream-of-thought they must be holding tryouts for the 2014 roster, in week 3 of the 2013 season. Staring further into my crystal ball, I would guess that they will soon give Weeden the pink slip… so he can start his long overdue retirement.

As I have eluded to above, the Browns are indeed playing for next year. Any rhetoric that states otherwise is merely butt cream. All along, the Browns knew that they were going to trade T-Rich, to set them up for next year’s draft. Regardless of what the previous regime gave up acquiring T-Rich, receiving a mid-to-late 1st round pick is decent for someone who was a poor fit and under-utilized. But still, it is my belief that the Browns did not plan on trading T-Rich so early in the season. But with Weeden injuring his sucking thumb, and the Colt’s loosing Ballard, it was the right time to release excrement on the faithful fan-base.

With additional picks in the 1st, 3rd, and 4th Rounds… the Browns have some ammo to trade up in next year’s draft. All of which sounds promising, considering that most draft analysts are calling the upper end of the 2014 QB draft class elite and deep. But in typical Noo Shoo fashion, I am skeptical and disagree with most experts. I would go into a draft analysis, but this blog is now too long.

Noo Shoo and Team "Doo Doo"

The team named after the color of skid marks in your bright white underwear truly lived up to their name Wednesday when they took nice long coily shit into the toilet that is the 2013 season. 

I'd like to hear somebody stand up for this trade and the Cleveland Steamers.  Anyone?  Anyone beside Ed who could stand to reap some serious benefits from this?

On a side note if you didn't read previous comments, I will be posting a team name vote for each week on Sunday on the Yahoo! League page. Ignore the one I already posted.

Wednesday Waiver update

Here is this weeks FAAB update. Let's all poke a little fun at or congratulate Jaun for being this weeks big spender.

Player Cost Team Next Highest Bid Differential Pickup week Benjarvis Green-Ellis $10 Ned $6 $4 2 DeAndre Hopkins $22 Juan $11 $11 3 James Starks $28 Juan $16 $12 3 Eddie Royal $17 Dallas $16 $1 3
FYI: I'm not including $1 bids.

2013 Gopher Hockey Preview

This year marks the debut of the B1G hockey conference. We have left the WCHA behind (causing complete chaos in college hockey) for the greener pastures of a 6 team conference.

For those that don’t even know who’s in the Big Ten conference, here’s the list:

Minnesota

Wisconsin

Michigan

Michigan State

Ohio State

Penn State

 “What about the Husky women, all the junior colleges and do the Sioux still suck?”

The short answer is yes. We will still play the MN schools and, yes, the Sioux still suck.

Of the 4 MN schools, only St Cloud isn’t on our regular schedule this season or next. However….

We will also rotate playing the MN schools in a new annual tournament call the DQ Cup North Star College Cup. This year the tournament will consist of UMD, ST Cloud and Mankato. Bemidji State is idle this year and will rotate in next year.

What about those racists to the north? Due to the fact that the U won’t play anyone with an “Offensive Nickname” unless they are in conference, we would not schedule them unless they dropped the nickname. Low and behold, they dropped the nickname. Because our non-conference games were scheduled out 2 years, we won’t be able to play them until the 2016 season at the earliest. Notre Dame takes over in UND’s absence. Not too shabby.

 

“The B1G just wants to fill air time on BTN” 

 One of the main concerns I’ve heard with the new conference was that games would be scheduled on random nights to fill air time for BTN. There is almost no change. The only outliers to the Fri-Sat games are Ohio State (Fri – Sun, football game on Sat), Penn State (Sun-Mon) and Wisconsin (Thurs – Fri).

Also, the TV schedule was just released. The gophs will have at least 31 or their 36 games on TV. 19 on FSN, 9 on BTN, 3 on ESPN and 2 TBD.

“Why it’s going to be 60 degrees in January”

This year, we get an outdoor college hockey game at TCF Bank Stadium. That, of course, means that will be the warmest day ever in January and completely screw up the ice/experience. There’s been so much press about this that I won’t say much: 1/17/14, 8pm - MN vs Ohio State. 

For those that haven’t been to a hockey game at a football stadium, here’s some advice: get drunk, have fun, enjoy the experience.

Those of us that have been know that it’s really not about watching the game: It’s freezing (in theory) and you can’t see shit! However, you do get pretty drunk so you probably wouldn’t remember much even if you could see.

“Will we be relevant?”

