Not doing much much funny stuff today. I'm in a mood.
This weather sucks. It took me over an hour to get to work.
My team has now lost 3 in a row, this time at the mercy of Aaron Rodgers, which makes it even more annoying. I hate Green Bay so much... did you see Costas' halftime homage to them? It made me physically ill... Literally, I'm sick today.
Andy also put me in a sour mood last night, sending me texts whining (after Rodgers had 4 TD's) that Cobb hadn't caught one yet to give him any hope of winning. Please note that he was winning when he sent this.
I'll spare you the whole conversation as I'm sure Andy will recap people tonight to try and make me look bad (as I did not respond pleasantly to him), but seriously dude... Sending whiny texts when you're actually winning and your QB is on fire is out-Dallusing Dallus.
Different format today. There's a couple outstanding topics to discuss from the past week, so I'm going to recap them all in separate posts here.
Game-Time Waivers
Ned pointed this out in an earlier blog post... Yes, last week I played within the rules dropped a couple players who had already played that were on my bench to pick up players that had not yet played.
Per Yahoo, when you click on Help > Commish Tools > Game-Time Waivers:
I was not the first person to take advantage of this rule, as Gow picked up Geno Smith by dropping Dennis Pitta on Monday, Sept 22. Pitta had already played, and I believe that was the weekend he got injured. Gow needed a QB for the next weekend and picked up Geno.
Similar to Ned, I was not aware that this was the rule. I actually looked up the page linked above to be sure that I had the settings correct, which I do. This isn't something I can specifically adjust - it's how Yahoo has it set up.
This even led me to texting Gow:
I know Ned is saying I did nothing wrong, but he's doing so with sort of a wink-and-nudge inferring the there's somehow some sort of collusion here. I do personally take offense to any sort of collusion inference. I didn't realize this was the way the rules were written until Gow made his move, but I didn't fault Gow for taking advantage. I also don't think I should be at fault because I noticed the move Gow made, when everyone else apparently didn't.
I don't think it's my responsibility to ensure everyone understands every single nook-and-cranny of every single rule. For example, did you know bye-week players go on Waivers as of the start of the the MNF game? I didn't either, but only learned of it by reading the note above. Do the research (or don't) but don't complain when others play by the rules to their advantage. I even checked with Yahoo and apparently it's always been this way. Shame on all of us for just now learning.
Regardless of me getting defensive... what do we do now? As far as I can tell, there are only two options:
We play out the rest of the season with the rules as they exist and are written, and now everyone is fully aware of them. Drop bench players all you want.
We all agree that players who have played cannot be dropped until waivers process on Tues night. Any players that have been picked up via this rule thus far haven't been impactful, so they don't really matter.
To be honest, I don't even know what we need to achieve option #2 as we've never done a rule change mid-season. During the offseason, I try to stick to a league majority for major changes... but mid-season (to me) needs to be a higher threshold, possibly unanimous.
Somewhat-related note: I'll work to write a League Constitution in the offseason to ensure we have our league rules all documented. That said, one of the notes will say something like "When the rule isn't specified, we will default to Yahoo rules." So even if we had one today, we'd still be in this situation.
Without a League Constitution and no precedent for midseason changes, I'm much more in favor of Option #1. We can deal with this in the offseason if people truly would like to change this policy.
That's my 2 cents, but I'd love to hear from all of you.
I have to thank you. Through 5 days of the blog going communal, I've visited it multiple times every single day. I hope many of you have as well. I appreciate all the posts going up, and those taking the 2 seconds to comment when someone does author something. Even if it's a comment ripping apart the post, it feels better to know people are reading. It's been a great start to this new format, and I really look forward to everyone jumping in more and more.
/rant
As an aside, FOR SHAME to those of you that didn't update your team name. FOR SHAME! This was the BOTT Possessive Noun week - one of the best Team Name Topics of the year and you did nothing! You could have thrown out Reabe's Big Nose, Duoss's Beady Eyes, or Peterson's Degree.
Instead, Bill is still rocking his Seattle D team name. Seattle D??? That was a terrible name for it's original topic (Worst 2012 FF Decision) last season and it's just annoying now.
And Joique Store? HAHAHA. Like the Seinfeld episode crossed with the Lion. That's the clever Mankato wit we expect from Crabs.
Bloody Stool? We get it, Juan. You had diarrhea. Get over it.
Wet Trifecta Box - this is such a Kenni name... Bizarre, kinda pervy, and funny only to him.
And Touchdown There? Ok, I actually kinda liked this when I first saw it... WEEKS AGO.
I know I'm mowing Crapswell's lawn here, but CHANGE YOUR FUCKING TEAM NAMES.
/end rant
The Monday Update going forward is going to focus mostly on the box scores of the FF matchups, and implications tonight's game holds. As I mentioned last week, that was what initially spawned the original emails that would be sent out on Mondays. And those emails turned into a full-on blog. All we need now are pictures of us boating with fat chicks and we are the mondaynightwings.com crew
Just as a brief recap, Week 1 was a barnburner. Since the time I started tracking scores (for the Points Bonuses), that was the highest cumulative week we've had on record. Gow was the low point scorer with 84, by no means an embarrassing losing score. Nine teams exceeded 90 points, six were over 100, and 4 surpassed 120 - just a huge week for everyone and our collective league.
