2013's Boobs and Butts...I meant Booms and Busts

Keeping with some rules of no significant injuries where they missed more than two consecutive games, the player wasn't traded, dropped or picked up....I submit to you a few of the biggest BUSTs and BOOMs of the 2013 draft. A few that immediately stick out were...

Running Backs - BUSTS
Trent Richardson   $55 for 109.9 points = 1.99 pts/$  Ned
Ray Rice               $56 for 120.1 points = 2.14 pts/$  Crabs
CJ Spiller              $51 for 121.2 points = 2.37 pts/$  NewShoo

Wide Receviers - BOOM
Josh Gordon         $4 for 227.4 points = 56.85 pts/$  Crabs
Alshon Jeferry      $1 for 194.6 points = 194.6 pts/$   Juan

Yes these include week 17 numbers but I didn't care to look it up and subtract it.

Comment if you can find a better boom or bust...I only ran through the list once.

Monday Update: Final Standings & FF Playoffs

Gentlemen,

First day back in the office in over a week and lots to do, so I'm just doing the bare bones here. If Coconuts wants to brag, gloat, or call more attention to his Championship victory, he'll have to write his own blog post. 

Here's the final standings with $ that will be paid out via LeagueSafe shortly:

PLACE	TEAM	PRIZE $	POINTS $	LOSER $	EMPIRE $	TOTAL $
1st	Juan Coconuts	$400	$15	$10		$425
2nd	Andy Crapswell	$200	$30			$230
3rd	Rod Jerks	$100	$15	$5	$40	$160
4th	Kenni Hana		$30			$30
5th	NooShoo Gow		$15	$5		$20
6th	Ned Titwarmer			$5		$5
7th	Marcus Whitebread		$30	$10		$40
8th	Bill Fredricks		$45			$45
9th	Ike Crabs		$15	$15		$30
10th	Dick Dallus			$15		$15
						$1,000

The Empire $ is not being awarded to me, but it needs to carry over to next season. Thus, I'm awarding to myself and going to keep it in my LeagueSafe account until the 2014 season. My entry fee next year will be $140, and I believe we can set it up as an Empire League that will have a separate pool for carryover money each year. 

The only person that can win that money next season (which will be $80 at that point) is Juan Coconuts. He's officially Public Enemy #1. I look forward to us all ganging-up on him at the draft.

The Champions

I officially started this league in 2005 and we just now completed our 9th season, which means we've had 9 champions. Here they are:

2005 - Dick Dallus

2006 - NooShoo Gow

2007 - Bill Fredricks

2008 - Kenni Hana

2009 - Ike Crabs

2010 - Ike Crabs

2011 - Rod Jerks

2012 - Rod Jerks

2013 - JUAN COCONUTS!

Whenever we get a trophy, which hopefully will happen this offseason, these are the names that will be printed on it. Congratulations to Juan.

The list of those yet to win: 

• Andy Crapswell (Oh so close...)
• Marcus Whitebread (Mark Brunell's 5 TD's)
• Ned Titwarmer (Brian Westbrook's laydown)

Playoffs (INPUT NEEDED)

There has been some discussion about reformatting our current playoff setup - I'm up for whatever, but we need to figure this out quickly.

As a reminder, our typical playoff format allows you to submit as many teams as you're willing to pay for, similar to brackets for March Madness. Different combinations of players (1 from each team) filling out a roster of 2 QB, 4 RB, 4 WR/TE, 2 K. 

• Some have complained that this really comes down to submitting the most teams. While this isn't exactly true, it certainly does help your odds to submit multiple entries. And the more you submit, the better your chances.
• Some have also simply requested to "mix it up", both with our actual league and playoffs. We can debate our league another day, but I'm certainly willing to mix up the playoff format if the league desires to do so.

The option I would propose as an alternative actually mirrors our regular season league. We would have a draft, probably via email over a couple days, fill out individual rosters (we can determine size), and each player only gets drafted once. 

• The draft would be fun because it not only factors in taking the best players, but also the ones that you believe will advance and play the most games. 
• Personally, I want to try this, but we need everyone on board. Especially to keep the draft moving...

Would love your thoughts in the comments. We need everyone to chime in, if not below then via text. If we decide to go the second route, I'll draw names and we can start the draft today.

Finally

Not sure when my next post will be... I'll try to keep an update on here for the Playoff FF, whatever format we choose.

But in the meantime, thanks for another awesome season. You all know I dig Fantasy Football more than most, but I wouldn't like it this much if we all didn't participate to the level we do. I know lots of people that have not kept in touch with their college buddies as much as we have, and I feel like this league gives us a reason to do so... And as your commissioner, that makes me feel like a proud papa. 

Not to get all sentimental, but I really love this league and look forward to continuing on as your commish for many years to comes, hopefully with this exact same group of guys. 

And a special thanks to those that began their blogging career this season. I think Bottball stepped up to a new level this year, and hope to have it continue even more next season. We need to figure out different posts to have during the offseason...

Anyway, getting long-winded here... You guys are the best. Love you all.

Keep on keepin' on, boys.

Ra'Shede Hageman for real or not?

Knowing that there is a football void, of the fantasy nature, I thought I would fill that space in your heart with some draft analysis.

Watching the Gophers square off against the Syracuse Orangemen, I paid particular attention to Ra'Shede Hageman. Many experts have touted Hageman as a first rounder, but Whitebread and Titwarmer have casted doubt on this assessment. I believe the most common thing I'd heard from these two, were that Hageman doesn't make plays... and disappears at times.

