Monday Update: Running Out of Time

Gentlemen,

There is only 2 weeks left of the Fantasy Football regular season. No matter how your team is doing, let that sink in...

Yes, this sucks. For all of us. Nobody wins when football leaves.

Now let me remind you that six of us will have at least one more week beyond Thanksgiving to keep playing. Fantasy Football is most fun in December. Will you be among those that advance to the next round?

The clock is ticking, gents...

The Games

Andy Crapswell (120) vs. Ike Crabs (110)

• Quite the charmed week for Crapswell, your Points Bonus leader.
• Crabs countered with one of his strongest weeks...in a losing effort.

Juan Coconuts (88) vs. Bill Fredricks (84)

• Juan got 39 points from his Kicker and Defense. This is how you still win when AJ Green and Jimmy Graham combine for 4.8pts. 
• Juan still has Brady with a very slight outside shot at the Points Bonus.
• Bill decided to start a Tampa RB and had the choice of Brian Leonard or Bobby Rainey...

NooShoo Gow (94) vs. Marcus Whitebread (76)

• Bizarro Week for Gow with Chris Johnson and Rashad Jennings each getting 20pts.
• Gow with a legit shot at the Points Bonus with Gronk and Amendola going tonight.
• Whitebread's nightmare schedule continues and he'll earn his 8th loss, meaning he is all but mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. 

You deserved better, Cracker... We'll miss you.

• Obligatory note: if Cam somehow outscores both Gronk and Amendola by more than 20pts, we'll need to put the OE back in that bottle.

Rod Jerks (96) vs. Dick Dallus (77)

• My non-QB's scored 2 touchdowns and got 2 concussions.
• Dallus' non-QB's scored 1 touchdown, fumbled once, and suffered one hyperextended knee.
• This wasn't the prettiest of match ups...
• Matt Prater missed a 50-yard FG last night, and this was literally my reaction:

• This one is not over. Dallus still has Greg Olsen, and has been trying like crazy to jinx me.

Kenni Hana (82) vs. Ned Titwarmer (70)

• Kenni started Ben Tate and Chris Ivory and somehow both were better than AP.
• Ned probably wanted to start Donald Brown (21pts), but couldn't bring himself to do so.
• Kenni still has Gostkowski going. Ned needs to make up 12 points with Ridley and Panthers D. 
• This match is the most in doubt - Yahoo is projecting it 59% for Kenni, but only by 2 points. I know we're all equally excited about seeing who wins...

Looking Ahead...

Using Yahoo's projections, here is tomorrow's standings

Place	Team	Record
1st	Rod Jerks	8-3
2nd	Kenni Hana	8-3
3rd	Andy Crapswell	7-4
4th	Ned Titwarmer	6-5
5th	Bill Fredricks	5-6
6th	Juan Coconuts	5-6
7th	NooShoo Gow	5-6
8th	Ike Crabs	4-7
9th	Dick Dallus	4-7
10th	Marcus Whitebread	3-8

With 2 weeks to go, this really is turning into two separate battles... the fight at the top for the byes, and the fight to make the playoffs.

Taking this a step further, here are next week's matchups:

• Rod Jerks (8-3) vs. Andy Crapswell (7-4)
• Ned Titwarmer (6-5) vs. Dick Dallus (4-7)
• Ike Crabs (4-7) vs. Marcus Whitebread (3-8)
• Juan Coconuts (5-6) vs. NooShoo Gow (5-6)
• Kenni Hana (8-3) vs. Bill Fredricks (5-6)

Some really big games next week. The match between myself and Crapswell is likely to be lopsided in his favor as I'll have Wilson and McCoy on bye, AND both Welker and Reed likely out. Not jinxing anything, but just saying... I'm likely to be starting players not currently on my roster. That would make both Andy and me 8-4 going into the final regular season week, separated by just points. 

Andy has been dreaming about a #1 seed all season, and he is SO FREAKING CLOSE...

Kenni could be in position to make that a 3-way tie with his match against Bill, who despite a 5-6 record, is still very dangerous with Manning at QB.

And Juan and Gow play maybe the most important remaining match of the season. Their game could quite possibly determine who between the two of them makes the playoffs and who dicks around in the consolation bracket.

Can you feel the excitement???

Tonight

A good game! New England vs. Carolina! 

I'll be there. I'm assuming the usual crew of Whitebread, Gowser, Crapswell, and Titwarmer will also be there. 

Juan Coconuts might be there, but he could be looking to crack a few skulls after a number of you were dicks to him via text last Monday... 

See you tonight, boys.

Oh, and one more thing...

Dallus - we'll see you this weekend. Gopher/Badger game will likely be ending during the actual ceremony, because of your awesome planning skills. 

We'll all be drunk and watching on our phones...