Absolutely. We should win the B1G conference. We should be in contention for a national championship.

Our best opponents this year are Boston College and Notre Dame. We’ve got a little rivalry going with BC right now and I’m looking forward to keeping it going.  

While the B1G conference is packed with big name teams, I’m not sure yet who will be our toughest competition. We always seem to play like crap at least once to Michigan and Michigan State. We always split with WI. Ohio State wasn’t good last year. Penn State is brand new.

More to come as the season progresses…

Vikings Update, Week 2: We Bad

 Leslie Fraser: "Hold on, hold on. We weren't as bad as we were last week, right? Can anyone confirm that for us? Because nobody seems to know what's going on here. Please let me know as soon as you can -- I always have seven cell phones at the ready, just in case you all need to call me at once."



Christian Ponder, the saddest Viking in all the land


For some reason, I still watch as many Vikings games as I can every season, which turns out to be most of them. I'm willing to chip in with Vikings updates when I can, and this is about the extent of depth you can expect from me each week, which is really all you need for this go-nowhere team.

I've seen more productivity at the disability office than on here.

Holy Shit. Half of you must be on some sort of government subsidy, because you're officially lazier than the shit I see sitting on their front stoop when driving along Lake Street at 1am . This week is a fucking softball pitch, yet 5 (and I'd like to say 5 1/2 of you since Whitebread didn't expound upon what the significance of cufflinks were) didn't bother to change a name.  Bob came up with 3 on the fly and I actually liked the last one.

You're officially lazy enough to wear adult pajamas that have a "shit chute". Bravo.

For those that took 30 seconds out of their Sunday TV, unhealthy snacking and masturbation schedule to change. Good job. You did the bare minimum. The names kinda stank like that too since there were only 5.

- Beta Rose stalker had potential but wasn't really directed at anyone to sting enough

- H_____land's Cufflinks - I don't understand. So can't say much. Someone will have to fill me in

- Crapswell's Pick'Em League - Yes, my pick 'em league is more a ghost town than west Detroit, but that wasn't as spicy as we like them around here

-P______'s Wife. Wow, talk about the other end of the spectrum! I don't think anyone is gonna debate you on that, but the topic was "BOTT possessive nouns", not "BOTT Elephants in the Room"

- Mine was just "whatever" after I changed it from an old roommate of mine to something that "stung" a little less.

Since this week won't really count anyway, no need to count votes.  I'll have Bob show me how to do the voting machine.

What could have been the winner (as dirty as it was) I'm going to try a new idea leaching off Bob's team submission and try "Elephants in the Room" theme.  It could be BOTT related, pop culture, football (not as funny). Anything really.  What's something oblivious to all of us, but never spoken much of in public?

So remove your left hand from down your pants and your right hand from your jizz caked WoW mouse and type something to defend your creativity...

Monday Update: Like It Always Was

Gentlemen,

I have to thank you. Through 5 days of the blog going communal, I've visited it multiple times every single day. I hope many of you have as well. I appreciate all the posts going up, and those taking the 2 seconds to comment when someone does author something. Even if it's a comment ripping apart the post, it feels better to know people are reading. It's been a great start to this new format, and I really look forward to everyone jumping in more and more.

/rant
As an aside, FOR SHAME to those of you that didn't update your team name. FOR SHAME! This was the BOTT Possessive Noun week - one of the best Team Name Topics of the year and you did nothing! You could have thrown out Reabe's Big Nose, Duoss's Beady Eyes, or Peterson's Degree.
Instead, Bill is still rocking his Seattle D team name. Seattle D??? That was a terrible name for it's original topic (Worst 2012 FF Decision) last season and it's just annoying now.
And Joique Store? HAHAHA. Like the Seinfeld episode crossed with the Lion. That's the clever Mankato wit we expect from Crabs.
Bloody Stool? We get it, Juan. You had diarrhea. Get over it.
Wet Trifecta Box - this is such a Kenni name... Bizarre, kinda pervy, and funny only to him.
And Touchdown There? Ok, I actually kinda liked this when I first saw it... WEEKS AGO.
I know I'm mowing Crapswell's lawn here, but CHANGE YOUR FUCKING TEAM NAMES.
/end rant

The Monday Update going forward is going to focus mostly on the box scores of the FF matchups, and implications tonight's game holds. As I mentioned last week, that was what initially spawned the original emails that would be sent out on Mondays. And those emails turned into a full-on blog. All we need now are pictures of us boating with fat chicks and we are the mondaynightwings.com crew

Just as a brief recap, Week 1 was a barnburner. Since the time I started tracking scores (for the Points Bonuses), that was the highest cumulative week we've had on record. Gow was the low point scorer with 84, by no means an embarrassing losing score. Nine teams exceeded 90 points, six were over 100, and 4 surpassed 120 - just a huge week for everyone and our collective league.