Here are my observations of Hageman from the bowl game:

• The Gopher defense rotates their defensive linemen way too often. Sure it keeps the linemen fresh and healthy, but this limits statistical output. My guess is that this is a contributing factor to Marcus' and Ned's comments, as the guy isn't on the field for half of the defensive snaps. Which is pretty lame for your supposed best defender.
• Hageman is a man amongst boys. At 6'6"/311 lbs, great arm length, athletic nimble feet, and a nasty demeanor... there is no wonder why NFL evaluators are drooling over this guy.
• To his advantage, he keeps linemen away from his body with those crazy long arms. This ability keeps him in almost every play, or at the very least a positively contributing defender eating up blockers.
• The Gophers line him up in a number of positions (NT, 3-Technique, DE/5-Technique), which adds to Hageman's resume as a scheme diverse down lineman.
• Purely guess-work, but what I saw was that Hageman was asked to do a ton of read-and-react assignments... as opposed to going after the quarterback. But when he did go after the QB, his speed/strength and good mix of pass rush moves were flat out unstoppable.
• The blemishes in Hageman's games were: [1] Tendencies to not anchor well, and play high when playing inside. [2] That same poor leverage would cause him to loose ground and allow him to be pushed back.

Overall, I see Ra'Shede Hageman as an near elite 5-Technique DE (in a 3-4 Defense) who could easily be drafted in the middle of the first round. With the abundance of teams utilizing the 3-4, this possibility is very high. Also, if Hageman participates at the NFL combine, yes he seems good enough to opt out, he will likely cause a frenzy as a combine freak. That said, if a 4-3 team drafts him to play inside... he won't be all that special. His splash plays will be few and far between, and will just be another guy... so lets hope that a 3-4 team drafts him.


Off subject: I just heard that Brett Smith (QB from Wyoming) surprisingly declared for the draft. Seeing this guy play in two games, with zero intention of following this guy or Wyoming football, but his ability jumps out. With this news, and Mettenberger's unfortunate ACL/MCL injury, Smith rises up.

Top QBs:

1. Derek Carr - Fresno State
2. Johnny Manziel - Texas A&M
3. Brett Smith - Wyoming
4. Teddy Bridgewater - Louisville
5. (Tie) Black Bortles - UCF ... and ... Zach Mettenberger - LSU

Anatomy of a Fantasy Football Loss

Let's see, it's been almost two months since I've posted anything on the blog. I hoped to do an occasional Vikings Update, but I've been so busy at work these last two months that I truly feel it's negatively impacted my fantasy performance, which I consider this blog to be a part of. Time for a new job (seriously).

Now that I'm over my exit from fantasy football this year, I thought it would be entertaining to highlight a few key moments from Week 13 that epitomized my entire season. I wanted to do this sooner, but I think it's still worth sharing.

Downfall #1: Starting an old, injured tight-end
Antonio Gates had been banged up over the last half of the season but was serviceable enough to start considering there wasn't anyone else I'd consider an upgrade heading into the weekend. There were reports of him possibly not playing on Sunday, but this has been the message every single week for the past three years so why would this week be any different? I checked my roster mid-morning and no updates.

11:55pm: I check my lineup one more time and see this message: According to ESPN's Adam Schefter, Gates "doesn't know how long he can go." Fuuuuuck you Rotoworld and Yahoo for putting this up now. My computer was off, so I had to scramble on Yahoo's FFB app on my phone to find a body. Not good. I'm standing up in my dining room to maximize my efficiency and eliminate child-enabled distractions.

11:57pm: I'm looking at Charles Clay or John Carlson. Both terrible, but at least they should be playing the whole game.

11:58pm: Girl Child climbs onto a chair and starts drawing on our dining table with a marker. Fuck it, it's washable, no major harm done. Add John Carlson? Done.

11:59pm: Girl Child is now standing on the chair, reaching up to the sky for no apparent reason. Jess yells at me from the kitchen to get her down, and I quickly turn to place her back on the ground and then insert John Carlson into my starting lineup in one swift motion.

12:00pm: Error message, player not added.

Final week 13 points: Antonio Gates - 2.10, John Carlson 6.10.


Downfall #2: Victor Cruz tackled at the 1 yard line
This can happen to a FFB team in any given week as well but is another good example of things not breaking your way all season long. For the record, I still like Victor Cruz as a player, but I didn't bank on Eli becoming worse than Ponder this year.

1st and 10 at WSH 20	(Shotgun) E.Manning pass short left to V.Cruz to WAS 1 for 19 yards (D.Hall, L.Fletcher) [C.Baker]. PENALTY on WAS-D.Hall, Unsportsmanlike Conduct, 0 yards, enforced at WAS 1.
1st and 1 at WSH 1	A.Brown right tackle for 1 yard, TOUCHDOWN. The Replay Assistant challenged the runner broke the plane ruling, and the play was Upheld.

Downfall #3: "Roughing the passer" against the Saints

During this game, Russell Wilson was basically doing to the Saints what Brees should have been doing to the Seahawks. Noo-Shoo had already Dirxed me at this point by walking out of the bar, but I wasn't going to let that get in the way of my victory. Regardless, I was feeling good about my chances at this point since I needed one more field goal from Haushka to put me over the top. As soon as this happened in the 3rd quarter, I knew it was all over. 

3rd and 2 at NO 20	(Shotgun) R.Wilson pass incomplete short left to D.Baldwin [A.Hicks]. PENALTY on NO-A.Hicks, Roughing the Passer, 10 yards, enforced at NO 20 - No Play.
1st and 10 at NO 10	M.Lynch right tackle to NO 8 for 2 yards (D.Hawthorne, W.Herring).
2nd and 8 at NO 8	R.Wilson pass short right to D.Coleman for 8 yards, TOUCHDOWN. Touched first by SS #87. The Replay Assistant challenged the pass completion ruling, and the play was Upheld.

If you watched the play, it was a BS penalty (happens almost every game, but still...). The Seahawks went on Cruz control (see how I did that?) the rest of the way and made no effort to score any more points. 