So with that as the backdrop, let's review Week 2:
Father Winter took a giant dump on us yesterday. The older I get, the less I like snow. I mean I like to have it around for Christmas for ambience and all that shit, but overall I could really do without.
As someone who owns a home with a driveway, it's a pain in the ass to manage. I have a snowblower, which admittedly is easier/more fun than a shovel, but I'd still rather do neither. I spent probably a combined 3 hours outside yesterday screwing around with the fucking snow, when I could have been watching Gow's defense score oodles of points.
And then the dickhead plow FINALLY comes by overnight, and barricades my fucking driveway so nobody can get in or out. So I had to deal with that shit this morning.
And last winter's weeny snowfall really opened my eyes to how nice it was to not have too much of it. I could go for a run in January without breaking my neck. I didn't ruin my dress shoes. It got a lot nicer and warmer way faster in the Spring because there wasn't a million tons of snow to melt. I was mowing the lawn in March.
I realize I'm the idiot in Minnesota, complaining about the snow. There are lots of places I could move to and my dream would be realized. But fuck that. I'm not going anywhere. I can wait this out. I'll continue to pollute and maximize my carbon footprint to ensure Global Warming screws up winters permanently.
Maybe as we have kids and they get older, and subsequently enjoy playing in the snow, it will be fun again to go out sledding, skiing, and everything else. But right now, especially after a 70-minute Monday morning commute, snow can eat my ass.
The Vikings
What the hell, man...
You know what's really sad about this season? If we even had mediocre-level play (say like Russell Wilson-ish) from the QB position, we'd actually be a reasonable contender. I mean, we're 7-6 right now with a QB that is averaging 137 passing yards over the past 7 games.
Meanwhile, Peterson not only has a legit shot at 2,000 yards, it's not inconceivable that he makes a run at Dickerson's record of 2,105. Think about that. He may do one or both of those things on a team with absolutely no threat of a passing game to keep the defenses honest. He's such a weapon that we're just wasting...
And the defense, though not without it's warts, has been playing pretty good (especially at home) and has rarely been the reason we lost games. Teams aren't throwing the ball with ease against us for the first time in quite a while.
I've ranted about stupid Ponder in this space before. Now, I'm just beaten down. I hope we don't have to endure another season of him while he "progresses" as a pro. We've seen too many young QB's come in and have success right away to keep forcing him in there with his shitty performances.
I'd like to see Webb play, if nothing else just to stop seeing Ponder ruin drives. Webb may suck, but at least he'll be a more entertaining version of sucking. And he actually might be good...
The Gophers
This week brings us the usual Cracker and his Gopher-y goodness regarding the #14 hoops squad. And also the very first guest appearance from our resident Hanson brother, Ned Titwarmer, to discuss the hockey team. Let's see what they've got to say...
1. So, I’ve really not watched much of the Gophers basketball yet this year, but I know we’re mostly the same roster as last year. Give us a rundown of the notable players and what we think they’re capable of doing this year.
The Gophers are essentially the same roster as last season but this looks like a much better team. The primary reason is the emergence of Andre Hollins at the point guard position. He was a freshman that was hobbled with an ankle injury for most of last year but clearly took the reins down the stretch and in to the NIT last year. Hollins is a point guard that can score which is what Tubby coached teams need for the times when his offense stagnates in the half court game. He is averaging 13.7 ppg with 3.4 apg and on two occasions has absolutely gone off offensively with a 41 point performance against then #19 ranked Memphis when he went 12/16 from the floor including 5/5 on 3's and again against South Dakota State going 8/9 from the floor and 6/7 from 3.
Aside from Andre, Rodney Williams has finally emerged as a go to player as his game has started to catch up with his athleticism. He is averaging 12.9 ppg / 6.3 rpg / 2.3 apg and 1.7 bpg. Austin Hollins has been the third player to really emerge. He is our best defender (averaging 2.5 steals per game) and is also chipping in 11.7 ppg / 3.8 rpg / 2.4 apg. The other piece that was expected to really stand out is Trevor Mbakwe. Coming off a knee injury, Tubby has been playing him shorter minutes to get him ready for a bigger role but when needed he has played extended minutes against some of our better competition. He doesn't look quite as explosive as before the knee injury but he can still be a force on the boards.
My goal for this team before the season is the same as it is today: Sweet Sixteen. They have the athleticism to play with anybody in the country. We aren't necessarily as skilled as some of the elite teams but there is no reason the Gophers can't be a 4-5 seed in the NCAA tournament, win a couple games, and then take your chance against a 1 seed and hope that somebody (Hollins) is hot that day.
2. Along with that, may as well address the conference, since it looks pretty strong. We’re less than a month away from B1G play starting up. Where do you see the Gophers ranking within the conference and who else is looking formidable. (Essentially this is your B1G preview)
The Big Ten is clearly the best conference in the NCAA again this year. The Big Ten boasts 6 teams in the top 20 with IU (#1), Michigan (#3), Ohio State (#7), Illinois (#13), Minnesota (#14) and Michigan State (#19). With all those teams winning this week, including Illinois winning at #10 Gonzaga, those rankings should only move higher too.