So with that as the backdrop, let's review Week 2:

Gopher Weekly: Leathernecks

If you read the Sunday StarTribune sports page, this is probably what you thought the Gopher game looked like:

Yes, Kill had another seizure but there also was a game played and I prefer to focus on that.

The game was ugly for about 2.5 quarters with Western Illinois leading 12-7 but then something happened.  The Gophers had already lost their starting QB to a hamstring injury in the second quarter and the head coach to seizure at half time but not long after Ned Titwarmer decided to come in from the tailgate the Gophers came together and physically dominated the rest of the game.

The last 18 minutes of the game could be summed up with 2 gifs/pictures:

Freshman TE Maxx Williams:

In 5-6 years, Noo-Shoo will be excited to draft Maxx as his 4th TE.

And DT Ra'Shede Hageman:

Hands to the face weren't going to stop Ra'Shede from getting to the QB.

The Gophers finally took the lead 15-7 with 1:22 to go in the 3rd and they never looked back as they scored 22 unanswered to pull away for a 29-12 victory.  The Gophers ended up 10-12 passing for 124 yards and rushing 49 times for 213 yards (4.3 ypc) while holding the hated Leathernecks to 68 yards rushing on 30 attempts (2.3 ypc) and 162 yards passing on 11/23.  If not for a Mitch Leidner fumble in to the end zone they may have even covered the 23.5 spread.  It was about what you expected a B1G team to do to an FCS opponent even if the team seemed to sleepwalk through much of the first 2.5 quarters.

Around the Big Ten
More interesting than the Gophers though is Wisconsin.  Lets focus on how pissed off the Badgers are after one of the oddest endings that I've ever seen.  To set this up, Wisconsin trailed ASU 30-32 with 18 seconds and no timeouts remaining.  It was first down after a catch in which the receiver went out of bounds so Wiscy planned to center the ball and then down it to bring their kicker out on to the field with a chance to win it with a 32-yard FG.  Here is how that sequence went:

That might be the ugliest kneel down that I've ever seen.  I wasn't sure if his knee touched down from the normal tv angle but this angle clearly showed his knee did make the ground.

And even if he didn't, the refs clearly blew the whistle so having ASU players dive on the ball about 3-4 seconds later in an attempt to recover it clearly should have resulted in a delay of game penalty.  So, what exactly am I saying?  Wisconsin did get screwed in a Gophers/Masonesque sort of way and I can't stop smiling about it.

This is Marcus Whitebread tonight:

It is my birthday, I've got a cookie and a cute hat, and you can't wipe this smug smile off my face.

Week 2 Gameday Thread

Well, even though I handed over the keys to the blog to everyone, I see we're still just as lazy as ever...

I was in Ames this weekend, watching 2 terrible football teams based in Iowa play grabass, while 50,000 students raced to get alcohol poisoning. Anyways, I get back today midway through the first games. We unpack, feed our increasingly defiant child, put him down for a nap... And finally, I have a chance to check the blog to see what the conversation has been today.

And lo and behold, no Gameday Thread is even posted. Well done, boys.

Here's an open post for anyone still watching the afternoon/night games for the remainder of the day.

Also... MNF: who's in? And I'm assuming Crooked Pint since no one else suggested anything else?

Monday Night Football - this week and going forward

There was some chatter over text message last week about where we want to meet to continue the tradition of beer, wings, and MNF.  I threw out the idea of either the Pour House or the Crooked Pint for this coming Monday, and was quickly seconded by Crapswell, who seemed to lean toward the Crooked Pint.  The food at the Pint is good; there usually is ample space; they have a very large TV in the lower level (in fact, they boast it as the largest in all of downtown); and they have a really good selection of beers on tap.  Can we get a consensus about meeting this coming Monday at the Crooked Pint (corner of Washington and 5th Avenue)?