If any one of these things goes my way, I win in Week 13. Instead I lose by 1.78 and am out of the playoffs. Predictably, my team shit the bed in Week 14, so it didn't matter in hindsight. But still, there is that feeling of self-gratification when you make it into one of the highly coveted playoff spots in our league. 

What's the lesson here? I don't know. Maybe don't have kids and a full-time job if you want to win? It's got to be one or the other. If Andy wins next week, this theory will hold true for at least one year...

Pick ups of the year: Good things DO happen on September 11th!

Lets start out with some well deserved awards! You might not be able to tangibly kiss the crystal penis trophy that we all had thought up for this award, but let it be known that we all want to kiss your actual penis for how good your FF perseverance was!

Life is funny sometimes. Sometimes we totally blow off LPGA for having the most overtly rough cooch licking lesbians that couldn't get a life term prisoner hard, and then we end up giving the good looking one the trophy shaped like the largest penis known to the western world (notice how I left out Africa -- you know their trophies are HUGE and probably just made out of food anyway cause they're just gonna pawn them to feed their families).  It just gets me upset that there's so many total muff diving queens there that would have made so much of a better picture kissing a glass dick than this chick. Fuck Cheerios.

I know in the past we've had a few others that I forget, but one of the most frequent and beneficial actions we can do during the season is the PICKUP and we had a few solid choices these past 4 months while grinding it out...

Monday Update: A New Champion Will Be Crowned

Gentlemen,

For the first time since this blog began, there will be a Week 16 Championship that won't include me. I know this sounds like #FirstWorldFFProblems, but I'm still sad about it.

Monday Update: Prepare to be Disappointed

Gentlemen,

Very busy day today. And didn't get home til late yesterday. So, not a whole lot of goodies today...

The Games

Andy Crapswell (57.20) vs. Ned Titwarmer (65.92)

• Ned leads, but don't let that fool you. He is done. With 66 points... much to the chagrin of the teams left out of the playoffs.
• Andy's highest scoring player is currently Charles Clay. That should be a damning sentence, but it's actually not...
• Andy need a combined 9 points from McCown, Forte, Murray, and Bailey. I don't even think jinxing is possible. Andy is a 99% favorite on Yahoo.

Juan Coconuts (109.12) vs. NooShoo Gow (78.78)

• A surprisingly competitive match between two teams with negative-scoring Defenses. 
• Juan got quite the boost from Brady with 2 TD's in about a minute. And every player on his team thus far has scored a TD.
• Meanwhile Gow also produced a strong week despite starting Alex Smith and losing Gronk. Still, he has an uphill battle tonight.
• Juan has Alshon. Gow has Dez and Bob Gould. While I do think Juan is the favorite, I think Yahoo's 92% projection seems a little high.

Per Yahoo's projections, next week's semifinals will be:

• Juan Coconuts (4) vs. Kenni Hana (1)
• Andy Crapswell (3) vs. Rod Jerks (2)

Both Juan and Andy have not won the title before, and combined they have just one Championship appearance (Juan in 2012). They will be the sentimental favorites.

Tonight

I'll be there. Probably not staying for the whole game, but I'll be there hopefully long enough to watch Jeffrey and Dez score 18 points combined (Dad's league). 

Juan, Gow, Andy, Ed:  two of you will be finished after tonight. I expect to see you all there. It's been a pleasure.

See you tonight, dudes.

Snow: Great for real life, Terrible for Fantasy

It's been a while since we've had a game day thread, so I thought I would throw this out there.

I have a feeling there are going to be a lot of low scores this week.

WEDNESDAY Update: One Final Look Back

Gentlemen,

While this post is belated, I don't want to spend it looking forward... That is another post for another day.

Today: we lament.

Weekly FAAB update

This is the week where we usually see a lot of high priced pickups and a lot pickups based on playoff schedules.

However, with both Kenni and Bob on a limited budget, they'll have to do most of their pickups the old fashioned way. Andy clinched a spot last week, so I was surprised he didn't go for a bigger splash to shore up his playoff rosters (or block others).

As for those who are sitting on the outside looking in, I was surprised there wasn't more overspending knowing your season could end if you don't win this week. Obviously, you all have more faith in your .500 or below team more than I do.

Player	Cost	Team	Next Highest Bid	Differential	Pickup week
Benny Cunningham	$13	Andy	$10	$3	13
Dennis Johnson*	$18	Kenni	$0	$18	13
Bilal Powell	$10	Ned	$5	$5	13
Nate Burleson	$15	Ned	$0	$15	13
Julian Edelman	$6	Andy	$0	$6	13
Andy Dalton	$3	Dallas	$0	$3	13
Miami	$2	Dallas	$0	$2	13

Monday Update: Last Call

Gentlemen,

Late flight back to good ol' Minnesota yesterday, and I didn't work at all last night on the Update.

Thus, you get the info, but not the funnies today.

My apologies... I did have to get some work done.

The Games

Kenni Hana (79.58) vs. Bill Fredricks (53.70) 

• Kenni continues to J his way to the top. He could very likely be alone in 1st place tomorrow, and at the very least will be tied for the top spot.
• Between these 2 teams, they started a combined NINE players that scored less than 5 points. Yes someone gets to win. Of course it's Kenni.
• Nice week, Bill.

Dick Dallus (92.80) vs. Ned Titwarmer (67.02)

• Ned was riding high just a month ago, looking like a favorite for a playoff bye. After losing 4 in a row, he's now at risk of not making it in...
• Meanwhile, someone break up Dallus! The newlywed is going to be fighting for that final spot next week, and he could very well knock Ned out to claim it.
• Regarding the actual players, both of Ned's RBs scored negative points. I'm pretty sure that's never happened before and is likely to never be repeated. 
• Dallus' team is red hot, scoring 6 TD's and he still has RG3 going tonight. He's the favorite for this week's Points Bonus.