It is early and some teams inevitably look worse come Big Ten season (Minnesota & Illiniois recently) while others start to look better (usually Michigan State & Wisconsin) but right now this is how the conference looks to me divided in to tiers.
Vying for title/1-3 tourney seed: Indiana, Michigan, Ohio StateLikely NCAA tournament teams (4-9 seed): Illinois, Michigan State, Minnesota, Likely to be somewhere on the bubble: Iowa, Northwestern, WisconsinHoping to play spoiler: Nebraska, Penn State, Purdue
My Big Ten predictions:1. Indiana2. Michigan3. Ohio State4. Minnesota5. Michigan State6. Illinois7. Iowa8. Wisconsin----------------------------9. Northwestern10. Purdue11. Nebraska12. Penn State
--- = bubble cutoff
3. Really should have had 4 points in CC this weekend. What happened? And does that mini-collapse in the 3rd game overshadow what was otherwise an pretty strong weekend for the hockey squad?
(Ed. Note: I sent this question to both Cracker and Ned. Cracker responded to this one with "Ask Ned")
We dominated the first 2 periods. They scored one goal shorthanded in the 3rd (Marshall brain fart give away) and the game tying goal with 24 seconds left with the extra man. The game easily could have been 4-2 or 5-3. I would say that if you told Lucia he'd get out of there with 3 points, he would have been happy. However, you are correct, we should have gotten all 4 points. Sometimes, things like this just happen and I wouldn't dwell on it. However, we should keep this in the back of our minds in case a pattern starts to develop.
Feel free to address anything else hockey-related, as I’ve not seen a ton of the team this year. Who stands out? Who’s the weak link(s)?
What stands out for me so far this year is our Frosh G Adam Wilcox. I would have said G was my biggest concern coming into this season as we were stacked at the other positions with returning starters and Frosh talent. He's played beyond my expectations and I'm guessing Lucia's as well, as Wilcox didn't give him an option to do his stupid "play a different goalie each night" routine. For those that aren't in the know, Lucia has this thing where he takes two good goalies and makes them both mediocre by alternating playing time so no one gets in a groove or has confidence that he's the guy.
What scares me a little is our D. Other than Schmidt (Schmidt Happens!) and Marshall, I'm not seeing the play that we should be getting out of this group. Helgeson looks to be regressing a little and Alt looks like he's afraid to shoot at times. However, this is a veteran group and they should start picking it up soon.
Team Names Are people still paying attention? Why is no one voting? We had THREE votes last week for the villain likeness, which was a pretty awesome category. Do I need to keep voting open longer? What's the deal? I'm not seeing a ton of enthusiasm for the Weekly Team Names as I used to... This week, all but two of you participated, which is basically on-par for the first week of the playoffs. People start taking off and or not even checking anymore around this point in the year. Anyway, Kenny and Dallus didn't submit, so they're off the list this week. Remember, the category was Worst Thing About Wisconsin.
***VOTE IN SIDEBAR*** BEST: I think those of you that participated did a nice job this week in capturing many of the things that truly suck ass about our friends retarded cousins to the East. My choice came down to Highway Construction (which is omni-present of I-94) and Mediocre Beer. I ended up going Mediocre Beer. As I get older and appreciate beer more and more, it's amazing how much shitty beer comes out of Wisconsin. And I'm not some snob... I always have Coors Light in my fridge because sometimes you just want an ice cold light beer. Wisconsin beers just suck. Although Spotted Cow is an exception.
WORST: This was a tough one for me too. Crabs went with Carl Gerbschmidt, which I hope he realizes isn't a real person. If he's using him as some sort of model for all Packer fans, I guess I can get a little more on board with that... But Ned just whiffed on this one... Booze on Sundays. I mean, what is wrong with that? And how is Ned, of all people, the one saying it's wrong? I wish MN would adopt this so we stop giving sales to WI Liquor stores. Back to Miller Lite for a second... are they still making those "punch top" cans? Or did those already get discontinued because they were the dumbest thing anyone who drinks beer had ever seen? Did you guys ever even see these things in distribution?
How do I like you now? I like you LESS now, if you must know.
And by the way... apparently, they don't work.
Team Name Topic Since apathy seems to be starting to set in, let's use that as our focus. This week's topic is Something You've Done (Or Not Done) Out of Laziness. And no, there is not the option of using "Didn't Update Team Name" or even "Mailed In This Team Name" as an option. You're all a bunch of lazy assholes - don't deny it - so just tell us something specific you've done that shows it to be true.
The Games Only had 2 games going this week. Let's review: Gow vs JoJo (Ed. Note: Not sure why the background of the text is white, but I can't seem to fix it without re-typing...sorry)
This was Gow's quote early in the week when his team name was something dumb like Ray and Jimmy, Please Step Up: "With no SNF or MNF plays here, I feel sick with nerves already. Looking at Fred's roster only makes me feel more sick to my stomach." He then posted on the Gameday Thread very early on "Not a good start to the day, when your opponents #1 RB runs 80 yds on your favorite team's defense for a TD." Sure seems like Gow was Dirxing JoJo...