Team Names: A Brave New World

So now that Rod as given up partial duties to this blog, that means he won't spend 4-8 hours a week updating this at work.  Consequently that means Rod's company's stock will stop tanking and might find itself in the black again.  So with that bit of insider trading intel, go ahead, get on E*Trade and make yourself $4? maybe even $5 on that sweet turd of a tip.

I have taken on what has been a fixture to our league for the past 3-4 years.  I will do my best to come up with unique ideas and themes, but can't shit out a golden dove every week so your help is always appreciated.  That being said, if you don't like what you see...email me or comment on this with ideas.  I will be concocting a mix of BOTT themes, U of M themes and random themes from popular culture both local and national.  I have reached out to BOTT alumni to get ahold of some BOTT meeting agendas to help us with our BOTT related topics to help jog our memories for those of you who smoked too much pot and left college with a box full of clothes, a bunch of worthless formal favors and patchy memories of shouting the rouser and playing grab ass with guys whose name you don't remember.

To make this worth something, we've kicked around the idea of a small monetary benefit for winners or possibly another positive aspect that might help your team along the way.  I would be up for the following prizes for those who are the weekly winners:
- 1-3 point bonus on the manager's game that week -- commish can do this from his controls
- One playoff seating reseat for the manager with the most team name 1st place wins
- More (ie $5) FAAB dollars for the winner which can help considerably at the end of the season
- Come up with an idea yourself you lazy dick

My vote is the weekly point bonus since this can turn a tide in a head to head match up and inch someone ahead in the season point total to make this actually worth something.


I don't know how to do the voting part like Rod did last year, but if he'll show me I can put that up again with a comment section for making fun of others that suck or are fucking linguistic wizards.Voting is the same as always, send a worst, a best and an explanation of why.  Pictures to fit the name will always put someone over the top.

Since the eve of the Thursday night game is soon upon us we'll go easy on a deadline but try to have a name up by Sunday.

To keep with some of the past themes that we see annually but still have multiple new team name left I'll start with "BOTT Possessive Nouns".  Past entries have included: Crabs' Nose Breathing, Bulger's Pink Thing, Lunas's Finances, John's Locked Door, etc.

So here we go again...no one is off the table, no topic is too dirty or inappropriate.  Let's start this year off right with some absolutely hilarious and unique names.  I won't enter my team name in the blog as Rod has done in the past and save it for the FF site.

Have a terrible and pointless Thursday,
Crapswell

The "Why pick Lendale White in the 3rd round when you could have got him in the 7th" blog post.

Ever since we've moved over to the FAAB system, one of the things we often talk about is how much someone spent/overspent for a player (you paid how much? for who?) or how a player was a steal. Those conversations always bring me back to the day of the infamous Lendale White draft by Cracker. While there was no doubt Lendale lived up to his 3rd round selection, the fact that Cracker could have got him in the 7th round should never be overlooked. The same concept applies to the FAAB system.

Why did you bid $80 for Brandon Jackson when you could have got him for $15? Or did you bid $36 for "player A" guessing correctly that someone would bid $35? We all like to think we're the smartest guy in the room and this gives us a chance to show it (after the draft).

While Yahoo tracks that info, I'm not sure how many people actually go in and look. Besides, it's a pain in the ass to find stuff on the new Yahoo site. Therefore, with my BOTT Ball blog contributor shackles removed, I plan on posting a running total of the bids in an effort to truly identify the worst FAAB pickups and see if there's an owner pattern. This will include bids that had no other bids as well as those that had competition. I'll list both the pickup price and the next highest competition (as listed by yahoo). With no further adieu, the list so far:

Player Cost Team Next Highest Bid Differential Pickup week Issac Redman $2 Drew $0 $2 1 Joique Bell $13 Kao $2 $11 2 Julian Edelman $38 Rob $11 $27 2 Knowshon Moreno $12 Drew $10 $2 2 Julius Thomas $33 Jabs $9 $24 2 Martellus Bennett $3 Rob $0 $3 2

You probably don't care about this info, but I thought why not use the blog for even more shaming of our peers. I'll only post the new additions in the blog (you can access the blog archives if you want to look back), but I'll keep a running total for the year.

A New Day Dawns for Bottball

Gents,

This is likely my final post as sole owner of this blog. You've all been invited to join and contribute as you see fit.

As you sign up, make sure to use your "name" as your profile.

This is a happy and sad day for me, but I know that this page will become more of a destination because of this. And I was getting bored of writing into an echo chamber.

I'm excited to see where we go...