Marcus Whitebread (100.96) vs. Ike Crabs (78.88)

• It's pretty comical that this is one of Cracker's best teams in the past few seasons, and he still could legitimately finish last...
• Meanwhile Crabs could have scored 139 points (with Davis still to play), and yet he sits there right now at 79... Rivers (28), Wallace (19), SJax (14), and Cardinal D (13) all on the bench.
• Interesting match here... Crabs needs to win to keep any slim playoffs hope alive. He has a legit shot with Alf Mo and VDavis. Whitebread counters with 49ers D.
• Whitebread is a 70% favorite, according to Yahoo.

Juan Coconuts (105.46) vs. NooShoo Gow (62.90)

• Very important matchup here... coming into this week, these were the #6 and #7 teams in the standings, meaning only one of them would make it in, at that point.
• Juan has put up one of his stronger scores of the year, but Gow is still in it...barely.
• Gow is pushing for lots of SF scores tonight as he has both Kaepernick and Gore, and needs 43 points between the. 
• Juan is an 80% favorite to win, but you know he'll be sweating if Kap throws a TD to Gore in the 1st Q.

Rod Jerks (86.68) vs. Andy Crapswell (78.22)

• If you had told me last week, I'd be up 8 going into MNF, I'd have been thrilled. 
• If you had told me yesterday at 7pm, I'd be up 8 going into MNF, I'd have asked 'How...unless Moreno gets 37 carries?' 
• Oh.
• FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. 
• God fucking dammit. Fuck you Welker, you fucking droptastic cuntbag. And Peyton too, you gimpy, spastic, suckass in the cold. Move the goddamn ball by passing once in a while.
• My team wasn't particulary strong this week, but Andy's was ass-tastic until last night. And now he's favored to win with Garcon going. I'll explain shortly why this sucks even more than usual.
• Andy is officially a 58% favorite to win. 

Looking Ahead

Here's a look at tomorrow's standings, assuming the favorites win:

Place	Team	Record
1st	Kenni Hana	9-3
2nd	Andy Crapswell	8-4
3rd	Rod Jerks	8-4
4th	Juan Coconuts	6-6
5th	Ned Titwarmer	6-6
6th	Bill Fredricks	5-7
7th	Dick Dallus	5-7
8th	NooShoo Gow	5-7
9th	Marcus Whitebread	4-8
10th	Ike Crabs	4-8

A loss to Andy suddenly knocks me out of a 1st Round bye position. We still have one week, left, but suddenly I'm on the outside-looking-in. I know no one cares about this, but it really pisses me off. All because of stupid Knowshon Moreno and his amazing career game.

Nice job, Del Rio. Way to give your injury-prone RB a million carries. Oh, whaddya know??? He fucking left the game on crutches. Great coaching, asshat.

If by some miracle, Garcon doesn't get Andy his 8 points tonight, Kenni and I would both be 9-3 and have 1st Round byes locked up. So Kenni, you should be rooting for me!!!

Going deeper into the standings, we see Juan Coconuts is all but assured a playoff spot, assuming his lead holds tonight. Given his point total, a whole lot would have to go wrong next week for him to not make it.

On the other hand, there is a legit scenario where Ned doesn't make it if he loses next week. Bill certainly has him beat in points, and Dallus also will after tonight. 

Whitebread is out of the basement, at least for this week. If he wins next week, he gets to officially save himself of L'Ass't place... that honor will go to Crabs.

Oh... and FUCK YOU KENNI.

Week 13 Schedule

• Rod Jerks vs. Marcus Whitebread
• Ned Titwarmer vs. Andy Crapswell
• Dick Dallus vs. Kenni Hana
• Juan Coconuts vs. Ike Crabs
• Bill Fredricks vs. NooShoo Gow

That last matchup might be most crucial, certainly for the teams involved. Both Gow and Bill will (likely) be 5-7. Bill should earn a spot with a win. Gow will need win, plus some help.

Ned may need to be Andy to save his season. Andy will be fighting for a bye.

I'll be taking on the guy I've been ragging for weeks... You know, the one tied for last with the most points in the league. 

Dallus hasn't made the playoffs in quite some time. He'll have to avoid the Kenni J-ish luck to do so.

Juan plays Ike in a match that likely can't change the fate of either. Juan will be in. Ike will be out.

Tonight

I won't be there. I'll be on a dumbass conference call with my Management and Organizational Behavior group. 

And then I'll be watching intently, hoping/praying Pierre Garcon does not get 8 fantasy points. I don't root for injuries, but if he happened to get hurt, I'll probably look like this...

Enjoy the game, boys. See you next week. 

Team name

No frills this week....

"We regret to inform you that the Department (or Office) of _____________ has denied your request for ______________".

Therefore you team name should have a minimum of two words. Examples include:

"Health / AIDS testing"
"Gays / More Rainbows"
"Transportation / Seatbelts"
"STD's / more sex"
"Army / more rapes"
"DD Cups / s Breast Reduction"

You get the idea. 

This is basically the one week Dallus is excused from doing anything FF related, so if he changes his name this week, you suck. On that note CONGRATULATIONS to you, sir. Wish you guys the best.

I can't tell if this was taken last decade or last week....

Weekly FAAB update

Slow week this week. Not sure if that's because people have given up, don't have any money left, are happy with their teams or there just aren't any good players out there right now. I'm going with the latter. I'll award myself the weekly prize for paying $12 for a guy I could have picked up for free.

Player	Cost	Team	Next Highest Bid	Differential	Pickup week
Emmanual Sanders	$12	NEd	$0	$12	11
Michael Floyd	$15	Marcus	$4	$11	12
Chris Ogbonnaya	$8	Gow	$1	$7	12

Monday Update: Running Out of Time

Gentlemen,

There is only 2 weeks left of the Fantasy Football regular season. No matter how your team is doing, let that sink in...