Ok, JoJo has made the case numerous times on this blog that he got beaten numerous times because someone's defense went off against him. I went back and looked at the game logs and here are the games where a defense went for 15+ against him:
Week 1 vs. Ned - 19 points from D - JoJo won
Week 4 vs. Crapswell - 29 points from D - JoJo lost
Week 5 vs. Coconuts - 15 points from D - JoJo lost
Week 8 vs. Gow - 22 points from D - JoJo won (Gow only scored 60 total)
Week 10 vs. Ned (Ned again!) - 28 points from D - JoJo won
Now, there are some unusually strong defensive performances there, but the way JoJo talked about it, you'd think D's were scoring 30 points against him every week. He faced 15+ point defenses FIVE times, and actually went 3-2 in those matchups.
In hindsight, that was a lot of needless analysis, but possibly interesting. Anyway, Gow got 41 points from Seattle D yesterday. 41. Total fantasy points. 41. Wow.
He also got 37 points from the suddenly unstoppable Cam Newton. 78 total points from his QB and D. Insane.
All of this overshadows Danario Alexander who scored 20 points for Gow too. What? Danario freaking Alexander. I so wish the Vikings had him right now...
Gow is going to end up with the highest total team score of the entire season, this while Jimmy Graham gets him less than 4 points and Bryce Brown ran for 6 yards. That's an unbelievable day.
Sorry for all the Gow love. JoJo's team played too.
Drew Brees put up his second straight stinker at the worst possible time for JoJo.
After that, JoJo's team actually played well. His only other letdown was Atlanta D, but everyone else contributed nicely and was in double digits (including his Kicker). He could easily end up with 120+ depending on what Andre Johnson does tonight, and it won't unfortunately won't matter.
Actually it's sad, because it's very likely that we'll wake up tomorrow and JoJo could have beaten either of the other 2 teams playing, but that's Fantasy Football. Gow will move on to face Coconuts in the semis.
Crabs vs. Crapswell
This matchup was and still is much closer...
QB's for both teams (Rodgers and Romo) failed to do much for either team. Rodgers especially let Andy down last night when he was hoping to narrow that gap going into MNF.
Andy started the week very strong last Thursday netting 22 from Knowshon Moreno. I don't know if Crabs has NFL network, but you gotta believe he was throwing things at the TV that night.
If Crabs were to lose by less than 2 points this week, you can thank me. I advised him to sit McFadden in favor of Vick Ballard and that decision cost him exactly 2 points. I'm kinda wanting to root for this to play out.
Dougie Martin found his mojo that had been missing for a month or so and scored 19 points for Crapswell, keeping his team afloat. After that, Andy's team pretty much straight sucked.
Honestly when you look at the box score, it doesn't even seem right that Crapswell is within striking distance tonight. It sure seems like Crabs should have blown him out. But Crabs got disappointing performances from Leshoure and Gonzo, not to mention PIT defense net him 0 points, so here's where we stand...
Crabs leads 96-81 with Gostkowski still playing. Andy counters with Welker and Hernandez. This is incredibly close. If Crabs can get 10 out of Gosty, that means Andy has to make up 25+ points from his 2 guys. Betting odds should favor Crabs, but this one is very much up in the air.
And Andy is going to be in attendance tonight! He'll be cheering vapidly for his first ever FF Playoff win.
Tonight
What a game we have in store tonight: Houston at New England. Now we're talking! Combined records of 20-4. Possible home field advantage on the line in the AFC. This is what a primetime game should look like.
Enjoy it. Because next week... you know 12/17 when we're all planning to show up... guess the game. In fact, try to think of the 2 worst possible teams to have on Monday night... What would be the absolute most miserable game to watch....?
Jets.
Titans.
So, let's appreciate what we have tonight. A good and meaningful matchup. Hopefully the game lives up to the hype (it probably won't).
I'll be in attendance tonight. Hopefully you will be too.
We are getting closer and closer to the end of the regular season... and we're getting a little more clarity with the playoff picture, but nothing is official thus far.
Kudos to you all, especially those of you truly fighting for your 2012 FF lives, because with 2 weeks left, nobody is officially dead...although Ned is truly on life support.
Let's breeze through the usual filler and get to the important stuff about where everyone stands with 2 weeks + tonight left.
The Vikings
BYE WEEK
Our next 3 games are Bears-Packers-Bears. We'll know a lot more about our currently 6-3 squad after that. Vegas odds have us sitting on .500 at that point.
The Gophers
I watched zero seconds of this game, so let's just cut to The White One.
Cracker's College Football Corner
1. I didn't see a second of the MN-Nebraska game and just glossed over the box score. I know you were there... Was there anything positive to take away? What was the biggest disappointment, among the many?
It was ugly. At 8/23 with two interceptions it was by far the worst game Philip Nelson has played. About the only positive thing from his performance was the both picks hit his WRs hands first and then were deflected in to the hands of the DBs rather than a direct bad throw to the DB. The combination of his poor performance and the poor performance of the defense, in particular the secondary, was the biggest disappointment. Taylor Martinez should not be throwing for 300 yards against any defense.
2. Scouting report on Sparty - If we have any chance to win, how would/could it happen?
The Spartans have an elite defense (#10 scoring defense in the country) with a horrible offense (#110 in scoring offense) which keeps them in every game but also keeps their opponent in every game. If we are fortunate enough to force some turnovers and get the ball in good field position we could pull it out.
3. I'm gonna link to AJ Barker's letter to Coach Kill... What the hell happened here? What does this mean for the Coach Kill/Football Team/Athletic Program going forward?