Monday Update: Sort Of...

Gentlemen,

I mentioned/whined about this last season, but I'm not going to be able to complete the Monday Updates going forward...at least not as you know them. Life is just too busy these days and although I do enjoy writing them, being a dad/husband/employee/student has forced me to sacrifice a number of hobbies I enjoy*.

So similar to last year, I'm proposing a solution that involves sort of a Utopian, "let's all pitch-in to make this work for everyone" approach: the blog should be written and maintained by all of us.

The Monday Update could actually become a series of updates, each written by a different league member. Some of it could already be easily handed out:

• Whitebread would handle the Gopher Update. Titwarmer can jump in once hockey season rolls around.
• Crapswell could easily handle the Team Names section. It's been about thing he's passionately cared about for the past few seasons, so now with this newfound sense of FF direction (i.e. not being pisspants, blackout drunk at the draft) he could do wonders.
• Sidenote: Yahoo!, despite absolutely shitting all over their website design, now offers polls when you post a message board. Could be easily managed there.
• I'd be ok still handling the box score breakdown of all the matchups. That'd be something easy to complete, and honestly that's where the original emailed Updates began. Then Kenni Hana got all pissy about people swearing.
• We'd still need a Vikings breakdown each week. If only to countdown the days until we can hopefully draft Teddy Bridgewater, who I'm sure Gow considers 3rd Round at best. 
• Hell, if Gow wanted to post a Browns Update, I'd read it and comment on it. 

We can make this blog anything we want it to be. And by "we", I mean YOU. Up until this point, it's only been what I wanted it to be. I want that to change. 

Gents, chime in here and let me know your thoughts. I haven't invested 2 seconds of time to researching how to add authors to the blog, but I'm fairly sure it's simple. And I'd like to add each and every one of you. 

*I used to jerk off so much more. I'm too tired these days...

(single teardrop falls)

The (Abridged) Games

As a reminder, here's our league:

1. Rod Jerks
2. Ned Titwarmer
3. Dick Dallus
4. Ike Crabs
5. Andy Crapswell
6. NooShoo Gow
7. Marcus Whitebread
8. Bill "JoJo" Fredricks
9. Juan Coconuts
10. Kenni Hana

Titwarmer absolutely destroyed Jerks. Zach Sudfeld and Lamar Miller both fucked me in the ass and I hope they die in a fire. And Ridley can join them after the season, but I need him until then. Yahoo! says I have 2% chance on winning still (down 38 with McCoy tonight). Fuck you, Yahoo. Your new site is ass.

Crabs will defeat Dallus, who is out of players. Crabs still has HOU kicker (too lazy to look up dumbfuck's name) and Dallus will easily be Biggest Loser this week (121 points!). 

Crapswell will beat (and likely clobber) Gowser. Andy is winning and still has a bunch of guys playing tonight. Gow is done and will spend the evening contemplating spending $42 on Dez Bryant.

Fredricks is going to blow out Whitebread's Lechtastic team. Both have players left to play, but only Bill's are any good. Bill is probably the favorite for the Points Bonus this week. 

Coconuts and Kenni are knotted up in a tight one (and that in no way is meant to be an inuendo). Kenni is leading by about 2 points, while Coconuts has Ryan Mathews to play. The combo of Coconuts/Mathews is preventing me from making this a lock for Juan. Too much MNF history...

Tonight

Y'all gotta get your shit together. 

I'm not making it tonight, but our watering hole has been bulldozed, and we still don't have a central destination locked up, and kickoff is less than 2 hours away. 

Promise I will be there next week. Wherever we go needs to have better-than-average TV views (which is why I lean no for Bulldog) and solid wings. I'd prefer a place that plays the TV aloud through the speakers, but I realize there aren't as many places that do that these days. 

Someone suggested a rotation, and I think that is a good plan. The only issue will be making the call each week for where we go. Who has last say? I'd love ideas about how to do this.

Anyway, I'll miss you guys tonight. And more importantly, we are all going to miss Sally's this entire year. 

Come home soon, sweet sweet squirrel. 

Enjoy the games, boys. 

Week 1 Gameday Thread: A New Beginning

Gentlemen, good to see you again. How I've missed you all.

Today is a celebration. Today we are all undefeated.

I could wax poetic about the boys of fall, monsters of the gridiron, and all of that. But the games literally start in 4 minutes.

For now, just sit back and smile.