Weekly FAAB Update

This week, we learned how a players perceived value can dramatically change from one week to the next. Case in point: Marques Colston. He was picked up last week for $2, then subsequently dropped. One big game, and he gets picked up for $10 this week.

The "Why the hell not?" award goes to Andy for his $22 pick up of Tavon Austin - creating the second largest $ differential this season (Edelman is still #1 at $27).

Player	Cost	Team	Next Highest Bid	Differential	Pickup week
Jarret Boykin	$11	Marcus	$8	$3	11
Marques Colston	$10	Juan	$5	$5	11
Tavon Austin	$22	Andy	$0	$22	11
Brian Leonard	$12	Bill	$0	$12	11
Jerico Cotchery	$7	Andy	$0	$7	11
Colby Fleener	$5	Marcus	$0	$5	11
Nick Novak	$2	Crabs	$0	$2	11

Tuesday Update: Power Ranks!

Gentlemen,

A brief explanation about the Power Rankings, since we've not been reviewed them yet this season...

I began doing these about 6-7 years ago - when I felt like every team I played had their best week against me - to determine when the luck of scheduling was removed, who was the best team.

I started tracking the scores each week to determine how we all fared in comparison with each other. Points Scored and Points Against can give you some idea of this info, but can be skewed by outlier weeks.

These are RANKINGS - they RANK us in comparison with each other. It doesn't matter if the top point scorer got 170 points one week, and the next top points scorer only got 100 - for the purposes of ranking against the other teams, they both earn a 1 for their respective weeks.

TOTAL POINTS SCORED

TOTAL POINTS AGAINST

The two grids above are simply Points Scored and Points Against by week for the whole season. This is simply the data used to determine the Power Rankings and also Strength of Schedule.

The Points Scored grid also denotes who has won the Points Bonus (Green) and Loser Bonus (Red) for each week. Totals for the season so far are:

Bill Fredricks	$45.00
Marcus Whitebread	$25.00
Rod Jerks	$20.00
Juan Coconuts	$20.00
Ike Crabs	$20.00
NooShoo Gow	$20.00
Andy Crapswell	$15.00
Kenni Hana	$15.00
Dick Dallus	$15.00
Ned Titwarmer	$5.00

Ok, let's get to the analysis...

POWER RANKINGS

I'm not particularly fond of my team, so this is a little bit surprising. If you want to rip me in the comments, feel free. The fact that I sit atop these rankings, to me, speaks more to how balanced the whole league is this season. The records bear that out.

It's worth noting that Teams 2-9 (which is actually a 3-way tie for 7th) are only separated by 0.5 - what that means is that those teams have all been very, very close.

To be honest, I did not expect to see Kenni sitting there tied for 2... I think the general belief with Kenni is that he is lucky and has no business being 7-3, but based on these metrics, he's performed well enough to have earn the record he has.

I was also surprised to see Crapswell as low as he is... I've personally thought he had one of the stronger teams this season, but much of my belief may have been based on his depth, not necessarily his starting lineup.

Gow's team has been pretty darn bad this year. He's been the lowest point scorer 4 times in just 10 weeks.

If you're interested in looking at these metrics in another way, here are hypothetical records of all teams, if we played every team each week:

Rod Jerks	54-36
Kenni Hana	47-43
Bill Fredricks	47-43
Ned Titwarmer	47-43
Juan Coconuts	46-44
Marcus Whitebread	45-45
Ike Crabs	42-48
Andy Crapswell	42-48
Dick Dallus	42-48
NooShoo Gow	38-52

STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE

These are the same numbers as Power Rankings, but with how your Points Scored Against ranked amongst the other teams.

As you can see, no one has had it tougher this year than Whitebread. I like to give him grief about complaining, but the reality is he really has had it rough. Five times he's had to face the top point scorer in the league. FIVE. Out of TEN. He's currently on the bottom of our standings, but his team is definitely not the worst.

After Whitey, Dallus and Coconuts both have faced stiffer competition as well. Neither to the degree that Cracker has, but it's a big reason why both sit at 4-6 rather than 6-4.

Ned has had just about the easiest rode as we've ever seen. He's faced a team a bottom-four scorer 8 times out of 10 weeks. That's just insanely unfair.

Fun fact: Whitebread would be 7-2 if he had Ned's schedule (removing the week he played against himself).


Let me know if you guys still like this info. What else would you like to see? Is this pointless? Did I miss anything notable in my analysis?

Gopher Update: I feel like we've been here before

Another week another Gopher victory.  The game was rather boring as the Gophers were methodical in just going about their business in beating an inferior Penn State team so I won't focus too much on it.  However, as I write that I do realize how weird that last sentence sounded, "Gophers were methodical in just going about their business in beating an inferior Penn State team."  Huh, file that under words I didn't expect to type this year.  After losing out on Floyd and the Little Brown Jug earlier in the year, the win over Penn State puts a trophy in the case and we will get to keep it until at least 2016.

We finally win a trophy game and then  proceed to break the trophy.
I guess this is why we can't have nice things.

With the win the Gophers are getting a lot of great regional and national press including the Big Ten Network saying the Gophers are making history and ESPN profiling Jerry Kill on ESPN College GameDay.  The Gophers are even ranked in the top 25 for the first time since 2008.

What does Jerry Kill think about that?

Jerry!  Jerry!  Jerry!  

The story for the 2013 Gophers is really great.  Despite losing their coach to seizures in the middle of the season, the team has rebounded to go on a 4-game win streak, their longest conference winning streak since 1973, and the Gophers have won 8 games for the first time since 2003.  But the season isn't over yet.  We still have 2 regular season games to play and they are two big games:  #20 Wisconsin and at #17 Michigan State.  Although they need some help, the Gophers are still in the hunt for a Big Ten title but they must continue winning and that makes the Battle for the Axe a big game for this program.  

How big is the latest version of the Battle for the Axe?