People can read it and form their own opinions. It is hard to know exactly what happened when you only read one side of the story and it clearly sounds like an adolescent that is acting out and struggling to control his emotions.
I think the general response from women would be sensitivity toward the young man that is injured while the general response from men, in particular those that have played football, is 'quit being such a pussy.' I don't think any guy is going to be shocked that a coach yelled at a player to try to throw dirt on the injury and get back out there to play football or that he tried to tear a player down and build him back up.
As for the impact on the program, I think it is just some unnecessary drama and unless something like accusations about Mike Leach come about nothing will really change.
4. Ugh... feel free to comment on the potential National Championship possibilities: Notre Dame-SEC Team or SEC Team-SEC Team.
I'm pissed because I was really looking forward to no SEC team in the BCSCG. All Notre Dame has to do to be in the BCSCG now is to beat a mediocre USC team at USC. Notre Dame is definitely the better team in my opinion but USC has the offensive fire power--particularly at QB/WR---to put up points on a Notre Dame defense that is better against the run than the pass. I remain hopeful that the Trojans can pull the upset but then we're left in a possible be careful what you wish for scenario.
Bama/Georgia play again so one team will be eliminated from contention. Florida still has to play FSU. I personally think FSU wins that game. If UF wins then we're at risk of another SEC/SEC game but after the ugliness that took place last year I think there will be a lot of voter support to put Oregon in that game rather than Florida but only time will tell.
Let's see what Lou Holtz thinks about Notre Dame being #1...
Team Names
If we were in Chapter Meeting, I'd be hissing JoJo right now for not changing his team name. HISSSSSSSSSS
***VOTE IN SIDEBAR***
BEST: this was a hard week for me because none of these things particularly annoy me. If I was applying for a bunch of jobs like Dallus, Cover Letters would probably win, but that's boring.
I guess I'll go with Unnecessary Meetings... I mean, who enjoys unnecessary meetings? In fact, Whitey could have just named his team Meetings, and it probably still would have got my vote.
WORST: I had a very difficult decision on this, until Kenny shows up late and goes with Updating Team Names... And suddenly, my vote became crystal clear.
As someone who writes a weekly blog that averages between 2,000 and 3,000 words, not to mention...
Coordinating/managing the whole goddamn league
Balancing 10 busy people's calendars to schedule the draft
Recording all weekly scores for bonus payouts and statistical info for other blog posts
Weekly Gameday Threads allowing everyone to chat during game viewings (where was everyone yesterday??)
Generally, doing everything I can to keep each and every league member engaged and interested in the league no matter if they are in 1st or Last Place
...it annoys me to hear someone say it's their pet peeve to update their team name time per week because they can't access it from a mobile device. Three things:
Given everything I just wrote, eat my ass.
You work sitting at a computer for 50 hours a week. It takes less than a minute to change your team name. See Point #1.
You absolutely CAN update your team name using a mobile device - I just did. Per the transitive property, you are full of shit.
/rant over
Team Name Topic
This week's topic was inspired by a facebook post from our olf MNF pal, and very proud ND Irish, Christoff.
What "corporate-speak" phrase would you like to permanently eliminate from the English language? I could list off dozens here, but I don't want to steal anyone's thunder.
Most everyone on this has worked in some sort of setting that either was corporate, or reflected corporate culture. Yes, we all know some of you work for the government (and that's why you voted Democrat), but I'm sure they still use bullshit phrases and terms in your offices too. Which ones just piss you off to no end?
There should be no shortage of options this week. And since it is a short week, let's all try to have these updated before Thanksgiving... deal?
The Games
Very abbreviated updates today. Forgive me if this is your pet peeve.
Jerks (78) vs. Coconuts (148)
Juan destroyed me by 70. The only starting player on his team to not score a TD was Seabass. If not for my massacre of Gow earlier in the year, Juan would easily have the inside track to biggest blowout.
Five picks for my supposedly-MVP candidate QB. Figure it the fuck out, Matty Ice.
Juan still trails me by a game in 2nd place, but has taken over the Total Points tiebreaker. My butthole just puckered up a little...
What a trainwreck. These 2 teams combined still trail Coconuts by 40 points.
Crapswell leads by 13 with Forte, V Davis, and SF D going tonight. Kenny has Chicago D is will probably lose an important game between two 5-5 teams.
JoJo (100) vs. Crabs (78)
Very good day for JoJo despite keeping Andre Johnson's 33+ points on his bench.
JoJo still has Gore going while Crabs is done, so these teams will be tied at 6-5 after tonight.
Whitebread (66) vs. Titwarmer (74)
What has happened to Whitey's team...? Manning was his only starter to score a TD yesterday. And starting him over RG3 cost him 12 points.
I just want to point out that Ned is going to win this week and the biggest reason why was because he spent all of $1 on Marcel Reece 2 weeks ago, and he net almost 200 total yards yesterday. This is why everyone should always keep fighting...because you never know.
Ned will win and for now, meaning until tonight is over, keep is very slim dream alive of making the playoffs.
Whitey now joins Ned on life support.
Gow (82) vs. Dallus (68)
Danario Alexander got 2 TD's yesterday, one which shouldn't have counted, and that is about the only positive news about Gow's team.