It is a big opportunity for the Gophers.  In fact, it is big enough that the Producer for ESPN College GameDay acknowledged via Twitter that the game is on the radar for hosting College GameDay:

I was thinking back in the annals of recent Gopher football history for comparable games where a win could get the Gophers over the hurdle from good to elite and I came up with 3 games.

2008 - Northwestern (6-2) vs. #17 Minnesota (7-1). With the game tied late, Minnesota decided to be aggressive and go for the win rather than kneeling to go to OT.

2005 - #23 Wisconsin (6-1) vs. #22 Minnesota (5-1). Coming off a win at Michigan the Gophers were riding high. The Gophers rushed for 411 yards and but screwed away many opportunities to put the game away. Despite scoring a TD with 3:21 to go to take a 10 point lead they kept Wiscy in the game and then this happened:

2003 - #19 Michigan (4-2) vs. #13 Minnesota (6-0). Glen Mason's best team. They had the city buzzing like I've never seen it before and everybody was talking Rose Bowl. Trailing 7-28 heading in to the 4th quarter, Michigan was on the ropes.  I can't even watch the video to post it here.  It is too painful.  You know how that game ended.  Michigan went on to win the Big Ten. Had Minnesota won the game they would have tied for the conference championship, their first since 1967, and gone to their first Rose Bowl since 1961.


The Gophers not only lost all three of those games but they lost them in a way that made you believe they were about to get over the hump only to have them come back and kick you in the balls.  Personally, my expectations are a little lower heading in to the next two games than it had been in the past but if they jump out to an early lead against Wisconsin I may need a nut cup.

Monday Update: What Would You Say You Do Here?

Gents,

Brief update today... more tomorrow. I swear to God that I will get new Power Rankings up tomorrow.

The Games
Rapid fire style

Bill Fredricks (118) defeats Marcus Whitebread (82)

• Prepare yourselves for Cracker's complaint about schedules, kickers, or Manning.
• Bill looking for his 3rd Points Bonus.

Rod Jerks (101) defeats Ned Titwarmer (97) 

• Brees made it way too interesting for me...
• Lamar Miller still going tonight for Points Bonus.

Andy Crapswell (67) leads NooShoo Gow (54)

• Everyone will be angry tomorrow when one of these teams gets a W.
• Andy still has VJax and Charles Clay.
• Gow has Tim Wright (that's a real guy). 

Dick Dallus (89) narrowly leads Ike Crabs (86)

• Crabs season was just about over before the Julius and Demaryius resuscitated it.
• Dallus is done. Crabs has Mike Wallace, needing less than 4 points...

Kenni Hana (107) leads Juan Coconuts (91)

• Juan looked in cruise control unti the night game effed him: Pierre Thomas outscores Romo, Graham, and Hartley combined. 
• Juan's hope now fall on rookie Mike James. He needs 16 points out of him.

Projected Standings

Using Yahoo's predictions, we're going to assume Andy beats Gow, Kenni holds off Juan, but Crabs overtakes Dallus. Thus tomorrow the standings will be:

Place	Team	Record
1st	Rod Jerks	7-3
2nd	Kenni Hana	7-3
3rd	Andy Crapswell	6-4
4th	Ned Titwarmer	6-4
5th	Bill Fredricks	5-5
6th	Ike Crabs	5-5
7th	Juan Coconuts	4-6
8th	NooShoo Gow	4-6
9th	Marcus Whitebread	3-7
10th	Dick Dallus	3-7

That's really weird...

I'm hoping someone springs an unexpected victory tonight.

Tonight

I'll be at home. But I'm sorry to be missing... BUCS-DOLPHINS?  Is that right?

/checks MNF Schedule

God the NFL must hate ESPN.

Good luck to everyone still fighting, and enjoy the game, boys.

Better me late than your wife...

Since we're all embroiled in another week of this already, I'll make this quick. For whatever reason I didn't make it on here due to piss poor time management on my part.

"When I become president my first order of business will be to _____________"

Depending on the participation of this late post, we'll hang on to this theme...

Have a nice little Sunday everyone...except New Shoo. New Shoo, you have a terrible one.

New Shoo circa 2002 showing everyone how to act on their birthday

Gopher Hockey Update

Well, it's been a while. For those out of the loop, here's the skinny: We're the #1 team in the nation. We are currently sitting at 5-0-1. The main reason I haven't published an update before now is that I didn't believe the #1 hype we had going into the BC series.

Vs. BC
Our big series againt BC (currently #8, I think they were #5 when we played) went well: a 3-3 tie and a 5-1 win. We were up 2-0 in the first game when BC decided to score 3 goals a minute and 10 seconds apart to take the lead. We scored in the 2nd to tie it up. We almost won the game in OT, but a BC defender was able to corral the puck in mid-air before crossing the goal line and throw it out of the net.

This seemed to be more controversial than I thought. Cracker and other homers think there's no doubt that he closed his hand on the puck before throwing it out, which would have resulted in a penalty shot. I believe that he didn't close his hand on the puck (and recently learned that it's now illegal to hand pass in the defensive zone). If I knew how to post a GIF, I would to let you judge for yourself. Once again, I'm not convinced that he closed his hand around the puck (making a fist).

The teams did a fun little exhibition shootout after the official game ended in a tie, which BC won. The second game was all gophers. It was their performance in the second game that allowed me to finally accept the #1 ranking as legit.

Notre Dame
Probably the biggest weekend of the year starts tonight. We play at Notre Dame. Notre Dame was ranked #2 to begin the season, but has lost 2 games in the past weeks to UMD and Vermont. They are currently ranked #4.

Of course, this will be a bittersweet game for Gophers head coach Don Lucia as not only will he be playing his Alma Mater, but also his son, Mario. I'm sure if you tune into the games on NBC Sports and NBCsports.com (that's where they're being televised), you'll get the overdose of this story.