Dallus fared even worse yesterday, but still has a chance with Marshall going tonight. Very important playoff match, as you will see below...
Projected Standings
The only match in doubt is Gow-Dallus, and for these projections, I'm assuming Gow hangs on tonight.
As always, point totals include yesterday's games.
Team
Record
Points
1st
Jerks
8-3
1143
2nd
Coconuts
7-4
1154
3rd
JoJo
6-5
1078
4th
Crabs
6-5
1027
5th
Crapswell
6-5
1008
6th
Gow
6-5
995
7th
K Hana
5-6
998
8th
Dallus
4-7
1032
9th
Whitebread
4-7
949
10th
Titwarmer
3-8
968
So... 4 teams at 6-5. If these are the standings tomorrow, it means there is a clear group of teams with an inside track to the playoffs, and 3 other teams with a very difficult final 2 weeks.
Yes, I said 3 teams. Because if these are your standings tomorrow, Ned would be officially eliminated. With 6 teams at 6+ wins, he would not mathematically be able to make the playoffs with 2 weeks to go.
So if you prefer the drama... you are rooting for Brandon Marshall and Dallus tonight. If Marshall scores 14+ points, Dallus/Gow/Kenny would all be at 5-6... and Ned would still have life.
If you've read most of the Monday Updates going back to when I started writing them, you know where my rooting interest lies: I love the chaos. Go Marshall. Go Dallus. Go crazy, folks. Go crazy.
Next Week
Here's a preview at the all important slate of games for Week 12:
Jerks vs. JoJo
Crapswell vs. Coconuts
Whitebread vs. Crabs
Gow vs. Ned
Dallus vs. Kenny
I just realized that even if Dallus wins tonight, either he or Kenny will get to 6 wins next week. Which means.... sorry Ned.
Tonight
Springsteen concert last Monday. Short week with a lot of shit to get done at home before Thanksgiving.
Sorry... wish I could be there, but it's a no go for me. Hopefully next week.
SF-CHI. Two teams that play crazy good defense and run the ball... and now BOTH backup Qb's will be starting. Oh goodie... I'm predicting a record shortest 1st Quarter tonight. Drink fast, boys. This game has potential to be shittier than the PIT-BAL circle jerk last night.
And enjoy the short week and the holiday, everyone. Whatever your plans may be, travel safe and eat heartily.
The blog could use some refreshing, specifically the Monday Update. I've heard from a couple of you in the past week that you didn't even get a chance to read last week's entry. Things like that make me sad/frustrated. Trust me, there will be a rant later about the work I put into these and how the least you guys could do is just read it, but we'll get there.
For now I want to focus on how to make it better. I feel like it could be getting stale and I'm worried that some of you fail to read it because much of the content is stuff you could care less about. Fair enough, if it's true, so let me know what you'd like instead.
If there are things you believe we should remove, add, or change, please let me know. And if there's random stuff you'd just like to include as part of it, send it all to me. Many of you have done this in the past in small amounts, but let's make it more of a habit. Videos, photos, links - it's all fair game. Doesn't need to be football-related, in fact it's more fun if it isn't.
This isn't meant to be some poor-me entry and I don't need you all to respond and say "thank you". Rather, I want to know how to make it better, so we can bring back the banter that we lost when we stopped doing these via email.
Help me help you.
LEAGUESAFE PAYMENT IS DUE TOMORROW! EVERYONE HAS PAID EXCEPT FOR IKE CRABS.
The Gophers Trying something new today... I see so little of the Gophers and attempt to recap them each week. We have a couple truly die-hard Gopher fans in our league, one of which is a booster: Marcus Whitebread. So why not give him the floor to give a more accurate rendition of what went down Saturday... Take it away Marcus:
The Gophers win again! The Gophers got off to a sluggish start and then saw their top player, QB MarQueis Gray, get carted off the field with an ankle injury before waking up and responding with a flurry of offense. Western Michigan proved pesky but the combination of back up QB Max Shortell and #WhiteSpeedReceiver AJ Barker proved to be too much to handle as they combined for 3 TDs in a 28-23 victory. At 3-0 the Gophers have already matched last year’s win total.
Very nice! That last sentence is quite the backhanded compliment. And I love how hashtags are becoming just a part of everyday writing. God bless you, Twitter.
The Vikings
BTW, I would love to do the same here, if there are any Vikings fans willing to recap. Because of Directv and RedZone, I actually probably only watch 20% of Vikings games, so if there's someone that would like to make a claim on this space, let me know. I'm sure you're all chomping at the bit...
To quote my dad via text, "Vikings absolutely suck." The score was 20-6 at that point and we did come back to tie, but the point remains. When I talked to him later, he was just as adamant. "Clean house. Spielman, Frazier - they all need to go. Trade everyone."
Might be a little extreme. I still can't figure out if I like Ponder or not. I feel like he usually looks good, but we still can't seem to get enough points on the board, and then we're scrambling to catch up at the end.
So many DUMB penalties yesterday. Some of them being replacement ref-driven, but a lot of self-inflicted mistakes. This tweet came from Deadspin contributor and noted Vikings fan, Drew Magary:
I really wanted to have a better team to cheer for this year. As much fun as #SuckForLuck was last year, I didn't want to have to spend the whole season again looking ahead to the draft. And Matt Barkley isn't really that exciting for me, anyway.
Who knows, maybe we can make some noise this week against the 49ers... Yeah, no. We're gonna lose.
LEAGUESAFE PAYMENT IS DUE TOMORROW! EVERYONE HAS PAID EXCEPT FOR IKE CRABS.
Small Sidebar
A columnist for the KC Star named Kent Babb wrote this amazing takedown of Scott Pioli following the Chiefs loss yesterday. I don't really care about the Chiefs or Pioli, but if you care about quality sportswriting, it's a fantastic read.
It makes me sad that we have such shitty sports columnists in this town. Most are either mouthpieces for the organizations, or just plain lazy and write bullshit, or both. When you read stuff like this, it really makes me wish we had sportswriters that held our teams more accountable, something no one has really done since Barreiro left the Strib.
It's not like Kansas City is some huge market like New York. Their media coalition is likely smaller than that of ours, yet our writers NEVER challenge the teams/leadership the way this column did. For the lengthy forseeable future, we have to live with Sid, Reusse, Souhan, Powers, Shooter.
It makes me sad, yet hopeful, at the same time.
Friday Football Feast
Anyone interested in going to the Friday Football Feast at the U of MN Buffalo Wild Wings on Firday 10/5? For those unaware, Paul Allen broadcasts all his Friday shows during football seasons at various BWW locations and it's just a reason to take Friday off, drink in the morning, and hang out with a bunch of rubes.
I'd be interested if I knew others were attending too. Let me know.
Here's a Fat Guy Dunking
Team Names
Ok first, a small rant...
WHAT THE FUCK? IS IT THAT FUCKING HARD TO CHANGE YOUR TEAM NAMES? I UNDERSTAND PEOPLE ARE BUSY AND DON'T ALWAYS HAVE THE TIME AND ALL THAT BULLSHIT. AS A GUY WITH A WIFE AND A BABY, WHO SPENDS HOURS ON A SUNDAY NIGHT AND MONDAY MORNING TO WRITE A FUCKING BLOG RECAPPING OUR LEAGUE AND PREVIEWING THE MONDAY NIGHT MATCHUPS, I DON'T REALLY GIVE A FLYING FUCK. I BEG YOU ASSHOLES TO COMMENT OR AT LEAST TELL ME YOU LIKED IT, OR YOU DIDN'T, BUT LET ME KNOW YOU FUCKING READ IT. AND NOW, IN WEEK FUCKING TWO, WE'VE GOT THREE TEAMS THAT HADN'T EVEN CHANGED THEIR NAMES AS OF THE SUNDAY GAMES? I KNOW ALL OF YOU CHECK THE INTERNET, AT SOME POINT, EVERYDAY. AND IF YOU SAY YOU DON'T, YOU'RE FUCKING LYING. THIS WASN'T EVEN A HARD TOPIC - POINT OUT SOMETHING THAT SUCKED ABOUT OUR SHITTY HOUSE. PLUS YOU HAVE A NUMBER OF DAYS TO GET IT DONE. CHANGE YOUR FUCKING TEAM NAMES AND ACT LIKE YOU CARE ABOUT THIS LEAGUE.
In all seriousness, one of the things I've enjoyed about our league and been proud of is how engaged everyone is and stays all throughout the season. You rarely see dormant teams or rosters not updated, and generally people make a point to stay competitive, even if their season is lost. I believe a big part of that is because of the things we do to keep people interested. Weekly bonuses, changing team names, the Monday Updates. Maybe I'm crazy and giving myself too much credit, but when people stop caring about doing the little things, it's a sign of things to come. I don't want to have a league where half of us are trying and everyone else just shows up to draft each year. I'm not asking everyone to invest as much time or care about stupid fantasy football as much as I do. I'm simply asking that you stay engaged, appreciate a little bit of what I do each week, and update your fucking team name as a sign of respect.
Along the same lines, it was quite the chore to get votes/commentary from all of you regarding team names each week, so we're going with a new approach...one that should hopefully spawn more comments. Below you'll find voting options for Best and Worst Team Names. Simply cast your vote, and if you have ONE extra minute, tell us why you voted that way in the comments. The poll closes tomorrow at 5pm, so vote ASAP.
And per usual, those that didn't update don't get acknowledged. And on the honor system, no voting for yourself.
Who had the Best Team Name in Week 2?
Who had the Worst Team Name in Week 2?
UPDATE: Provide your worst team vote in the blog. I'll have to figure out how to get two polls in the same posting before next week.
Enjoy technology, gentlemen.
This week's topic comes to us courtesy of our friend Andy Crapswell (thank you, Andy): Celebrity That Needs To Die As Soon As Possible. Now, if death is a little too extreme for you, then you can think of it more as "who needs to get kicked in the dick (or female genetalia, if it happens to be a woman". Either way, pick someone if the public eye who sucks.
My choice is easy: Pitbull
He's always adjusting his fucking cuffs!
This fucking guy... I can't stand him. He constantly promotes himself as being so fucking cool, but you know what? You promote Dr. Pepper and Bud Light, "Mr. Worldwide". Both of your preferred beverages suck donkey dick.
Sorry, but I need to say more. First of all, nice song there... Let's repeat "Let's have a real good time" over and over. I so do not understand today's music.