I think we'll walk out of here with 3 points, but it wouldn't shock me if we split. Notre Dame is a good team and has just been struggling lately. Let's hope they don't find their groove again this weekend.

Gopher Highlight
The highlight of the year so far has to be the play of Sam Warning (Jr, from Missouri, of all places). He currently leads the team with 12 pts. He had a career high 23 pts last year and is well on his way to breaking that after 6 games.

Also worthy of note is the play from our Freshmen. 3 of our top 5 scorers are freshmen: Taylor "I'm not a midget...Honestly, guys" Cammarata, Justin Kloos "Klux Klan" and Hudson "Hawk" Fasching (Rod can say he heard of him first).

Where we Stand
Here are the current B1G standings:

	CONFERENCE							OVERALL
	W	L	SOL	SOW	PTS	GF	GA	W	L	T	GF	GA
Minnesota	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	5	0	1	29	10
Michigan	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	6	1	1	22	14
Wisconsin	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	3	2	1	23	23
Michigan State	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	3	3	0	16	17
Ohio State	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	4	4	0	27	30
Penn State	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	2	3	1	17	21

Thoughts: 
- Michigan is a surprise so far this year. They are currently #2 after starting out at #11
- Wisconsin is sputtering a little of late. Started out #3 (waay overrated in my book), but got swept by BC and split with Lake Supperior and are currently #13
- The rest are who we thought they were.

There's still the majority of the season to go (kind of sucks that our big match-ups are already done for the year - BC + ND), so all of this really means nothing.

Waiver Wire Roulette

Ahhhh, yes. The waiver wire… Everyone’s favorite Fall version of the Casino that you can play while “stalling” on that next project at work or while avoiding conversation with strangers in line to get a Pumpkin Spice latte (Marcus Whitebread). Or maybe the waiver wire is where you go to get your gambling kicks at night after the kids are in bed because, dammit, they never seem to take a break from demanding more food, clothing, and attention.

We all have a love/hate relationship with the well of opportunity and heartbreak. And we all overplay our luck every now and again, even against our better judgment. It’s just SO TEMPTING to spin the wheel. You know what I’m talking about. Like this past Sunday, this is the rough sequence of thoughts that ran through my head…

·       Sunday, 10:30 am. Crap. NFL network just reported that Marques Colston is a scratch and will not be starting this week. Whatever… that guy sucks anyways. He’s only scored ~1 point each of the last three weeks.

·       Sunday, 10:45 am. I can’t decide who else to drop from my team, so I’m gonna drop that no-production ass-clown Colston despite his name value. Hmmm…but there’s no good receivers left on the waiver wire. Let’s take a flyer on this Jeremy Kerley guy. He’s the Jets’ #1 receiver and his QB is actually good like every other week. He should at least get 5 or 6 points.

·       Sunday, 1:00 pm. WHAT?! Kerley got injured in the second quarter and left the game with a grand total of one yard!? WTF. What a dick. Just my luck, too.

·       Sunday, 7:00 pm. I KNEW I should’ve picked up Aaron Dobson instead of Kerley. His 25 points sure would’ve been nice. He was a bye week replacement on my team a few weeks ago but I let him go after he didn’t do anything. Apparently he can catch the ball and his old man of a quarterback isn’t dead yet. You idiot, Dallas.

·       Sunday, 10:00 pm.  Yeah, well, whatever. I’m over it. I picked up Keenan Allen for free about a month ago and the analysts are saying he’s now a top 15 WR rest of season and half the league is trying to trade for him. Take that, Waiver wire gods.

And so goes the waiver wire drama. You gotta love it. Or maybe hate it.

Now on to the real point of this blog post – the mid-season Waiver Wire Evaluation. Yeah, laughing about everyone’s ridiculous FAAB bids every week is a good time, but it really doesn’t tell you much other than how good some of us are at Game Theory (i.e. I better bid $3 dollars for this TE because waiver TEs are in high demand this week with 2 top-10’s on bye, and I know those other guys who need a one-week replacement will only want to bid $1 or $2…so I’m gonna outsmart them both by bidding $3. Hahahahaha…suckers.)

The real question that we’re trying to get to the bottom of here is: WHO IS GOOD AT CAPTURING FANTASY STARTER VALUE FROM THE WAIVER WIRE?  What follows is a lightly researched and totally unscientific evaluation of players picked up off the waiver wire. I mostly looked at guys that were purchased using FAAB and ignored kickers and defenses but I’m sure there were some great free pickups that I didn't bother to look up, so feel free to add them in the comments. Also, more banter & criticism is strongly encouraged. Here we go.

·       Joique Bell (winning bid $13 by Nu Shu) – After much promise as a split carry/goal line back in the first couple games & multiple unsuccessful attempts at a trade with the Reggie Bush owner (Dallas), Joique is largely a waste of FAAB dollars on the bench. Unless Reggie Bush goes down permanently…

·       Julian Edelman (winning bid $38 by Jerks) – Jerks really blew his wad early on this one, and she didn’t even get pregnant. You gotta admit the theory behind this one was sound even if the bid came in over the top – The Pats offense…Tom Brady at QB…Gronk, Hernandez, and really the lack of ANY big-play receivers at the time, Edelman had the potential to be THE GUY. After that first big game, I’m not really sure what happened. Only one other game > 10 fantasy points. Last I heard, this guy was still around somewhere. Just not on a legit fantasy roster.

·       Knowshon Moreno (winning bid $12) – Holy crap this was an amazing pickup. At the beginning of the season the 3 Denver RBs were literally playing Rock-Paper-Scissors to decide who got a goal line carry. Some basic pass protection know-how from Moreno and *presto* he’s the main guy on a high-octane Denver Bronco team and has AVERAGED 17 points/week since the September 11^th pickup. Well done, Mr. Crapswell. If you’re looking for the best FAAB pickup so far this season, you probably don’t have to read any further.

·       Julius Thomas (winning bid $33) – This was another high-profile FAAB bidding war after everyone’s eyes were opened week 1 to just how good the Broncos were going to be. Steep price tag at 1/3 of the total yearly FAAB budget, but probably about right, maybe somewhat high, given how he’s performed – solid Flex numbers, even if a bit hit/miss. If a trade to someone in need of a decent TE could get done here more value could be realized.

·       BGE, Law Firm (winning bid $10) – Probably about fair price for a low-end flex option.

·       DeAndre Hopkins (winning bid $22) – After big week 2 performance: Wow! This Hopkins kid is really good! Oh, but wait. His quarterback throws TDs to the wrong team. This was a waste of good FAAB dollars unless Case Keenam can learn to throw to someone with a name that’s not Johnson.

·       James Starks (winning bid $28) – Most of us in the league knew this one was bad when it went down. Starks proceeded to put up 5.5 points in week 3 before being replaced…Oops.

·       Eddie Royal (winning bid $17 by Dallas) – This is another that goes in the “Oops” category. After the first 2 monster weeks with 5 total TDs, felt like I had to take a chance to see if this was for real. It wasn’t. Royal proceeded to score between 0 and 4 points each of the next 4 weeks, but at least it led me to Keenan Allen once I realized that Old Man Phillip Rivers is having something of a revival season. Last check: Royal actually put up good points as a bye week replacement for Whitebread’s team last week.

·       Pierre Thomas (winning bid $12) – Pretty good value here as a Flex starter.

·       Kansas City D/ST (winning bid $3) – Great pickup for the price, as the Kansas City defense is playing out of their minds. One of the few D/STs you can just plug & play every week without a second thought.

·       Greg Jennings (winning bid $4) – If the Vikings are a dumpster fire, Jennings is the double-walled, extra sturdy cardboard box you purchased from Uhaul for $4 that is now inside of that dumpster.

·       Rashad Jennings (winning bid $22) – I think Rashad Jennings and James Starks are twins! Although I think Jennings has a real opportunity going forward and has once again been plucked off the waiver wire…for free. This time it could turn out pretty well.

·       Danny Woodhead (winning bid $9) – Good value pickup as a low-end RB2 or Flex starter. Has consistently put up 8-14 points each week since the pickup.

·       St. Louis D/ST (winning bid $3) – I assume this turned out to be a good one-week replacement since they were playing Jacksonville that weekend and put up 15 points.

·       Jay Cutler (winning bid $11) – A good pickup at the time, as he was playing well, put up 20 points the week after pickup, but that injury really hurt the next week. Now he’s come full-circle and is back off waivers again. We’ll see if every NFL fan’s favorite pretty boy can get back into the groove when he returns.

·       Denarius Moore (winning bid $16) – One nice game against KC but “meh” since then. You probably overpaid.

·       Joseph Randle (winning bid $26) – Fizzle…fizzle…fizzle...welcome back, DeMarco.

·       Brandon Jacobs (winning bid $24) – Hahahahaha. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Who would’ve guessed, an old fat guy that was sitting on his couch watching football a few Sundays ago would come back as an emergency fill-in and proceed to pull a hamstring.

·       Chris Ivory (winning bid $17) – Evaluation TBD. After pickup, has had one game of 1 point and the following game with 20 points. I don’t know enough about his situation so I’ll withhold judgment for others.

·       Jarrett Boykin (winning bid $28 by Jerks) – Well look here who took Julian Edelman’s roster spot. Someone got a little too excited again about a no-name WR who all of a sudden found himself stepping into a big role on a pass-happy team with a stellar quarterback. I guess everyone’s got their thing that they’re into, and that’s Jerks’ thing. Unfortunately, neither of the two worked out this year. I think it’s pretty clear at this point that Mr. Jerks will place near the top of this year’s worst FAAB bidding/waiver wire performance.

·       Jordan Reed (winning bid $31) – Very average TE performance of ~7 points/week in the two weeks after pickup. Lots of season left, but tilting toward a bad pickup.

·       Mike James (winning bid $12) – This could turn out to be a pretty dang good pickup if he keeps up the pace of 30 carries & big yardage he got last week.

·       Heath Miller (winning bid $3) – It’s a little known fact around the league that I picked up Heath Miller for the sole purpose of blocking my week 8 opponent from picking him up & playing him that week. It didn’t matter, since both Miller and the other guy that was played both only scored ~2 points that week, but the fun of doing it was easily worth the $3 in FAAB.

·       Marvin Jones (winning bid $22) – Is Marvin Jones the mid-season version of Eddie Royal? After a few big weeks, his first week on somebody’s roster netted 6.6 points, hardly worth 1/5 of a season’s FAAB budget. This guy is a wildcard, and final evaluation is TBD.

·       Kendall Wright (winning bid $15) – Probably overpaid for this low-end Flex guy that is a consistent 6-9 points.

·       Emmanuel Sanders (winning bid $19) – Two nice, productive weeks in a row. I’m sure it would help if Big Ben could stay alive the rest of the season.

·       Alex Smith (winning bid $8) – I’m not sure the current King of Game Management actually belongs on a 10-team league fantasy roster, as evidenced by his 5.6 point performance against the Buffalo Bills last week. But, hey, good luck to you. As a side note, it’s really sad when you long for an Alex Smith-type Game Manager of a quarterback rather than the crap under center we currently have playing for the Vikings.

And that brings us to this week’s pickups, who everybody massively overpaid for. Apparently most of the league is satisfied with their team at this point in the season and no longer interested in FAAB bidding.  Let’s see it - Nick Foles to Riley Cooper all weekend long! Whoo!! It’s getting late and I’m running out of material, so continue the banter in comments below, especially about free pickups. So long from Oklahoma!