I searched and searched but could not find the radio ad I was looking for... Essentially, there is this Bud Light radio spot with Pitbull talking about how to get your party up to different "percentages". For example, the party starts with "your friends" at 30%. Then you add "their friends" and it goes to 50%. Then you have "your friends, their friends, and beautiful women" to 70%. Then you add Bud Light to all of that to get your party to 100%. THEN... you add "my music!" to get your party to 150%.
I shit you not, that's an actual radio commercial and I hope you all can hear it at some point in it's truly amazing awfulness.
God, I would love to see Pitbull kicked in the dick so hard. While he's adjusting his cuffs.
LEAGUESAFE PAYMENT IS DUE TOMORROW! EVERYONE HAS PAID EXCEPT FOR IKE CRABS.
The Games
Dick vs. NooShoo
Let's start with Dallus. His team was bad last week, but apparently it's good now. Really good. He already exceeded the highest point total from Week 1.
Trent Richardson (aka T-Pain) did not play like a Brown, meaning he played very well. Strong.
Chris Johnson ran for over 2,000 yards a few years ago. I'm not making that up, nor was it a dream. It actually did happen. I really don't understand how you can fall off a cliff so fast, but he has.
Dallus had a starting RB and WR both score less then 3 points each, yet he scored 117pts. No easy feat. Well done, Dick.
Gow...
He started Antonio Gates. Gates, for those that fell asleep and missed it, was inactive for yesterday's game. On the plus side, his backup scored 3 TD's, so that's nice.
I would wager a significant amount of money that Shoo has a starting QB not named Locker next week.
Wasted a HUGE day from Hakeem Nicks... the Giants passing game is going to be a theme here.
No one left to play. Dallus pulls the upset over Gow, 117-89. He's your current Points Bonus leader.
Andy vs. Kenny
Two 0-1 teams going at it.... let's start with Crapswell.
His team is starting to look like an infirmary: Forte, Jennings, Hernandez. He's going to struggle to field a competitive lineup next week.
Rodgers with 10pts at home against the Bears? How did the Packers win that game again? Oh right, Cutler threw like a hundred picks and got sacked a thousand times.
Andy does have a very good backup TE (the Gow strategy) in Vern Davis. Two TD's from him, just about the only bright spot for Andy's team.
Kenny... it was all about Bush. Michael didn't actually do much, but is in line for a huge workload increase in the next couple weeks with Forte out.
Reggie Bush? I'm just shocked at how good he's looked. Someone for the Saints should be fired.
Kenny is currently up almost 30 with Decker and Tamme still playing tonight. Andy has Matt Bryant and will wake up on Tuesday 0-2.
Rod vs. Juan
Big days for me from Foster and Spiller. Spiller will be the #1 Player (for fantasy purposes) after Week 2. Got him for $2. (makes Lo-Face)
MJD scored a receiving TD and if you saw it, you know it was blind luck.
Juan had a very, very good week. Double digit scorers from all except for Dez and Shonn Greene. Those guys really hurt him because he was on his way to a really big week.
Eli threw for 510 yards... on Juan's bench. Wasn't too big of a deal because Rivers almost matched his fantasy totals, but it's still funny to me.
Vincent Jackson also had a very good day... on the bench. Starting him over Dez (not that you would ever do that) might have sealed this one for Juan.
Instead, we've got this: Juan currently leads by about 7pts with Michael Turner. I still have Peyton, Julio and Demaryius all going tonight. C'MON shootout!
Crabs vs. JoJo
Crabs really didn't have a great day, despite a pretty good point total. DMC sucked. Fred Davis sucked. Romo sucked. Pats D sucked (seriously AZ at home?).
Giants passing game anyone? Cruz was a monster and that super long TD was a big savior for Crabs.
Gostkowski might be Crabs' MVP from yesterday, even though he missed the winning FG at the gun.
JoJo's team did not show up... Jamaal Charles, where the fuck were you?
DeMarco Murray, them Cowboys needed more.
Calvin - seeming more and more human, and less Decepticon, each week.
Frank Gore, somehow, looks better than ever... but it wasn't enough.
Crabs currently leads 94-77. JoJo will need a huge night from ATL defense or Crabs moves to 2-0.
Marcus vs. Ned
Considering the low point totals, these guys don't deserve too many bullets...
For Ned, Dwayne Bowe scored 2 TD's. Where does Bowe get off scoring twice? WTF, Bowe. I didn't even realize the Chiefs scored twice the whole game.
All these guys were bad for Ned: Stafford, Andre Johnson, Steven Jackson, Owen Daniels, Jets D.
For Marcus, Larry Fitz and Jerm Finley scored 1 pt. Combined.
Stevie Johnson, McCoy, and Reggie Wayne all scored a TD each to salvage their days.
The Packers, as was already mentioned, had a million turnover and sacks.
Ned leads by 13 with Roddy still to play. Marcus counters with Matt Ryan and McGahee. This is the best matchup to watch tonight.
LEAGUESAFE PAYMENT IS DUE TOMORROW! EVERYONE HAS PAID EXCEPT FOR IKE CRABS.
Tonight
I will not be in attendance tonight.
For the foreseeable future, I believe I will be on an every other week sort of schedule. I will be watching the entire game (I hope) while texting those of you in attendance.
